The View From the Outback

• Thoughts While Staring at the Ceiling Fan
• Let's All Make Fun of the Dumb Guy From Texas
• Our Long National Nightmare is Over? For You Maybe
• Elton John, Political Pundit/Druggie/Drunk/Compulsive Spender
• The Fall TV Season
• How many Gigabytes in Your Brain?

News Flash! The 50/50 tie in the Senate is broken. It is now 51/49 in favor of Republicans. NBC News on Dec. 15 showed a photo of (R) Sen. Joe Biden. This means that good old Joe finally got some sense and switched from his long affiliation as a Democrat. Democratic Sen. Biden was one of the few Dems who used to write me thoughtful letters when I was writing in major newspapers on the subject of gun crime/gun control. Another scoop for NBC! ........... Oh, Rats! On the West Coast edition of the news (three hours later), NBC correctly identified (D) Sen. Joe Biden, as a Democrat. April fool from Rockefeller Center! Still. New rule. No more Cocaine in the news room. And everyone gets a C-SPAN Congressional Directory, with pictures, for Christmas.

The TV show "Jeopardy!" may be nearing the end of its life. After years of not knowing the answer to more than one or two questions per show, I now find that I know three to five answers that stump the contestants. It appears that many of the memory freaks they have on the show are lacking in real-world experience and unmindful of many things going on around them. If it is not in a book in the Reference section of the library, they often seem to be lost. How can I respect a program where I actually know some of the answers?

For a long time, I have been puzzled by the CD-ROM disks that are advertised as for "Audio." Like many, I thought that perhaps you had to have one of those to make a copy of a music CD on your computer. Finally, the dawn has come, while making audio CD copies for my new pickup-truck's CD player. Any good-grade CD-ROM that you use in your CD-R drive to back up data or store graphic files will work to make a copy of an audio CD. If you have a dedicated CD-ROM copy machine (not part of your computer setup) you must use the "Audio Only" CD-ROM disks. The dedicated machines require a copy-protection code to be recorded onto the duplicate from the original disk. This prevents making a copy of a copy. Hope that helps and not confuses. The Audio Only disks are more expensive. The moral of the story is don't buy a dedicated CD-ROM copy machine. Use the CD-R(W)drive in your computer. And use CD-R, not CD-RW disks. Then, when you sit on a copy of a CD in your car or truck and smash it, you can make another copy for less than a buck.

I knew that the whole Florida vote-counting thing was a political and legal farce when the Dems and pundits started making cruel and disparaging remarks about Katherine Harris, the Florida Secretary of State. She was simply doing her sworn duty. As to her appearance, which was the subject of some attack; she can come here and allow me to punch her chad anytime. And there would be no dimpled chad.

Wouldn't it be interesting if President Bush nominated Judge Robert Bork for the first opening on the Supreme Court. Surely, the Senate would not screw this brilliant man two times in a row.

In a rare happening, something profound took place on "Saturday Night Live" a few weeks ago. The host, a young white female star, whom I had never heard of, was introduced as hailing originally from South Africa. A black cast member said to her, "Then, you are an African- American." You think about that for a long, long time. This hyphenated-American thing is ridiculous. On Dec. 15, the "NBC Nightly News" described Gen. Colin Powell as an African- American. The general was born in New York of parents who had immigrated from Jamaica. If one reads the following excerpt from the Encarta Encyclopedia correctly, General Powell may have descended from Native American stock instead of African stock. Isn't it all ridiculous? As Whoopi Goldberg says, "Just call me an American." Or in the case of Powell, "Just call me Mr. Secretary." Members of the Arawak tribe, an important group of the Arawakan linguistic stock of Native North Americans, were the aboriginal inhabitants of Jamaica (the Arawakan word Xaymaca, meaning "isle of springs").

Let's All Make Fun of the Dumb Guy From Texas

The ink was not even dry on Al Gore's concession speech when the Bush Bashing got started in earnest. The late night shows are off and running with their usual tasteless banter and ridicule. But, a lot of folks are going to be eating some Texas BBQ (we don't eat Crows here) before all is said and done.

By many accounts, Ronald Reagan was an intellectual dufus. Yet, he is considered by a majority of Americans, even some of his early detractors, to have been a great president. What did he have? He had a vision of where he wanted the country to go and of its place in the world. He picked competent people and delegated responsibilities to them. He made tough decisions when needed. He had charm, charisma, and a folksy way of communicating. And he had integrity! Does this sound familiar? George W. Bush has those same qualities.

My business mentor, who once taught at the Harvard "B" school, told me long ago that it is easier to manage a large company than a small one. Why? Because in a big company, you can hire people and delegate most of the responsibility for day-to-day operations. This leaves you time to reflect on the big picture - and shmooze the investors (the public) and the Wall Street types (the Congress).

