Poetry - Poems Written By an Abuse Survivor

Good Friend
When my world has been full of trouble
Surrounded with many anxious cares
You have been a good friend
with whom I was free to share

When all life's pain and heartaches
Filled my Heart and burdened my mind
You showed me love , helped me smile
And you treated me very, very kind

You took your great sense of understanding
And your great power of perception
Mixed those qualities
with
Great love, kindness and affection

Sharing it all when I needed empathy
or a friendly hand to touch
You lent an ear that patiently listened
And Spoke words that will always mean so much
All this I found
in your caring heart and understanding mind
The time and love you've given me
can't bought or sold
I know, I've tried
But it's value is more precious than diamonds or gold.

Gold can't see things or hear
Diamonds can't get you through trouble times
or bring you cheer
Neither can listen or ever understand
Bring comfort in sorrow or reach out a helping hand.

The way you've taught me not to sit lonely
Or have empty days
But to instead fill each waking hour
in positive useful ways.

Now the time has come for us to part
As it does my heart is torn apart
Yet through the pain I wish you happiness
in each tomorrow
As well as peace, love and happiness
to cover each of lives sorrows
When you're feeling so all alone
Sadness covers all your cheer
Remember through we're apart
In spirit, love and thought I'm Near

Thanks For All You Are To Me
As I sit here watching the sun rice
Tears rolling down my face
Though you sleep you somehow hear my cries
Telling me to keep my chin up and my dreams to chase
Putting my head on your shoulder
I feel safe and secure
Each day outside I grow older
But inside I am lonely and unsure
Not knowing who or what I want to be
Looking for a love that's long and real
Someone who'll always be there for me
Trying to understand my ideas and how I feel
I may not find it before the sun sets today
That person who can understand the tears,
Care, teach me, and wipe the tears away
Reassuring me and loving me without all the fears
But that's OK because I have in you
A friend who cares and listens to me
in my silence sensing what I am going through
So Thanks for all you are to me.

A True Friend
If a tear falls from your eyes
Through I may be far, I am a friend who also cries
A friend who truly cares
One who will listen & your happiness and heartache share
When sleep won't come and you just lie there awake
Whatever you need I will do it, any amount of time I will take
All these things because I am your friend.
Someone who wants to be there through troubles end
A kindred spirit that feels even your unspoken pain.
Trying to protect & comfort like an umbrella covers from the rain.
Love is the feeling I have for you
I'll give all I have, do all I can to get you through
Being alone can hurt in a trouble time
I love you too much to let it happen to a friend of mine
Sometimes troubles may come
and you can, but may not call
Knowing in your heart
I'll know and my heart still feels it all
So as hard times are upon you
and it hurts to even think
Call me, Talk to me
Remember I'll be there before an eye you can blink.

Searching In The Darkness For A Reason To Carry on
Everyone has left
The only ones that cared are gone
So I search in the darkness for a reason to carry on
In the arms of no one
I've lost everything, Thought I had the best
I have lost all my chances
and everyone that was here has left
Isn't it just like me
to end up all alone wondering what I did wrong
Wondering what could have changed
Walking around feeling lost
Longing for arms to hold me
Falling apart as I count all loves cost
Why has everyone left
doesn't anyone have time to talk
Everyone, even those who see the pain
never stop, on by they walk
Here I sit at the table, thinking
playing a lonely card game
Not a word is spoken to me,
not even a mention of my name.
I'm not needed and it seems
that no one wants to see me
Finding nothing but once caring people
behind closed doors with no key
Pain filling me
like the rhythm of the hard falling rain
Reasons to hold on
Today seems so very hard to find or explain
no one offers and I can't ask for
what I missed at home
So here I sit as tears fall
Heartache calls, I'm all alone
there are so many things killing me
and tearing me apart
Like lightning and thunder
pain echoes in my head and heart
May be someday
loves light will chase the clouds away
But for now it seems
They are surrounding me and will stay
maybe someday someone will hold me & I'll be safe and warm
but now I'm wrapped up in these tears and the pain of this storm
Because everyone has left, the ones who cared are gone
So I'll search in the darkness
For reasons to carry on.

