"How Cold Is It ........"

An annotated thermometer

60

Californians put on sweaters (if they can find one in their wardrobe)

50

Miami residents turn on the heat

40

You can see your breath

Californians shiver uncontrollably

Minnesotans go swimming

35

Italian cars don't start

32

Water freezes

30

You plan your vacation to Australia

Minnesotans put on T-shirts

Politicians begin to worry about the homeless

British cars don't start

Your boogers freeze

25

Boston water freezes

Californians weep pitiably

Minnesotans eat ice cream

Canadians go swimming

20

You can hear your breath

Politicians begin to talk about the homeless

New York City water freezes

Miami residents plan vacation further South

15

French cars don't start

You plan a vacation in Mexico

Cat insists on sleeping in your bed with you

10

Too cold to ski

You need jumper cables to get the car going

5

You plan your vacation in Houston

American cars don't start

0

Alaskans put on T-shirts

Too cold to skate

-10

German cars don't start

Eyes freeze shut when you blink

-15

You can cut your breath and use it to build an igloo

Arkansans stick tongue on metal objects

Miami residents cease to exist

-20

Cat insists on sleeping in your pajamas with you

Politicians actually do something about the homeless

Minnesotans shovel snow off roof

Japanese cars don't start

-25

Too cold to think

You need jumper cables to get the driver going

-30

You plan a two week hot bath

The Mighty Monongahela freezes

Swedish cars don't start

-40

Californians disappear

Minnesotans button top button

Canadians put on sweaters

Your car helps you plan your trip South

-50

Congressional hot air freeze

Alaskans close the bathroom window

-80

Hell freezes over