G
Dsus4
Em7
Cadd9
I've never been a hero, I've never saved the world
G
Dsus4
Em7 Cadd9
And when I'm faced with danger I scream and run like a girl
Em7
D
A7sus4
Cadd9
Not Mahatma Ghandi, but if you must compare
Em
D/F# Cadd9
I'm better at computer solitaire
Bm
A D
"The Life of Dan" will never be a movie
Bm
A G
"The Life of Dan" will never be a book
Bm
A
C
G
Even I fall fast asleep just thinking about me
Bm
A
G
I wonder what's on TV
G
Dsus4
Em7
Cadd9
But maybe I just need someone to ghost-write my memoirs
G
Dsus4
Em7
Cadd9
Cast me in dramatic light; sort of "geek-noir"
Em7
D
A7sus4
Cadd9
And edit out the parts of me that might appear ho-hum
Em
D/F# Cadd9
Like everything I've ever said or done
Bm
A D
"The Life of Dan" will never be a movie
Bm
A G
"The Life of Dan" will never be a book
Bm
A
C
G
Nothing ever happens and it goes on far too long
Bm
A
G
Don't even make that good a song
(3/4 time):
Em
D
We'd add some animation and James Earl Jones narration
C
B7
And the best special effects we can afford
Em
D
And with every little tiny teensy weensy thing I do
C
B7 C7 B7
The orchestra hits a dramatic CHORD
Gadd9 Dsus4 Em7 G Cadd9 (x2)
G
Dsus4
Em7
Cadd9
And then we'd get DiCaprio to play the part of me
G
Dsus4
Em7
Cadd9
To say the things I never said and be who I can't be
Em7
D
A7sus4 Cadd9
Put in a car chase and some gratuitous sex
Em
D/F# Cadd9
Oh, I wonder what will happen to me next?
Bm
A D
So "The Life of Dan" will finally be a movie
Bm
A
G
Digitized with Dolby surroundsound
Bm
A
C G
An heroic epic tale that will rival Hercules
Bm
A
G
Or 2 hours of me trying to find my keys
© 2001 Dan Hart
You Can Find Love
intro: D C Em A D C G Am Em
G Am G Em Am G Em Am Bm7flat5th
E
Am
Em
Do you know what your love quotient is?
C
D
Did you take that Cosmo quiz?
Fmaj7
Em7
Am Em G
Then
maybe
you can find love
Am
Em
Are you from Venus or Mars?
C
D
Did you take those seminars?
Fmaj7
Em7
Am
Then maybe you can find love
C
G
Fmaj7
Am
You can find love, it's easy according to the doctors of
spin
C
G
Fmaj7
Am
You can find love, just buy a ticket and scratch the numbers
and win
Fmaj7
G
Still we try and we try and
we can't get it right
C
D
So we cry cry cry into the night
Fmaj7
Em7
Am Em G Am Bm7flat5th
Oh why why, can't
I find love?
E
Am
Em
And so you turn your radio on
C
D
To warm your hands on a popular song
Fmaj7
Em7
Am Em
And maybe you can find
love
G
Am
Em
But the heat merely comes from friction
C D
Jealousy and addiction
Fmaj7
Em7
Am
Maybe you can find love
C
G
Fmaj7
Am
You can find love, just read the instructions and send in
the warranty card
C
G
Fmaj7
Am
You can find love, insert tab A into slot B, it's not
that hard
Fmaj7
G
And in the night a love
is born
C
D
But it falls apart on Christmas morning
Fmaj7
Em7
Am
Oh, what passes for love
(instrumental bridge) D C Em
A
D C Em A D
Fmaj7
Em7
G Am Em7 G Am Em7 G
Am
Em7 G Am Bm7flat5th
E
Am
Em
So listen ye to all the voices
C
D
All the words and all the choices
Fmaj7
Em7
Am Em7
And maybe we can find love
G
Am
Em7
We've drunk the body and the blood
C
D
But I think we're due for another flood
Fmaj7 Em7 G Am
And maybe--
C
G
Fmaj7
Am
We can find love, there's hope in every soap and popular
song
C
G
Fmaj7
Am
We can find love, we're still unhappy, so what are we doing
wrong?
