Back when I was wee tyke usin' a bit of
charcoal to scratch my lessons on a broken piece of slate, I was set
the task of learnin' all the U.S. Presidents, in order. 'Course,
twarn't near as many of those buggers then as now. A couple handfuls
of fingers and a toe or two sufficed for the job. Nowadays, I got
better things to 'member, sech as what I et for breakfast or what my
Still, I had a passin' ability onect upon a
time to recite out loud the names of all those leaders of this great
nation of ourn, the United States of America.
Seems, however, though, that some things were
missin' from my edukation. Nothin' critical, mind you. Just like
facts and sech.
Oh, we learned stuff and all. In
my advancin' years, howsomeever, I wonder where in thunder my
teachers got all that information they larded into our heads. Cain't
say most of that pile I had crammed twixt my ears had a whole lot in
common with, ya know, the truth. Still, those what seem to know
better'n me (least that's what they tell me) claim there ain't no
sech thing as "reality" or "truth." Leastwise, what's real or true
varies from person to person like mules' hind legs. Whatever opinion
you're spoutin', why, no one darest criticize, oppose, or judge that
fountain of verbiage emergin' betwixt your flappin' gums.
Always wondered some, though, why they had the
gall and the gumption to tell me I was wrong to
Anyways, mustn't badmouth my
As I was asayin', those presidents were
interestin' folks, least some of 'em were. So, I thought, hey, maybe
you folks'd enjoy a bit of a quizz. Nothin' too taxin'. (Hah!) The
test is easy. Entertainment, mostly.
What I'm gonna do here, ya see, is spill the
beans on what happened sometime during the terms of all those
presidents I usta have memorized. All you have to do is tell me
president I'm talkin' 'bout.
Ready? Good. I knew ya were...
O.K. Which president believed in, encouraged,
was, or did the followin':
- -- A master at logrolling.
- -- A liar for political gain.
- -- Made a mockery of the notion of equality
before the law.
- -- Said one thing for public consumption
but did the opposite; a consummate hypocrite.
- -- An orator who excelled at weasel words
so he could have it both ways in order to gain political
- -- Blasted "extremists" who opposed his
- -- Was a lawyer who never let the truth
stand in the way of a good case and a good fee.
- -- Lionized by Marxist and "liberal"
historians and commentators who did all they could to spin his
faults into virtues.
- -- Promoted a strong, centralized federal
government above the governments of the various states.
- -- Ignored the Constitution without any
- -- Believed in the Constitution as a
- -- Waged war without seeking a declaration
of war from Congress.
- -- Issued arbitrary presidential degrees
binding on state and local governments.
- -- Was not overly concerned about
"collateral damage," i.e., the deaths of noncombatant men, women,
and children, and the destruction of their homes and property;
such destruction was simply a fact or war.
- -- Thought noncombatant men, women, and
children brought their deaths or injuries upon themselves because
of their beliefs and actions, i.e., their opposition to the will
of the federal government.
- -- Believed that the military draft was
justified in the interests of national security.
- -- Pitted blacks against whites.
- -- Made many promises to blacks but
actually left them worse off.
- -- Believed the best way to achieve
national prosperity was the creation of government-business
- -- Thought that subsidies to business and
public expenditures for "internal improvements" such as roads and
railroads were economically sound.
- -- Imposed tariffs and quotas to protect
U.S. businesses from foreign competition.
- -- Promoted federal management of the money
- -- Defended income taxation as good for the
- -- Used inflation of the money supply to
obscure the true state of government debt.
- -- Used the power of the federal government
to redistribute wealth from one section of the country to another
and from one group to another.
- -- Had compliant intellectuals obscure the
reality of his policies in the eyes of the public.
- -- Supported federally-funded and
government-directed public education.
- -- Used public education to miseducate
- -- Made full use of political pull and
favors for his supporters.
- -- Granted monopolies to certain
- -- Mislabeled his policies as
- -- Passed massive amounts of legislation to
implement his economic and social ideas.
- -- Politicized economics and made the
poorer citizens he pretended to help worse off.
- -- Racked up giant fiscal deficits.
- -- Believed that free trade competition led
to higher prices for consumers.
- -- Subscribed to the notion of "fair"
- -- Manipulated and maneuvered enemies so
they would attack the United States first to justify war.
- -- Ignored valid Supreme Court
- -- Jailed without charges or trials those
labeled as criminals or enemies.
- -- Hailed democracy and majoritarian rule
as the savior of mankind while ignoring the meaning of a
- -- Engaged in media censorship.
- -- Imposed embargoes on enemies.
- -- Accepted asset forfeiture, i.e., the
confiscation of private property, as a valid legal
- -- Imposed gun control, including the
confiscation of privately-owned weapons.
- -- Ignored the Ninth and Tenth Amendments
recognizing the rights of individuals and states.
- -- Discovered new presidential powers not
mentioned in the Constitution.
- -- Used the military for civilian law
- -- Put innocent citizens in prison
- -- Made use of secret police forces.
- -- Exercised more raw power than most
- -- Considered political and military
officials above the law.
- -- Intimidated local judges and legislators
into supporting his policies.
- -- Engaged in illicit election
- -- Used the U.S. Postal Service monopoly to
punish his opponents.
- -- Placed the good of his party above the
good of the nation.
- -- Shut down banks.
- -- Condemned and confiscated land.
- -- Used an influx of immigrants to gain
power for his own party.
- -- Believed the ends justified the
- -- Promoted egalitarianism above individual
rights and liberty.
- -- Thought that a great president was one
who increased the size and reach of the federal government.
- -- Blackmailed the states to get policies
he wanted implemented.
Well, that should be enough. Ya git the idea.
Should be easy, right? Quite a bit of information there for ya to
gnaw on. Do ya know which president this was? Not sure? Sounds like
this could describe a lot of those
'Course, you're right. This is a bit o' a trick
question. All these actions, beliefs, and so forth all came from the
'lustrous career of a single man...
...but they equally describe a whole tribe of
these "Brothers in Blood."
The "warfare/welfare state"? Hellfire, folks.
What else ya bin livin' in for the past hunnerd-forty-odd years?
What? Ya didn't know that? Well...
Ain't edukation grand?
These facts and many more can be found in
The Real Lincoln: A New Look at Abraham
Lincoln, His Agenda, and an Unnecessary War, Thomas J. DiLorenzo, Forum/Prima, 2002, 333 + xiii
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