Indoor Cats, Yes or No

Here is what I understand

about cats who are asked to live inside lifelong

A client's cat had gone missing. The client wanted to keep her cat safe, and continue to keep her indoors lifelong. After our session, the client told me that the cat had returned that evening, but tried to go outside again that same night.

A few more understandings about your relationship with Kitty:

Kitty is not being 'compulsive', or 'addicted to being outside', those are human misinterpretations of normal cat behavior. For a cat to want to be outside is like when you want to breathe, or eat. It is necessary to her. It is a sign of her communication with you that she came back so soon. She could have stayed away longer, but she wanted to try to trust you to find a better arrangement for her.

To deny her innate nature of wanting to be outside is only a temporary 'solution'. Even if you only look at one thing, consider this: a cat's sense of smell is 40 times more sensitive than ours. Cats are aware of the smell of the litter box in every room of the house, even when it is clean. It would be similar to you living in a smelly bathroom 24/7 your whole life. Of course she wants to go outside and feel her paws on the ground and smell the earth and plants and air, and feel the sunshine. She accommodates you by living inside part of the time, and she wants you to accommodate her to be able to be outside part of the time.

Please consider negotiating with her to make your back yard a safe and easily accessible place where she can freely come and go. You are so lucky to have a back yard. Every year hundreds of cats die, from getting out of high-rise building windows where they fall to their death. That is how important it is to a cat to be able to go outside.

It is important for you to respect her spirit and personality, and also for you to respect her needs. That is why she tried to go out again immediately. She was trying to find out if you had integrity about what you had said about her being able to go outside at length, not just giving her the opportunity of being outside rarely, and only for 2 or 3 minutes at a time.

This is an important learning and sharing experience for both of you. Since she's back, it's very tempting to just take the relief you feel at face value, and change nothing in your relationship.

Safety (for your loved ones) is actually more 'addictive' to you than being outside is for her. An over-emphasis on safety is not necessary for you, not really, it comes from anxiety, from fear of losing someone you love, etc. You don't need it like you need to breathe, or eat. You may want to consider that the only cat who stays inside lifelong is one who is either fearful themselves, or lives with a person who fears for their safety. Is that what you really want for Kitty, yourself, or anyone you love? You can build a prison of your love, and lose a lot of love, respect, and trust from your loved ones in the process.

Please consider creating a new relationship, one based on seeing Kitty as an adult of her own species. Then you can come to experience that trust and respect of her is a goal in itself, not just a side effect of loving her. I know you love her, and here is a way to look at how to grow in that love you share together.