Dr. Horsheit's Psychoanalysis Quick Quiz

Directions: Answer the following questions pertaining to the psychological profiles of the characters, based on their actions in the preceding story.   Thanks to the always stunning and ever progressing technology of the Internet, your answers will be submitted for evaluation, and psychoanalysis to Dr. Albert Horsheit. M.D, resident psychiatrist at the Pleasant River Home for the Mentally Misunderstood; after which you will be diagnosed, and the results will be displayed in this browser window- all in less than two minutes, or your first two shock treatments are FREE!†

  1. Does Cap'n Jack really have a $500 wager on the game, or is this just a delusion? After all, how does a guy in the “mishuga mansion*” have cash, and how does he get in touch with his bookie?  Please explain.
  2. Ol' Man Fishman goes over to the T.V. to adjust the brightness because
    1. he believes a washed out picture is no good for the picture tube.
    2. he doesn't like football.
    3. he likes to annoy Jack.
    4. all of the above.
  3. Jack has anger management issues.
    • True
    • False
  4. Jack likes to watch sports on television because
    1. he lives vicariously through athletes, thus substituting for his own lack of competitiveness.
    2. he has an addiction to sports gambling.
    3. he doesn't have access to the porn channels.
    4. none of the above.
  5. Sam is visibly upset when Jack keels over because
    1. he is quite fond of Jack, viewing him as the big brother he never had.
    2. he has a profound fear of death.
    3. he needs Jack alive, because Jack is “in” with a guy on the hospital staff who can smuggle in “medical marijuana” for him.
    4. he is quite fond of Jack, having latent homosexual desires for him.
  6. Football is a sport for bullies.
    • True
    • False
  7. At the end of the story, Jack has the urge to smoke a banana because
    1. he now has the same urges as the baboon whose heart he has just received.
    2. he is a drugged-out, old hippie.
    3. the writer of the story couldn't come up with a better punch line.
    4. all of the above.
  8. You are filling out this quiz because
    1. You enjoy quizzes.
    2. You enjoy comic strips.
    3. You have in interest in psychology.
    4. You are a dope who has nothing better to do.

Please sign your test.
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* That's “nut house” for all you goyim out there.