Last week at I met with religious educators from around the Prairie Star District to discuss the future of lifespan programming. The purpose of the meeting was to determine what the next steps will be as we reconfigure the lifespan program area to reflect a broader vision of faith development, but questions arose around the definition of "family" and "family ministry" and how they relate to lifespan faith development. I've found a brief article by Diana Garland (LookSmart's FindArticles - What is family ministry? - Column Christian Century, Nov 13, 1996, by Diana R. Garland) that may provide us with some answers. Garland uses a Christian perspective, but I think her definitions can be pretty inclusive.

First, Garland believes that "the importance of families rests squarely in the fact that families are one of the most significant contexts for Christian discipleship." From a Unitarian Universalist perspective, we would say that families “are one of the most significant contexts for” faith development. Garland goes on to say that "a second Christian assumption about families that grows out of the New Testament is that we are to reach beyond the bonds of blood and marriage to embrace others as family." A similar assumption grows out of our Unitarian Universalist tradition as well. For us, families do, indeed, "reach beyond the bonds of blood and marriage." Garland's third assumption is that families "were created to provide partnership in work." In a justice-oriented tradition such as ours, that work can and should be service to others--in our congregations, our local communities, and the wider world.

Here, then, is Garland's summary:

On this basis, I offer the following definition of family ministry: family ministry is any activity of a church which 1) develops new family relationships in the community of faith; 2) increases the Christlikeness of the family relationships of Christians; and 3) equips, encourages and supports Christians to use their families as a channel of ministry to others. Family ministry is not just a set of programs, although it certainly can include programs. Family ministry is, in effect, everything that a church and its representatives do which has an impact of the founding, development and ministry of families.

Family ministry in Unitarian Universalist congregations can have a similar definition. At its best, family ministry: develops new relationships in a community of faith; calls each of us to be our best selves within our family and community; and equips, encourages, and supports families as they minister to others.
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Peter Morales, my former supervisor at the UUA (and current minister of a thriving congregation in Colorado), likes to say that we don't need a fancy ad campaign to promote Unitarian Universalism. Rather, the best way for us to grow our movement is to repel fewer visitors. That's because we have plenty of people coming through our doors already. And many of those visitors are entire families--or someone scouting a congregation out for his or her family. So, being welcoming to all is the first step in family ministry as far as I'm concerned. Here are some tips on how to do that during coffee hour from Dino Hayz, director of religious education at our congregation in Davenport, Iowa. Dino says that, "the simple act of letting someone know that they are welcome is actually a very large act of power and grace. But sometimes people don’t know what to say or feel they can’t handle small talk when meeting someone new." Dino suggests:

DO:

• Treat them as guests in your home.
• Wear your nametag and keep it on during coffee hour.
• Speak to guests with admiration, possibly provide a compliment.
• Ask if they have any questions (may I help you find something?)
• Ask “what brought you here today?”
• Really listen to their answers.
• Notice what they’re looking at…a bulletin board, pictures…ask what catches their interest.
• Respect their personal space.
• Invite them to coffee! Invite them into the community.
• Ask them if they know anyone here.
• Tell them basic information about where to go, what to do.
• Briefly describe the service format. Let them know that it will include things that they’re familiar with, such as;
  songs, readings, a sermon, etc.
• Say, “I don’t believe I’ve met you. What is your name?”
• Greet everyone, not only newcomers.
• Talk to their children, find the RE director and introduce them.
• KEEP IT SIMPLE; ‘the weather’ is always a good icebreaker

Be in the moment with them…let it come naturally.

DON’T:

• Stare with a blank face and not speak.
• Say, “who are you and what are you doing here?!”
• Ask them about their personal views right away (So, do you believe there is a God…why?)
• Invade their personal space (I can see the little hairs in your nostrils).
• Talk too much about yourself (enough about me…what do YOU think about me?).
• Talk too little about yourself.
• Ignore their children.
• Greet only newcomers.
• Scare them away by being too pushy…or overly friendly (Hello, I’m Dino…you are SO GOOD-LOOKING!).
• Tell them about your frustrations right way (Hi, it’s nice to meet you, I’m so angry this morning…).
• Grill them. (Did you drive here today? Do you drive yourself? Do you have a car? What kind? Is it paid for? Wanna
  sell it?)

Good advice for all of us, I think. Remember, it's often an act of courage to cross the threshold of an unfamiliar place, especially a religious institution. And it's doubly so for a family. We need to be doing everything thing we can to welcome those who come through our doors.

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