Well, this sections is now called HOW I RECOVERED FROM CFIDS!!! And I'm so busy lately that I rarely come here to update, but I figured it's time. Click here to read my latest exciting news and how my life is now zooming along!

*Chronic Fatigue and Immune Dysfunction Syndrome (CFIDS, also known as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, CFS, Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, ME) is a serious, debilitating illness marked by unrelenting exhaustion, muscle pain, cognitive disorders and a myriad of other physical symptoms. For more information about CFIDS, see the CFIDS Association of America.

On this page you'll find many practical methods that I use to manage my illness and move toward recovery. They are:

• perspective
• coaching
• CFIDS protocol by Dr. Nash Petrovic
• The Healing Codes
• EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)
• diet
• meditation
• nutritional supplements
• exercise
• colonics
• chiropractic care
• allergy shots and sublingual drops and
• acupuncture

* Please note that I am not a doctor and do not claim to diagnose or treat any illness. Also note that everyone is different; what helps me may not help you. But many of these approaches are known to be valuable to chronically ill people, especially those with Chronic Fatigue and Immune Dysfunction Syndrome (CFIDS) and Fibromyalgia (FM).

PERSPECTIVE: UNEXPECTED OPPORTUNITIES

So to start out, let's talk about perspective. Being sick all the time is no fun. In fact, it can be awful. BUT...if you can look at it as an opportunity to learn, to grow, to discover new strengths, the experience is bearable and positive, even good sometimes. Having a positive outlook is good for your immune system, too!

Now, I'm not saying I was always happy, peaceful and productive throughout my experience with illness. There are days when I wanted to tear out all my hair and yell at the world or just curl up into a ball and cry. And I allowed myself those days. But for the most part, I looked at being ill as an opportunity. It gave me the chance to follow a dream: to produce and direct a documentary about CFIDS (for more information about it, go to www.goeatworms.com). If I hadn't gotten sick I wouldn't have pursued it. I'm proud of how much I've learned and today I'm happier than I've ever ever been. And I'm healthy. It hasn't been easy. But the strength and love that I've found in myself is unbelievable and otherwise, I wouldn't have discovered it.

COACHING

Coaching was the first thing that made the biggest difference for me in dealing with this illness. We have so many physical, mental, and emotional issues to deal with on a daily basis, trying to make heads or tails of ANYTHING is extremely difficult. A good coach will teach you various methods of how to deal with the symptoms and change your perception of them so they aren't so detrimental to your well-being. Also, most of us didn't get here by chance. I find that most of the people who have this illness are pushers. That's significant and not to be overlooked. A big part of the healing process involves changing belief systems and how we define ourselves. For example, many of us defined ourselves by our jobs or what we accomplished before. Now, we may not be able to work or accomplish as much. This change has a huge negative impact on how we view ourselves unless we change our belief systems. A good coach will help you to change your beliefs to healthier, more supportive ones. I've gotten to the point with my coach that I've dealt with the emotional fall-out from the illness and can now move on to other goals I have. And I'm finding my clients are moving in the same direction.

Because I'm focusing on doing The Healing Codes coaching I'm no longer doing traditional coaching. I still recommend it and would be glad to refer you to an excellent coach if you're interested. Just email me at info@lorrierivers.com and I'll hook you up!
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Dr. Nash Petrovic's CFIDS Protocol

This is a program that claims to CURE CFIDS. I know, I know. Too good to be true. Given my progress so far, I feel comfortable recommending the program. It is rather expensive. You can find out more about Dr. Petrovic's CFIDS Protocol at www.cfidshealth.co.uk. I believe it's also effective for Fibromyalgia (FM).

For a month by month history of my experience with his program, please see Updates. I started the program February of 2003.

For specifics, please contact Dr. Petrovic.

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The Healing Codes

In June of 2003 I started working with a company called The Healing Codes. The Healing Codes heal memories at a cellular level (for more information about the basics of what The Healing Codes are, click here). I learned it and became a certified Healing Codes coach. I thought it was great, etc. I've been using it on myself diligently 6-7 days a week anywhere from 10 minutes to 3 hours a day. THe first thing I noticed was that it all but eliminated these MAJOR cravings I was having.

June 20, 2007: This past weekend I went to a music festival called "Bonnaroo." I love music...all kinds of music. Rock, blues, classical. This festival was mostly rock music. We camped out in an RV with very little air conditioning in 90+ degree weather and had to walk for about 25 minutes in the heat each way to get from the campsite to the concerts and back every day, sometimes more than once. And we were sitting out in the hot sun for the concerts (sometimes shade). And I had a blast! I actually danced to some techno music (very fast-paced dancing) one night and was okay the next day. That's incredible! The fact that I made it through the weekend with just some mild tiredness (which anyone would be feeling) is a miracle in itself to me.

And this is coming from a woman who often could not get up the stairs in her own house and had to be fed by her father three years ago.

It was not always easy. In fact, in the beginning, it was downright miserable. I had healing responses all the time that made me constantly question whether I was getting worse instead of better. I heard about other people healing so quickly and it made me crazy! I got angry a lot (which I actually recommend if you haven't been allowing yourself - just know that you're making a conscious decision to allow yourself to be angry!).

Gradually, gradually, gradually, I began to get better. I regained the ability to focus on things and income and work began coming my way. I began to change the way I see the world and the way I operate within it and in that came physical changes. I started to be able to eat tomatoes again;)

I just keep improving, too. I go to yoga classes at least twice a week and actually get sore without horrible repurcussions. I can be around things like cigarette smoke that used to give me horrible fits (though I don't choose to be most of the time). I don't have horrible healing responses and I do LOTS of Q Codes every day. And I'm happy most of the time. Just about all the time. I'm excited about life and what it holds for me.

You can get there. You will get there if you keep plugging. Do things that make you happy. Small things like petting your dog or reading books that make you feel good. Love yourself as much as you possibly can.

See Recovery Updates to follow some of my journey to healing.
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EFT (EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUE)

I'm still highly impressed with EFT and recommend it to anyone who wants to start out on their own or cannot afford The Healing Codes. EFT is an accupressure technique that's easy to do and has profound results. One of the reasons I like it so much is that we can address specific issues and very often within a few sessions take care of huge life-long problems. And the results are lasting. I use it mainly to deal with emotional issues, but very often I find that physical issues improve as we work on emotional issues. One of my clients (when I used to be an EFT practitioner) remarked (after only 4 sessions) that she didn't quite know what to do because she wasn't anxious all the time since we'd been working together. Feeling relaxed was a totally new sensation to her! And she'd been working on this particular issue for years and years in traditional therapy without relief. I highly recommend it.

If you are interested in learning more about EFT, you can check out Gary Craig's information-loaded website (he developed EFT). There are hundreds of case studies there and a free manual you can download. I believe the download contains the "basic recipe," which is longer than I find is needed (and he has since said the short version works). You can learn the shorter version from my Short Form EFT page.

If you'd like to work with an EFT practitioner (which I recommend to begin with), you can search for a practitioner at Gary's site, as well.
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MEDITATION

Meditation has become especially important to me. And I think it's a necessary part of a comprehensive program for people with illnesses (well, really for anyone!). It reduces stress, allows you to get in touch with your body and your feelings, carries over into your life and just generally increases your ability to deal with the illness and life. I use a very technologically oriented type of meditation that basically "meditates for you" and accelerates the meditation. You can find out more about this amazing program at Centerpointe Institute. If my house were on fire and I had to choose 4 things to rescue, these CDs would be one of the four. The people there are really great, too. If you decide to go that route I would caution you to take it much more slowly than what they recommend (about half-time). But if you don't want to do the CDs (it is rather expensive), you can always do it the old fashioned way. There are tons of books about it and information on the internet, also. I do it for an hour a day, but as little as fifteen minutes a day can make a difference.
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DIET

I follow several different diet modifications that I believe are helpful:

• Paleolithic diet
  Focus is on meats, vegetables, nuts, and some fruits. No grains, dairy, refined sugar, refined flour, white rice, or any processed anything. Minimal potatoes...I occasionally eat grains like brown and wild rice that have no gluten (a protien found in most grains that is a common allergen). But they are not part of the diet. Basically, think of neanderthal man...if they could not find the food and eat it, then it's not on the diet (for instance...this was long before fruit rollups grew on trees...therefore...no fruit rollups).
  
  
• Avoiding allergy causing foods
  I am continually amazed at how much foods affect the way I feel mentally, physically, emotionally. I've figured out what foods I'm allergic/addicted to and avoid them as much as possible. Makes a big difference. (If I get anywhere near gluten my world just falls apart emotionally and physically...) There are a few ways you can figure out what foods give you problems. The most effective way is to get tested by an Environmental physician. Contact the American Academy of Environmental Medicine for a list of Environmental physicians close to you.
  

  Otherwise, you can do it yourself using the Elimination Diet, though it is a process. Before I explain the Elimination Diet, I'll tell you a quick hint: foods that you eat frequently and find yourself craving are most probably foods you are addicted or allergic to (I know, I know, it's hard to give up those potato chips and chocolate....but it's worth it!). Also, some commonly allergic foods are: gluten (found in most grains), dairy, eggs, cane sugar, corn, and chocolate. Once you stop eating the allergic/addicted foods, you may actually experience withdrawal symptoms. Stick through it and you'll find yourself feeling better. The test lasts for one week and by the end you should be past the withdrawal symptoms. Directions:
  

  1. Stop eating the suspected foods for one week (you may also try a fast if you wish, though I would strongly recommend professional supervision if you do).
  2. Test one suspected food per meal.
  3. Eat only the suspected food for the meal. Ex: If you think wheat (which contains gluten, a common allergen) might be a problem for you, eat only wheat products for the meal, nothing else. (Of course, if you know you are allergic to a certain food, don't put yourself through agony just to prove it this way...)
  4. Take your pulse right before you eat the meal, again five minutes after you finish, and again twenty-five minutes later. If your pulse is 12+ beats faster or slower, you may have an allergy to the food tested.
  5. Write down any changes in how you feel both physically and emotionally.
  6. Do the test with someone else to help you. Some "brain allergy" reactions make me so muddled I couldn't even tell you my name, much less what I'm feeling. This way the other person can write your reaction down.
  7. If the reaction is unbearable or you just want it to go away (and who wouldn't!) you can take two tablets of Alka-Seltzer Gold, which neutralizes the reaction.
  8. Make sure your exposure to chemicals is minimal during the procedure. Drink only filtered water (which you should be doing anyway!).
  
