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A Spiritual Autobiography


My first inclination is to begin my spiritual autobiography somewhere around age forty, when I began to move away from a sterile, non-theistic view of the universe toward one based on a hard-to-define but very real sense of the presence of the Divine in my life. Yet, as I think about those formative years, I see that there really was a thread of spirituality that extended back to that time. I'm trying now to pick out that thread.

Shortly after World War II, my father bought a house about six blocks north of the apartment where we had lived since I was two. For the first time, I had a room of my own.

One evening, as I was getting ready for bed, I stripped down to my underpants, and then, as I pulled them off, something in the experience made me say to myself, "Now my spirit is free." I put the underpants back on, and that feeling of freedom went away. I took them off again. I felt more free. I repeated this several times.

I didn't interpret the feeling of nakedness as sexual. That would come later, and that's an important part of my spiritual autobiography. In fact, any consderation of who I am, on a deep level, has to take into account two forces shaping my life: the spiritual force and the sexual force. Other elements of my life - music, dance, theater, cats, writing, swimming, love of nature, science, philosophy, mathematics, computers, publishing - all these have entered into my identity in some way, but at the deepest level, my spiritual autobiography deals with these two forces.

Ages 8 to 14
  • I discovered the joy of being naked.
  • I discovered my body could give me pleasure.
  • I was part of a Protestant youth group, but began to read about and be attracted to other religions.
Ages 15-17
  • I tried to satisfy my spiritual thirst with conservative religion.
  • My sexuality was supressed.
Ages 18-21
  • Spiritual searching.
  • Breaking away from my Christian background.
  • My first sexual experiences with other men.
Ages 22-26
  • Graduate school and military service.
  • A time of some sexual experimentation.
  • Spirituality was on hold.
Ages 27-36
  • Sexual experiences: sometimes casual, sometimes with steady boyfriends.
  • A seemingly directionless life.
Ages 37-48
Ages 49-58
Ages 59-63
Ages 64-present
  • As my work with the Inner Focus School did not focus on the erotic, I'm now in a period of integrating erotic spirituality with my healing work.
  • I'm working with a process called Thought-Form Cleansing, as described in The Rainbow Bridge, published by The Triune Foundation.
  • Continuing my work with Native American spirituality, I've twice attended a ceremony called a Naraya.

Photo by Lloyd Williams.