Phil's Little Blog on the Prairie

I have to admit that even though I'm a big proponent of the Four Keys for faith development in the home, I've found myself a bit apologetic about one of them--family devotions. Knowing that words like "devotion" and "worship" can be provocative for some Unitarian Universalists, I've downplayed the devotional aspect of this key, usually by referring to it as a form of small group ministry for families. Well, I guess I don't know Unitarian Universalists as well as I think I do, because while I was looking around for UU prayers and graces for ritual guru Meg Cox, I reacquainted myself with Helen R. Pickett's book Rejoice Together: Prayers, Meditations, and Other Readings for Family, Individual, and Small-Group Worship. Wouldn't you know it (and I did know it at one time because I used this book quite a bit when I was a director of religious education), the very first section of the book is all about Family Worship!

The book is a collection of worship resources, and the section on Family Worship borrows liberally from the Handbook of Religious Services published by the Church of the Larger Fellowship (which may be, out of necessity, our family-friendliest congregation). Here's the opening paragraphs of the section on Family Worship:

Some 200 years ago, when Unitarianism and Universalism were new in North America, prayers were part of the family's daily ritual. Gradually, we have let go of this practice. Though some UU families still say grace at meals or encourage children to say bedtime prayers, even these simple customs have been largely abandoned.

Some form of religious observance--call it worship, celebration, or what you will--is necessary to our spiritual growth whether we're part of a congregation or not. We may worship, celebrate, sing, and meditate by ourselves when we feel the need. We may also create opportunities to do these things together as a family in our own home.

I would change the "may" in the last sentence to "should." Worshipping as a family at home--family devotions, if you will--is an important component of any religion that actively seeks to retain its children and youth in their faith tradition. Of course, the use of reason and the freedom to make faith decisions for one's self are an important part of our tradition, and if our children decide to follow another path we will certainly offer them our blessing. But we all need a place to start in our religious journeys, and providing a family faith in the home, supported by a larger community, is more likely than not to affect our children in a positive way.

Rejoice Together goes on to quote this from the Rev. Robert L'H. Miller:

The stuff of your daily life experience and its language and style of expression should provide content and context for family celebrations. Our celebrations affirm our beliefs in the goodness of life, the supreme worth of persons, the creative process of sharing, the search for truth. Our celebrations clarify our values and help us learn what is good, what kind of person am I, what kind of persons are others? Our celebrations enhance our feeling of fellowship, oneness, awareness of traditions, family roots, and heritage, a sense of freedom to speak, think, and participate.

Sounds pretty good to me. So let's hear it for family devotions! And if you need some ideas on where to begin, check out this compilation of Prayers & Graces from my colleague Dan Harper.
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Roger Butts, my friend and colleague in Davenport, Iowa, sent me an interesting column from Rabbi Henry Jay Karp entitled, "Raising Jewish Children." Rabbi Karp says that "as Jewish parents, we should be concerned about what are our obligations when it comes to appropriately raising our children as Jews in today's American society." The same can definitely be said about Unitarian Universalists. In fact, the first three points that Rabbi Karp makes are easily translatable for UUs:

Every UU child should be raised with a positive UU identity. We parents must effectively communicate to them that we are proud of being UUs and so should they.
Every UU child should received a well-rounded religious education. Such an education is born of a partnership between the home and the congregation. Neither can do an adequate job alone.
Every UU child should experience the power of being part of a greater UU community. They need to be given the opportunity to interact with other UUs on many different levels. UU encounters at home and during RE classes are but the beginning of such experiences--not the totality of them. Community worship (especially family services for young children), social justice activities, UU camping, youth groups, and UU communal social gatherings all play an important part in developing a child's attachment to a greater UU community.

The rest of Rabbi Karp's points are specifically about the rituals and traditions of Judaism; number fourteen, for example reads, "Every Jewish child should have the opportunity at some point in their lives to visit the land of Israel." I think there are a lot of UUs who believe that every UU youth should have the opportunity at some point in their lives to visit Boston! I also believe that in addition to visiting Boston and the three obligations above, every UU child and youth should have certain experiences on Sunday morning. Consider the following Q & A from religious educator Mary Marsh, originally published in the October 1999 issue of Interconnections:

Q. What should the Sunday morning experience include for children?

A. What I would like to see kids get on Sunday morning:

I would like to know that every week, when a child walks out the door, she is at least a little glad she came.