Forever Memories
Living in darkness
of isolation
From the weight of the world
needing a vacation
Walked long enough
down this lonely lane
Felt enough of the rejection
betrayal and the pain
Felling like giving up
would be a good way out
Then others say it's a pity party
it's my choice to pout
They say to fight
and never five up
To look at things
Like it's a half full cup
Take one day at a time
forget about the past
To them and you I now say
I can't forget
The memories will forever last.

Walking Through A Memory... Searching For a Light
Following orders made, fear builds
A tear is seen in her eye
It won't fall,
It's hidden so she won't get a "reason to cry"
So many things that she must do
Or hear him yell as he does it himself,
Encounters with this booze filled man
Teach that all feelings must be hid on a shelf.
Late night visits by him
Where the Child innocently sleeps,
He plays his game - than leaves her there
Where the child quietly weeps.
The pain is not told and cannot be seen on her face,
Not even the worst pain,
which comes from words Saying she is a disgrace.

These things, I hold here in my memory
My smile is a mask...I'm a lost child
Her and she are really Me!
Nightmares keep me wide awake,
anxiety attacks fill me with fear as I shake
They say as an adult you should "put it behind you"
yet there are always constant reminders of "you know who"
They call me a survivor for all that I've been through
but sometimes I don't feel what they say is true
Self Pity and Rage, Anger and Pain Feeling as if the memories will drive me insane.
I ask you don't walk on eggshells
or feel that you must pass me by,
Whether a survivor or not,
we're really not that different you and I...

When the world overtakes you.
and you're filled with pain and doubt
Take a moment to pray
For the children who have not yet found their way out.

Motherly Love, Not My Mom,
Mommie is gone or that is the fear
In this story you see a child's' tear For some the reality is
Mommie would not stay
But why would a Mommie ever go away?
In the kitchen or down the hall
Most return at the child's' call.
Read closely for this is a mother by choice not birth
Adopted by a child once all alone on this earth
Abandoned by her mother so long ago
Now wondering when this Mommie will go. Mommie has left the room
She is in the kitchen but I cannot see her there
Fear engulfs as questions overwhelm
Is she coming back? I need her here it's not fair
Am I safe here alone?
Can't see her eyes watching over me
There is not a way for me to be safe without her here,
Is that silly?
She is not talking to me
Can't hear your voice Mommie, not a sound at all.
Too quiet, so alone
Silence surrounds, Oh I wish your name I could call
Tears fall screams emerge
As I wonder and fear whether you will return
Louder screams fill the air
Hearing my cries you wonder when this child will learn,
Down the hall and into the room you rush
Wiping my tears and holding me close, My heart turns to mush
Safe in your arms listening to your heartbeat
Hearing your calming words of safety
I look into your sparkling eyes. Touching your face,
Clinging to you, My heart saying, "I love you Mommie" When a child tries to confide
Don't push their fears or tears aside
Do as the adopted mother would do
Show them they are safe with you
Pull them close into your heart
Where they long to be from the start
Wipe their tears and kiss their head
When bad dreams come, check under the bed.
The tears will dry and the fear subside
As long as they know you are by their side.

The Longest Goodbye
Each of our lives has a different path,
One person meets another as the paths cross.
Our lives crossed, Paths met,
Love comforted the pain of my past losses.
On the day of our meeting
Knowledge of an impending goodbye hung over us.
Yet I still felt close to you, safe and secure,
Not doubting in you I could place my trust.
Now many days pass
The goodbye countdown has long since begun.
Tears filling my eyes, Fear filling my soul,
SO scared, all I really want to do is run.
Now over a month has passed very quickly,
The day is now so very near
Yet some hours seem so very long
As fear builds and in my eye there is a tear
I want this all to be over with,
Yet I pray for a way for our time not to end
I've learned alot from you
Felt like on you I could really depend.
Sometimes knowing goodbye is coming
Makes goodbye fears and pain surround.
Strong prayers are said and wishes made
Hoping goodbye time won't come around.
There's no way to stop you from leaving
or for me to fix it so you can stay.
So as time winds down, I send you with my love
And prayers to get you through the hardest days
As another day comes, Your smile greets me
Your caring words show how much you care
But as the day goes by hour by hour,
An aching sadness is present and says you'll no longer be there.
If only there was a way to fix it so you could stay
I'd give all I have and much more
You know I love you, but love isn't enough
To prevent you having to walk out that door
So as the longest Goodbye
Comes to what will be it's final hours and day.
Take the love I send
The prayers for love, hope and joy.
Save them all,
For whenever you need them along lifes' highway.

