DEATH IS EASY by Russell Madden   Softcover, $14.95 Hardcover, $24.95   (Preview. Also available in a digital edition, $4.81.)	FREEDOM, As If It Mattered by Russell Madden     Softcover, $24.95 Hardcover, $34.95   (Preview. Also available in a digital edition, $5.63.)

Back when I was wee tyke usin' a bit of charcoal to scratch my lessons on a broken piece of slate, I was set the task of learnin' all the U.S. Presidents, in order. 'Course, twarn't near as many of those buggers then as now. A couple handfuls of fingers and a toe or two sufficed for the job. Nowadays, I got better things to 'member, sech as what I et for breakfast or what my name is.

Still, I had a passin' ability onect upon a time to recite out loud the names of all those leaders of this great nation of ourn, the United States of America.

Seems, however, though, that some things were missin' from my edukation. Nothin' critical, mind you. Just like facts and sech.

Oh, we learned stuff and all. In my advancin' years, howsomeever, I wonder where in thunder my teachers got all that information they larded into our heads. Cain't say most of that pile I had crammed twixt my ears had a whole lot in common with, ya know, the truth. Still, those what seem to know better'n me (least that's what they tell me) claim there ain't no sech thing as "reality" or "truth." Leastwise, what's real or true varies from person to person like mules' hind legs. Whatever opinion you're spoutin', why, no one darest criticize, oppose, or judge that fountain of verbiage emergin' betwixt your flappin' gums.

Always wondered some, though, why they had the gall and the gumption to tell me I was wrong to disagree...

Anyways, mustn't badmouth my superiors...

As I was asayin', those presidents were interestin' folks, least some of 'em were. So, I thought, hey, maybe you folks'd enjoy a bit of a quizz. Nothin' too taxin'. (Hah!) The test is easy. Entertainment, mostly.

What I'm gonna do here, ya see, is spill the beans on what happened sometime during the terms of all those presidents I usta have memorized. All you have to do is tell me which president I'm talkin' 'bout.

Ready? Good. I knew ya were...

O.K. Which president believed in, encouraged, was, or did the followin':

-- A master at logrolling.

 

-- A liar for political gain.

 

-- Made a mockery of the notion of equality before the law.

 

-- Said one thing for public consumption but did the opposite; a consummate hypocrite.

 

-- An orator who excelled at weasel words so he could have it both ways in order to gain political support.

 

-- Blasted "extremists" who opposed his policies.

 

-- Was a lawyer who never let the truth stand in the way of a good case and a good fee.

 

-- Lionized by Marxist and "liberal" historians and commentators who did all they could to spin his faults into virtues.

 

-- Promoted a strong, centralized federal government above the governments of the various states.

 

-- Ignored the Constitution without any qualms.

 

-- Believed in the Constitution as a "living document."

 

-- Waged war without seeking a declaration of war from Congress.

 

-- Issued arbitrary presidential degrees binding on state and local governments.

 

-- Was not overly concerned about "collateral damage," i.e., the deaths of noncombatant men, women, and children, and the destruction of their homes and property; such destruction was simply a fact or war.

 

-- Thought noncombatant men, women, and children brought their deaths or injuries upon themselves because of their beliefs and actions, i.e., their opposition to the will of the federal government.

 

-- Believed that the military draft was justified in the interests of national security.

 

-- Pitted blacks against whites.

 

-- Made many promises to blacks but actually left them worse off.

 

-- Believed the best way to achieve national prosperity was the creation of government-business partnerships.

 

-- Thought that subsidies to business and public expenditures for "internal improvements" such as roads and railroads were economically sound.

 

-- Imposed tariffs and quotas to protect U.S. businesses from foreign competition.

 

-- Promoted federal management of the money supply.

 

-- Defended income taxation as good for the country.

 

-- Used inflation of the money supply to obscure the true state of government debt.

 

-- Used the power of the federal government to redistribute wealth from one section of the country to another and from one group to another.

 

-- Had compliant intellectuals obscure the reality of his policies in the eyes of the public.

 

-- Supported federally-funded and government-directed public education.

 

-- Used public education to miseducate children.

 

-- Made full use of political pull and favors for his supporters.

 

-- Granted monopolies to certain businesses.

 

-- Mislabeled his policies as "capitalism."

 

-- Passed massive amounts of legislation to implement his economic and social ideas.

 

-- Politicized economics and made the poorer citizens he pretended to help worse off.

 

-- Racked up giant fiscal deficits.

 

-- Believed that free trade competition led to higher prices for consumers.

 

-- Subscribed to the notion of "fair" wages.

 

-- Manipulated and maneuvered enemies so they would attack the United States first to justify war.

 

-- Ignored valid Supreme Court orders.

 

-- Jailed without charges or trials those labeled as criminals or enemies.

 

-- Hailed democracy and majoritarian rule as the savior of mankind while ignoring the meaning of a constitutional republic.

 

-- Engaged in media censorship.

 

-- Imposed embargoes on enemies.

 

-- Accepted asset forfeiture, i.e., the confiscation of private property, as a valid legal principle.

 

-- Imposed gun control, including the confiscation of privately-owned weapons.

 

-- Ignored the Ninth and Tenth Amendments recognizing the rights of individuals and states.

 

-- Discovered new presidential powers not mentioned in the Constitution.

 

-- Used the military for civilian law enforcement.

 

-- Put innocent citizens in prison camps.

 

-- Made use of secret police forces.

 

-- Exercised more raw power than most monarchs.

 

-- Considered political and military officials above the law.

 

-- Intimidated local judges and legislators into supporting his policies.

 

-- Engaged in illicit election practices.

 

-- Used the U.S. Postal Service monopoly to punish his opponents.

 

-- Placed the good of his party above the good of the nation.

 

-- Shut down banks.

 

-- Condemned and confiscated land.

 

-- Used an influx of immigrants to gain power for his own party.

 

-- Believed the ends justified the means.

 

-- Promoted egalitarianism above individual rights and liberty.

 

-- Thought that a great president was one who increased the size and reach of the federal government.

 

-- Blackmailed the states to get policies he wanted implemented.

Well, that should be enough. Ya git the idea. Should be easy, right? Quite a bit of information there for ya to gnaw on. Do ya know which president this was? Not sure? Sounds like this could describe a lot of those fellers?

'Course, you're right. This is a bit o' a trick question. All these actions, beliefs, and so forth all came from the 'lustrous career of a single man...

...but they equally describe a whole tribe of these "Brothers in Blood."

The "warfare/welfare state"? Hellfire, folks. What else ya bin livin' in for the past hunnerd-forty-odd years? What? Ya didn't know that? Well...

Ain't edukation grand?

These facts and many more can be found in The Real Lincoln: A New Look at Abraham Lincoln, His Agenda, and an Unnecessary War, Thomas J. DiLorenzo, Forum/Prima, 2002, 333 + xiii pages, $24.95.