Interview With A Satanist
RENEE: So, Mizz, what religion were you brought up in, & did you ever have any spiritual experiences
in that religion?
MIZZ: No religion really, just a vague exposure with God somewhere in the background.
I can recall my Mom listening to Christian songs on the radio, and even her scolding me for mocking some of the words of one.
I was, of course, pleased to get a rise out of her. I recall being in a Catholic Church once for Easter service. My
Mom told me that my sister and I went to a Sunday school class and I asked the Nuns rather shocking questions. She said
I thought it was stupid and didn't care to go back. The other religious thing I can remember is a small plaster religious
icon altar my Nana had. It was purchased at some theater where this man told of his experience on the battlefield as
a solder and saw this vision of Christ. There was a cut out in the altar back and a candle was placed in front of it so the
light would show thru on to a wall, reproducing the man's vision of the face of Christ. As kids, of course, we thought
this was ookie spooky cool, especially with a story behind it and the artifact that reproduced it. I do recall my Nana praying
to herself. She also read tea leaves and threw salt over her shoulder when it spilled. She was a character. That was
the extent of my young exposure to anything religious. Virtually nil. My sister and I dabbled in the occult a bit as pre-teens,
the usual astrology, witchcraft and especially the Ouija board. We would make our own Ouija planchettes and this way
the spirits had different names. Rojan was one of the favorites and the most cooperative. Most of the rest swore and
talked nonsense. We read somewhere that a water glass could be used as a planchette. We tried it and asked
the name of the spirit. It said, "The Devil." We didn't care for that so we put the Ouija board away for a time,
but when we took it back out to use it, none of the planchettes would work for us. My sister was very good at the Ouija,
sometimes working it by herself. However, after putting the board away, we tried it after that on many occasions and
it never worked for us again. My sister and mother were receptive to spirits which were in a few of the houses we lived in.
Some of the manifestations were pleasant like the scenting of perfume and "good feelings" coming over them. One was
particularly disturbing in that they both had separate "visions" of a man standing behind them holding something small, wrapped
and dripping wet. He was smiling an odd smile and they got the alarming feeling of murder about it. I did not share
their experiences, but was exposed to the effects these had upon them. In some houses we experienced knocking on our
bedroom doors. My first religious experience was when, as a teen, I read the Bible. It was all right, and in fact, the
Hell part was ok with me, but when I came to Revelation it had quite an impact upon me. I thought it was very unfair
that God would send a time to hurt everyone. I didn't think I had done anything bad enough to deserve such treatment.
I cried and was depressed for a few days, but teenagers are resilient and I eventually put it away as nonsense or as something
I could do nothing about anyway, so why worry? Sort of a pragmatic reasoning, like Scarlett O'Hara's in Gone With the
Wind. I don't know if you can call this a religious experience or not, but I still recall it today, as I never told any of
my family about it. I must have been only 4 or 5 years old. I was climbing the stairs alone into an attic room
that was our play room. A voice spoke my name and said something loud and clear to me. I was so frightened that
I ran back downstairs to be with adults. It wasn't a threatening voice that I can recall, but I know it scared me because
there was no one around who could have said it. I was also so frightened that I do not even recall what it said.
RENEE: What religions have you dabbled in or studied as an adult? (You can share whatever you like about
your religious experiences in various religions)
MIZZ: I did mention I studied the occult when I was a teen,
that resurgence of it in the 60's, but nothing really stuck. I was always my own person, fiercely individual even to
the point of spiting myself. Always had a will from day 1 that just wouldn't quit or submit. When I was 25, there came a
time when I felt very alone and that life was difficult to deal with. I suppose if Yahweh God was going to get a shot
at me, he decided he had better take advantage of it. The odd and unique impresses me. I had the TV on as I was
working in a room as a Maid at the Tan-Tar-A Resort. What should be on but the Christian's answer to the Rocky
Horror Picture Show: Jim & Tammy Baker's PTL Club! Nothing about it really got my attention except Tammy's drag
queen makeup job. Until they began blubbering and I mean actually crying tears and sobbing on TV about lost souls.
Well, this did get my attention and I did "the deed" as I call it and went through the salvation routine. I took this
conversion very much to heart and studied diligently on my own, young hippie as I was living in my school bus.
I prayed for a mate and I know absolutely, even now, that it was a direct answer to prayer. My husband was
such a perfect vehicle to reinforce what was to be 9 years of slavery in the Christian religion. Such a superb plan
God has with himself as the warden and the husband as the jailer. It didn't seem that way at first, so excited I was
about my new church and godly life. I attended church 3 times a week, taught Sunday school and VBS, AWANA, evangelized,
studied the Bible. This was my recreation. The rest of my time was spent mostly alone on our farm in obedience to my
husband and that reinforced by my obedience to God. Don't get the idea that I was sweet about the entire thing.