Fmaj7
G
Poor love is gonna have a coronary
C
D
Trying to be everyone's good fairy
Fmaj7
Em7
Am
But love is nothing
but love
Fmaj7
Em7
Am Em7 G Am Em7 G Am
Oh love is nothing but love is nothing but love
Em7 G Am Bm7flat5th
© 1999 Dan Hart
intro: (capo 3rd fret for original key of Bb) G G/Gb Em C D G
G
G/Gb Em7
Well I'm just a ramblin' cowboy, damn it
C
D
G D
Riding that endless fence
G
G/Gb Em7
But I read myself Diet For A Small Planet
A7
D
Gol-durned if it didn't make sense
C
D
G
Em
So I'm driving my herd of fat-free bean curd
Bm7
C
To the vegen stockyards tonight
D
G
E7
But as I sing this tune underneath the moon
A7
D
Something just doesn't seem right
(Chorus):
C
D
Whoopee tie yie yay
G Em
I'm a tofu cowboy
C
D
G
G7
Riding herd in my Birkenstock shoes
C
D
Em Bm
Raising soybeans by organic means
C
D G
Singing the sustainable blues
G
G/Gb Em7
Now you know I don't mind changing my ways
C
D G D
Gotta do what a man's gotta do
G
G/Gb Em7
And you know I don't mind old camp cookie's gay
A7
D
He still makes a mean carrot stew
C
D
G
Em
But out here on the range it seems mighty strange
Bm
C
Raising textured vegetable protein
D
G E7
Them meatless little dogies might be fine with perogies
A7
D
But the romance seems mighty lean
(Chorus)C G D D7 G
G
G/Gb Em
Now it's six a.m., time to get up
C
D
G
D
The dawn's breaking bright as a jewel
G
G/Gb
Em
I warm my hands on a steaming cup
A7
D
This herbal tea's got a kick like a mule
C
D
G Em
Two years, maybe three, since I set my herd free
Bm7
C
They're living just over the creek
D
G
E7
But I saved me one cow, he's my best friend now
A7
D
Here fido, sit, roll over, speak (moo)
(Chorus)
C
G
D D7 G
Yodel lay hee hoo, yodel lay hee hoo, yodel lay dee, hay, tofu.
© 1995 Dan Hart
back to top of page
Hey Ho 2001
intro: ("Also Sprach Zarathustra") E Em Em7 C9 B9 Em7 C9 B9
Em7
C9
B9
Back when Nixon ruled the earth, I dreamed of this day
Em7
C9 B9
Kubrick's "2001" just 30 years away
Em
Em7
A Am
Would we cure disease by then, would we learn to behave?
B7
A (no chords.....)
Would we have peace? "I'm sorry, Dave"
Em
G
A
C9 B9
Hey ho, 2001, the spaceship ride has just begun
Em7
G
C9 B9 Em7
C9
B9 Em7 C9 B9
Hurtling towards that distant sun on a spaced-out odyssey
Em7
C9 B9
Where are all those flying cars that run on solar power?
Em7
C9
B9
All I see are SUVs going sixty gallons an hour
Em
A
Am
And where are all the robots? They promised there'd be robots
B7
A (no chords)
I want my robot. Al Gore didn't count.
Em
G
A
C9 B9
Hey ho, 2001, the spaceship ride has just begun
Em7
G
C9 B9 Em7
Hurtling towards that distant sun on a spaced-out odyssey
G
Am7
D7
Welcome to the future, we've got all that you need
G
Am7 D7
Download dirty pictures at DSL speed
Em
Em/Eb
Em7
A7
Welcome to the future with our suburbs all Wal-Marty
C
B7 (no chords)
500 channels and still just two parties
Em
G
A
C9 B9
Hey ho, 2001, hey now we're gonna have some fun
Em
G
C9 B9 Em
Using our opposing thumbs to play the lottery
(instrumental): Em F#m Em F#m Em F#m G A
Em7
C9 B9
So we dance around that monolith like those hypnotized apes
Em7
C9
B9
It's got a cable hookup so you know there's no escape
Em
Em7
A
Am
Toss our bones into the air, they turn into spaceships
B7
A (no chords)
Then fall back down upon us-- oops, forgot to convert from
metric
Em
G
A
C9 B9
Hey ho, 2001, the spaceship ride is almost done
Em
G
A
B7
But like the carousel on Logan's Run, the ride don't come for free
Am
G
A
C9 B9
Hey ho, 2001, the Brave New World has finally come
Em
G
C9 B9 Em
So let's sit down upon our bums and turn up the TV
G A C9 B9 Em
G
C9 B9 (also sprach): Em E
Ho, 2001...... Ho, 2001
© 2000 Dan Hart
back to top of page
Why is it every time I see a movie with sex
The someone invariably wrecks all the sex by slashing the
characters'
necks?
