My first inclination is to begin my spiritual autobiography somewhere around age forty, when I began to move away from a sterile, non-theistic view of the universe toward one based on a hard-to-define but very real sense of the presence of the Divine in my life. Yet, as I think about those formative years, I see that there really was a thread of spirituality that extended back to that time. I'm trying now to pick out that thread.

Shortly after World War II, my father bought a house about six blocks north of the apartment where we had lived since I was two. For the first time, I had a room of my own.

One evening, as I was getting ready for bed, I stripped down to my underpants, and then, as I pulled them off, something in the experience made me say to myself, "Now my spirit is free." I put the underpants back on, and that feeling of freedom went away. I took them off again. I felt more free. I repeated this several times.

I didn't interpret the feeling of nakedness as sexual. That would come later, and that's an important part of my spiritual autobiography. In fact, any consderation of who I am, on a deep level, has to take into account two forces shaping my life: the spiritual force and the sexual force. Other elements of my life - music, dance, theater, cats, writing, swimming, love of nature, science, philosophy, mathematics, computers, publishing - all these have entered into my identity in some way, but at the deepest level, my spiritual autobiography deals with these two forces.

Ages 8 to 14

• I discovered the joy of being naked.
• I discovered my body could give me pleasure.
• I was part of a Protestant youth group, but began to read about and be attracted to other religions.

Ages 15-17

• I tried to satisfy my spiritual thirst with conservative religion.
• My sexuality was supressed.

Ages 18-21

• Spiritual searching.
• Breaking away from my Christian background.
• My first sexual experiences with other men.

Ages 22-26

• Graduate school and military service.
• A time of some sexual experimentation.
• Spirituality was on hold.

Ages 27-36

• Sexual experiences: sometimes casual, sometimes with steady boyfriends.
• A seemingly directionless life.

Ages 37-48

• Spirituality rediscovered through A Course in Miracles and Ira Progoff's Intensive Journal Method.
• Both taught that my primary source of spiritual direction was within.

Ages 49-58

• Exploring erotic spirituality, primarily through Body Electric.
• Later by leading workshops.

Ages 59-63

• Developing my healing skills - separate from erotic spiritual - through classes with the Inner Focus School.
• Working with Native American spirituality through a vision quest led by a Lakota shaman at the Antelope Retreat and Education Center.

Ages 64-present

• As my work with the Inner Focus School did not focus on the erotic, I'm now in a period of integrating erotic spirituality with my healing work.
• I'm working with a process called Thought-Form Cleansing, as described in The Rainbow Bridge, published by The Triune Foundation.
• Continuing my work with Native American spirituality, I've twice attended a ceremony called a Naraya.

Photo by Lloyd Williams.