CONFESSIONS OF A SPIRITUAL TOURIST
by Michael Riversong
Our world offers a bewildering array of spiritual paths. Modern civilization is beginning to prove conclusively that any spiritual path is better than none. The results of secular humanist practices are there for all to see in every newspaper. This short record of personal experiences can hopefully provide some guidance for those who are wondering just what is out there.
One could say, "God must have loved religions -- He made so many of them". Most religious groups offer a way to improve oneself. But of course self-improvement is only part of the picture. We do best when we channel our efforts into assisting the One Who Created All Universes. Any number of personal experiences by any number of religious people will prove that.
I came into Christianity in the summer of 1966. I was saved at a small Bible-believing church north of Denver. However, this did not take hold. It turned out that this church was very corrupt. The minister and three deacons got into serious trouble for securities fraud a few years later. By accident, I later found out that this passionate but glib preacher was actually illiterate, and did not really know what the Bible said.
So I drifted into the Unitarian church during my high school years, where anything goes, psychologists were our gods, and everyone was obsessed with sex and drugs. Eventually, I became a drug addict.
Even during the ten years of my drug addiction, I was touched by the Holy Spirit. In 1975, I was saved again, and baptized at a small church in Lakewood. Right after that, I got a job as a Vacation Bible School teacher in a special program in the inner city of Denver. At that time, I was still smoking marijuana heavily, and I prayed for relief. The big mistake I made at that time, was in failing to confide in anyone else concerning my problem. One person's prayers can work, but in this case, the prayers of a group were needed, and because of my pride that was unavailable. So, after the job ended, the marijuana, as it always will do, took me on a spiral deeper into my own personal Hell. Within the next two years I became broke and homeless. Don't ever let anyone tell you that marijuana is not dangerous.
At my lowest point, the Spirit of God touched a particular woman, who rescued me off the streets and got me to a point where I could at least continue to survive in this body. Still, the marijuana took its ugly course, as I was able to hide my addiction from her most of the time, even as we got married and started a life together.
Eventually, in 1981, I drifted into a tiny Mennonite congregation in Walsenburg, Colorado. There, I played music for most Sunday services. I was also able to confide in the minister about my drug addiction. I was trying desperately to quit by then, and the prayers of that little congregation made it possible. On September 7, 1981, I smoked my last joint, and was given a clear vision of what would happen if I ever picked up the habit again.
We eventually had to leave Walsenburg, since there really was no work for me there and never would be. After we moved to Denver, a close family member got involved with a "New Age" church, rather than a conventional Christian congregation. I wanted to stay with the Mennonites, but didn't demonstrate enough strength of character to make that happen.
My experiences with New Age churches were ruinous. These groups were accepting of many different spiritual paths, but they were not accepting of my own desire to create music for the glory of God. The conflicts were disheartening, and I lost almost all the battles. Eventually, I found places to perform in metaphysical fairs. This allowed me to meet most of Colorado's active psychic counselors, and many Pagans.
In 1988, I decided to explore Paganism. While I still counted myself as a Christian, because of my heart's love for Christ, I began to attend many Pagan events, and saw firsthand what goes on among those who identify themselves as Pagans. My wife at that time went along with me on many of these excursions, but had misgivings of her own, which turned out to be well justified.
By late 1990, I was regularly performing at various public events put on by Pagans and metaphysical operatives. This led me deep into the sin of adultery, which eventually broke up our marriage. I then drifted around various Pagan groups for a couple of years, finding little comfort, no consistent spiritual practice, and a big hole in my heart where Jesus belonged.
I discovered that most Pagans really don't know what they believe. Very few had any knowledge at all concerning history and the role of various pagan religions in the past. The majority of them had bad experiences in Christian churches while very young, and they were unable to handle the idea of even attempting to walk with the Lord. This points out the importance of being open and honest with children within Christian churches.
But Paganism really doesn't exist. There are a few very small groups here and there which have put together their own doctrines and rituals, mainly salvaged from fragmentary and scattered sources. In fact, no Pagan religions managed to survive intact into the 20th century to any workable degree. So one could say that many of these people are making up their own religion, with no standards to guide them.
I also continued working with "New Age" people. The problems in that area are absolutely astounding. Many psychic counselors may say they are working for God, but again they have no standards, and no real power to help anyone get closer to the Lord. In addition, the cruelty inflicted upon artists and other members of the public by many supposedly spiritual people is absolutely unspeakable. These behaviors would never be tolerated in a good Christian congregation.
Eventually it became clear to me that Paganism was simply not workable. I studied many forms of spiritual practice, and became somewhat of an expert on religions. During that time, as I moved to Cheyenne to escape some of my Pagan "friends", I began to feel the call to contribute my music to Christian churches. So, I began a microscopic music ministry and intermittently performed for groups from many denominations. This eventually led me back to Christ, and to the realization that true happiness comes from a personal relationship with Jesus.
This happiness is not the starry-eyed "everything is wonderful" goofiness you may hear from New Agers and some Pagans. It is a quiet, continually growing realization that you are being cultivated as a servant of God. This happiness rests on the foundation of an assurance that Jesus is with us, no matter what. Many religions emphasize the constant works (rituals and good deeds) you have to do, in order to become saved in that faith. With Jesus as a guide, and standards provided by the Bible, good works just naturally evolve, and are a sign that things are right, not just the way to try and make things right.
In re-connecting with Jesus, the truth that Christianity is "not a religion, but a relationship" has really been made clear. I'm far from perfect, but every day, my old desperation, my old longings for stupid, unattainable things, and my anger are gradually being chipped away. I'm becoming more the kind of person who can do good things for God and for other people. The personal and spiritual support coming from the churches I work with is astounding. Mainly, one big worry is gone. I know for sure what direction I'm headed.