EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)

EFT is a powerful tool you can learn on your own. The short version is here and make sure to check out www.emofree.com for tons information about it.

ACHIEVING

R Factor

This is a modified version of the exercise I used with all my coaching clients as a starting point for our time together. You will find it extremely useful in gaining perspective on your goals and where to start to make them happen:

1. If we were to meet again one year from today, looking back over that year, what has to have happened during that period for you to feel happy with your progress? (list 4 things)
   
   
2. List your three biggest dangers or fears about each of your four goals.
   
   
3. List your three biggest opportunities to be focused on and captured for each of your four goals.
   
   
4. List your three biggest strengths to be reinforced and maximized for each of your four goals.

COPING

In this section you'll find powerful tools for dealing with being overwhelmed, whether by emotions or by physical discomfort or pain.

External/Internal Check-In This method is very effective for emotional overwhelm. I often use it when I'm feeling overwhelmed by all the stuff I feel I have to do or if I'm just stressed out. It's also very good for while driving if feeling stressed out. And it's easy! I'll explain the method and then the idea behind it.

Look around you. List the things you see out loud (or if there are people around just list in your head). For example, right now, I'm in my office at my desk. These are the things I see: my telephone, water bottle, windchime outside my window, candles, a pile of CDs, lots of notecards with quotes on them, a printer, my computer, a pile of papers, etc. Keep listing until you feel more grounded. Make sure not to attach any meaning to any of the items you list (for instance, I've been meaning to go through that pile of papers I listed for a long time...but I don't allow myself to think about that now...they're just papers...they're just there...list them and go on). This is the first part of the method. After you've listed, you will feel more grounded and less caught up in whatever inner turmoil you're feeling. So now we go inside...(PS. Just doing this first part is very effective if you're pressed for time, etc)

Close your eyes (don't close them if you're driving!). Get very still and quiet. Feel what is going on in your body. Our emotions are actually very physical things. They live in certain parts of our body and possess physical qualities. Go inside and feel where this emotion or feeling is and what it feels like. Avoid giving it a name such as "anger" or "sad." Just let it be. After a bit you will be able to sense a physical quality to it. Describe it. For instance, right now there is a hard ball right in the center of my chest. I don't know what it is, but I can feel it there. Then, watch it to see what it does. How does it change? Does it move? Does it change shape? What color is it? Describe it as much as possible. Watch what it does. Giving it a descriptive name (rather than identifying it as a certain emotion) is helpful so you can identify it if it comes back. When you feel like you know it well, let it expand and fill your whole body. Then, feel it or see it extending out of your body and follow it. Keep following it until it stops or is gone.

The internal part of this process can take some practice to get good at, but it's well worth the effort. There are some variations on both that add to effectiveness. The internal part is a combination of a method called "Focusing" by Eugene Gendlin, which you can read more about in his book (entitled "Focusing"), and some additions. Gendlin's method is quite involved, and though it's very good, I find this one to be easier and still very effective.

The ideas behind this method are: 1) reality is neither good nor bad. What we make up in our head about things or situations being good or bad is where we get into trouble. We get caught up in our head so often, and listing the things outside of us brings us back out and back into reality. 2) Our emotions are neither good nor bad. By stepping back and describing them, we can see them as what they are: harmless strange creatures that inhabit us from time to time. They have shape, size, and color. By following them outside of us to their limit, we can see that they are only feelings, not reality. Now, this doesn't mean they won't come back, but as you continue to practice watching them, they won't be as overwhelming. You begin to say "oh, there's that ____ again...wonder what it's going to do today."

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