He and I were always at odds. This all might have worked if I had actually made any friendships with my church crowd.
The thing was, I didn't like them, mainly because it appeared that they were all putting on the same front I was. Despite
my activity, I had to finally face the fact that not only hadn't I come to know God or have a personal relationship with him,
but that what I did know, I didn't like any better than his people. Ding ding ding! Something was WRONG with this picture.
However, it was not so easy to escape. My self-confidence had fled me during my dependence upon my husband and I was
actually afraid what would happen if I left God too. Well, a trapped animal can do nothing else but growl and bear its
teeth. Anger and defiance were natural routes. I used black magic, Wicca and other occult arts to develop my psychic
sense and break my Christian bonds, as well as improve my confidence.
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During this period I had great success in
meditation practices, and as I describe them now to dedicated Buddhists and others, I find that I was advanced. I was
strongly drawn to Aleister Crowley and his philosophy of Thelema; that of the expression of will as the primary force in one's
life. It seemed ready made. I practiced ceremonial magic for a while with satisfying results and felt a real connection
with the cosmos and real power in my life to not only enjoy it, but do just as I pleased with it. Crowley was my first exposure to formal Satanic thought and ideology. I consider him
my spiritual father. I had read the Satanic Bible and other LaVey books, but I saw an anger in them I didn't quite care
for. Their rituals also seemed too dependent on Christianity, even though they were blasphemous.
drew you to Satan?
MIZZ: I have always lived a Satanic lifestyle. Always
having to go against the grain, doing things my own way. But there was nothing of deity in it. I was my own deity.
What drew me to Satan was that he came to me in personal revelation, but first he had to get my attention. I am not
an easy person to impress, especially as far as ideals or "heroes" go and I was certainly very unreceptive to anything to
do with the Gods. Before he came to me I had fallen pretty low as far as human beings go once they have come to
see that life is futile and lose interest in everything. Apathy and caring about nothing is probably the
closest that one can come to being dead, a non-person. On one of the last few days of Jan 2004 I received a ZAP
of Kundalini energy that rocked my psyche into a place between the worlds. I had no idea what I was experiencing.
It was awesome, but frankly, I thought I had ventured into mental illness. Later on I read about it and found out from a Buddhist
that this is a result of Tantric Yoga, which I had never done, nor had done anything remotely spiritual for a couple years,
not even meditation. Think of a Lotus blossom being dynamited open. My creative writing ability which had been
dead for years was a sudden a driven compulsion. A character began to figure very strongly in my writing. Yes.
I began visiting Satanic websites, though all I could find was Modern/atheistic Satanism, on the rationale that I was doing
"research" for my writing. Then the realization came over me. "Nah," I told myself. "It couldn't be.
Satan? But that seems so silly." It was anything but silly. I had not read a book for years, except maybe
one on cooking or gardening, now my lust for knowledge is insatiable. My sex drive had been gone for about two years.
Hello! It returned with a vengeance. I stopped watching TV. Conversations with him began and strong visualizations
and I don't mean in my head, more like a thought projection standing before you with substance. I was compelled
to take care of my health and pursue this further. Old habits fell away as if they didn't exist. I have bitten
my nails all my life down to the quick. They are still long. The personality change was the most striking alteration
and noticeable by others. I renewed broken love relationships and they have become more than I dreamed they could.
Well this has turned into my testimony of being saved Satanically, so I'll leave off. The answer to the question
is that he personally drew me.
RENEE: What do you believe about Satan as a person/god/angel? Is he bad, good,
both, beyond that? How much power does Satan have? What is his best feature in your experience?
MIZZ: I am open to all speculation and further personal revelation regarding Satan. I have recently
questioned my view. If he was God's created supreme angel I think he is admirable and brave to pit himself against such power
over, as I see it, a disagreement on management and decisions regarding man. Because I see evidence of his
mighty power and work in the world I have come to know him as a God in his own right. He is at least equal, if not more
powerful than Yahweh. Also because of my personal experience and observance of his work in the world I believe he is
good, if not better than Yahweh. Satan is a humanitarian God; pro-human. He believes in us and our abilities and
potential. Yahweh has already made it clear that he does not and says we can only be worth anything by taking
on his mind and spirit and repressing most of our human desires. Satan is also capable of evil and cruelty, but so is
Yahweh, so I have no problem reconciling that. I do have a problem with other Satanists seeing only one side of him,
that he is ONLY evil. I think this is limiting him by their narrow perceptions. Satan has many aspects to his
character. Satan's best feature, and I assume you mean quality of character, is his superior ability to interact with
man on an individual basis. This quality of communication and closeness is key in the life of a Theistic Satanist.
