Rocket’s Exhaust vs. Hotz’s Hot Air
Roger One Hits Mariners; Art Doesn’t Care.

Roger Clemens, and his battery-mate, Jorge Posada, celebrate a one hit victory over Seattle.  Art Hotz is pissed.

SEATTLE

RT Hotz had said it was the worse trade the New York Yankees had ever made: David Wells for Roger Clemens.  He was perhaps proven wrong on Saturday night, when Clemens threw a gem of a game at Seattle’s Safeco Field; totally dominating the Mariners’ batting order, who seemed as clueless at the plate as an Arkansas tourist looking at a New York City Subway map.  Roger The Rocket held Seattle hitless with only one walk going into the seventh inning.  That inning, he surrendered a leadoff double to Al Martin (no relation to Billy), and a walk to the helmet headed John Olerud (on whom Hotz has wished brain cancer).  Yet, Clemens quickly recovered, striking out the side, and continuing his dominance; pitching perfect innings in the eighth, and ninth.  The result was a 5-0 shutout, which gave the Yanks a 3-1 lead in the American League Championship Series, and put them one win away from returning to the Fall Classic.

Art Hotz (file photo)

Said long time Yankee fan, Nino Prita, “I was glued to the television set every time the Rocket took the mound.  In all my 25 some odd years of watching baseball, this was the most brilliant outing by pitcher in the post-season that I can remember watching.  Yeow, I think I’ll have another bong hit.”  Prita then proceeded to do just that.

Art Hotz was unavailable for comment, though it is believed he was at a T.T. Quick show on Long Island, and didn’t even see the game.  One source indicated that Hotz is pissed; and that he still thinks Clemens is a bum, and is the worst acquisition in Yankee history, even if he pitches a perfect game in the World Series this year.  It is also rumored that Hotz has wished ovarian cancer on Clemens’ wife, and spina bifida on his children.

If the Yankees advance to the World Series this year, Hotz plans to be in attendance for Game One, in the Bronx.  It is believed that he will wish various diseases on the various players from both clubs, as well as the umpires.  Unless Clemens starts that game for the Bombers, he will reserve the bulk of his venom for Yankee second-baseman Chuck Knoblauch.