  
• Rotation Diet
  The more often we come in contact with an agent (or food in this case) the more likely we are to develop an allergy. So...a Rotation diet keeps the likelihood down. It also gives your immune system time to repair itself, prevents new allergies from happening, reduces total allergic load, and gives your diet healthy variety. Directions:
  
  
  1. One food can be eaten once every four days. For example, Day 1, which is Monday this week, I'm allowed to eat lamb. I cannot eat lamb again until Friday, when it is Day 1 again.
  2. Eat foods from the same botanical family every other day. For example, oats, rice, rye, and wheat are all in the cereal or grass family. Therefore, you can have oats on Day 1 and rye on Day 3. (For a list of botanical families, see the book If This is Tuesday It Must Be Chicken by Natalie Golos. I believe this book also has sample menus for each day.
  
  I know this seems very complicated, but it actually ends up making things easier. For a list of what foods are allowed on each day, email me and I'll send you one (too big to list here).
  
  
• Anti-Candida Diet
  The Paleolithic diet is very similar to the Anti-Candida diet. Just follow the Paleolithic diet and in addition, eliminate the following for the first three weeks:
  • fruit and fruit juices
  • vinegar-containing foods
  • mushrooms
  • melons
  • leftover foods (to avoid mold)
  • peanuts
  
  After three weeks you can try each of these foods and see how you do with them. I've been following this diet for three years now and still can't eat them. But many people can. To learn more about Candida, see William Crook's excellent book The Yeast Connection.
  
  
• Eat Organic
  With what we're dealing with already, we don't need any more chemicals running around in our bodies to deal with! Also, organic meats and veggies have been shown to be far superior in nutritional value to those that have been chemically treated and grown (I think they taste better, too!).

Dr. Mercola's website also has excellent information on diet and juicing. So...that's it on diet for now (enough for ya?!).
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NUTRITIONAL SUPPLEMENTS

I could write a whole book on this subject, so I'm just going to give you highlights. Working with a good nutritional consultant is very helpful. The supplements I take fall into these general categories:

• Multivitamin/Mineral: Contains a wide variety of vitamins and minerals...pretty self-explanatory.
  
  
• Antioxidants: VERY important for everyone's health, but especially those with chronic illness. Antioxidants combat free radicals. Free radicals cause all kind of havoc on our bodies, cause aging, and must be detoxified for our bodies to work properly. Here's where chronic illness comes in: a chronically ill body is not able to detoxify properly. So you can see how important large doses of antioxidants are! They also prevent further damage. Some examples of antioxidants: Vitamin C, Glutathione, Vitamin E, Zinc, etc.
  
  
• Essential Fatty Acids: I am a huge EFA fan. Our bodies need certain types of fats to keep everything lubricated and running well. These fatty acids are important in so many ways: for keeping cholesterol levels in check, for our skin, hair, and nails, for proper elimination, and, my favorite, for brain functioning and mood! These are the supplements that helped me reverse life-long depression and anxiety. For more information on how nutrients affect emotional well-being, see Joan Mathews Larson's excellent book, 7 Weeks to Emotional Healing. The two especially important EFA's are Omega-3, usually derived from fish oil, and Omega-6, usually found in seeds.
  
  
• Pancreatic Enzymes: This supplement helps your intestines break down fats, proteins, and other nutrients. Very important...you can be eating the most nutritious food in the world, but if you're not absorbing it, it's not doing you much good.
  
  
• Betaine HCl: Extra stomach acid to help your tummy break down food. Even though everyone is popping antacids left and right, most people who experience heartburn actually have too little stomach acid rather than too much. This one is also very important to increase absorption. If you have ulcers or experience burning after taking the Betaine Hydrochloride, discontinue. AND...make sure not to open the capsule. Remember, it is acid.
  
  
• Probiotics: Another important one for intestinal (and therefore general) health. Probiotics are the good bacteria that live in our intestines. They produce certain nutrients we need and keep the bad bacteria in check. Since antibiotics kill ALL bacteria, even the good ones, it's especially important to take probiotics after you've taken antibiotics. There are several different kinds. The most well-known is acidophilus.

You can find any of these at your local health food store.
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EXERCISE

Oh, tricky subject for CFIDS and FM, this is. Finding the fine line we can walk of not too much exercise (which has horrible consequences) and just enough to keep us in some semblance of shape. All I can tell you here is what I do. And that changes drastically from month to month, week to week, day to day. For instance, four months ago I'd been walking for 20 minutes a day for a few months. Had a relapse and yesterday was the first time I was able to walk around the block in several months. You will have to listen to your body and find what works for you. Even then your patience will be tried on a regular basis. I do think it's important to keep trying, though. What I try to do:

• Yoga Journal's AM Yoga tape: This is a very light yoga practice, though it did take some time to work up to be able to do the whole thing. I do it every morning possible, and it's first on exercise list. If you find it to be too much, you can try Yoga Journal's Relaxation Practice tape.
  
  
• Rebound Therapy: Using a mini-trampoline, I do short (60 second) rounds of light bouncing (my feet never leave the trampoline). This type of exercise is highly recommended by many doctors, including Dr. Cheney, a renowned CFIDS/FM specialist. It is one of the few ways to get the lymphatic system moving. I'd worked up to a total of about 6 rounds a day, but am now back to one or two when I'm able.
  
  
• Weights and Resistance Exercises: I use one pound weights to work two muscle groups a day. Ex: Mondays I do biceps and triceps. How many reps depends on how I'm feeling and what I've worked up to. I'm currently only doing 3 reps, but I'd worked up to 20 before this last relapse. When working my legs I don't use any weights, as the weight of my leg is plenty! I also do stomach exercises, alternating between stomach and obliques.
  
  
• Walking: I like to walk every day if I can. Getting outside is nice, though I have to take care not to get overheated. I take it slow and really take the time to look at things around me. It's almost more of a meditation than a physical exercise.

Which brings us to...
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COLONICS

Okay. I know. If you're new to colonics, they sound horrible and gross and just weird. That's what I thought, too, until I got really desperate last summer. Several people suggested colonics to me and I finally decided to try it out. Very weird experience the first few times (and I would recommend going to a professional at first). But it's definitely worth it. I wasn't nearly as constipated and you know earlier when I was talking about how chronically ill people don't detoxify? Well...colonics help out tremendously. I used to have horrible problems whenever the weather changed. I learned that pressure changes cause our bodies to detoxify, which was what was causing me such distress during weather changes. After six months of a weekly colonic, I realized that the weather was changing and I was hardly noticing it!

I've recently invested in a colema board, which allows me to do colonics myself. Cuts down on the cost and I don't have to drive the two hours to the nearest colon hydrotherapist. A simpler, less expensive way to go is just your simple every day enema, though they are no where close to as effective as the colema or colonic. But they are a good place to start. For more information on colon health, see Sheila Shea's excellent site.
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CHIROPRACTIC

Chiropractic care is an indispensable part of my health management. I find that it greatly lessens some of my symptoms. In the first two-three years of my illness if I went for a week or more without an adjustment, I could tell a huge difference. Now I go approximately once a month.
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ALLERGY SHOTS and SUBLINGUAL DROPS

(Please note that I have discontinued these since beginning Dr. Petrovic's CFIDS Protocol.) These have both been very important to my improvement. I go to a wonderful Environmental doctor, Dr. Allan Lieberman. He does a special kind of allergy testing that is very different from traditional allergy testing. This new way of testing allows my allergy shots to be specifically made for my body so I can self-administer them.

The sublingual drops are also incredibly helpful. One that I take has remedied tremors and convulsions I used to have. Contact the Center for Occupational and Environmental Medicine for more information.
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ACUPUNCTURE

I've only had one session so far and have been instructed not to start in full until I've finished the Petrovic protocol, so the jury is still out on this one...
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RECOVERY UPDATES

THis is basically a "journal" of my recovery process beginning February 2003. Enjoy!

• June 2007
• February 2005
• December 2004
• October 2004
• May 2004
• February 2004
• January 2004
  • December 20 - January 24
• December 2003
  • Days 33 - 64 (Nov 18 - Dec 19)
• November 2003
  • EnerVisions Days 16 - 32 (Nov 1 - 17)
• October 2003 (begin Intensive EnerVisions):
  • Day 15 (Oct 31)
  • Day 14 (Oct 30>
  • Day 13 (Oct 29)
  • Day 12 (Oct 28)
  • Day 11 (Oct 27)
  • Day 10 (Oct 26)
  • Day 9 (Oct 25)
  • Day 8 (Oct 24)
  • Day 7 (Oct 23)
  • Day 6 (Oct 22)
  • Day 5 (Oct 21)
  • Day 4 (Oct 20)
  • Day 3 (Oct 19)
  • Day 2 (Oct 18)
  • Day 1 (Oct 17)
  • Day 0 (Oct 16)
• September 2003
• August 2003
• June 2003
• May 2003
• March 2003
• February 2003

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June 2007:

This past weekend I went to a music festival called "Bonnaroo." I love music...all kinds of music. Rock, blues, classical. This festival was mostly rock music. We camped out in an RV with very little air conditioning in 90+ degree weather and had to walk for about 25 minutes in the heat each way to get from the campsite to the concerts and back every day, sometimes more than once. And we were sitting out in the hot sun for the concerts (sometimes shade). And I had a blast! I actually danced to some techno music (very fast-paced dancing) one night and was okay the next day. That's incredible! The fact that I made it through the weekend with just some mild tiredness (which anyone would be feeling) is a miracle in itself to me.

And this is coming from a woman who often could not get up the stairs in her own house and had to be fed by her father three years ago.

It was not always easy. In fact, in the beginning, it was downright miserable. I had healing responses all the time that made me constantly question whether I was getting worse instead of better. I heard about other people healing so quickly and it made me crazy! I got angry a lot (which I actually recommend if you haven't been allowing yourself - just know that you're making a conscious decision to allow yourself to be angry!).

