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Table of Contents
Elvis-a-rama
Old Fogey CD Reviews
Clump O Reviews
Ramones Book Review
Support Your Local
Independent Used Record Store
Elvis-a-rama Museum, Las Vegas
(Written as part of the barflies.net coverage of the Punk Rock Bowling
Tournament, February 2004)
While most bowlers were sleeping off their hangovers on Sunday morning,
I took off to the other side of town to see the World Famous
Elvis-A-Rama Museum. Nestled snugly on a street lined with topless bars
and muffler shops, the museum stands proudly in honor of the King Of
Rock and Roll.
I arrived shortly after they opened at 10:00 am. I was the first paying
customer of the day. My tour began when the Gates of Graceland opened
and I entered a dark room illuminated only by black-lit letters and
characters spelling out “Elvis” in a billion or so different languages.
After a short recording of the King’s voice, a side door opened and I
entered the world of Elvis. It was kind of like the Haunted Mansion. It
was pretty cool.
I was amazed at how much of Elvis’s stuff they could cram in such a
small area – like a boat and three cars. And Elvis liked big cars. One
car, a purple Lincoln Continental, had quite an interesting history.
The story goes that Elvis wanted to give it to a friend as a gift but
the friend refused until Elvis pulled a gun and threatened to “blow his
head off”. That’s nice.
Also on display was the King’s gold-plated Smith and Wesson .38 that,
according to the informational plaque, was used for “shooting out a
couple of television sets while on tour.” A framed permit for “Mr.
Elvis A. Presley” to purchase a firearm was also on display. I assume
that this was before background checks or waiting periods.
There is a bunch of movie memorabilia, like posters, original costumes,
and props. Did you know that the working title of “Jailhouse Rock” was
“Untitled Presley Story”? You do now, but only because I saw an early
draft of the script.
Wow! A picture of Elvis with Don Ho! It’s autographed, but not by Don.
If you want that, you’ll have to go the Don Ho museum.
Along with some stage jumpsuits behind glass were some really cool
guitars - Gibsons, Martins, you know, stuff that guitar geeks drool
over. His guitars may have been behind glass, but his piano wasn’t.
Since I was the only one in the museum, I lifted the lid and softly
fingered the keyboard. Surprisingly, I felt no jolt of electricity,
even though I was touching the very keys that had long ago been played
by the same hands that fondled Ann-Margaret.
I saw a bunch of magazines with Elvis on the cover. My favorite was
“Inside Kung Fu”.
A lot of the documents on display were interesting but I don’t why I
found myself reading the fine print on an old hotel receipt or a car
loan application that Elvis co-signed for one of his many cousins. One
that really caught my attention was a tentative set list that Elvis had
written out for a show in 1971. It contained several songs that he
never recorded or played live indicating that he wanted to expand his
act and get away from the greatest hits/oldies/review format. In the
lower left-hand corner of the page someone else had written “I found
this in Elvis’ garbage can!” In no way did this diminish the historical
significance of the object. For me, it even added to it.
As far as his records were concerned, they had a bunch of album covers,
picture sleeves, and the expected 45’s and 78’s. I’ve seen them all
before and even have a lot of them myself. If I were the curator, I
would have thrown in some bootlegs (like one I have called “Elvis’
Greatest Shit”) and a few impersonator records. Actually, to my great
interest, there was a display of some bootleg 70’s reissues of his Sun
Records 45’s on purple, orange, and blue vinyl. It’s uncertain what
Elvis thought of them. According to the information on the plaque, “He
thought they were quite colorful.”
At 11:00 am was the first performance of the day by Elvis Impersonator
Tom Bartlett. A small theatre behind the gift shop held an audience of
five, including myself.
Disco balls, strobe lights, and fog(!) accompanied the Opening strains
of “Also Sprach Zarathustra” which naturally segued into “That’s All
Right Mama” His short karaoke act consisted of three songs and a bunch
of talk, mostly about the great show that will happen later in the day.
His “Elvis” speaking voice went off and on without warning and I felt a
little embarrassed for him. When the sound system malfunctioned and
aborted the intro to “Love Me Tender,” I applauded. It was hard to turn
off my Punk Rock Bowling state of mind. If anyone can offend an Elvis
impersonator and an audience of four, I can.
I left as soon as the show was over at 11:15. I had to bowl.