When I pay good money to see naked people frolic and romp in the
bed
I don't want to see them all blood-red and dead and missing most
of their heads
It's a lot like the doorbell ringing when you're involved in a
torrid
affair
And opening the door and seeing to your chagrin Jeffrey Dahmer
is there
With a knife and a fork and a napkin tucked under his chin
And with a mischievous grin he comes in saying he's off his diet
agin
Sex 'n' violence, violence 'n' sex
Makes me wonder if we're playing with full decks
Two consenting grownups always get blown up
I don't want to see what happens next
I think it would be much better if we could have it the other
way
'round
If they all dropped their guns and pants and got naked and made
love all over the ground
I have no desire to see small-arms fire when all I require is lust
Since I was a fetus I like my coitus completus not interruptus
Sex 'n' violence, gore 'n' smut
Makes me wonder are we sick or what?
Blood-curdling screaming kinda changed the meaning
Of what directors mean when they yell "CUT!"
But the religious right tells me go fly a kite and that my
fright
is not right at all
In truth what's corrupting our youth is the filth that they see
in the shows at the mall
And his mom and dad they should not feel bad, no they ought to
be quite ecstatic
When young Johnny Kruger is caught with a Luger and not with a
prophylactic
Sex 'n' violence, Sex 'n' violence
Go together like Rush and silence
But on the movie screen they're an inseparable team
Must be the directors are not good erectors, despite making all
of that bread
Maybe at sundown they feel so run down that they get two thumbs
down in bed
So they vent their frustration on all fornication by making their
characters pay
By having the fun stopped by a gun or a chainsaw at the matinee
Sex 'n' violence, violence and sex
Light-hearted lovers cashing their last checks
Why does consummation lead to amputation
When it's shown at the cineplex?
Sex 'n' violence, this really sucks
They're not gonna get my seven or eight bucks
Why should we pay 'em to see bloody mayhem?
Let's stay home and... make a film of our own.
© 1995 Dan Hart
back to top of page
Bm7
Dbm7
The fashion headlines read "The 60's Are Back"
Bm7
E7
Amaj7
I said "Far out!" and ran back to my flat
B7
Bm7 E7
And dusted off those U-Haul boxes that held my wasted youth . .
.
Amaj7
Now I'm... truckin' down the sidewalk in bellbottoms so wide
B7
You could fit another fifteen Beatle boots inside
Bm7
E7sus4 E7
And this tie-dye T-shirt is all the rage again I'm told
Amaj7
But I heard some kids a-snickering and I said "Hey!
B7
Ain't you all dressed up the exact same way?"
Bm7
E7sus4 E7 Bm7 E7
Amaj7 E7
And they said "Yeah, man, but you're not
retro,
you're old"
Amaj7
Gonna grow my beard and hair nice and long
B7
Though most of it is either gray or gone
Bm7
E7sus4 E7
Still it covers some of the extra new wrinkles and folds
Amaj7
Now, don't you think your daddy-O's groovy and hip?
B7
Hey babe, why are you biting your lip?