Gradually, gradually, gradually, I began to get better. I regained the ability to focus on things and income and work began coming my way. I began to change the way I see the world and the way I operate within it and in that came physical changes. I started to be able to eat tomatoes again;)

I just keep improving, too. I go to yoga classes at least twice a week and actually get sore without horrible repurcussions. I can be around things like cigarette smoke that used to give me horrible fits (though I don't choose to be most of the time). I don't have horrible healing responses and I do LOTS of Q Codes every day. And I'm happy most of the time. Just about all the time. I'm excited about life and what it holds for me.

You can get there. You will get there if you keep plugging. Do things that make you happy. Small things like petting your dog or reading books that make you feel good. Love yourself as much as you possibly can.

February 2005:

Wowwwwwee!

I'm doing supafine, as I like to say right now. Walking 20 minutes a day, doing yoga everyday, sometimes even doing qigong as well. That's a lot, huh? So healthwise...I continue to get better and better. Hope you all are doing wonderfully!

Other news: For those of you interested in doing Energy Alignment/EnerVisions, I'm now offering Online Energy Alignment Courses in the following areas:

Prosperity Alignment
Physical Wellness Alignment
Weight Loss Alignment
Relationship Alignment
Career Alignment
General/Other Alignment

You can find out more about the courses here.

The book is doing well and I'm enjoying sharing with people.

As always, if you have any questions, please feel free to get in touch. It may take me a few to get back in touch, but I always do.

Big love to you all,

Lorrie
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December 2004:

Hello, hello, hello!

Well, good grief, I'm doing so well I could just about fly! Fun recent activities: went to a marvelous concert and ate stuff I haven't been able to eat in a looooong time, skipped all the way to the theater with my sister and we probably looked crazy but...I didn't care! I could skip! All the way to the theater! Then we walked up a bizillion stairs to get to our nosebleed seats and...again...people probably thought I was absolutely insane because I had so much fun simply walking up a bizillion stairs.

Had a marvelous Thanksgiving...drove 12 hours to Ohio and yes, I was wiped out afterwards, but I was okay!

Still exercising off and on and having fun with that. I'm thinking about starting some dance &/or yoga classes, so I'll let you know how that goes.

All in all...I'm doing extremely well. So. It's possible to fully recover. It just keeps getting better.

And...The book is out, the book is out, the book is out!! I'm sending a separate email to let you know more info about how to purchase, etc.

As always, if you have any questions, please feel free to get in touch. It may take me a few to get back in touch, but I always do.

Big love to you all,

Lorrie
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October 2004:

Well, my friends, it's been awhile!

That's because I've been feeling goooood and running around doing things! Pretty amazing. What sorts of things? Well...FUN things like...

Playing in the ocean (some swimming, even)
Hiking in the mountains (for 30 minutes!)
Doing yard work (so much fun now! who woulda thunk it?;)
Walking
Traveling
Going out with people
Playing with kids

And just generally playing. I still have a few left-overs that I'm taking care of, like some sensitivities and I'm not to the point of being able to run yet, I've had a few weeks when I haven't felt so hot and I think I'm currently going through some "stuff," but man, oh man, the difference is still huge!...it's all coming! I really think that having fun has made a huge difference in and of itself. You may have heard me whooping and such while I was playing in the ocean (even you, Peter, way over in NZ!).

I'd say I'm overall at 93% now. Pretty good.

Other news:

The book I'm co-authoring with Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, Mark Victor Hansen et all is currently at press. Got the preliminary copy and it looks nice! Exciting...I'll let you know when it comes out!

My coaching site will soon be updated.

A new site for the documentary, Guess I'll Go Eat Worms will be up in the next several months...I'll keep you posted on that, as well.

And my newest fun news is that a radio station in Michigan is playing my original songs (wrote, recorded, and sang). Woohoooooo!!!!

If you have any questions, I'll be glad to answer...just know it may take me awhile to get back to you.

To all of you...many good days and lots of fun. Your health is inevitable.

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May 2004:

Wowwowwowwow! I'd say I'm pretty much there, folks! I've been galavanting about quite a bit, pushing sometimes and generally recovering easily. Exercising teeny bits when I feel like it. Overall, I'd say I'm 93% there. Plan on running again in September or so.

I've decided to stay on my current dosage for three more months so I can be supercharged and so I can keep up with my life, which has been taking some exciting turns...

Starting this Wed, May 26th, I'll be touring the West coast for awhile, so you can look forward to stories of fabulous adventures and magical sights when I return. You can also look for a book that I'm co-authoring with Deepak Chopra, Wayne Dyer, and Mark Victor Hansen to come out in September or so. I'll let you know about that.

I think that's about it. I just got back from a beautiful, satisfying trip to LA visiting wonderful friends.

One of the main things I've been exploring lately is how powerful focus is. That if I really make the decision to only focus on things that make me feel good...I feel good. If I get sidetracked and focus on feeling badly...guess what? I feel bad. It's so simplistic, really, and you can make it as easy or as difficult as you want. I do it for the simple reason that it works. And because it feels good.

Now that I'm on the other side of this thing, I'm finding myself living my life in a whole different way that I love. I'm remembering things that I'm truly passionate about like MOVING and writing and singing and acting and my MUSCLES!!! I don't think I can describe how amazing it is to feeeeeel my muscles working and working well and my brain working and working well. And to be out and about and know that I'm okay. Always. That I'm good. It's all delicious, powerful, and exciting.

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February 2004:

I recently found this article that features lil ole moi (a good ways down...didn't realize it was on the internet)

What to report, what to report...

I started back on the Petrovic Protocol the first week in February and it hit me pretty much the same way it did when I first started taking it...knocked me out! It was pleasant...very lethargic, sleeping lots, etc.

The sleeping thing has stayed. I've been sleeping 12-14 hours/day, which is a LOT for me, even in this illness. I slept this much at the beginning of the illness, but have averaged 8 hours for years now. I must need it!

Overall, I've been pretty out of it which can be frustrating, but for the most part is nice because it's a restful, laid back out of it. I don't experience pain very often, I'm happy most of the time (minus a few days here and there and PMS, which was the worst it's been in a loooong time). And I still feel a difference in my body. I've been walking a few times and while it didn't feel great the next two days, I wasn't knocked out. I'm actually not supposed to be exercising yet, but it's soooo purty outside that I just couldn't resist!

I still do the EnerVisions religiously. Usually an hour or less a day. It's FUN to do now and I can usually tell a difference right after I finish...feel lighter and HAPPY. Like squealy happy. Jumping happy. Laughing happy. Still have healing reactions sometimes (one that knocked me out for a day early in the month) but it's soooo worth it for the times that I feel good.

I'm reacting less and less to environmental and food stressors...went out with my sister again early in the month to a club and was okay in the cigarette smoke again! AMAZING. Still can't believe that one.

I seem to be through with most of my EnerVisions healing for the CFIDS (now I get to do it on other stuff!)...I'm at the tail end of the Petrovic Protocol...I have improved a great deal...but I'm still not all the way there. There is another piece of the puzzle and I think I know what it is. Discovered awhile ago that I have a little problem with parasites. ACtually, the problem is more than a little problem. So...now it's time to hunker down and address that! Plan to start doing colemas again on a regular basis and gradually up my dosage of Primal Defense, a powerful probiotic (you can learn more about Primal Defense at www.gardenoflifeusa.com). It's not so much fun getting rid of these things, but I'll deal with it because this is the last step! (top of page)

January 2004:

Saturday, December 20, 2003 - Saturday, January 24, 2004

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

And Yeeeeeeeehaw, what a year it promises to be!

I continue to feel better and better, hence the more sparse updates...now that I have the energy and inclination to do other things I'm finding less free time! I'd say I'm functioning at 80% now.

I continue to do the EnerVisions 2-3 hours/day. My stamina has GREATLY increased in many ways and there are other things that are changing:

• I just completed an editing job where I worked for 8-16 hours a day for two weeks!
  
  
• I find myself dancing around on occasion...skipping..."WHAT?" you probably say...well...I agree. The first time I found myself dancing around I immediately stopped because I was afraid of how it would affect me later - typically any kind of exertion like that makes me feel horrible. Guess what? I did it a few more times that day! Granted, I wasn't bringing the house down with the moves, or anything, but I was a little bit sore the next day.
  
  
• My body reacts to things in a different way...it's not becoming "paralyzed" when I come in contact with things it's sensitive to...now it seems I just get looooooots of interesting tummy fun...mysterious rumblings... and I do get a little tingly in my extremities and tired. But I'm still capable of holding a conversation and feeling okay. And the EMOTIONAL REACTIONS TO THOSE THINGS ARE GONE thus far and that right there is worth...I dunno...I trillion bucks and a very classy gnu! Example: At Christmas I wanted to go and spend time with friends and family at three houses that I typically have problems with (well...I typically do okay in one of the houses, but they got a dog recently and I have had problems with reactions to dogs, so...). I went to the first two houses and was OKAY! Not great, but I had a good time and recovered fairly quickly. I wasn't able to make it to the third gathering, but know I'll be able to next year! ANNNND...get this...I was actually able to have 2 sips of a kahlua drink at New Years. Just two months ago the *thought* of any kind of alcohol made me feel ill.
  
  
• I'm carrying my body differently at times. More like I did before I got sick. That is a *phenomenal* feeling. Since I became ill, I've been carrying my body very gingerly and using as little energy to do things as possible. Not really using my whole body. I was stretching the other day and my body just...relaaaaxed into the stretch and really used all of my muscles...its whole capacity. Again, I started to tense up because I was afraid, but then I realized that my body was doing this on its own, so it must be ready for it! If you've ever had an injury or illness you know what I'm talking about...It's happened a few times since then.
  
  
• I'm just plain happier. Have more energy.

I have tried moderate exercise and it's still not a good idea at this point. Doesn't put me in the bed for days, but doesn't make me feel too good, either. I'm sticking with my yoga stretches for awhile longer. Perhaps some Qigong.

I still have some days when I wake up and feel like my body has been the playground for a few large trucks, but this is far less often now (about every two weeks) and I'm able to function fairly well during them. Haven't had a "crash" since...wow...since...late November.

I still have a ways to go, but I say give me a few more months and I'll be exercising again!

I was talking to a friend of mine who's been with me through this whooooole long four and a half year endeavor the other day. He kept saying..."I can't believe it...I...just can't believe that it's made this much of a difference..." He asked me what I plan to do now..."It's like you've won the lottery...what are you going to do now?" The answer: take over the world;) Okay, so I still have a bit longer before I'm able to do that. So we'll just start with jumping up and down, dancing, skipping around like a lunatic, and squealing at the top of my lungs just because I can.

