Hotz blasts Clemens.  The Rocket Blasts Back.
Roger throws a bat and a shutout.
Acerbic Art and Moody Mike throw fits.

Roger Clemens barks "Kish meyn tuchas, Art Hotz!"

NEW YORK

VEN a blind squirrel finds a nut once in a while.”  This was one of the many bitter comments made by Art Hotz this past week, when confronted on his hatred of Roger Clemens, and the stellar one-hit performance given by the Yankee pitcher last Saturday (see Rocket’s Exhaust vs. Hotz’s Hot Air) against the Seattle Mariners in Game 4 of the American League Championship Series.  Obviously, there must have been two nuts laying side by side, or the squirrel has miraculously regained his site; because this Sunday night, in the Bronx, during Game 2 of the World Series against the cross-town Mets, The Rocket did it again.  Clemens blanked Met hitters, and incited Mike Piazza into throwing a “hissy-fit”.

The previous night, Hotz had been predicting gloom and doom, as the Yanks entered the the bottom of the ninth, down 3-2 to the Flushing Fags.  However, after the first out, the Bronx Bombers had bases loaded, when Hotz’s other nemesis on the Yankee team, Chuck Knoblauch, stepped up to face Met closer, and public enemy number one in Bronx county, Armando Benitez.

Hotz, yuckin' it up in the Stadium, at Knobloch's ex­pense.

Hotz’s booing, and heckling of Knoblauch, at Yankee Stadium, and the results there of, have become legendary in the past few years.  Hotz had been standing in the aisle during the bottom of the seventh inning of the first game of the 1998 Fall Classic, ranting like a lunatic, wishing nothing but evil upon the Yankee second baseman, who responded by hitting a three run homer to tie the game.  In Game 3 of the series against Atlanta last year, Hotz’s cat calls, during the Yankee eighth, resulted in a two-run shot by Knoblauch to tie that ball game.  This has led those sitting in the stands with Hotz to encourage him to shout out insults each and every time Knoblauch comes to the plate.  Saturday night they told him to not spare any of his poisonous-barbs, and heckle Knoblauch with all of his black heart.

Indeed, already overcome by feelings of desperation, coupled with the dim beacon of hope, and the wearing down of his voice, Hotz dropped “The Bomb!” and shouted, “I hope you get brain cancer!”  At that moment, Knoblauch hit a long fly ball to Joe McEwing in left field, deep enough to allow Paul O’Neill, at third base, to tag, and score the tying run.  The Gambling Jew had done it again.

The Yankees would go on to win Game 1 in exiting fashion, with an RBI single by unlikely hero, journeyman infielder, Jose Vizcaino.  Upon leaving the Stadium, Hotz commented that the Yanks needed to win that game, because they were going to lose the next night; due to the fact that Clemens was scheduled as the starting pitcher for the Bombers.  However, it seems that another one of Hotz’s enemies is having continued success.

Look out!  He's got a club!!

After narrowly avoiding an ugly incident over a misunderstanding concerning the discarding of the moody Mike Piazza’s broken bat, Clemens went on to pitch another masterpiece, pitching a two-hit shutout through eight innings.  Although Clemens showed no signs of wear, manager Joe Torre did not allow him to start the ninth, fearing the possibility of another confrontation with Piazza, due up second in the inning.  Instead, he brought in Jeff Nelson, followed by the usually reliable Mr. Automatic, closer Mariano Rivera, who combined to surrendered five Met runs before shutting the Mets down.  The Yankee bullpen turned what should have been a 6-0 blank, which would have sent the Queers back to Queens with the feeling of total dejection, and thoughts of suicide, into a close, 1 run, skin-of-the-teeth win for the Yanks, giving the Mets a glimmer of false hope going home for the next three games.

Art Hotz has not yet been reached for a comment concerning Clemens triumph.  However, a source, who attended Sunday night’s game, and wishes to remain anonymous, has accused Piazza of using a half-way sawed through, breakaway bat in the first inning.  This same source said that he had drank quite a bit of alcohol, and inhaled a controlled substance prior to the game.  Said source also thought that the Budweiser blimp was an extra-terrestrial spacecraft, carrying Amazon women from the planet Brewjugs, bearing beer and breasts.  He is now resting comfortably in the Pleasant River Home For the Mentally Misunderstood.