Table of Contents
Old Fogey CD Reviews
These are late 2003 releases by old guys who have been at it for over
20 years. I bought their records when I was a teenager and I'm not
ashamed. Most of them are still alive.
Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros "Streetcore" Hellcat
Records.
This is the album that Joe and his band were working on when he died
last December. His death was a big bummer for all concerned but the
album is really good. It has an unfinished quality to it, of course,
but that only adds to its impact. For those of you familiar with his
other two albums with the Mescaleros, this one is a lot more like "Rock
Art and the X-ray Style" than "Global A Go-Go". It's more rock oriented
with a few artsy touches. What really makes it worthwhile for me are
the three informal sounding, stripped-down acoustic songs, "Long
Shadow", Bob Marley's "Redemption Song", and an old New Orleans R&B
song "Silver and Gold" (a.k.a. "Before I Get Old"). I think you should
buy this.
Elvis Costello "North" Universal Classics.
The most recent incarnation of Elvis Costello is a crooner of
jazz-inspired, piano-based ballads. I really like this. It's similar to
the album he did a few years ago with Burt Bacharach, but without all
of that cheesy Burt Bacharach stuff (which I also like, by the way).
The string and horn arrangements on this album, mostly done by Elvis
himself, are subdued and tasteful. Not a cheerful album, but a nice
one. Listen to it on a cold day with a hangover.
Brian Setzer "Nitro Burnin' Funny Daddy" Surfdog, Inc.
Another 'back to basics" one from this guy - no big horn section.
Stylistically, it's all over the map - from ZZ Top-style blues-rock to
50's pop to folk/bluegrass and back again and it all sounds pretty much
like you'd expect him to sound. Setzer has never been accused of being
a particularly clever lyric writer and there's nothing here to change
that. Most of the songs are pretty dumb but who cares? You like fast
cars, women, and whiskey? You got 'em. This is not "Knife Feels Like
Justice Part II." Whether you see that as good or bad is up to you. His
guitar playing is good throughout. He should make an instrumental album.
Cheap Trick "Special One" Cheap Trick Unlimited/Big 3
Records
I shouldn't have to tell you how important Cheap Trick is in the whole
scheme of things, so I won't. Their last album sold about twelve
copies. I can't tell if this one will sell eleven copies or thirteen. I
found it in a budget bin before it was even released. It sounded good
at first listen but it didn't really grow on me. Go see them live.
Table of Contents
Clump O Reviews
Coos Bay City Rollers: “For The Kids” - Normal Music
I like this, but it is kind of sad to listen to. This band appears to
have been doomed from the start. Their name itself may have prevented
them from ever transcending novelty status. The second strike against
them was their tendency to sing in goofy, cartoon, “we’re only joking”
voices, like They Might Be Giants. I don’t like that.
It’s a shame, really. They had some pretty well crafted and original
pop/pre-psychedelic type songs with harmonies and everything. Good
titles too – “Mystery Van”, “Reform School Blues”, “Living With a Rebel
Girl”. Most of these songs were recorded extremely low budget with a
drum machine and a four-track in a basement. This casual home-made
aspect adds a certain charm. They had a lot of good ideas but never
took themselves seriously enough to go full-time.
The last song on the CD is a cover of the Velvet Underground’s “I Found
a Reason”. One of the two founders of the Coos Bay City Rollers went
through a Lou Reed phase and did not survive, putting an end to the
band.
Various Artists
“Japan Nite Sound Sampler 2003”
“Finnish Music at SXSW”
These compilations are souvenirs from this year’s SXSW, which I did not
attend. The Japanese compilation is the better of the two. It’s all
over the map, from noise metal to acoustic folk. The best stuff, in my
opinion, is the guitar-based rock-pop-punk of Invisiblemans Deathbed
and Papaya Paranoia. They also have the best band names.
My favorite song on here is “Rock ‘n’ Roll Jesus” by Fantasy’s Core. It
sounds like what would happen if Godzilla were to appear on The Iron
Chef (“Today’s Ingredient – TRAINS!”). Amazing. I give it four raw fish.
The Finnish compilation is not so good. Other than a couple “vandalize
the cemetery” type metal songs, most of it sounds like bad 80’s new
wave - only more depressing. “Betty Blue” by The 69 Eyes sounds like an
outtake from Iggy Pop’s “Blah Blah Blah” album.
My rating: one link of reindeer meat sausage.