As far as the Petrovic Protocol, I haven't been on it for about a month so that I could get three month's worth at a time and save some major money. I know that it helps out a great deal, as well, and am excited to see how I do with it in light of my improved state. My guess is that I would completely recover doing just one or the other, but doing both makes it faster and doing the EnerVisions is freeing up other parts of my life, as well.

And of course, special thanks to Alex Loyd (EnerVisions Founder) for spending his valuable time with me and for his patience. And special thanks to my dear grandfather, Clarence, for making it possible for me to continue taking Dr. Petrovic's protocol.
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December 2003:

Tuesday, November 18, 2003 - Friday, December 19, 2003

TONS to report...I've been remiss in doing so because I've been doing so well!

First of all, I've figured out how to do this without making myself so miserable and living in these nasty pictures. I thought for some reason (probably that lovely masochistic part of me...) that I really had to FEEL that nastiness of each picture. In reality, this was only making my healing painful and slower. The nasty picture pretty much fixes itself if you focus on GOOD things. Things that make you happy...things that make you giggle or smile or feel warm and soft inside or straight-up snort-guffaw. MUCH nicer that way!

Secondly...here's my BIG NEWS!!!!

This was an email message I sent out on December 19th...

Hi, all!

Hope you're all having Vunderful, funderful hollydays (oh, dear...we are in a punny mood).

I haven't had a chance to update my website, but the upshot of the news is...

I HAD A HUGE BREAKTHROUGH THIS PAST WEEKEND!!!!

The story:

I went to an EnerVisions training in Kansas City beginning Wednesday the 10th and was there until this past Wednesday the 19th. Now...typically just the plane ride will knock me for a loop. But I was actually filming the training for EnerVisions which included setting up equipment, squatting to check mic levels, manning one camera, making sure the other camera was set up (I had a wonderful helper, Dee, who did a great job with the other camera), etc, etc. Now that I look back on it, I really don't know what made me even think that I could do it...but I'm glad I thought I could (that little engine really had something, there)...

By the second day of the training I had a CRASH. Big ole. Not the worst I've had, but it was a bigun. Convulsions and feeling like my cells were attempting to make a massive lemming exit from my body. Reeeaaaallllly uncomfortable. Okay. Downright painful. Part of me thought "well...that's that...no more Lorrie for several days..." But I decided to believe that there was possibility there. Alex (EnerVisions founder) and two other dear souls (thank you Lorna and Bill) did EnerVisions on me for awhile and then Alex and I did EnerVisions for awhile longer. The process was not very comfortable, but I knew something was happening. Alex found some biiiig stuff for me and by the end of the session I was Raggedy Ann girl and could barely talk - he had to help me walk back to the conference room - but I knew something had shifted. I somehow told people how to pack up the gear.

I slowly started to feel better and about 30 minutes later I - okay, sit down, now - WENT FOR A WALK in the snow with the group! Normally I'd be huddled in a puddle on the floor at this point. I felt shaky, but very different...something had changed. I ate with the group and hung out with my brother until 12 that evening.

And was up the next morning! Now...that next day I was extremely tired. And sore (from all the squatting). I took a few "naps" during breaks. But again..typically if I'm sore I'm in bed crying because my whole body hurts. The fact that 1) I was up and moving the day after a big crash and 2) I was up and moving while I was sore is UNBELIEVABLE!

I made it through all four days of training.

And here's the kicker:

You know how I typically react to cigarette smoke? If you don't, my body absolutely flips out...shaking, hurting, I get angry, emotional, crying, crash the day after, etc. Well...my brother, his girlfriend, and I went out to eat Tuesday evening and people were smoking at the bar right next to us. In the past, I wouldn't even consider walking in a place where someone had been smoking in the past 48 hours! We sat down, I noticed the smoke, but knew I would be okay. And I was! WOWOWOWOWOWOWWWWW!!!

And now I'm back from the trip and have a good deal of energy. This stuff works. I'm continuing with the EnerVisions, not for 5 hours a day anymore...more like 2-3 hours. My guess is that complete recovery is just around the corner!

How's that for some holiday news?

I'll let you know when I've updated the website. As of now there is not a whole lot of information about EnerVisions on it, so if you'd like to know more, feel free to give me a call.

I wish you all experiences as fantastic as my week and tremendous healing. And a biiiiiiig huge thanks to Alex and all of you at the training who were so incredibly supportive.

Much love,

Lorrie
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November 2003: 11/17/03

Things have been so up and down from doing the EnerVisions Intensive work that I don't know what to attribute to Petrovic Protocol and what to attribute to EnerVisions. I realize doing the EnerVisions and Petrovic's Protocol at the same time makes it impossible to tell where the recovery is coming from but I'm willing to mess up the "experiment" if I can get well sooner!

Overall, I'm doing...um...better? I don't know. Really. On the days that I feel good, I feel almost normal. On the days that I feel bad I feel really badly. Again, though, I *know* that I'm doing better than before I started taking Dr. Petrovic's protocol.

I'm going to have a gap in Dr. Petrovic protocol treatment, as I was late in wiring payment to him. So I'll be without Dr. P Protocol for the next month or so...he's told me before that this will not cause problems. I'll keep the progress I've made thus far.
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Saturday, Nov 1, 2003 - Monday, November 17, 2003 - Days 16 - 32

Wow. It's been awhile.

Nov 1 - 4th I was in the 9th level of hell. Most definitely at rock bottom. This was the worst it's gotten so far and my guess is the worst it's going to get. Couldn't get out of bed physically or emotionally. Was completely spiritually exhausted, as well. This was the first time during this process that I really knew that I *couldn't* keep going at that point. I took a break for a few days.

Nov 6 - 7 was up and down, as usual. By Nov 8th I was feeling better and actually wrote: "I can feel the end nearing...the finish line..."

Nov 9 - 10 was sleeeeeeepy time. Wiped out. Up and down (have I said that before?;)

Nov 11 I started feeling reeeeeaaaalllly restless and decided it was time to get out of the house! Went to the beach to visit a friend for a few days. Don't know that I was ready to do that, though...didn't feel very well during most of the trip. But I made it! And I didn't crash!

Nov 17...today...I've had more energy than usual. Pretty grumpy (which has also been typical of late). I'm getting back to the point where I can actually do several things in a day again (as opposed to sleep...client...sleep...client). Is this the way out?

So...there you have it! No conclusive evidence, but I'm going to visit Alex (EnerVisions founder) later this week and we're going to do some work...so who knows? While I'm in the middle of this it's really hard to tell what's going on as far as progress.

You'll just have to stay tuned...for the next exciting installment of...How Lorrie Got Her Groove Back (I DO plan to hit the dance floor ASAP once I'm over this thing...;)!

To date:

Cumulative time doing EnerVisions Protocols: 109 hrs

Cumulative time on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 90 min

Nov 17

Time doing EVs today: 4.5 hrs

Nov 16

Time doing EVs today: 3.5 hrs

Nov 15

Time doing EVs today: 4 hrs

Nov 14

Time doing EVs today: 3 hrs

Nov 13

Time doing EVs today: 0 hrs

Nov 12

Time doing EVs today: 2 hrs

Nov 11

Time doing EVs today: 3 hrs

Time on phone getting EVs protocol: 10 min

Nov 10

Time doing EVs today: 3 hrs

Nov 9

Time doing EVs today: 2 hrs

Nov 8

Time doing EVs today: 3.5 hrs

Nov 7

Time doing EVs today: 3 hrs

Nov 6

Time doing EVs today: 3.5 hrs

Nov 5

Time doing EVs today: 0 hrs

Nov 4

Time doing EVs today: 0 hrs

Nov 3

Time doing EVs today: 1 hrs

Time on phone getting EVs protocol: 15 min

Nov 2

Time doing EVs today: 1.5 hrs

Nov 1

Time doing EVs today: 4 hrs
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EnerVisions: Friday, October 31, 2003 - Day 15

AM: Happy Halloween!

Appropriately, I've been working with this ghoulish part of myself that hurts me and am finding that I'm having trouble letting go of it. Part of me really doesn't want to. Hmmm...needs to be looked into. Believe that it has to do with not wanting to give up that "Dark side" of myself mainly for my artistic endeavors.

PM: My wonderful coach helped me to figure this out. This is how it works: letting go of it doesn't mean that it's gone. It's still there, but I use it at *my* discretion as opposed to being ruled by it. You can play Hamlet to the hilt, but don't have to *live* it and die a tragic death. This is KEY.

Only doing 4 hours today because I'm feeling really shaky and tired. Too tired.

Total time spent doing EnerVisions Protocols today: 4 hrs

Cumulative time doing EnerVisions Protocols: 68.5 hrs

Time today on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 0

Cumulative time on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 65 min
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EnerVisions: Thursday, October 30, 2003 - Day 14

AM: More manicky today (yes, I just coined a word)...but maybe I'll at least be able to get some things done (many of my days lately have been spent in the bed)!

Post hour 4: Ahhh...much better. Still getting through some stuff with this big ole picture. Found a big ole self-sabotage in this one, which led me to other pictures about self-sabotage and hurting myself.

Symptoms/physical stuff: manicky, headache, constipated, heart, some vertigo, heavy limbs, trouble breathing.

Total time spent doing EnerVisions Protocols today: 5 hrs

Cumulative time doing EnerVisions Protocols: 64.5 hrs

Time today on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 0 min

Cumulative time on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 65 min
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EnerVisions: Wednesday, October 29, 2003 - Day 13

AM: We knew this part would come. And it will probably only last for a few days. Not to worry. Have about three pictures open right now and they're all pretty non-specific. I feel incapable of doing anything right now. For the first time in this process I'm actually scared. But you know what? That's just an emotion. It's not real. Good that I've gotten to this stuff...seems it's pretty core.

Yup. It's official. I'm terrified. Agoraphobic, afraid of eggs (?????have never experienced the egg thing before...again, mind has a sense of humor...) and dissociating like I used to when I was young. The whole sensory thing is going on too...everything - colors, sounds, touching, smells, tastes - are over-powering and feel like they are piercing my brain. Putting a fork into a piece of tomato feels like an act of violence and chewing is like an assault on my senses and actually makes my ears ring. Retracing childhood. (What's that Poe story about this phenomenon?)