I would like an adult who is not a child's parent to ask him how his week has been. I would like him to have a little something to eat with a friend.

I would like each child who comes to walk out with one little spark of thought she didn't have when she came in.

I would like her to be called by her name by someone outside of her immediate family.

I would like him to hear the words "Unitarian Universalist" at least once.

I would like them to see at least one candle lit and hear at least one song sung.

If all these things happen every week for every child, we will have succeeded. When we spend our time teaching, our goals should be focused on these simple things. If we plan engaging, enjoyable classes, with a lot of room for enjoying the fact we are in this community, most of these things will be accomplished.

I truly believe that if we intentionally provided opportunities for our children and youth to experience these things, we would be well on our way to retaining a majority of them in our faith tradition. Of course, the list could (and should) go on. What are some of the experiences you think every UU child and youth should have?
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I recently finished reading Christian Smith's Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers. If you care at all about how our association of congregations can better serve the youth among us, I heartily recommend that you read this book. If you don't have time to read it, the next best thing would be to take a look at the National Study of Youth and Religion website which Christian Smith set up to report on the NSYR project, which "is designed to enhance our understanding of the religious lives of American youth from adolescence into young adulthood, using telephone survey and in-depth interview methods." There you'll find an article entitled "Theorizing Religious Effects Among American Adolescents." If you can't spend too much time looking over the NSYR website, then please read the article--it's essential. And if you can't read the article, please look over the abstract, key points, and conclusion below. I believe that our Consultation on Ministry to and with Youth absolutely must be informed by the research and conclusions Christian Smith makes.

Abstract

A large body of empirical studies shows that religion often serves as a factor promoting positive, healthy outcomes in the lives of American adolescents. Yet existing theoretical explanations for these religious effects remain largely disjointed and fragmented. This article attempts to formulate a more systematic, integrated, and coherent account of religion’s constructive influence in the lives of American youth, suggesting nine key factors (moral directives, spiritual experiences, role models, community and leadership skills, coping skills, cultural capital, social capital, network closure, and extra-community links) that cluster around three key dimensions of influence (moral order, learned competencies, and social and organizational ties).
Moral Order
Moral directives
American religions promote specific cultural moral directives of self-control and personal virtue grounded in the authority of long historical traditions and narratives, into which members are inducted, such that youth may internalize these moral orders and use them to guide their life choices and moral commitments.
Spiritual experiences
American religions provide the organizational contexts and cultural substance fostering in youth spiritual experiences that may help to solidify their moral commitments and constructive life practices.
Role models
American religions can provide youth with adult and peer-group role models, providing examples of life practices shaped by religious moral orders that constructively influence the lives of youth, and offering positive relationships that youth may be invested in preserving though their own normatively approved living.
Learned Competencies
Community and leadership skills
American religions provide organizational contexts where youth can observe, learn, and practice valuable community life skills and leadership skills, which are transposable for constructive uses beyond religious activities.
Coping skills
American religions promote a variety of beliefs and practices that can help believers cope with the stress of difficult situations social-psychologically, to process difficult emotions, and to resolve interpersonal conflicts, and so enhance the well-being and life capacities of youth.
Cultural capital
American religions provide youth with alternative opportunities (beyond family, school, and the media) to acquire elements of cultural capital that may directly enhance the well-being of youth and may be transposable to other social settings for constructive purposes in youth’s lives.
Social and Organizational Ties
Social capital
American religion is one of the few, major American social institutions that is not rigidly age stratified and emphasizes personal interactions over time, thus providing youth with personal access to other adult members in their religious communities, affording cross-generational network ties with the potential to provide extra-familial, trusting relationships of care and accountability, and linking youth to wider sources of helpful information, resources, and opportunities.
Network closure
American religious congregations can provide relatively dense networks of relational ties within which youth are embedded, involving people who pay attention to the lives of youth, and who can provide oversight of and information about youth to their parents and other people well positioned to discourage negative and encourage positive life practices among youth.
Extra-community skills
American religions typically comprise links to national and transnational religious organizations, providing youth with connections to positive experiences and events well beyond their local communities, which can expand youth’s horizons and aspirations, foster developmental maturity, and enhance competencies and knowledge.

Conclusion

The more that these nine influences are present to youth in their religious organizations, and the more youth learn, embrace, and capitalize on

these resources, the more religion will positively and constructively influence the outcomes in American youth’s lives.

Please pass this along to anyone you know who cares about the future of youth in our religious tradition.
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