Actions Speak Louder Than A Word
People try to teach a think that all have heard
follow words with deeds, 'cause actions speak louder than a word
Never let your heart or true feelings be seen by anyone
The final feeling is the result of the others fun

Days pass without a visit or call
and you are sitting all alone
Making sure you're not forgotten
Messages are left daily on their phone
Return calls don't come
Insecurities grow
Does love matter anymore
Finally you say how you truly feel
and the responses come of "I've heard it before"
Insecure about losing love
Till other worry than they can't understand
Forgetting they too have been through it
They give no reassurance or helping hand
Time comes when the insecurity fades
Things longed for are again filled in life
But when the good ends again
The spoken insecurities become a source of strife
So desperately now you hide feelings and insecurities inside
Rain hiding the tears
making believe it's all OK
Yet knowing you will be left if you show your fears
Now life consists of hiding your heart
Grabbing every minute of quality time
Loving and giving, yet alone and lonely
Hiding insecurity and emotion like a trained mime
Practicing harder than ever
What people try to teach all have heard
Wondering if others will let you open your heart
Letting actions speak louder than words

Who I am
As my world shatters into a thousand pieces and a hidden tear is in my eye
I wrap my arms around you, smile my best smile look at you and tell you I'm fine

Sitting here in solitude and silence Staring into the darkness of night, my heart cries
"I'm NOT O.K. , Sleep is gone, Hold Me" My words of how I feel fine are just lies
My hear is yearning for the safety and security
only to be found in someone who's mine, and will care
But for now I'm longing for the company of someone who has love and time to share

I'm being pulled through times of torture filled nightmares and memories of an abusive past
by threads of pain from a broken heart and broken dreams not believed by others,
unrepaired by a simple cost it seems tonight I feel pain has made my heart its home
So I sit and cry in the silent solitude feeling helpless and alone
like too much in air in a balloon hopelessness makes my heart feel like it will burst at the seams
I must protect the ones who love me,
So I'll put the pain away and unties all these deadly dreams.

I'm a dying woman in a house full of love save me from dying, lead me from death to life
Rescue me, I'm sinking in the coldness of my worlds waters of hopelessness and strife
I'm longing for a way to get rid of or hide what I feel inside,
needing someone to hold me as the night gets old
Waiting for the sunrise as I sit here alone in a world that tonight seems to have grown so cold
As I grow lonelier, if you could see my eyes you would see a thousand tears
Somehow as wrong as it is, I'm wrapped in self pity caught up in my pain, lost in my fears

The emptiness inside seems to just grow and it seems impossible to fill
Yet the world keeps turning, life goes on around me, for me it won't stand still

It's almost morning, Red, Orange, Yellow and Purple fill the edge of the horizon
lighting the blue sky
Clouds only adding to the sunrises beauty As I watch a new day begin, my tears begin to dry.

Friendship
Your smile has touched me,
You've made me feel safe, loved and secure,
When my world was falling apart
Your kind words and understanding reassure.
The mask I had on for the rest of the world
I took off when I was around you.
Feeling Safe enough to trust, secure enough to care
and show you the me that's true.
There is no way for me to ever explain
how grateful I am to have had you in my life.
Just knowing you've been there
With an empathetic ear got me through my pain and strife
You gave me daily encouraging words and
Shared with me your caring heart
Trying to help me want to go on, giving me reasons
to live as life tore me apart
You've shown me a love I wouldn't know
if our paths hadn't crossed and I hadn't met you
Friends in this life are hard to find but,
its even harder to find a friendship that is true
You're here even when I need too much
You're here even when I need too much
Your presence in my life is the valuable gift given
There are times life's to painful and running
would be easy if you didn't make life worth livin'
I wouldn't trade a moment of the time we've shared - for Anything!