PM: Talked to Alex and he told me again to focus on nothing. AGain...harder to focus on nothing than on the early pics. I did ask Alex how I'll know when I'm done. He said "you'll know...you'll feel complete peace..." Sounds good to me!

Right now feels like...sacred space. Peaceful. Tired, but good. I've noticed some things that are changing in my everyday life. Ex: I found myself being physically affectionate the other day without any problem...giving a hug to someone and that usually has some tension to it. No tension this time.

PM: Well...we're back again. Opened a new picture and am back in a weird place emotionally again.

Total time spent doing EnerVisions Protocols today: 5 hrs

Cumulative time doing EnerVisions Protocols: 59.5 hrs

Time today on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 5 min

Cumulative time on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 65 min
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EnerVisions: Tuesday, October 28, 2003 - Day 12

AM: Finished a pic this morning! Feel a little bit better, but not hugely. Am finding that while doing this work I have time and energy for *maybe* two other things a day. And that's on a good day.

Brain is very much jumping around every which way to distract me. Heart racing and vertigo.

PM: Good grief. Some of these pictures just have layer after layer after layer. This evening I turned into Eeyore (sp?) in one of my pics. Seems my mind is not without a sense of humor. Also found another picture where I'm oozing stuff...and now my stomach is all messed up again.

Total time spent doing EnerVisions Protocols today: 5 hrs

Cumulative time doing EnerVisions Protocols: 54.5 hrs

Time today on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 0 min

Cumulative time on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 60 min
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EnerVisions: Monday, October 27, 2003 - Day 11

AM - Post hour 2: Still *completely* wiped out. Lots of vertigo right now. Left calf is really aching. Lots of muscles aching.

Post hour 4: Something that I've found works well: when working on problem pictures, try changing them to the way I wish they'd been. Then go back to original and see if it's changed. Go back and forth between the two.

Total time spent doing EnerVisions Protocols today: 5 hrs

Cumulative time doing EnerVisions Protocols: 49.5 hrs

Time today on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 5 min

Cumulative time on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 60 min
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EnerVisions: Sunday, October 26, 2003 - Day 10

PM: Freak out again this morning. More physical stuff than yesterday...lots of emotional, too. The almost-convulsive problem I used to have. Feel better now but waaaaaay tired. Only doing four hours today. Talked to Alex and he tested me and got that I should not focus on pictures right now.

Total time spent doing EnerVisions Protocols today: 4 hrs

Cumulative time doing EnerVisions Protocols: 44.5 hrs

Time today on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 15 min

Cumulative time on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 55 min
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EnerVisions: Saturday, October 25, 2003 - Day 9

AM: Feeling stuck. Like I'm not healing particularly fast right now.

Post hour 2: EXPLOSION!!!! Ohhhhhh boy. Felt really bad emotionally for a few hours. I was inundated with a deluge of of issues all at once. So many that I was completely overwhelmed and unsure of how to continue...what to focus on, etc. Had a panic attack and after a bit I knew what I was doing and my "witness" kind of popped in (the part of me that just watches with interest...this is good...), but for some reason I wanted to "live" in this crisis. Weird.

Post hour 4: Rough day. But I feel much lighter now. *Definitely* feel like I've been through a few battles today!

Feel more at peace with myself...more loving...more accepting of not knowing my future. I think the main thing that happened in the last two hours of work was forgiving myself. I also feel much more competent and in my own power.

Wonder how I know when I'm well? I'll ask.

PM, Post hour 5: There we go again...seems the last hour of the day I find nasty stuff and am in the process of getting rid of that energy. Therefore feel all antsy and aggravated and off-center. Brain racy.

Total time spent doing EnerVisions Protocols today: 5 hrs

Cumulative time doing EnerVisions Protocols: 40.5 hrs

Time today on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 0 min

Cumulative time on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 40 min
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EnerVisions: Friday, October 24, 2003 - Day 8

AM: All *kinds* of itchy, restless, disconcerted, trouble breathing this morning. This is my least favorite batch of pics so far. By far. Lots of self-loathing. Fun.

I'm finding there are "core pics and then clusters or strings of other, more specific pics that are attached to the "core" ones. The core ones seem to have a more archetypal, fantasy, or unreal quality to them - they either aren't actual things that happened to me or they are more general.

Post hour 2 Spiritual meltdown, spiritual meltdown. And identity issues.

Post hour 4 Seems to have subsided. I hurt physically, though...my neck hurts, my eyes hurt, head, hands. Feel as though I've been sitting in the same position for hours on end. Wait a second...that's right...I HAVE. Okay. It's my choice. I'm doing this to get better and so I can have the life I want. So...I'll keep on. Gladly. Keep plugging away. Just opened a new nest of Early Pictures. Yug.

Post hour 5 Holy snarfdoodle, it was hard to put in the time today! But I did it. Still itchy and irritable. Not quite as badly. But boy, do I feel badly for my family! Oh, well...they're willing to put up with it, as well. And they were warned.

Total time spent doing EnerVisions Protocols today: 5 hrs

Cumulative time doing EnerVisions Protocols: 35.5 hrs

Time today on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 0 min

Cumulative time on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 40 min
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EnerVisions: Thursday, October 23, 2003 - Day 7

AM (after hour 1):Better this morning. Still not feeling stable or "like myself" at all. Feeling like the self I used to be...several years ago. So interesting. Have done an hour this morning so far. Believe I'm going to wait until after I finish with my clients today before I hit it again. Not sure yet whether I should continue with my current protocol and not focus on Early Pictures or what. I'd actually rather go back and focus on Early Pictures again. I'll test myself if I haven't talked to Alex by then. Lots of stomach cramps this morning. A tout a l'heure!

Afternoon (after hour 3)Wow. That worked really well (new protocol). I feel the most sane I've felt since starting this. The little girl is partially healed. (This is after hour 3). I'm remembering things from my past that I couldn't remember before.

PM (after hour 4): Great. Now I'm all itchy and irritated and having trouble breathing. One more hour to go for today...

Total time spent doing EnerVisions Protocols today: 5 hrs

Cumulative time doing EnerVisions Protocols: 30.5 hrs

Time today on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 5 min

Cumulative time on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 40 min
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EnerVisions: Wednesday, October 22, 2003 - Day 6

AM:Not doing well at all today. Have no appetite whatsoever, no sense of taste or smell (I usually have heightened taste and smell), whole body hurts, extremely sensitive to sounds, objects, things that touch me (like my clothes) (feels like all these things are cutting into me...each little sound, the lights, etc). This reminds me a lot of the early part of the illness...feels like every little thing is hurting me.

Again, I find this interesting in regards to the last picture I found...the one of the little wounded me...seems to be manifesting itself physically now.

I'm also waaaaaay out of it emotionally. Feel like I'm living in a bit of a nightmare.

I called Alex because I wasn't feeling any sense of release with any of these and they seem to be piling up (got another disturbing Early Picture of a guillotine cutting the front of my stomach off) and I was not feeling inclined to do any more of the EnerVisions protocols today and not sure where to go. It's a bit much to handle right now and I decided that rather than push and endure, which is my tendency (I've gotten a lot better about this...) I would call Alex and see if he had any suggestions.

Very glad I did. He said that people often feel like they're not getting relief with the really big, core issues. That I'm going through some massive healing responses (hmmm...yeah...I figured) and not to focus on the Early Pictures right now. To focus on love and light and healing or nothing instead. He also gave me a new protocol (new hand positions). So we'll see how I do this afternoon.

PM: Better emotionally and have more of an appetite. My stomach is still messed up, though. And I'm totally wiped out. But not as intense as before. I did have a small anxiety attack that kept me from getting to bed for awhile. I did the newest EnerVisions protocol for several minutes and now feel like I can go to sleep. It's actually harder for me to stay still with this newest protocol...probably because I don't have any distractions with the Early Pictures. Was very hard to get myself to keep myself doing the protocols today.

Total time spent doing EnerVisions Protocols today: 4 hours

Cumulative time doing EnerVisions Protocols since Day 0: 25.5 hrs

Time today on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 15 min

Cumulative time on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 35 min
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EnerVisions: Tuesday, October 21, 2003 - Day 5

PM:HUGE healing response this evening. Had a taste and smell in my mouth like the flavored nitrous oxide gas from the dentist. About a minute later I got extremely nauseous and had to lean my head over the sink because I thought I was going to throw up. Then felt like I had thrown up - shaky, spent, stomach hurting (that empty cavernous feeling), still somewhat nauseous, bile taste in my mouth.

I have to wonder about this. I find it very interesting that one of the main "Early Pictures" that came up yesterday had to do with my self-image, specifically about my stomach. This morning I kept going back to the stomach Early Picture and stuff kept on emptying out of it. Over and over. It's as if my physical body was going through the motions of doing this itself.

Felt pretty good after hour two again this morning.

Pretty sure Early Picture #2 (of a phone call) is finished. The other two still have a ways to go and I get the feeling that they will resolve with this body image/self worth thing (the stomach and wounded child Early Pictures).

Lot's of other pictures today, too...playing wall ball, kissing a boy I had a crush on, a deformed little me came out of the stomach Early Picture at one point. I had a busy day!

Here are some things I am finding are key so far: * The healing happens faster if I really tap into and physically feel the emotions related to each picture, * Also happens faster if I allow my mind to take it wherever it wants to go...I've decided that it knows best how to heal itself. It's done things I would never have consciously thought to do that seem to move things forward.

I'm really excited about this whole process right now. Even after I finish with the 6 weeks I'm going to continue to do it for a few hours a day.

I do get tired of doing it, though...the last two hours each day are pretty hard. Hard to keep focused...I get fidgety.

I should really go to sleep, but I don't want to because I'm so excited about the possibilities with this work!

Total time spent doing EnerVisions Protocols today: 5 hours

Cumulative time doing EnerVisions Protocols since Day 0: 21.5 hours

Cumulative time on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 20 min
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EnerVisions: Monday, October 20, 2003 - Day 4

AM: Again, wow. I've never experienced anything like this. Like I said, it's not easy by any means, but right now I don't care because I know it's doing something. We'll just have to wait and find out exactly what!