Bm7
E7sus4 E7 Bm7 E7 Amaj7
She said "Face it, you're not retro, you're
old"
B9
C9
Love beads, hip huggers, granny specs
C#9
D9
Free speech, free love, reasonable sex
E9
F#7sus4 F#7
Those hippy chicks might get so spaced out that they'd actually
want me
Bmaj7
But when I tried to get in on this retro hubbub
C#9
They said "No one over 30 ever gets into this club"
C#m7
F#7sus4 F#7
How ironic those very words should come back to haunt me
Bmaj7
Well I'm ugly as Dylan was in '63
C#9
And I can sing and play guitar as least as off-key
C#m7
F#7sus4 F#7
But the agent that I called just put me on a two-hour hold
Bmaj7
He said "When a kid does this act it can be rather poetic
C#9
But when you're over 40 it's merely pathetic
C#m7
F#7sus4 F#7 C#m7 F#7 Bmaj7
Bbmaj7
Amaj7
Cause face it, you're not
retro,
you're old
Amaj7
But then swing came back, they were going out on the town
B7
Jumping, jitterbugging, throwing each other around
Bm7
E7sus4 E7
Big baggy zoot suits and long watch chains of gold
Amaj7
I saw my old man on the corner yelling "23 skidoo"
B7
I said "Hey, Dad, this trend don't apply to you
Bm7
E7sus4 E7 A
Cause like they said to me 'You're not
retro,
you're old'"
B7
(outta sight and in the groove)
Bm7
E7sus4 E7 A
You're not retro, you're old
B7
(hubba-hubba, hoo-hah)
Bm7
E7sus4 E7 A
B7 Bm7 E A E A7
Hey-hey, you're not retro, you're old.
© 1999 Dan Hart
Doesn't Play Well
See the kindergarten class at recess time
Now look way over there; no, over by the fence line
See the one who's lost in his own world
Who doesn't play well with other boys and girls
His first report card gave it away
Pretty good grades, mostly Bs and As
But down in the corner these words were hurled
"Doesn't play well with other boys and girls; no he doesn't play
well with other boys and girls"
"I want you to try harder to be nice and smile
Cause all of this will go into your permanent file
And you may not go to the college of your choice
Cause you didn't play well with other girls and boys; no, you
didn't
play well with other girls and boys"
Another parent-teacher conference, Mom asks "Why?
He seems okay at home, just a little shy"
Teacher says "I'm almost at my wit's end
He really ought to have more little playground friends"
"Mark my words, he's on his way
To bad bad bad trouble some fine day
A maximum security in Illinois
Cause he doesn't play well with other girls and boys
No he doesn't play well"
Why can't he be like the other kids?
We tried to teach him but he ran and hid
So when he saw the toy box we closed the lid
Pretty soon the principal had gotten involved
Called in the school psychologist to get it solved
The shrink ran some tests and said "I think it's clear
A personality disorder's what we have here:
'Total lack of interaction with his peers'"
Maybe he is buried deep in thoughts profound
Maybe someday this kid will amaze and astound
But it could be he just prefers to be alone
Oh, why can't a boy just be alone?
Cause it makes the people very nervous, don't you see?
God forbid you should enjoy your own company
Solitude strikes us so full of fear
Cause if there's no one there we might disappear
Falling in the forest with no one to hear
So always keep a cell phone plastered to your ear
And find yourself a wife and a good career
And buy a home entertainment center from Sears
And keep the TV on just for the noise
And always play well with other... girls and boys
back to top of page
I'm a dyed-in-the-organic-free-range-wool
Folkie from A to Z
I love folk songs and folk clubs and folk festivals
Folding chairs and herbal tea
I like Sing Out and Dirty Linen
And WXPN (your local folk station here)
I'm a card-carrying church-basement coffeehouse camper
Born with a mug in my hand (modify line as needed for rhyme)
But I have a secret so shameful
If they knew of my horrible sin
They'd L.L. Bean boot me right out the door
And never let me back in
It's not Dianetics or having bad credit
or voting Republican
It's just part of the show when it comes up I know
I just won't be able to stand
Oh I hate to sing along
When the chorus comes around
I hate to sing along
As shocking as it sounds
If I just sit here and move my lips
Please don't throw me out of the club
I'm not a defeatist or being elitist
I don't even sing in the tub
I shiver and shake and break out in a sweat
And I never remember the words
(Hmm hmm la la la hmm hmm mm mm mm)
I guess I'll never be cured
I'm part of the silent majority
And prefer to remain that way
I became a folkie to escape karaoke
Now you're making me sing anyway
(chorus)
And now that you've heard my confession
You must promise that you'll never tell
Cause if this gets around, they'll send me straight down
To that special folkie hell
And Satan will look like Pete Seeger
And ignoring my pitiful pleas
He'll make me sing the chorus of "This Land
Is Your Land" for eternity
(chorus)
© 1995 Dan Hart