Can't take me from you

There was one think I thought they'd never do
They've taken away those who care and tried to change me and you
With all we have been through,
and the love we have for each other in our heart
They could love me up, throw me out,
but they can't tear our friendship apart
I won't cross the line they have drawn or hurt you in any way
No matter how large the boundaries are, my love for you will always stay.
Your smile has brought me out of many hard times and tears
Your hugs and sharing of love chased away my nighttime fears
I was isolated at home, just like this,
causing me alot of pain
and I can cope with them making me be alone,
along this lonely lane
because I know I am special to you
that you love me and you care,
So no matter what they say or do
I know they can't break the bond we share
I promised you I would never hurt myself
and that promise I will keep
All I ask is when you pray to the Lord
Pray for me before you sleep
Always remember you are special and I love you very much!

Prayers To Make It Through

I sense there is something wrong,
But you say you can handle it alone
Even when you cry yourself to sleep at night
you still say that you're alright.
You say you're always fine
Still I sense a difference across the telephone line
I can tell that your problems have started to grow
& you just don't want me to worry or know.

So I kneel here every night
and in the morning before daylight
Knowing there is nothing I can do,
I pray for the Lord to see you through.

To feel low shouldn't cause shame,
The times moods begin to change
and the devil has blocked the sun
stay steady in your faith and don't run.
Though your dreams are hard to obtain
and the love in your life brings pain
follow what the Lord has to say
Even as people and things sometimes get in the way
So now as my prayers go up to the father above
and you trust in faith and rely on God's love
In a day or after awhile
I know the Lord will return your smile.
You'll be stronger under his care
knowing even when everything is alright
My prayers will still be there.

Scared of Loving You, Scared of Losing You
You say that you will be here forever, that you will always stay,
My heart wants to believe that even when so many have walked away.
I'm not ashamed to shed a tear or say I miss you when you're not here,
When I need to share who I am… in my eyes you can see the fear.
What will you think when I tell you tonight I was scared and I cried?
Will you leave when you find out that there are times I think of suicide?
When I close my eyes I see his face in the dark,
I light another cigarette to gain light from the sparks,
Tonight as I sit here alone and scared I remember I am safe with you.
Can’t pick up the phone but there is a message there to help me make it through.
So, Why am scared of loving you…
Why am I scared of losing you…

I want to say I love you, and you mean the world to me
If I tell you how I feel, will you go, is keeping the feelings inside the key?
I can’t hide the past, it makes me what I am today
Will who I am inside, what the past holds make you go away?
The maze of my mind, those who dwell within all reaching out to you,
How do you deal, how do you cope, when all the truth is seen what will you do?
Why am scared of loving you…
Why am I scared of losing you…

It’s true, it’s real, I feel it inside,
But my life is like a roller coaster ride…
Can you hold on, can you not let me go?
Do you have the answer that I need to know…
Why am scared of loving you…
Why am I scared of losing you…

So why does fear hold me in its grips
When I think about the words I love you coming from my lips
Love has always brought pain yet from you it has all been good from the start
Always reassuring that revelations of the past won’t change what is in your heart,
When I have been at the end of my rope and needed a friend in my despair
Through a phone call, a message, notes, talks or hugs you have been there.
So, Why am scared of loving you…
Why am I scared of losing you…

Look Again
Look again into my eyes of brown,
Keep on looking through
See what is within me
Reaching out to you
I hide behind these eyes
A person not to be seen
Friend, enemy both of them I've been
My smile will often try to deceive
But the tears make one wonder and disbelieve
My eyes tell secrets I have kept
The way they've laughed, cheated and often wept
So
As you look in my eyes
Look one time more
I may be wrong and hateful
Or a hurting child locked behind a door.