During my second hour of doing EnerVisions this morning I had a break through in Early Picture #1 (the tough one) and right as I was tapping into the emotions I suddenly became reeeeaaaaallllly nauseous. It felt different from the nausea that I usually get from Dr. Petrovic's Protocol. Very interesting (as she scratches her chin).

Physical symptoms after doing EnerVisions protocols this morning: heart racing, vertigo, nausea, stomach cramps (during protocols), beginning of a canker sore in my mouth.

I talked to Alex this morning and he "tested" me and got that I can put in even more time (and that it would be preferable). So I'm gonna do it! Until next time! (she swoops away, cape billowing behind her).

PM:: In a doubting mood again. Found some pretty disturbing "Early Pictures" about my stomach (that caused me to be incredibly self-conscious about it and not like it most of my life...) and one *really* disturbing one in which I was a little girl and had wounds all over me that were oozing stuff. Pretty amazing what the mind comes up with. It hasn't really had an impact on me, I don't think. Kind of numb to picture it right now.

Total time spent doing EnerVisions Protocols today: 5 hours

Cumulative time doing EnerVisions Protocols since Day 0: 16.5 hours

Time today on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 10 min

Cumulative time on phone getting EnerVisions protocol: 20 min
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EnerVisions: Sunday, October 19, 2003 - Day 3

AM: Right now this process feels like taking the hand of the Ghost of Christmas Past and flying away. I find myself more actively inhabiting my past than my present, which is a bit disconcerting. Also, though, I'm rarely thinking about my future, which is unusual for me. My tendencies are more towards being caught up in the future. Maybe this will balance things out so I'm more often living in the present!

Yes, this is painful. So far more emotionally painful than physically. There are some not-so-fun physical things going on, but I don't mind them so much.

To keep myself okay and in check I remind myself to keep watching. Witnessing. This helps me to still be involved but to distance at the same time so that I can see myself as I'm doing the process (again, this is different from dissociating). Ex: When I focus on an "Early Picture" of the little girl who was being made fun of (me) and didn't like herself, I find myself carrying a lot of that around with me in my everyday life..."she" is a more active part of me. Which can be unsettling. I feel vulnerable.

Having this separate part of myself that is only watching and not emotionally invested in any of this gives me more control and distance and makes it safe to fully experience the feelings that little girl has.

One of my pictures just does NOT seem to be budging. I don't really know what it's about, but it seems to be important. I'll just keep working with it.

I'm finding that there are many aspects and layers to the other two. I'll heal parts of them and think that I'm almost finished and something else crops up.

PM:Wow. This process is utterly amazing. I think I'm almost finished with one of the Early Pictures. Had a huge shift in it (we'll call it Picture #2 for now) during my second hour of doing the EnerVisions protocol today. After I finished the second hour I felt pretty good. Better than in a long time...strong, whole, happy...pretty good physically.

But after hour three...whoa! Early Picture #1 (the one that wouldn't budge) has a LOT of "stuff" to it. I felt horrible again after the third hour...angry, frustrated, neglected, icky physically.

My physical symptoms that cropped up after hour 3: exhausted, headache, tight jaw, trouble breathing, racing heart.

Total time spent doing EnerVisions Protocols today: 3.5 hours

Cumulative time doing EnerVisions Protocols since Day 0: 11.5 hours
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EnerVisions: Saturday, October 18, 2003 - Day 2

AM: I was going to sit down earlier this morning and write that I couldn't really tell any effects thus far. It's now 2pm and I am definitely feeling some effects. Feeling a bit out of it, very unfocused, a bit manic, overwhelmed, brain racing, etc. Hard to deal with in some moments and then in other moments I'm able to find it all very interesting. One of the main things I'm noticing is that my "Perfectionist" is showing herself with a vengeance! I did two hours this morning. Will do a few more this afternoon and we'll see if I work past this. This is fun (in a really weird way;)!

Total time spent doing EnerVisions Protocols today: 3 hours

Cumulative time doing EnerVisions Protocols since Day 0: 8 hours
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EnerVisions: Friday, October 17, 2003 - Day 1

AM: Did my EnerVisions protocols this morning for an hour. Plan to dig in this afternoon and do it for another three or four.

My experience this morning was about the same: some strange things came up and I understand now the value of having a "love picture" (a love picture is a picture of all the people who have ever loved you standing around you sending you love). I thought it was pretty cheesy at first, but it's really good to have all those people around me when I'm dealing with these disconcerting things my mind comes up with.

This will be helpful for comparison on Nov 27 (when I'm "finished")...my overall functioning is at about 60% right now. Current symptoms are:

• fatigue - functional and able to do things inside house, but no physical activity and don't generally run many errands because it makes me tired. Also just an underlying constant fatigue.
• heavy muscles
• pain - this is hard to describe, as it's non-local and very pervasive all through my body. Skin, muscles, etc. The muscle pain/aching sometimes gets intense to the point of crying, especially when I come in contact with toxins/allergens.
• Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, allergies, sensitivities - this includes chemicals, pollens, dust, cat, etc (typical allergens), many different foods.
• headaches
• eye pain
• neck pain
• upper and lower back pain
• extremely dry eyes, nose, and mouth - are unable to wear contacts, experience nose bleeds sometimes (not bad ones), and constantly thirsty.
• trouble breathing, as if there is something pressing on my chest
• brain fog
• depression - this comes and goes. Mostly not such a problem for me anymore.
• anxiety - this also comes and goes, but is more prevalent than the depression.
• irritability - again, comes and goes.
• PMS symptoms - painful breasts beginning mid-cycle, painful body just before and during, cramps during.
• sensitive to light and sounds - this comes and goes as well, but has been more prevalent lately
• GI problems - constant bloating, intermittent constipation, gas
• hot/cold - this is a more recent one; feels like I'm really hot just underneath my skin, but at the same time I'm cold. I have not been running fever, but it's very much that feeling.
• muscle weakness - this is different from the heaviness and the pain...it is most noticeable when I lift things or am moving around...muscles feel very weak.
• I'm sure there are more, but I think that's plenty for right now!

Also, questions/fears/thoughts (the things that are running through my head...when these come up I allow them to float across my consciousness and don't give them any weight...thought they might be helpful if any of you decide to go through this process as well):

• Is this really going to work for me? It won't work for me...
• I'm scared of what I may find.
• I'm scared of going through all this emotional stuff.
• I'm scared of going through all this physical stuff.
• What if it works and then comes back?
• It can't be this "easy" (even though I don't think it's going to be easy).
• It can't work this "fast."
• What if I can't do it?
• And then there is this resistance in me to doing this. Don't know quite what that's about, but I'm sure I will at some point!

PM:Whew! Wiped out. Did it again for two hours this afternoon. Had some good shifts in my Early Pictures. 'Tis time for Lorrie to go to sleep now.

Total time spent doing EnerVisions Protocols today: 3 hours

Cumulative time doing EnerVisions Protocols: 5 hours
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EnerVisions: Thursday, October 16, 2003 - Day 0

Well, I've only done one hour so far and have a consultation tomorrow (don't usually take clients on Fridays, but for some reason did tomorrow...hmm...wonder why...) so I'm only going to do another hour tonight. I'm wondering if perhaps I'm procrastinating. That's okay. My plan now is to start in hardcore tomorrow after the consult. Probably a three hour day. I feel like I'm becoming a monk or something..."meditating" for 3-8 hours/day...or...as Alex put it...I'm going into battle. A battling monk. A warrior nun.

My experience with EnerVisions protocol this morning: Woke up at 7am and tried to go back to sleep but couldn't, so I did the protocols while listening to my Holosync meditation CD. So you understand what I'm talking about...the EnerVisions protocol process involves holding certain hand positions on your upper body as you focus on a "picture" (memory) from your past. You do this until the picture has no charge to it...until it has an intensity rating of 0 on a scale of 0-10 (10 being most intense). I found that my picture kept changing...things started happening that I don't think really happened...scary things. And then they would go away and be replaced by a brighter version of the memory (we call them "Early Pictures" which is what I'll use to refer to it from now on). I think I'm down to about a 1 on that particular Early Picture now. A little more to go. After I finished I was wiped out and went back to sleep until 11.

Was pretty tired and a bit grumpy and out of it for the rest of the day.

PM: Did EnerVisions for an hour this evening. Was wiped out again afterwards and went to sleep at 9:30pm.

Total time doing EnerVisions today: 2 hrs

Total time I talked to Alex yesterday to get protocol: 10 min
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10/17/03

Addendum: Something came up yesterday that I just realized is another huge testament to how far I've come. I was shooting some footage for the documentary yesterday in which I have to begin running (like I'm off for a jog). The shot was this: I would stretch, then stand up, bounce up and down, and take off jogging (which I would only do for a couple of seconds...until I was out of the camera's view). In order to get several different angles and shots, I had to go through these motions several times. I felt horribly shaky after just the first time through. After the fifth time, my body was NOT happy with me at all and I was sure that I was in for a world of pain the rest of the evening and for the next two days (which is my body's typical response to physical activity of any kind...please also note that I have not pushed myself like this in a *very* long time and do not recommend it!).

Well...this morning I woke up and went through my normal routine and did not realize until just a few minutes ago that...I'm not in horrible pain! I'm not paying for what I did yesterday! That's HUGE! Now...I'm not going to go out and do it again anytime soon, but...there's your huge positive for this month.

(Oooooh, boy...my Petrovic Protocol packet this morning had a busted pill, which meant that I had the lovely experience of swallowing about 25 pills dusted in a healthy dose of nasty-tasting white powder!)

Other things that I'd forgotten to mention:

• I've had a plantar's wart (the kind that grow into your skin) on the ball of both of my feet since about a year into this illness. They are minor bothers (comparatively) and hurt me when I walk with sock or bare feet on our hardwood floors. Well...a few months ago I realized that the one on my right foot was gone! The one on my left foot is still there, but it doesn't hurt anymore. This is a good indication that my immune system is righting itself.
• I find this really interesting: before I started taking Dr. Petrovic's Protocol I had to go to the chiropractor at least once a week because my neck would get so out of whack. The difference between going that often and not going was sometimes whether I could get up the stairs or not. By the third or fourth month that I'd been on the protocol, I could get by fine with only going to the chiropractor once a month. I couldn't figure this out, but a friend suggested that it has to do with the muscles in my neck relaxing. Another positive from the Petrovic Protocol!

