Postal Service??

'Twas the week before Christmas and in so many ways

the post office claimed, "We'll deliver your letters in two or three days."

So on Wednesday I rushed to post to my son

a letter to Hawaii; a very important one.

"He needs to get it by Saturday," I rave,

"if the gift coupon in it his money will save."

But true to form, as we should have expected,

they couldn't deliver; no savings this time on the item he selected.

Then for my birthday on January 6th,

'twas a greeting from my sister I expected next.

'Tis true indeed, though to believe it is hard,

it took ten whole days to deliver my card.

Through rain and snow and sleet they say

they'll deliver your mail every day.

But one can never be sure to know

just where one's mail is apt to go

nor just how long the journey will be

for the letter to travel from you to me.

So next time they promise to deliver with speed

don't hold your breath if it's on time you need.

Now moving is a whole new game,

especially if you and two sons have the same last name.

We all lived together in the same little town,

till one day we all decided to move around.

We notified the USPS.

We were sure they'd handle the rest.

Oh how mistaken we turned out to be.

Our mail was in trouble for the families three.

Dad's letters went to number two son;

while his mail headed for son number one.

Dad got notes meant for one son or the other,

but seldom got mail meant for the father.

But we must give credit where credit is due.

They got it right--in a year or two.

Getting your mail to a new place

should be as plain as the nose on your face.

You leave your new address with the USPS

and expect your mail in no time at all--more or less.

And though they got the address all wrong,

your mail arrived all along,

until you corrected the new street name;

from then on your mail never came!

So if you plan to move, notify both family and friend

they may never hear from you or you from them again.

To answer my long list of questions,

to get new ideas and/or suggestions

the TV ads, with songs and dancers,

tell me to call for all the answers.

 Dial 1-800-USPS

but only if you want headache and stress.

The simplest problem will soon become

a looming cloud hiding the sun.

Take for example you plan a trip

and want delivery stopped--just for a bit.

It soon becomes very clear

the operator doesn't use logic and cannot hear.

After spelling your name two or three times

your heart rate is up, your temperature climbs.

You give up on that to try for the date;

how hard could that be to communicate!

After all this you begin to realize

you should have just left without all these tries

to say, "Hold my mail, don't deliver,"

and hang up the phone with a sigh and a shiver.

So beware my friend of 1-800-USPS

or you could end up with a lot of stress.

I could go on about the pictures all wet,

or the film the processor never did get,

or the postman who didn't knock on the door

but left a note to pick up my package next day after four,

or the time the mailman honked his horn in the rain

so I'd get wet and quite dry he'd remain.

But suffice it to say when my congressman votes

to raise the prices to send letters and notes,

he won't be MY voice in Washington, D.C.

and he won't get any future votes from me!

Faith L. Derickson

Copyright 1998