Snow Dogs “Deep Cuts, Fast Remedies” Victory Records.
Clockwise “Healthy Manipulation” RCA Records
Now we’ve reached the bottom of the barrel.
The Snow Dogs CD combines too many styles of popular music (punk-lite,
folk, ska, rock) and churns them all into a big bland bowl of cold
nothing. No rating.
Clockwise is another one of those nu-metal “Mommy doesn’t love me” type
bands. I don’t blame her. Note to Clockwise – remember your dog that
got hit by a car when you were a kid? It was suicide. He didn’t love
you either. I give it one abscessed molar.
Table of Contents
Ramones Book Review
“Hey Ho, Let’s Go – The Story of the Ramones”
By Everett True
First of all, let me tell you about Sha-Na-Na. For those of you either
too young or too feeble to remember, Sha-Na-Na were a 50's revivalist
novelty music group that had a sketch comedy/variety show on TV in the
late 70's/ early 80's. As far as content and style, it fell somewhere
between "Joannie Loves Chachi" and "Hee-Haw". I liked it. One episode
in particular stands out - when the Ramones were guests on the show.
They performed the song "Rock n' Roll High School" and then
participated in a "Family Feud" parody skit where "The Ramones Family"
competed against the "Sha-Na-Na Family". It may have actually been
funny, I don't remember. What I do remember is that it was one few, if
only times, that anything resembling punk rock was presented at the
time on national television without being mocked, exploited, or
sensationalized. If you've ever seen the "punk rock" episodes or
"CHiPS" or "Quincy" you'll know what I'm talking about. To Sha-Na-Na's
credit, they showed the Ramones as what they were: a great rock 'n roll
band with a sense of humor.
Anyway, the photograph of The Ramones on back cover of the new book
"Hey Ho, Let’s Go" is from that very Sha-Na-Na show. I recognize that
street-corner backdrop. However, there's absolutely no mention of
Sha-Na-Na in the book and that's the problem that I have with it. In
fact, that’s the problem that I have with a lot of things – there’s too
much delving for significance and not enough Sha-Na-Na.
Since day one, people have trying to figure out if the Ramones were
either calculated and deliberate performance artists or idiot-savant
dadaists. This book certainly won’t put that issue to rest but that is
not its purpose. What is its purpose then? Just to tell the story of a
rock n’ roll band with a sense of humor or, in this case,
“h-u-m-o-u-r”. There’s another problem with the book – the author is
British and wrote the book in “English” English and not American
English as it should be. It’s just not right to read about the Ramones’
“humour”, “neighbourhood”, or of Dee Dee’s “behaviour” (as I type
“humour”,“neighbourhood” and “behaviour”, they are automatically
underlined in red by Mr. Spellcheck – so there!).
Being English, the author seems to lack a certain cultural viewpoint to
understand the All-American origins of the band and the pop-culture
references in their songs. Case in point: In an interview with lighting
guy/artist/friend of the band Arturo Vega, Vega was talking about
sitting in a hotel room with Joey Ramone watching “Get Smart”. The
author asked him what “Get Smart” was. Huh?
Come to think of it, in addition to being ignorant, Mr. True comes off
as being somewhat arrogant and condescending towards American pop
culture. It may be true that American pop culture is mostly garbage and
we Americans are capable of great stupidity, but that’s no reason for
not knowing about “Get Smart”.
I’m also tired of hearing about the poor, dispossessed English working
class youth of the 70’s. What does that have to do with the Ramones?
Nothing. The Ramones were a by-product of the polyester-leisure-suited,
earth-shoed, disco, Watergate, American 70’s damn it! Now that I think
about it, there really isn’t much, if anything in this book about
English working-class youth of the 70’s but that doesn’t mean I’m not
sick of hearing about them.
The authour (misspelling intentional) also has a tendency to write too
much about himself. I wanted to read more about the Ramones – that’s
why I bought the book.
And another thing -- the term “da brudders” is overused. I’m not
slamming the book, in fact I liked it very much, but those seeking
spiritual fulfillment should look elsewhere. The book is a page-turner
and, as fictional Broadway director Roger DeBris would say, “It’s
drenched with historical goodies.”
Readers will gain some insight into the lifestyles of the Ramones but
we won’t find many intimate, private secrets that will make us feel
creepy for knowing them. Mr. True is obviously a fan of the band and
has enough respect for them as people not to sling any mud other than
what they themselves had already thrown on the fence.
