There's probably quite a few renditions of this one but I was there for this and this is how I remember it.  We had a cook and I use that term very loosely, called "Willy Lump-lump"....as I say he really wasn't much of a cook and we didn't have him very long just someone to throw some shit together while the real cooks, Prok and Shaky rested.  Willy was known to imbibe a bit - imbibe hell - you couldn't get near him with an open flame!  He figured that if we were in port he should be ashore not having to stand any
damn duty to cook for the watch section!  Matter of fact, he'd sit at the foot of the ladder in the after battery,  in dress canvas, smoking, just waiting to go ashore - of course not cooking a damn thing!  If the duty officer wanted anything, the stewards could give him some of the adobo shit they always cooked up there - and the crew could fend for themselves.  He'd sit there and everytime someone would say "...hey Willy - what's for chow?"...he'd look up, take a big drag and say...."....cake and cock and we're all out of cake!"....where he got that saying I don't have a clue, but
as I say, I heard him say it and this is my rendition of the story.....Hotch

 

We had another cook aboard and this one wasn't too bad of a cook.  His name was John Drylie, CS1(SS) at that time.  John was also known to take a drink every now and again (don't know what it is with the cooks, but) and this is a "no shitter" - he's the ONLY guy I ever saw get a haircut laying down!
He'd go ashore, make arrangements for a haircut while he was putting 'em down like they had to turn the bottles in for refills - he'd finally fall over - they'd get him to a bunk or a couch - the barber would arrive and commence to cut, rolling his head around and turning him over to get the back done - hell, it never turned out too bad and John didn't give a shit anyway.  It was prepaid and he didn't have to wait in any line!

 Hotch