I belong to an online homeschool support group with a membership approaching 300. The Yahoo group has a virtual format, no real world activities, just oodles of info posted primarily by its Moderator. I know it must take a fair amount of time and effort for her to compile all these resources, even if they're just cut-and-paste from other sites and emails.

I’ve occasionally posted local events on various Yahoo homeschoolers sites, but being the petty bitch that I am, I stopped wasting my time. I used to think that you could motivate others through example:

“Look, I’m gonna share a few ideas from which your family may benefit. And then, here’s the tricky part—YOU share a few ideas, too.”

But rarely was my gifting of info reciprocated or even acknowledged. I know, I know, a REAL gift doesn’t need acknowledgement. So, okay, my posts AREN’T really gifts. They were meant as a catalyst, an example, a single candle held up against the cursed darkness. My goal was to get the ball rolling, do my share, the whole “it takes a village” bullshit.

But what I think happens is, instead of inspiring other Moms to follow your example, it encourages those who do little by nature, to do nothing. Maybe these women just aren’t interested in finding new ideas for their family. But if they are, they’ll ask for help finding what they want, not search on their own. And if they DO independently stumble across anything of interest, they don’t post it. At that point, what’s in it for them?

And if you’re the type of person who instinctively shares what you know, you’ll do it without prompting like the Moderator of this large Yahoo group. Every day she sacrifices hours of her AND her family’s time on the alter of cosmic community service.

So when this Moderator needed to post yet ANOTHER request for responses to three simple, multiple choice surveys that have already run for over two months, I feel the frustration for her, since I doubt she’d concede her disappointment. None of the questions (your county, your children’s ages and gender) are gonna endanger your kids or put you on some government watch list. Believe me, your kids are always in danger in some way, shape or form and we’re all on somebody’s watch list somewhere.

Of the almost 300 members, only about 100 have taken the survey. So you gotta wonder, what’s the deal with the other two-thirds? Surely these women must enjoy all that the Moderator offers, or they’d have left the group by now. (Unless they’re too lazy to do even that.) Yet when asked for their help via three one-click answers to questions designed to benefit the group, the majority of the members remain silent.

Why is that?

I quit yet another homeschool group. Actually, it’s the same group I quit several years ago because they weren’t secular enough for me. And this time I quit just the Administration Board and Steering Committee. I decided to become “just” a member who does as much or as little as she wants and to show up or not at events.

My problem is I expect everybody to be responsible and participate in a secular atmosphere. Today. I don’t have years to wait for people to learn to sit upright by themselves. The steering committee wants to let people to do what they want if/when they want to do it. (Of course, this is the unschoolers’ mindset.) Yeah, nice work if you can get it. And they won’t use the word secular because it scares the Christians. Which was exactly my point.

Helplessness Example: Someone posts an event at a local public library. Ten minutes later, somebody else asks, "Where's that?" Now, why would that woman not take the initiative to simply Google its location? DIY! Instead she waits and sure enough, Mary Poppins posts directions. What I want to know is, if nobody had responded with the info, would the family not attend the event? And from that experience, would she learn to find her own directions or just be hurt nobody GAVE her what she asked for?

Who dresses these women in the morning? Aren’t they supposed to be adult home educators? What are they teaching their own kids when they’re too unsure of themselves to even run a fucking playdate? If a woman needs that much hand-holding, she shouldn’t be homeschooling. And their neediness will suck you dry. I know.

And the flip side, to which I can totally relate, is the neediness of the strong, supportive women to gain satisfaction, justification and a sense of superiority by pushing these women’s chests in and out. It’s a total validation/co-dependency issue. So I guess it can be a win-win situation in a sick sorta way. I know that one, too.

Shit, if I wanted to deal with idiot worms, I’d put M back into public school and join the PTA.

We’re working our way through American history. Right now we’ve migrated south from the North Eastern colonies to Maryland through Georgia. M read about the religious freedom that sent the Puritans sailing across The Pond. When we got to the first Thanksgiving, I made sure to mention the smallpox blankets.