Running right along side this is his diversity. Amazing diversity.
RENEE: What is the main thing Satan gives you?(for
example, inspiration, excitement, and understanding)
MIZZ: Narrowing this down to a main gift is quite difficult
because he fills so many of my needs and addresses each one with care and attention. If Satan is anything, he is thorough.
I would say what stands out as the most vital that overshadows everything is his guidance. He knows what to do and in
what direction you need to go. He guides us to needed knowledge, toward situations, people, indicates our priorities,
and helps us become aware of personal and psychological issues one needs to deal with. So many doors he has opened and
avenues he offers. I am left speechless.
RENEE: What do you think Satan wants the world to know about him? If you
were to speak for Satan, what do you think he would want you to say?
MIZZ: I think you've got me on that question. I do know that he wants the world to know the truth about
himself and more importantly, the truth about the enslaving Yahweh. The Christian warning that "Satan's most valuable
ploy is making the world think that he does not exist," is an astute one. I realize they are speaking about unbelief,
but I see this as somewhat true. He does work in the background not requiring the recognition that Yahweh does.
Yet I see Satan and his work in most of the world's religions, in science, literature, art, philosophy. I see his unique
stamp everywhere. The point is that his way is not just one single way. He is diverse and can appeal to many and
on a level that Yahweh cannot begin to touch. Ask a Christian if they ever hear God talk back to them in fluent conversation.
The answer is, of course, no. Ask them if their faith requires the restraint of their nature, even if it seems for no
good reason. It does. Ask them if they can interject some of their own ideas into their faith and walk that might
oppose the Bible. Not likely. There you are. Satan has faith in man and he thinks man is just fine, though sees we have
fallen behind in the work upon ourselves that needs doing. He is all too aware of man's penchant to depravity.
God has absolutely no faith in us, given us up. In his opinion there is not one good thing in us, nothing that we can
do that will matter and that we must be entirely controlled and possessed by his mind and spirit. Satan disagrees.
Satan wants us to realize that he did free us and he desires greatly for us to know about ourselves, our latent powers and
get to work on them.
The world does need to know that this mighty God Satan, who is most likely
our creator, wants to lead us to full knowledge about ourselves, our personal power and how to work together. The Bible
is correct, man is of his Father the Devil. I am not certain how this will be accomplished, but I do know that it must
start with his believers and followers. We must develop our own abilities and psychic powers and begin affecting the
spirit in our communities and the world. As individuals we are not a fully formed Venus on the half shell.
We are expected to work at it. Satan guides and does empower as well as inspire, but it is man's responsibility to work
with what we have and emerge from the predicament we seem to have gotten ourselves into. Otherwise how can we become
strong and know that it is our accomplishments that will affect this. I believe in the organization of Satanists into
groups, in the hope that we can still hold our differing views of faith and yet still work together. I have nothing
against denominationalism as long as our goals are the same.
RENEE: How is Satan a lover to you? You feel his love daily? (Explain here whatever you feel you want to.)
MIZZ: Satan is a lover to me in two ways. First as a God, he is the lover of my
soul. The love I feel from him and that wells up and fills my heart is sometimes unbelievable strong, causing me to
experience great joy. One of his goals for me is to develop the part of me that can feel, receive and give love to other
human beings. Something that I have shunned and at a level at which I believed I was incapable. He has created
in me an inspiration toward humanitarian efforts and caring more about people as individuals. I have been told by some
that I may be called as a minister of the faith to others. I have a long way to go in that and many other respects to
realize my full potential. I am certainly no Mother Theresa, but for MizzCrowley, the Queen of will and self-worship
it is no less than a miracle. I credit Satan for showing me this love of his and thereby making me willing to develop
areas where I have lack. Yes, I feel his love daily, as well as his presence. It is energizing, inspiring
The second way
Satan is a lover is not uncommon in Theistic Satanists, but certainly not true of all of us. My God/follower relationship
with him is sexual. There are sexual rites between us that bestow levels of "power", as he terms it, as well as lustful
encounters. At times when I do something special that pleases him he sometimes shows his pleasure and appreciation sexually.
Thank you for sharing here, I really enjoyed our chat. I hope you have educated our readers.
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