In Philadelphia, in my misspent youth as an ATF agent, we had a boss who had not been an investigator. He came from the group that oversaw the legal distilleries. At a gripe session one day, someone questioned his fitness to lead a bunch of people who were trying to convict the Mafia and others of complex Federal crimes. Frank drew himself up to his full cherubic grandeur - and with a smile said, "You don't have to be a whore to manage a whore house." Ouch! End of discussion.

So, watch for President Bush to surround himself with competent people who are not afraid to bring the boss bad news. It matters not that he knows the exact dollar figure of the surplus, or which Owl is endangered in some woods in Oregon. It will only matter that he seeks good counsel, listens well, and decides wisely. You can count on that. He will not be scheduling the White House tennis court, as I recall was the practice of Jimmy Carter. Nor, will he be shaking his finger at the American public on TV as he tells a monumental lie.

Do not forget that Jimmy Carter was a peanut farmer and governor of a relatively small state. Bill Clinton's experience of being governor of Arkansas was equated by many as about as tough as managing a few Wal-Mart stores. Neither man disgraced himself in office - as a politician. So, lighten up on the Bush-is-a-dufus theme. It will not fly in the long run.

Why don't all you sore losers on the Left Coast and in the Eastern Media Establishment, and you mean-spirited children in the late night entertainment media (Leno, Letterman, Bill Maher, Dennis Miller, et al.) stop making outrageous slanders about President-elect George W. Bush. Someday, Tim Russert of Cokie Roberts will be quoting those things to you on the air and asking you to explain yourself in light of the commendable record which by then President Bush will have attained.

Our Long National Nightmare is Over ? For You Maybe

In his concession speech, which has been hailed as "the speech of his life," Al Gore quoted Senator Stephen Douglas telling Lincoln "Partisan feeling must yield to patriotism." Later, Gore said, "This is America and we put country before party." What a hypocrite! A little late, Mr. Gore. You caused more harm to the elective process, the judicial system, and to the psyche of the American public than anyone in modern political life. You "yielded to patriotism" only when there was not the slightest chance you could get selected votes recounted to your benefit. To those who said it was the "speech of your life," I would suggest that it was an attempt to paint your despicable acts of self-centered desperation in a favorable light in history. We don't buy that here in the Outback. The wounds are too deep to heal them with one application of a "soothing salve."

I realize that half of those who voted did cast their ballot for Gore - and they are passionately Liberal and on his side, no matter what he does. I still have a hard time understanding this passion for Liberalism, but then I never did understand Communists either - as I traveled the world helping in my small way to thwart their plans to enslave the world. I'm sure they meant well, too - and thought their cause was righteous.

But, as a patriotic American who served his country during two wars, once in the Marines, once in the CIA in SE Asia, and as a former Federal Agent and a law grad, I was so traumatized by Mr. Gore's attempt to use lawyers and the courts to undo an election, that I quit watching TV news and reading political news in the papers. It simply made me sick to my stomach, and I was angry and depressed that he could be so self-centered to ignore the damage he was causing to our institutions. Only on the night of December 13th could I bring myself to watch the news. Even then, I was so disgusted with Al Gore, that I could not bear to hear him utter another lying/hypocritical word on TV. I downloaded the text of his speech - just so I could quote his hypocrisy. I am suffering from post-election trauma syndrome. As are many Americans.

All of you who voted for Gore, please sit back and work through the "shyster" machinations he and his band of gangsters (so-called by a big-name Democrat) forced on this nation. Can you honestly say that what he did was the right and honorable thing? And adding insult to injury was using Mr. Daley as the point man; the son of a man who in Chicago made the saying "vote early and often" part of our culture of political shame. The election was not stolen. It was simply screwed up beyond comprehension. Al Gore and Bill Clinton should be relegated to a special section in the history books of politicians who always put their own need for power above the needs of the country with their credo of "Win at any cost. The country be damned!"

Only a couple of good things came of all this. Maybe more people will vote next time. Maybe there will be serious election reform, including more use of technology to ensure that the voter is who he or she says they are - and that the votes cast are unequivocal and not subject to judicial review. As the Supreme said on more than one occasion during this fiasco. "The rules used ought to be those in effect at the time of the election." As I mentioned earlier, here in the Outback, we still vote by filling in the ovals with a #2 pencil. That is an invitation to fraud. Pathetic!

