self, indulging 



wandering through the clouds 
in my head today
wondering if i should have 
got out of bed today
wondering if life's worth living
if there's a given way to do it 
you know a way to live 
to help one to get through it
i certainly don't know how to do it

so i'm floating through these clouds 
in my head today
i'm floating
floating so far away
today

and i'm not sure where i'm going
or what i'm doing here
or if fear is the ultimate purpose 
to the point of being here
  
i am

but i question my existence

here i am
 
but i wish life weren't so damn insistent 
on me living it
you know i'm really not digging it
cos sometimes i like the woman 
in my mirror
but all too often i don't
and sometimes she smiles at me
but most times she won't
 
and i know i'm being 
existential 
and self-indulgent to the extreme it seems
but luckily
i don't give a fuck
because this is my mental hell 
and i'll cry if i want to 
do or die if i want to
i'll get by if i want to 
cos this is my really shitty  
pity-party

i should probably just have stayed 
in bed today
but instead
i'm emoting through these clouds 
in my head today
and i'm floating
 
floating so far          
away           
today

---

text © sass

time travel / midsummer madness / an ordinary woman / snake / infernal youth / air / ifs & but / heaven-sent / postcard from the ledge / cartwheels / thoughts after an accident / fall / drugstore poem / sweeping the deck / self, indulging / sterling sylvia / cultivated silence / phoenix - survivor poems / poem index