The Bienville Rifle
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 March/April 1999, Page 7
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CIVIL WAR DIARY OF PVT JUBAL

Civil War Diary of Pvt Jubal and related research is funded by the J&B PostItNote Paper Cartridge Manufacturing Company. J&B says, "use PostItNote Paper Cartridges when your in a hurry to stick it to em!".

This first in a series of documents from the Private Jubal archives, finds Jubal replying to orders from his Commanding Officer to proceed to Fort Jackson in early April of 1862.

Dear Sir,

I am well aware that my presence is expected around 18:00, however owing to a misunderstanding with the indigenous French speaking populace here in New Orleans, I will be delayed several hours . While carousing er... I mean making business contacts in the Quarter , I ran into a young lady whom I enjoyed pleasant company with for an evening. I was much aghast when she, after having plying this honorable private with strong drink, reached in my pocket and brought up a handful. Of Money! Of money ! Sir I am honorable! Unfortunately about that time as fate would have it, a man named La Rose presented himself and said something in garbled English to me and the girl.... stit tute , stit tute, I thought at first he was saying toute suite, then quickly and dramatically gesturing towards the girl whom he handed a wad of "Dixes."

I got the stit tute part and interpreted it to mean pros stit tute. WelI, might have added the "pros" part. I approvably said, "yes and a good one, " as I grabbed a handful of supple female flesh . No sooner had I replied than I was clubbed by two Irish gorillas, pretending to be police officers. Apparently the stit tute part was preceded with sub... sub-stit tute. Cursing Larose with all my might, I was thrown in a jail cell with a group of misfits, and I might add they will not listen to my story or accept the fact that I am a private in the 8th. They say that I will be reassigned to a homeguard unit at Fort Jackson downriver, they are going to lock me in a casemate guarded by an evil Irish sargent named Farby. (I believe he is a member of the W.A.) They have also booked me passage on a raft with two Missouri urchins, one named Sawyer and the other Finn, and thier burley half wit named Jim. I will certainly be there Friday night but what time is anybody's guess. I am certain you will straighten this whole matter out for me on Friday. I pray that we do not pass the Fort into the lap of Porter's Mortar boats. If it appears to be happening, make diligent search in the driftwood among the barrier boom accross the river. I plan to abandon ship.

Your Obedient Servant, Private Jubal

PS I remind you (most humbly) that my reveille is at 10 AM certainly the adjutant made a transposition error in writing down your order. N'est Pas?

More from the Jubal archives in the next issue ...