10/15/03

Month 9

Rough month! Whew. Let's see...had a few more pretty defined interleukin crises, one of which involved lots of sneezing and a runny nose! The runny nose thing was very exciting for me. My nose has been incredibly dry since I became ill, so for it to be actually running was quite enjoyable. Okay. Maybe not enjoyable. But at least interesting. A change. I was just really wiped out during that one. Didn't feel horrible, but slept for about two days. Then it was gone!

Have had quite a bit of pain and emotional trouble this month. Felt a lot of times like I was back where I started. Was upset about that as I was walking up the stairs one day and had a flashback as I got to the top step of one of my "bad" days before the protocol when I had to crawl up the steps crying because it hurt so badly. Was like my mind gently pointed out and said..."no...you're actually doing quite a bit better."

So I do still think I'm making progress.

Still...something happened yesterday that made me believe I can make it a whole lot faster. I'll explain:

In June I started working with a company called EnerVisions. EnerVisions is an energy healing technique. I learned it, thought it was great, etc. I've been using it on myself diligently 6-7 days a week for 5-20 minutes a day. It has been a help with certain things...especially these MAJOR cravings I was having. But as far as the CFIDS I haven't noticed a difference.

I was talking to Alex Loyd yesterday, who is the founder of EnerVisions and he asked how I was feeling. I told him...not horrible...not great...still having problems, etc. He said that I should be well by now. Said he's worked with several people who had CFIDS/FM who were much worse off than I and that they healed fairly quickly (NOTE: EnerVisions does NOT claim to diagnose, treat, or prescribe illness. EnerVisions heals pictures we store in our conscious/subconscious. Healing the pictures puts the body in a profoundly healing state, which often results in physical healing.) He said we should start working together because I need to get well. I agree!

Talked to him again today and now I realize the difference here...he suggested using an intensive method that we weren't taught in our training. He said that I am to do the EnerVisions protocols (which involves holding specific hand positions while focusing on the conscious/subconscious pictures) until the pictures are healed. That could mean that I do it for 3 hours a day or for 6 hours a day. He also said that I could possibly feel pretty badly...that I could possibly have some big "healing crises" because we're doing this intense work (because of toxicity coming out of my body). But that I should be able to tell a noticeable difference in a few WEEKS. He suggested that I make a deal with myself similar to this: "I am willing to go through hell for 6 weeks in order to have the rest of my life back." I am.

So...I am continuing with Dr. Petrovic's protocol. I do still believe that it works and know that I'm making progress and I still recommend it, but if I can be completely WELL and HEALTHY in a manner of 6 weeks or less...bring it on!

Here's my plan: I'm going to start the massive EnerVisions work on Thursday afternoon (I have some filming to do and a few clients on Thursdays, so I want to be functional). I'll do however much it takes each day to get through all this junk and probably will feel horrible for the next several weeks. Since this apparently moves more quickly, I will keep you up to date on a weekly basis. Maybe even daily, but I'm not promising anything...;) Click here to read my EnerVisions updates.

Alex said to look at it as if I'm entering into a war. Okay. I'm putting my war paint on. I'm ready. I'll let you know how it goes! I'll include more information about EnerVisions once I can tell that it's working.

REMEMBER, LIKE I SAID...I'M DEFINITELY BETTER THAN WHEN I FIRST STARTED TAKING DR. P's PROTOCOL! I have no doubt that I would eventually fully recover only taking his protocol and will continue to take it. I just want health NOW!

As always, let me know if you have any questions.
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9/9/03

Month 8

I think this is the month I've seen the most progress. As always, has been up and down, but for the past several days I've felt...well...really decent. And for those of you who have this illness you know that actually means GOOD! I am often very tired, but it's a tired that feels REgenerative as opposed to DEgenerative. It's a nice, calm tired as opposed to the "my body feels like it's dying" kind of tired I experienced so often before.

I also had my first clearly defined interleukin crisis, which is really exciting! Of course, it wasn't exciting at the time, especially at the beginning because I felt horrible. An interleukin crisis, also referred to as a "healing crisis," "healing response" is basically when your body is doing some MAJOR house cleaning, getting rid of old damaged tissue, righting itself, etc. But it feels horrible. So this is what happened: Saturday the 30th I woke up feeling the best I've felt in a loooooong time. Around 3pm I started feeling really crummy all of a sudden. Felt like I was coming down with a horrible virus. By that evening I was absolutely miserable: achy, emotionally upset, didn't feel like eating (a very rare thing for me), was hot and cold, chills and sweats, could barely move, etc. A big yick. Slept for 13 hours that night. Sunday was more of the same. Monday was a little better in the morning, but not much. Late Monday afternoon, though, I started feeling better and found that I was much more mentally clear than I've been in awhile. Within the next hour I felt great again! The symptoms were gone (I wasn't ready to go running or anything, but...) and I had this bright perspective on everything. Actually, speaking of running, this deserves mention: I was watching television while all this was happening and there was a commercial of someone running. Typically when I look at someone running or doing physical exercise, it makes me hurt. Like my body is saying "nope...not yet." This time my body actually felt light and good watching it. I'll take that as a sign, thank you very much. Quite an experience! The interleukin crisis means I'm REALLY GETTING BETTER.

• Positives:
  • Since the interleukin crisis I've had all "good days." Which means I've been able to take care of myself...to cook my own meals...run my own errands, etc. Have been tired, but, like I said, the good kind of tired.
  • Was in an office a few days ago and felt myself beginning to react to the obviously new *everything* they had in there: paint, carpet, etc. I got the nasty metallic taste I typically get in my mouth when I'm around something toxic, and my knees started to go weak and numb, which is the way I knew in the past that in a few minutes I'd be frozen and probably wouldn't be able to move. I started to feel panicky and like I should leave (or I soon wouldn't be able to), but for some reason I stayed. In the next few minutes I sat there and felt my body taking care of it! It wasn't the most comfortable feeling, but I was in the office for the 45 minutes longer or so and was able to leave only feeling a little off. That's huge.
  • I've started taking a green drink (every other day). Taking that same green drink three or four months ago made me feel horrible. Now it makes me a little tired, but I don't react to it. My food tolerance is increasing as well.
  • I haven't crashed (with the exception of the interleukin crisis) AT ALL in the last month. I'm also pretty careful not to push too much, but I haven't gone without a crash for this long since I became ill. Even when I was able to work a full-time 9-5 job for a year.
  • I was able to eat cookies and yogurt a couple of days without completely crashing! Amazing. I still felt somewhat icky the next day and had some yeasty problems, but two months ago what I ate would have made me miserable for several days afterward.
• Negatives:
  • Went through a period of time late last month when I was having pretty bad night sweats. Woke up absolutely drenched and the poor bed was drowned. But...as with most of the negatives, this is actually a positive, because it means my body was taking care of something.
  • Major gas and bloating (sexy, ain't it;)! I've found this off and on with the protocol. Again, I'm sure that it's my body fixing my intestinal tract, but it's causing constipation and general digestive unfunness. Thank goodness for my colema board! Ah, the joys of sharing my intestinal happenings with friends and complete strangers!
  • Went through a bout of depression before the interleukin crisis, but it's hard to tell whether it was due to physical factors and all the chemicals running around because of the illness or outside factors, which I've had some of recently. Always a toss up there. I do know that since the crisis I've been much happier. When I was in it, it wasn't that bad, though. I find that when I do get depressed now it's not nearly what it used to be. Again, I don't know whether that is protocol or all the work I do on myself with EFT, coaching, meditation, etc. Probably a combination.

In talking with a friend who also has CFIDS I've realized that it's rather difficult to chart my progress with these entries. It's often difficult for me to chart my progress as well, but to make it more empirical, I'm listing all of my symptoms (that I can think of right now) and, where I was when I started the protocol, and where I am now, and any pertinent notes. I hope this helps.

Scale = 0-100%, 0 = worst (symptom is acute and often), 100 = best (no longer have the problem), BP = Before Protocol, N = Now

• Overall: BP = 20%, N = 65%
  This is hard to gauge since some days are good and some days are horrible. I estimated taking that into account. I have many more good days now.
• Energy: BP = 30%, N = 60%
  See above comment.
• Headaches: BP = 40%, N = 80%
• Cognitive function: BP = %65, N = 85%
• Depression: BP = 30%, N = 85%
  Again, I've been spending a LOT of time doing EFT, coaching, and other healing techniques...dealing with issues that contribute to depression, etc. So this improvement is, in my opinion, a combination of the protocol and all the other things I've been doing.
• Anxiety: BP = 20%, N = 80%
  See above note
• Mood swings: BP = 40%, N = 90%
• Visual disturbances: BP = 60%, N = 80%
• Dry eyes and mouth: BP = 40%, N = 40%
• Sore throat: BP = 60%, N = 80%
• Stiff neck: BP = 30%, N = 70%
• Tense shoulders: BP = 30%, N = 70%
• Heart Palpitations: BP = 30%, N = 90%
• Unusual chest pressure/trouble breathing: BP = 40%, N = 60%
  I think I often have trouble breathing because of being bloated.
• Digestive problems: BP = 40%, N = 60%
• Numbness or tingling in muscles: BP = 40%, N = 75%
• Joint pain: BP = 100%, N = 100%
• Muscle aching: BP = 20%, N = 75%
• Muscle weakness: BP = 20%, N = 40%
• Backache (lower back): BP = 30%, N = 50%
• Wake up tired in the morning: BP = 30%, N = 60%
• Going to bed exhausted, much earlier than usual: BP = 50%, N = 80%
• Dizziness: BP = 70%, N = 90%
• Nausea: BP = 30%, N = 70%
• Severe PMS: BP = 30%, N = 50%
• Yeast infections: BP = 50%, N = 90%
• Enlarged lymph glands: BP = 70%, N = 85%
• Low-grade fevers: BP = 90%, N = 95%
• Hot flushes: BP = 90%, N = 95%
• Cold: BP = 30%, N = 60%
• Night sweating: BP = 90%, N = 70%
  I've actually had more night sweats since I've been on the protocol than I did before I started. Earlier in my illness I had them quite frequently, but not for some time when I first started the protocol. Again, my guess is that the night sweats I've experienced of late are actually healthy.
• Insomnia: BP = 60%, N = 80%
• Weight changes: BP = 30%, N = 90%
• Carpal tunnel syndrome: BP = 70%, N = 80%