Depression Speaks

Dark clouds surround
Alone though many are around
Into the dark world you once brought the sun
The fear of love made me want to run
Locked up inside of me is where I mostly long to be
Feeling like no one will ever understand my insanity
The world spins, life and love goes 'round
Tonight on the the horizon the sun will go down
Morning will come, the sun will rise
But inside this depression light is hidden from my eyes
A child inside alone and oh so afraid
Looking for nurturing and a love that will not fade
When tomorrow comes, love won't stay
For life must go on as you fade away
A mind filled with the pain of the past
Thoughts and memories that seem to always last
words echo saying I could never be loved or needed
Words spoken are believed and now deeply seeded
Oh, could it be one man's voice was right
and all I am good as is being a child of the night?!?

Life, Hope Survival

Life seems to slip and slowly fade
hanging on, living day by day
not putting hops aside
believing somehow there will be a way
yet hope seems to fade
not really sure how to get by
life's confusing pain
hurting too much to even cry.
Looking the other way, holding back the burning tears
Flashbacks of the past, reliving painful memories of long ago years
some say think positive, walk away
looking back to things already tried
emotions whirling, head spinning
Just wanting to run and hide
writing by the light of the moon
Lonely and all alone
seeing children happy with their families
A realization surfaces of having no real home
So many mountains to climb, so many battles to win
yet the young gets tough & the child inside gives in
Almost losing all hope
the love of a distant friend is sanities provider
Through all the chaos and confusion
Love restores the hope of somehow being a provider.

Tears In The Rain

A tear falls, it feels like the world will end
Reaching out, needing way to much from a friend
So now as the rain falls
the tears fall from my eyes
I reach out for others
only to have it all end in goodbyes
Longing for a mommie to hold, love me and be there
But I'm a big girl now, so alone I sit with an empty stare
i have no control over who it is
that the child in me attaches to
But each time the attachment comes
soon the tears and goodbyes come too
So where do i go now that this has all come to an end?
I'm still attached and needy making it hard to be a friend
I need to avoid you at all costs, not see or talk to you at all
So, still caring and needing today I won't pick up the phone to call
Tomorrow if the rain falls
and I feel needy and all alone
I'll paint a picture, write a poem
Do whatever it takes not to pick up the phone.
I've made it past the pain filling me
down to my hears deepest core
Cause after all, when this started
I knew it would be like all the times before

Night of Flashes

Thoughts fill the mind, desperation the heart
insecurity about life and love tearing the world apart
Questions why a razor to the wrist heals
Answers of how the pain inside it steals
Tonight there's no healing, just fear
Love keeps the pain hidden, you see not a tear
Flashes from the past surround each thought
Fear of being alone, unloved, sadness has brought
Memories of dad and mom and life's hell fills me
Trying to regain the love of mommie can never be
Anger at myself for this need is so strong
Hatred of life because of all the things I long
Here I sit, there I stand, a face in the crowd
I am talking , no one hears, the world is too loud
Hug me, hold me, touch my face, stroke my hair
Come sit with me, say life's alright, tell me again you care.
That's not right
That's just what I shouldn't have asked for
I wanna run cause I am lost, Don't wanna hurt anymore
So many thoughts now fill my head, fear fills my soul
As now I put down this pad
Slowly I fade
back to my lonely hole.

So much to do...
There is so much for me to do always
I do as I am told especially as night engulfs the days
Taking the hallway to his room or he comes to mine
Telling me he loves me but never drawing the line
Growing up dreaming of being a child, loved and treated kind
A nurturing touch, uncoiling the pain and confusion of my mind
Now almost grown, still so much for me to do always
Only nightmares now, as night engulfs the days,
One more though in my head as I quietly weep
Where is it that good children go to sleep

May God Bless you

There is a path we can all take with God to be free
Repent, turn away from the used to be
Pray in times of happiness and when all seems to fail
The Lord will be there through blue skies, rain, sunshine and hail
Let him be your everything and guide in all you do each day
Follow him, trust him & obey him as you go on your way
We must all suffer at times to bring us to our knees
If life was always good we'd live sinfully and do as we please
So, Grow Close to God with your heart pure & full of praise
Keep from sin the spiritual baby you now will raise
God is a special friend who knows all your pain
His blood shed for our freedom, Sin making it in vain
So turn away from wrong, depend on him for all
Follow his path, live in his love and know he won't let you fall
May God Bless you

