These are actual clippings from church newspapers. It's amazing what a little proof-reading would've prevented.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at The Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa. ______________ Don't forget the National PRAYER & FASTING Conference. "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals." ______________ Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the school recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King. ______________ Miss Charlene Mason sang, "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. ______________ "Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands." ______________ Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time. ______________ The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict. ______________ The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight will be: "Searching for Jesus" ______________ Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. ______________ The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy." ______________ Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you, and hopefully they will respond. ______________ Don't let worry kill you - let the Church help. ______________ Irving Benson and Jessica Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. ______________ A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. ______________ At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. ___________ Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. __________ The senior choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoy sinning to join the choir. __________ Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children. __________ The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel. __________ For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. __________ Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person(s) you want remembered. __________ Attend this meeting and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch. __________ The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility. __________ The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. __________ This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. __________ Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. __________ The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning. __________ Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 8 PM, Please use the back door. __________ The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's "Hamlet" in the Church basement on Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. __________ Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.