In the south, the motivation of religious freedom had fallen by the wayside. It was all about the big three cash crop exports—corn, tobacco and indigo. And since it turned out American Indians made lousy slaves, the Europeans imported Africans.

Even though the History book concedes the annihilation of the natives and the enslavement of a people, it presents those facts without judgment. If anything, it kinda makes excuses for the white guys. Oh sorry, it’s just the nature of the beast: If we wanted something, we took it. Gosh, some things never change.

Home educating Morgan allowed him to not just learn about the pilgrims’ progress, but to freely express his disdain. I’m not sure how much contempt you’re allowed to show in a classroom of predominantly white Christians.

Okay, maybe you can pick on the colonists as Caucasians for the benefit of any racial minorities in the class, but surely not condemn them for their Christianity… Besides, are you even allowed to say “Christian” in public school?

A few days ago, I chuckled and cringed my way through the On Demand movie, Jackass 2. If you’re not familiar with the franchise, it’s basically a bunch of guys on either side of 30 who enjoy wearing Speedos, getting hurt and having objects shoved up their asses. It’s a guy thing.

Morgan and Bill had gone to see it in the movie theatre and Billy’s still bitchin’. Truth is—there ARE funny skits. Something about young men in shopping carts slamming into a wall just tickles my funny bone. But watching a guy push a large fishhook through his cheek (on his face, not his butt) is not my cup-of-tea.

Obviously I rarely censor what M watches. Other than X-rated films (that he’d had to order via PPV and I’d see on the Comcast bill), he can watch what he wants. And eventually, we’ll talk about porno, too. I pay attention to what’s on when I wander by his room and sometimes he changes the channel. He’s either watching some hottie on SPIKE or a puppet on PBS. Sooner or later, he winds up closing his door. (Something I was never allowed to do on Aldershot Rd.)

On occasion, when he’s watching a documentary about skinheads or starving children, we talk about it. If it’s one of my favorites, I give a minute movie review. But mostly, I just leave him to it. I know the influence, for better or worse, of the silver screen and video wallpaper.

But while I’m suffering through Jackass 2, I told M that it bugs me that he’s watching it. I worry that all those adolescent pranks and toilet humor will rub off on him. But, then, Hello? Morgan IS an adolescent. So when I explained that during those hours when he’s up and I’m asleep I worry that he’s doing something crazy, he said I was the crazy one.

He’s right. This is a kid who gets nervous using the microwave.

Last week I decided to write my monthly homeschool column about “Spring Cleaning” for homeschoolers. April is the time we’re all organizing our stuff for the bi-annual dog & pony review. I offered some mundane tips on time, space and paper management. Useful but not mind-altering.

What I wanted to write was:
This might be the time to honestly evaluate how well home educating is working for your entire family. What were your initial reasons and goals for homeschooling? How have those ideas been reinforced or changed? Is every day a ball of confusion?

Consider each child’s interests, goals and abilities. Are they thriving? Have they really embraced their home education lifestyle or is it still like pulling teeth? If you have a partner, how has homeschooling affected your relationship? Is he/she involved in the whole process or is he/she clueless? Are YOU stressed, depressed, inspired, happy?

Because I gotta tell you, there are families out there who should NOT be the main source of their children’s education. Period. You can call it child-directed learning la-de-da. But what I call it is doing nothing, nada.

That’s “awesome” that your 11-year-old knows how to saddle a horse. Too bad she doesn’t know how to read. Yes, you are one hip momma because you let your daughter browse fashion magazines all day. Maybe you should help her find Milan on a map. Oh, and, you’re right, your son is brilliant. Now maybe you can teach him how to carry on a coherent conversation.

Don’t get me wrong; there are families with intelligent, well-spoken, good-natured “unschooled” children. Every day those parents take the time, find the resources and make the effort to turn on their kids to the world. But some dysfunctional families are using the concept of homeschooling, especially the vapor of unschooling as a way to avoid being accountable to the world and taking on the responsibility to educate their kids. They wear their homeschooling like jewelry.

Letting a kid do what he wants all the time, let’s you off the hook to do what you want all the time.

And, Man, am I jealous!