Dreams By The Light of The Moon

Strangers meet on a cool afternoon
A year or so ago
One strong and patient
the other weighed down and feeling low
caring words and caring hearts
bond the two as a family
A mother and daughter, a dream come true
now ending bitterly
Visions of a past full f torture
Abuse and emotional pain
Beatings, rape, forced to sell herself
No way to escape as tears fall like rain
Pictures expose the one to the other
Showing her playing a hookers role
Now after finding a new mom
love and secure arms for a hurting soul
No one can deal with a 20 year olds needs

The friend leaves her all alone
Tears fall as another dream ends
She realizes again, She's on her own
Begging one more time for a mom
Who would hold her and love her as a child
To hear the words I love you, to feel secure arms
Somehow making life worthwhile

Pain in the heart
Tears and confusion in the mind does whirl
As the friend says
"I no longer want you for my little girl"
Words are exchanged that are filled with hate
They are to see each no more
How did it all come to this
The young girl wonders as she walks out the door

Desperately the young girl says,
"If I die would you by happy ?"
The woman tells the girl
"At least you'd stop bothering me"

Those words pierce the mind
As blood falls to the floor
But again the Lord spares the life
And gives a vision of what to live for
And now the young one is dreaming
Remembering the light of the moon
Praying and Hoping
The gentle loving mom she met and knew
Would return soon

Feeling Of Confusion.....Letting Go

As the weight on your shoulders,
feel like it weighs a ton.
You make desperate plans,
Counting out pills one by one.

For fear of being too whiny or feeling to sorry for yourself
You can't look at another and share you thoughts of dying
So, instead of opening up,
You feel you should hide your past,your feelings, your crying.
Still the visions come of totally letting go, getting away
Thoughts of desperation suggest suicide.
Yet others have built in you a reason to live,
Lifted you as you fell and given you pride

A hug, the feeling and sounds of a heartbeat,
You are safe, so loved, a peace surrounds
Others say that you are pretty, that you are thin,
Yet deep inside there's a longing to lose a few more pounds

Things are given to you, things that are full of love,

Yet the gifts hurt because you are afraid of them being taken away.
There's a constant reassurance you can keep the gifts given,
But when there's something new you wonder if it will or can stay.
Tears fall from the joy of receiving, fear of losing,
and sadness of realizing how much others care.
Should you just say thank you, be calm and walk away,
Even when you know the fear of lost gifts are O.K. to share?

When you're told, You really feel like you are loved,
You always know you're loved yet you continue to feel alone.
There are fears of things unnameable and things from the past come
and the love you get you can't conquer it as fear pierces you to the bone.
You write and write trying to show an emotion,
You try and try to get out what you feel
But how do you put all the pain on paper,

without pushing away a love that is real?
Confusion surrounds, unsure insecurity overtakes,
and a longing to be free overtakes you.
So you try not to push too hard, Take in all they have to give,
And figure out one day at a time what to do.
You long to be encircled in loving arms,
piece by piece revealing a long and painful past.
Just hoping, wanting to know when revealing time is right,
Wondering as the truth comes out will love or friendship last?
As you need to know when to tell or if you're loved
Reach out, ask, Try to cross the fears.
If you don't, and you hide the moments, leaving the past behind
You will always long to be free and shed many tears.

Deadly Dreams, Life filled Wishes

It took twelve years to get where I wanted to die
Thirteen years trying to kill myself
How many years till I can stop???

When I couldn't take it anymore I promised
I'd dial the number you gave me to call,
Leaving my message and number I waited
But heard nothing from you at all.
Why do I feel so desperate, so scared, lost and alone?
I may be sitting there with friends, but still I wait for the phone.
I have no cause to be miserable, no right to be so unhappy
and always feel sorry for myself.
Why can't I just let it all go?
And put my feelings away on a shelf?
I was told once, Anyone suffering in pain,should be put out of its' misery,
So why is it when I want to die, run escape, other people want to try and stop me?
Is the attempt made for attention, an escape or a way out of the pain?
Why can't I just get comfortable with the hurt and hide my tears in the rain?
Sometimes I feel I'm only living as a reflection of anothers' love and affection.
And it hurts so much as I see their tears with all the deadly dreams I mention.
Somehow I wonder why I give things away, Love so strong, yet never feel I am "with" anyone.
Sometimes thinking and believing the grass is greener on the other side, and wanting to run.
Visions of peace surround me,
seeing heaven, lifes never ending sea
Trying not to bother anyone and to think positive, Yet longing to be free
Sometimes death seems like the only answer to escape the pain and strife
But to die means for me to hurt loved ones, How can I hold onto life
Sometimes I think and feel I'm fighting for my life
Fighting all my death filled dreams
Watching life go on around me, seeing lovers paired,
As my life is unraveling at the seams.
Now I am too far gone,
I can't get back in...
And daily I must remind myself..
Suicide is a sin.