I want to reiterate how VERY important I believe it is to recovery to change belief systems and work on emotional issues. Those of us who get this illness are mostly pushers...doers. We defined ourselves by what we accomplished. This illness makes it necessary for us to change the way we live and the way we view ourselves and our life. And I believe that this can be an invaluable lesson. If you can take it as such. If you hold on to your previous beliefs and way of doing things, you're going to make yourself MUCH WORSE. Getting through this illness (and any illness, I'm sure) takes willpower and determination. But a different kind of will power than most of us are used to. Willpower to let go. To slow down. To rest. To learn to listen to and work with your body rather than against it. To allow rather than push. For example: It used to make me crazy that I couldn't exercise. On the days that I felt even half-way decent I would do some. Even though my body told me time and time again that it was not good for me. Since I've worked on accepting the illness, I'm now content to wait. To be patient. To know that the time will come, but now is not the time. So please find someone who can help you change your belief system so that recovery is not so much of a struggle. Find a good EFT practitioner, coach, or therapist. I recommend coaching and EFT...I find they work much better for me than therapy (which is why I am now a coach and EFT practitioner). Then again, I'm a little biased. If you're interested in doing EFT work, you can contact me for a free 30 minute consultation (I work with most of my clients over the phone, so distance is not a problem) or you can search for one through Gary Craig's wonderful EFT site. But bottom line is...you'll be much happier and healthier if you do the emotional work as well as the protocol. Take this down time to learn more about yourself and grow.
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8/11/03
I am back from a month of...TRAVEL! Would not have thought it was possible. I went to Vegas for a training in July, was back for a few days and then off to the beach! And I was actually functional at the beach (didn't actually go to the beach too much...mainly rested...but the fact that I was able to make the trip at all is amazing). AND...this was *really* exciting: a friend of mine came down with a virus (no...that wasn't the exciting part) and I definitely caught it for a few days...had low-grade fever for a day...but I got over it several days before he did! I call that progress!

• Positives:
  • Don't "pay" as much for overdoing. For example: I was mostly functional after my two trips.
  • Don't "pay" as much for eating things that in the past made me feel horrible. For instance: am PMSing right now and ate lots of nuts and a potato last night. Typically that means big trouble...I usually feel horrible for the next few days after I eat those particular foods. I'm sure I would feel better today if I hadn't eaten those things, but again...I'm functional and have actually been quite productive today!
  • More tolerant of substances that used to give me lots of problems. This really fluctuates...some days I am actually okay around small amounts of cigarette smoke and other days it still gives me problems (nothing compared to what it used to be), so I still have a ways to go. But overall I can tell that I'm slowly improving.
  • Rarely have problems with heart fluctuations anymore.
  • Am emotionally more even. Don't get the downs as frequently or severely as I used to.
  • Muscle pain is less frequent.
• Negatives:
  • More problems with balance and vertigo. I get the distinct feeling that this is part of my body fixing things, so I don't mind.
  • Still have extremely dry eyes and mouth. Can't really tell if that's changed at all.

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6/16/03
We're at the five month mark!!! Woohoo!! Course, I thought I would be pretty much well by now. Turns out most people take 11 months on the protocol to fully recover. Which is what Dr. P said to begin with. I got a little confused. But...that's okay. Actually makes me feel better because I was worried that I wasn't better. Now I have six more months to really improve! Not that I haven't already. Still seeing considerable improvements. Still very much up and down, but seems to be more up physically (going through some rather difficult issues emotionally, so can't accurately gauge that right now).

• Positives:
  • I seem to be in a pushing trend right now...last week I did too much physically. I knew it, but I kept going (ack!). I was actually sore the next day. Several months ago, I would have been in the bed for two days (the second day after was always the worst), crying most of the time, in a lot of pain...bedsheets hurt, sounds hurt, etc. This time, however, I was very tired and grumpy, but I wasn't out of commission. I wasn't crying all day. And the intense discomfort only lasted for one day, as opposed to two (I did make sure I took it really easy on the second day after, however).
  • Apparently I'm a sucker for punishment, because I did the SAME THING again on Saturday. Perhaps my subconscious decided to conduct an experiment without consulting me. Anyway, the same thing happened. This tells me that I will probably be able to start light exercise again in a few months, which is VERY EXCITING!
• Negatives:
  • I did have about two weeks of a relapse after the California trip. Was pretty rough. But I guess I could expect some "backlash" from the trip...I did a lot!
  • Still reactive to things...was sitting in grass a few weeks ago and my friend suggested we leave. I asked why and he said "because you're rocking back and forth." Hmmm...that book I was reading was very encompassing. As soon as I pulled myself out of it I realized that, sure enough, I was having a pretty full-blown reaction. Fun.
  • Been having some GI problems...gas, constipation, diarrhea. This has lasted for several weeks now.
  • Still have various other strange symptoms that come and go such as numbness, headaches, anxiety, muscle weakness, etc.

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5/8/03
Been almost four months now...I just got back from a trip to CA, which would have been impossible for me to do several months ago. So...again...something is definitely happening. Wasn't particularly easy (I took all my own food and rested lots), but I made it without any huge crashes!

• Positives:
  • Made it through all the flights okay. Again, wasn't particularly fun, but last time I flew had to be wheeled off in a wheelchair...this time I walked! For each flight!
  • This seems negative, but is actually positive: I had a semi-paralysis reaction to my friend's dog (where I was supposed to stay, actually) that was pretty bad. Good news is that I recovered from it in about 1/3 of the time it usually takes.
  • Only took a day of complete rest to recover from the flights, two days to recover from whole trip (which, again is pretty impressive, as I was running around a good bit the last few days and lugging around suitcases and such)!
  • Feeling more inclined to go out and do things. Before I felt so fragile I was terrified to go on the trip or sometimes to even go out. Now...I'm ready to go! Though I know right now it's better to rest.
  • Increased energy. Have these little spurts of energy. They are welcome, but a bit confusing, as I have to make sure not to do too much or I go back into the pattern of up/crash, which I do not particularly enjoy ;). But yes, overall, increased energy!
  • This is actually not a result of the protocol (from what I can tell), but rather of doing EFT, an accupressure technique I use in my coaching. I used it on cigarette smoke, which I have horrible reactions to, for two weeks before I left for CA, as many of my friends smoke (was very worried about this...). And whaddaya know...I was okay with it! Whereas before I would have been down for a few days in pain, rocking, crying, etc., I was just a little out of it for a bit and then was okay! The reason I don't think it was the protocol was because I figure it would have made a big difference with the dog, as well. So my guess is the EFT!
• Negatives:
  • Up and down emotionally still. This has gotten better overall, also, but good grief...time for the roller coaster to end!
  • Still having reactions to things...had a pretty big crash on Monday evening. I believe it must have been from an artichoke I ate. They never gave me problems in the past, but I also haven't had one in quite some time and I didn't come in contact with anything else unusual, so...that's the only thing I could figure. Did take me two days to get past that one. Was not fun. But...again...wasn't as bad as it has been in the past. And I got over it more quickly.
  • Isn't really a negative, but...I WANT TO EXERCISE! Was advised not to, which is probably a good thing, cause I tend to overdo, but boy, oh boy. Guess that's actually a good sign, also (that I want to exercise).
  • Still have various other strange symptoms that come and go such as numbness, headaches, anxiety, muscle weakness, etc.

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3/27/03
Well, I seem to have entered what the doc refers to as the "negative stage." Been very up and down lately, mostly down. From what I understand, my body is changing, breaking down the bad stuff, and rebuilding, which is not easy. But it's part of the process and I still believe this is working, so I can live with it (though some days it's not any fun!).

• Positives:
  • There are some days when I feel pretty good...have bursts of energy, mood is great. Body still doesn't feel "right" but certainly feels like it's on the way.
  • Have also gained 10 lbs since starting, which is great. I was down to 98lbs and looked a little too much like a mod skeleton for my taste...
  • Reduced food sensitivities. After years of fighting with nuts, I can finally tolerate them, which is wonderful! I now have a protein snack I can easily take with me and don't have to cook or refrigerate (Hallelujah chorus, please).
• Negatives: But mostly lately I seem to feel badly. Have had bad muscle pain, headaches, brain fog, aphasia, depression, weakness, increased environmental sensitivities, increased sound and light sensitivities, etc. All that fun stuff. And I'm sure the pounds of pollen that are in the air right now are not helping!

There you have it. Incidentally, I was reading some of the testimonials on Dr. Petrovic's site and found that many of his patients felt much worse before they got better. I choose to believe that this is what is happening in my case.
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2/17/03
Well, I've now been taking the protocol for a month and something is definitely happening. I think this is it, kids! Here's what I've noticed so far...

1. Increase in energy for the most part beginning in the second week. I've been able to walk for 7-14 minutes each day for the first time for months. Some days I can do additional exercises as well. (I still have "bad days" when I'm unable to do exercises, but they are becoming fewer and are usually not as intense as they were previously)
2. Ever-present yeast infection mostly gone within the first week. (Still resurfaces every once in awhile)
3. Elevated mood for the most part. (Still have "bad days" with mood, also, some very difficult days of depression and anxiety. But, again, they are becoming fewer and seem to dissipate more quickly.)
4. Less reactive to allergens, etc. Came in contact with cigarette smoke briefly a few weeks ago. Normally, that contact would have caused major problems (ie: muscle paralysis, muscle pain, crying, etc and bed-bound for two days afterwards), but this time I just felt pretty icky for a few hours afterward (of course, I got out of there as soon as possible!). Wasn't paralyzed and didn't have crying fits...
5. Reduced post-exercise fatigue. This is the biggest indication to me so far. Usually when I overextend myself physically I am in the bed unable to move and crying for the next two days...but...four days I was locked out of my community, which is gated. I was feeling so frisky that I actually climbed over the ten foot gate (got stuck at the top with the spikes, which was exceedingly funny to my sister who was doubled over laughing in the car watching...)! Afterwards, my muscles had that "what in the world did you just do...you're going to pay for that!" feeling in them. I was ready for the usual backlash...but the next day I was actually okay. Granted, I slept most of the day and wasn't up for running laps or anything, but I wasn't crying, was able to fix my own food, etc. That is what I call progress!

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