If you’re a dedicated Ramones fan, you either already have this book or
you’re boycotting it for some obscure political reason. It’s alright.
There are some differences of opinion and taste between the author and
this, and certainly other, readers but that’s not such a big deal. For
example-- he doesn’t like the movie “Rock ‘n Roll High School” and I
do. That’s his problem.
There are a couple of funny typos though – one of Joey Ramones’ favored
charities was written to be “neutering straight cats” and legendary LA
scenester and Screaming Siren Pleasant Gehman is referred to as
“Pleasant Gayman”. Okay, so they weren’t THAT funny but they would have
been in 7th grade.
Okay, I’ll summarize the whole book for you. The Ramones were great –
they should have been as big as the Beatles but they weren’t. Joey was
a nice guy. Dee Dee was crazy. Johnny is an uptight Republican. Joey
and Johnny didn’t like each other.
If you’re swimming in dough, go ahead and buy it – it will help the
economy. If you’re counting change to buy ramen, check it out from the
library instead.
The dust jacket on this book proclaims it as "the definitive biography
of the Ramones." I don’t know if that’s true but I do know one
thing—the definitive biography of Sha-Na-Na has not yet been written.
Table of Contents
Support Your Local Independent Used Record Store
Pepperland Records in Orange is not just for Beatles geeks. Throughout
their 20 years in business, they have always featured local independent
music, punk, or whatever in addition to the old Beatle butter on their
toast. End of plug – here’s the story. During the last weekend of every
year, Pepperland Records has a big 50 % off sale that really brings ‘em
out of the woodwork.
Yes, I was there. Although I don’t drop a lot of money at these sales,
it’s fun in a sick, sociological kind of way. Some people have been
known to line up outside the store hours before it opens. I prefer not
to. I like to miss the initial dehumanizing feeding frenzy.
I didn’t give it enough time. I got there a good 20-30 minutes after it
started, but the snarling beasts were still in attack mode. I don’t
know if you’ve ever seen a crowd of collectors reaching around and
climbing on top of each other to fight over cheap CD’s, but it can be
frightening. I’m sure that for some of these people this is the closest
human contact they’ll ever have, so I will try to be nice. The sound of
thousands of plastic CD cases clicking together as they’re being
flipped through is comical in its cacophony.
I went straight to the vinyl section in the back of the store.
Peaceful. Only a few people were sifting through the records. There is
a lot here but not all of it is good. There are records here from every
bass player that ever went solo and was never heard from again. How
many albums did Wishbone Ash make anyway? And what happened to Vanitys
1 through 5? It takes a few minutes to get your bearings. I found some
standard music geek stuff like NRBQ and the Byrds, but you would rather
hear about the oddball stuff I got, wouldn’t you? Here it is:
Bebe Buell was semi-famous in the 70’s for being a
model who liked rock stars. She liked them a lot. Now she’s semi-famous
for being the mother of actress Liv Tyler, who’s daddy is a rock star.
In 1981, Bebe Buell released (put out?) a four song EP on Rhino called
“Covers Girl”. The songs include Love’s “Little Red Book” and Iggy
Pop’s “Funtime”. It was produced by Rick Derringer and Ric Ocasek. I
expected it to be horrible, but I like it. She not a great singer but
she sings like she really means it.
I also found a couple things in the 45 bin for a buck or so each.
“Living in NW3 4JR” by Jonny Rubbish is a 1978 parody of
“Anarchy in the U.K.” It insinuates that the Sex Pistols were only in
it for the money. So what? The B-side is some stupid comedy skit
involving rabbis and foreskins. It fails to entertain. Say what you
want about Johnny Rotten, but he’s a heck of a lot funnier than this
guy.
“Alice” by the Naughty Sweeties. This is a nice relic from the
late 70’s L.A. pop scene that spawned the Knack and the Plimsouls.
“Alice” is a slightly jangly song with great psychotic yelling vocals.
It gets off to a good start with the lines:
“Pink panties on your rear view mirror
Beer cans in the back
I see you’ve been going out with Alice
Won’t you give my girlfriend back.”
It goes on from there and eventually the singer blows up the other
guy’s car with two sticks of dynamite. This should have been a hit. The
B-side, however, is boring and useless.
Like I mentioned earlier, I got more stuff but it’s outside the scope
of this column.
Table of Contents
Text on this page copyright 2004
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