Since the Congress is always finding ways to meddle in our business by using and stretching the "Interstate Commerce Clause" et al., perhaps they should pass legislation mandating a universal "smart card" and electronic readers (with encryption and backups and backups) to vote. They use electronic voting cards on the Hill to vote on bills, by the way. Duh. Is it too hard to craft a law to expand that nationwide? You now can stick your credit card into a gas pump and it bills you for the gas you use. Duh. The ATM machine gives you money when you insert your card and press your private code. It also takes your picture. Duh. Is it more important to have secure cards and photos to withdraw $20 from a machine or to cast a valid vote? Is it so difficult to make a universal voting card? I think not.

Use the money for the Peanut subsidy or some government program to study the mating habits of mice in an obscure woods to fund this program. Florida and others are calling for election reform. Forget about it working unless there is a universal set of national rules and some sort of uniform ID.

And I repeat my disgust for the media trying to "call" elections. It serves no public good. Once again, I would like to see everyone prohibited by law from taking "exit polls" or otherwise trying to predict the outcome of an election, until all polls are closed. A universal poll-closing-time will help.

Elton John, Political Pundit/Druggie/Drunk/Compulsive Spender

Anyone who reads this column knows how livid I was during the campaign about celebrities making wild political pronouncements concerning our campaign and/or Gov. Bush. I singled out Elton John, who is not even a U.S. citizen. Can you imagine a famous American celebrity trashing Tony Blair or some member of the House of Lords in the midst of a British election? Very bad taste. Now, we learn more than we care to about Elton's former male lover, his alcohol and drug excess, and his preposterous expenditures of money for things like flowers. Elton was described as "incandescent with rage" at the disclosures. Poor baby.

In a court, a witness is allowed to be impeached by referring to things in his or her background that might cast doubt on their credibility. There ought to be a credibility test before celebrities are quoted in any media on any subject. Columbia School of Journalism take note. New class segment: "How to evaluate and generally dismiss the maniacal outbursts of celebrities who are impaired by drugs, alcohol, or stupidity."

The Fall TV Season

Due to my truck accident and other factors, I was unable to write a TV review earlier. Most critics I have seen are rather effeminate snobs whose opinion is seldom very close to what mainstream America thinks. So, why not some thoughts from the Outback? From our panel of experts.

"Boston Public" is the best new drama in a long time.(*Note:) The reality of trying to teach in some of today's big-city schools is brought home with a vengeance. Talking with a teacher in Germany on the ham-radio today, I noted that two of the toughest jobs in America are being a cop or a teacher in a big-city school. This show is simply raw emotion. It is really too complex and compelling to describe in easy terms. Catch it if you can stand the reality it presents. The only question we are left with is why any of the teachers, the principal, or the vice-principal would continue to work in such a hostile and thankless environment. Kids spitting on teachers, a lawsuit a day, and on and on. Award winning, for sure.

The "Michael Richards Show" was doomed from the first episode. Don't they show the pilots to real people (outside of Hollywood or Burbank)?

I mentioned John Goodman and the gay show "Normal Ohio" in an earlier column. It is cancelled. Here's our view. Most gay men are attractive men. Probably even the gays couldn't take the corpulent, oafish Goodman portraying one of them.

"DAG" may be next. This show features two black Secret Service agents who act more like they are Step n' Fetchit than Federal agents. Even given that this show is supposed to be a comedy, the portrayal demeans blacks, and it surely demeans the fine men and women of the Secret Service, many of whom I have known over the years. Delta Burke is mildly amusing as the First Lady. In short, this show has nothing to offer. Adios!

In case you looked for "Censored" and could not find it (why would you want to?), it suddenly showed up in the program guide as "The Weber Show." By any name, it is an aimless mess. Doctors must be agitated at the bumbling fool doctor portrayed by Chris Elliott on the show. They could change the name again to "The Greatest Show on Earth." It would not matter. Not long for this world.

"Welcome To New York" should be put on life support. Christine Baranski (as Marsha), who carried the "Cybil" show with her biting Maryann character, is up to her old bitchy tricks - and is a middle-aged Fox for sure. But, the supporting cast is so weak that she should sue for non-support. The black news anchor is such a lightweight that he could not hold down a memo on the desk in a light breeze. Sarah Gilbert, as the assistant Amy, is a whining, disheveled mess. The weather man, a Midwesterner tossed into the TV jungle in the Big Apple leaves us in the Outback with no sympathy for him. Send him back to Indiana. We long for Christine (Maryann of "Cybil") and her vituperative verbal attacks in absentia of "Doctor Diiick." That was classic TV.

"The Geena Davis Show" has two things going for it: Geena's short skirts and her charming, infectious self. But, those alone will not keep the show alive. There is no chemistry between Geena and her soon-to-be husband on the show. The sardonic, wise-ass future stepson brings to the show a bit of reality as to how hard it is to marry into a family and deal with stepkids. I will miss Geena. She is simply adorable. But, we think the end may be near.