A Watery Grave

Lying in the tub my body dying slowly dying,
Guilt fills me cause the ones who love me will soon be crying.
Feelings both bad and good are gone.
Only I know exactly how it all went wrong.
There's helpless empty feelings mixed with pain and agony,
Of a heart broken cause it's so lonely,
feeling whatever I say or do is wrong, I'm not what I should be.

Memories sometimes overtake me........................... Reminders of a man
Forcing his body into mine...................................... Shattering all my dreams
when the memories and loneliness hit me ...................I change

Others back away in anger because of my words,
As my world falls apart at the seems
My dignity has been shattered
Not feeling good enough for anything but the abusive and bad
I try to explain my fears anger and sadness,
instead I snap ----------Others feel my anger
Can't understand-------Now they're mad
No matter what I am going through.
I often run and hide my fears and anger
I get very angry with myself
Knowing others may not understand
how much or how often I may need you
So much fear of the would and people staying abusive,
and life always being painful for me.
Yet afraid of the change of pain to love,
and others wanting me to be happy.
So frightened of life itself and of the unknown,
Yet not wanting to impose.
So I run rather than picking up the phone.

Crying every breath I take
Anger building 'til I don't want to exist anymore,
I don't want to live,-------Don't want to hurt anymore,
Gotta escape through lifes door.

The Razors edge cuts deep inside
A feeling of relief takes over for awhile
I can't think of the ones I'll hurt by dying,
I only see the ones that are happy and smile.

I'm lying here, The water turns from blue to red
As the blood is flowing from me.
A chill overtakes, My watery grave surrounds and Engulfs me.
...........................I am finally Free...................
................I've left no notes..................
I'm alone cause I told everyone the positive
not of my emotional pain and agony.
Now all alone I know I will no longer hurt inside.
Can't hurt others anymore,
My life is getting pulled away from me
Life has Faded
I Feel No More

Running Away Again

A knife a gun
Which will I choose to run?
Death is a dream wished for, never fulfilled
Realization that only I can make this dream come true
The love I have in my heart is very strong
But not strong enough to stop me from running from you
A razor brings blood and eases my pain
But nothing can save me as tears fall like rain
Shaking inside with a wanting to let go
A pain so deep in my heart that no one can know
A short goodbye should have been so sweet, yet we fight
Words come, better left unsaid, no way to make it right
You'll be gone and I'll be here
Full of pain and so much fear
Fear slowly overtakes
As the miles separate
Tears keep falling; inside I'm shaking
In my head there are plans I'm making
To get away and never turn back
But to undertake the deed I haven't the knack
Never again can I handle the hurt
Walking away feeling like dirt
Fading and failing I'll just let go
If I fade away who will know?

MOM
They gave you the name Mom
and because of the name you were supposed to love me
As the tears fall from a broken promise
I realize it is all pretend and your love will never be
Broken promises surround me, leaving me lost and alone
Wishing I could turn back the clock
and live in a loving home
You say one thing and do another
Somehow you just don't know how to be a mother
You never held me or calmed my fears in the night
Never took time out to show me the wrong and the right
You've left me stranded time after time
Pushing me and my emotions way over the line
Without a mother, what reasons are there to live
Trying day and night, searching for someone with love to give.
You call me telling me things, making promises on the phone
but when the next call comes
The promise is broken and I am left alone.

Poetry Submitted by Others

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Welcome To Our Poetry Page -
Poems Written by an MPD System of Abuse Survivors