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"THIN Q!"
The Story of My First FZ Concert...
28-August-1971
Memorial Coliseum
Portland, Oregon
© 1998 by Fast Frank
As far as I can ascertain, this was the first appearance in Portland, Oregon of that swingin' teen combo, The Mothers of Invention. Tickets were an astounding $3.50 each, and I got mine at Stevens & Sons Jewelers at the Lloyd Center. My then-girlfriend, Sharyle, and I showed up at the Memorial Colisseum about three hours before showtime and waited in the blistering August heat...
As we sat there, I noticed three figures approaching from across the parking lot, shimmering and fragmented like some sort of hallucinogenic mirage. As the figures neared, my then-girlfriend started jabbing me in the ribs with her pointy little elbow..."hey, hey! Isn't that...?"
And yes, indeedie, it was! Flanked on one side by a Buddha-like gent with a beard (Herbie?) and on the other side by a nubile young lady whose hard-nippled mammalian protruberences were barely covered by a white gauze-like see-through thingie (another elbow-in-the-ribs from my then-girlfriend) there he was...Idol of My Youth, in the flesh, Frank Zappa himself!
Jeeezus! I leaped to my feet and positioned myself directly in his path (luckily this was in the pre-John Smothers days!). Being left-handed, I grabbed his left paw and began a ferocious pumping up-and-down motion which some may have mistaken for a handshake. I also managed to blather out something about "himynameisfranktooandiloveyourmusicandreallyrespectyouasacomposerblahblah..." or something to that effect.
Mr. Zappa looked at me with a look of obvious bemusement and replied in that clear, impressive, pre-Rainbow-Theater type voice, "...why, Thin Q!" More was said, although in my fragile frame of mind the only thing I recall was that he said "thank you for coming to see us..." and then the Buddha-like gent hustled him along and they disappeared through one of the many doors fronting the building.
Mere seconds later, a scruffy-looking hippie-type guy with long salt-and-pepper colored hair (and matching beard) ran past us and began to frantically rattle the doors. Still beaming with a weird post-nuclear-blast-type glow, I approached the aforementioned gent and said something like "Hey! Guess what?" He ignored me and continued his rabid door abuse... "guess what? I was just standing here and guess who I saw? Frank Zappa!"
The guy stopped with his door action and looked at me with this crazed sort of glassy-eyed stare. "What? When? Where? Oh shit!" "Yeah!" I gloated,"he went through those two doors right there!"
He yanked open the magic doors and bolted inside, followed by a hissing trail of foaming froth.
When we were finally let inside, everybody ran like crazy to mark their territory (there were no chairs on the floor, this being the ultimate in Festival Seating!). My then-girlfriend and I defiantly parked our asses directly under Mr. Zappa's famous honker, and much to our delight he gave us one of his famous cheezy grins!
Much to my surprize, the fellow with the matching salt-and-pepper hair and beard set turned out to be Howie Kaylan (who looked WAY different than he did a few years earlier when I saw The Turtles in the same venue!).
The show opened with "Peaches" and then ripped through the standard song list of that particular line-up, including snippets of 200 Motels and the Sofa thingie...my ears still ring with Jim Pons booming out "...geff mijwat vloo-o-oer bedekking, onder deze vette zwevende zo-ofa!"
The band and the audience had a blast! Flo and Eddie were hilarious, Aynsley Dunbar played the livin' shit out of his drumkit (along with the mouthing of some unknown drummer's language) and FZ totally won me over as an extraordinary guitar player! Plus, we even got to see Don "Louie, Louie...They Like It Loud Too, Y'know" Preston and Ian "Yes, I Play ALL These Instruments" Underwood from those nostalgic days of the "old" Mothers of Invention.
I know a lot of FZ archivists do not care for this particular line-up (or, as I've heard it referred to, the "Vaudeville" line-up), But I would have to say this was a sadly under-appreciated group of highly talented musicians, and they could fuckin' RAWK, my friends! It's weird to think that mere months after this show FZ was tossed into the orchestra pit at the Rainbow...when I read about it I had this strange realization that my idol was indeed a human being with body parts that could be damaged...not unlike the stranger-yet feeling I had when I learned he had cancer...it made me feel more humble than I care to feel.
I attended each show in Portland over the years that followed. Each one became more complex and more perfect. But that first show waaay back in August 1971, well, that one will probably always stand out more than the rest, for obvious reasons. It really touches me today to think that the music world's most infamous grouch took the time to thank a dorky, extremely nervous 18-year-old kid personally for coming to see him play...thank YOU, Mr. Zappa...
HI kids! This recollection of mine was originally published in T'Mershi Duween Issue #44, but for some reason those limey yayhoos butchered it up ("editing" I believe they called it), so here you have the pure, unadulterated version...hope you liked it, there's more to come!
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