I'd like to say a few words in honor of Officer
Chief Riner Sir from of those of us who ain't got such a pre-ju-diced
view on crime as you-all do, us who are the true majority of the
law enforcement community that ain't here tonight because these
is our working hours. I'm so glad to see so many of you in here
tonight instead out wandering the streets.
You-all have a social or telephone relationship
with Officer Chief Riner Sir, but I am proud to say I have a pro-fess-ion-al
one. Its not like we see each other every day or nothin', but
its regular-like.
Now don't get me wrong, he's never had me in
his home, or anything. Well, he's never invited me into
his home, although I must confess I've been there a couple of
times, but there wasn't no one home at the time.
In fact Officer Chief Riner Sir and me, we
goes back a long ways to army days when he was an MP and always
took a real interest in what I was doing.
And we have taken parallel but different paths
since then, even different kinds of discharges from the army.
I started my career in Dolton, just like Officer
Chief Riner Sir did, back in the days when we both had flat bellies.
He was a rookie patrolman, and I couldn't even open the padlock
on a tool shed. He was always real helpful, like when he saw me
lugging something that fell off the back of a truck, he was always
real good about helping me lift it back onto that truck. Back
in those days I never even seen a color tel-e-vision set, now
I sell several of them every week.
We've both come a long way.
As my professional skills increased, I moved
to Winfield where I could do the same dollar-volume with half
the labor. And a few years later, Officer Chief Riner Sir followed.
It was like old times, what with him interfering with my professional
career again and all. Its hard to make a good dishonest living
with Officer Chief Riner Sir in town.
Now I gotta tell you, that even though we've
worked in the same areas for years, Officer Chief Riner Sir and
me, that we have different political beliefs.
I, for instance, am for the redistribution
of wealth. Officer Chief Riner Sir believes in leaving the wealth
with those who had it before I redistributed it.
I am for the open shop. Officer Chief Riner
Sir believes that shops should remain closed after the owners
have locked them for the night.
Even though we have different beliefs -and
I do have to say I am much more open minded to alternative definitions
of morality than is Officer Chief Riner Sir-- we are both parts
of that great sym-bi-otic relationship that keeps both of our
families fed at the taxpayer's expense: Officer Chief Riner Sir's
at the expense of all the taxpayers at once; me, one taxpayer
family at a time, two on a good night. He even has given me a
nickname over the years, "JJ", which he says stands
for "job justification."
And Officer Chief Riner Sir, he treats us residents
right. Why, many's the time he's arranged a ride for me, sitting
in the back seat of this big official car with a uniformed driver
up front, lights flashing like we was real important like and
folks looking to see who was getting such special treatment and
me waving to them as we passed. He'd have 'em drive me right up
to this government building, and the big doors would roll up and
we'd drive right on inside just like we owned the place, and the
driver, he'd take me inside and see that I got a room for the
night, or even longer. So we both dine on meals financed by the
taxpayers: his cooked by Mrs. Officer Chief Riner Sir, and mine
cooked by Chef Butch at the Hotel Zaruba. And I must say about
this here meal tonight, it was nice to eat with something besides
a rubber spoon.
Anyways, I want to tell you that you done real good by promoting Officer Chief Riner Sir, and I hope he'll work real hard for you-all instead of having time to keep snooping in my business.
--Stan Zegel
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