Although I added the caption myself, I found the screen capture at a Valentino fan site. They did not say
it was copyright anybody, so if I'm infringing, at least it's second-hand infringement. Hopefully, Rudy won't mind.
Bumper sticker suggestions:
A flat tax for a flat Earth.
You are evil and must be stopped
Let me tell you about my Lord and Master, Satan.
Subsidize eccentricity.
The environment is everything.
Galileo and Darwin were fundamentalists, too, but they got over it.
Stop interplanetary whining
I wanted to become a household word, so I changed my name legally to Double-wide.
Trendy menus for normal people:
Flame-broiled hand-ground hand-pattied beef on sesame-seed bun with mustard-ketchup-mayonnaise sauce, field
greens, and slices of pickled cucumber
People are always asking God to bless America. America has been blessed many times over. Don't push Him around
or He might decide to bless somebody else for a while.
Ear-splitting Wal-Mart announcement, every 30 seconds: "I need any member of management for customer courtesy."
Too right you do.
There was a long tunnel with a light at the end, and voices were calling my name. But they weren't calling
nicely, and the light was hot and terrifying instead of warm and welcoming.
He was a man trapped inside a woman's body, and you should have seen the grin on his face.
I just got a record by the fiercely anti-Scooby Doo band Rage Against the Mystery Machine.
Bill Clinton's hosting a new game show: Did I Have Sex With That Woman?
I'm a fashion criminal, but I'm out on fashion parole. Thank goodness I didn't have to join the Fashion Witness
Protection Program.
What the world needs is a Mormon motorcycle gang. They would dress very neatly and always travel in twos.
Suggested bad personal ad: MARCIE SEEKS PEPPERMINT PATTY. GWF seeks same. I want to follow you around and
call you "Sir."
The Ages of Man:
Cradle -> Ritalin -> Prozac -> Viagra -> Grave
"Guns don't kill apes; damned dirty apes kill apes." -- Charlton Heston
"Guns don't kill people. Soylent Green is people." -- Charlton Heston.
Helpful headline from our friends at Earthlink: Jailed Writer Remains Imprisoned
There should be a parody of the old TV show "Kung Fu" called "Feng Shui." A shaven-headed Chinese fellow wanders
the Wild West rearranging people's furniture.
Wal-Mart and the Chinese Red Army--Always
Did you hear about the skydiving gymnast whose parachute didn't open? At least she stuck the landing.
My doctor gave me a great new drug. It's called Place-bo. It's for hippo-kon-dry-a. I think I've got a pretty
bad case.
You can get a square peg into a round hole. Eventually.
Astrologers need to know your precise time and date of birth, because there's a sucker born every minute and
they have the complete list.
If vampires can't see their reflections, how come their hair is always so neat?
That which does not kill us makes us stronger--or kills us slowly enough that we don't notice.
Living well is the best revenge, but blowing up the bastards' houses works pretty well, too.
I'm joining the Pastafarians. We believe that Chef Boyardee is actually Emperor Haile Selassie.
I'm a Luddenite. We follow the anti-machinery teachings of late Password host Allen Ludden.
I'm a Listrian. We believe in mouthwash.
If you're a 100% red-blooded American, you may have a hemoglobin imbalance. Most people's blood is blue half
the time. Pinkothan can help.
I had this terrible dream. The stupidest man in the world became President, wrecked our international standing,
tore up a variety of environmental agreements, then went home for a one-month vacation and oh...my...god...
This page's link explanation: My friend Peggy is starting a new company offering retreats and other services
for writers. Follow Inkslinger link for a contest!