"Bette," with the Divine Miss M playing herself, has so much potential. Bette Middler is a unique talent. Already the on-screen husband has been sacked (according to reports). We could simply not imagine the Divine One being married to such a nerd. Apparently we were not alone. We hope that "Bette" survives. Delicious potential, as yet not completely realized.

We continue to wonder why people watch "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?" You could fix dinner or take a shower in the time it takes these people to agonize over an answer. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz! As we predicted in a much earlier column, petals are falling from the Millionaire Rose. We told them not to bet the farm on the thing.

They say that "Frazier" is taking audience share from "Dharma And Greg." Not around here. We tape "Frazier" and watch D & G, which has yet to plumb the full depths of the wonderful contrast between the country-club Montgomeries and the hippie Finkelsteins. Some great moments here.

"Spin City" does not seem to have lost a step with the departure of Michael J. Fox. It may even be better. This proves that good writing is the essence of a show. Actors are expendable in many cases. One has only to remember Shelley Long from "Cheers" and David Caruso from "NYPD Blue" to make that point.

"Just Shoot Me" and "Friends" seem to be able to sustain the level they need to attract a good audience here. Although, the panel would not miss David Schwimmer on "Friends." His work seems so strained and artificial.

"Ally McBeal" seems to have gotten back on track, although they have too many lawsuits about people who were fired for being gay, fat, a virgin, or whatever. The writers need to open another law book and find some drama in some other phases of the law. Sad that Robert Downey, Jr. may be going back in the slammer. He and Ally deserve each other and were getting along famously. Oh, well. Sometimes make-believe has to take a back seat to real life.

We can't watch all of them here in the Outback. There's chopping wood, sloppin' the hogs, and rebuilding the engine in the pickup to attend to. But, from time to time, we may gather the "panel" together to report on some other shows. The simple fact is: we are right more often than the millionaire program heads. NBC is changing programming horses again. They ought to run this stuff by the panel here in the Outback. It would save them a lot of development costs - and some inflated salaries. It is hard to judge the pulse of America from the Four Seasons restaurant or in a hot tub in Malibu.

* Note: Many of us in the Outback have quit watching "West Wing" (another first-rate drama) because of the outrageous outbursts against Gov. Bush by Martin Sheen, and the fact that the show appears to be a bully pulpit for Liberal/Democratic issues. We have had quite enough of Hollywood Liberals, thank you.

How Many Gigabytes in Your Brain?

When I taught computer classes I made an analogy between the human brain and RAM (Random Access Memory) in computers. The brain and RAM are your mental scratchpad, where all the calculating goes on. If your brain is disabled, through death, injury, or perhaps a stroke, before you write down what thoughts you had - the information is gone forever. If your computer crashes before you save the information contained in RAM to a hard drive, or other permanent media, you loose the information.

Now, there is information about how the brain processes memory (long and short term). In a computer, we have a FAT, a File Allocation Table, which assigns the material in memory to a specific portion of the hard drive. If that table gets corrupted, your files become jumbled. In the brain, one portion processes information and decides whether to store it in short-term or long-term memory. If it is something you need remember only for today (your grocery list), the information gets filed in short term. If it is information that you will need over the long haul (your phone number), it gets stored in long-term memory. Only God knows how this works, as scientists are just now figuring out that it does in fact happen.

In memory loss, your short-term memory is usually the first victim. Something happens to your File Allocation Table that causes the short-term memories not to be filed at all. You may be able to remember who sat next to you in 3rd grade, but cannot remember where you put your glasses 10 minutes ago.

There are some techniques to improve your memory. One is to write things down and say them to reinforce them. My short-term memory is very fragile at times, as I find myself wandering into the bathroom when I started out to look for something in the closet. And so on. Yet, my long-term memory is nearly scary. I can remember conversations verbatim from 30 to 40 years ago, and what I had to eat in a restaurant in Belgium 30 years ago. Where is all this stuff stored?

When I am on the ham radio, I write down the callsign of the station, the operator's name and date/time. Then, I type the same information into my computer log, and I say the callsign and name several times during an extended on-air conversation. A day later, I may be talking to a friend and rattle off that I talked with IK1FLF, Fernanda in Italy, at 2248 UTC. Yet, I will get up and forget that I parked in back of the building instead of the front. So repetition is important. Note taking and lists are vital. And vocalizing helps. "I laid my keys on the kitchen counter," and so on.

But the real question for science to answer is: How many Gigabytes of information can the average human brain hold? And what is the breakdown between short-term and long-term storage? Give this some thought - if you can remember the question 20 minutes from now. Get back to me as soon as you have the answer, so we can share the Nobel Prize for Science.

COPYRIGHT 2000 Richard C. Rhodes

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