Mom's Lessons

What My Mother Taught Me........
     
My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

My mother taught me RELIGION -
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My mother taught me LOGIC -
"Because I said so, **that's** why."

My mother taught me FORESIGHT -
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

My mother taught me IRONY -
"Keep laughing and I'll **give** you something to cry about."

My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS -
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"
 
 My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -
 "Will you **look** at the dirt on the back of your neck!"
 
 My mother taught me about STAMINA -
 "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."
 
 My mother taught me about WEATHER -
 "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room."
 
 My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -
 "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would you listen then?"

My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -
"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - Don't Exaggerate!!!"
       
My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION -
"Stop acting like your father!"

My mother taught me about ENVY -
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have 
wonderful parents like you do!"

THANKS, MOM!