Phil's Little Blog on the Prairie

"How would we know if we are living out our mission statement? What evidence could we see?" The district board here in Prairie Star asked this question when considering its vision for the year 2010. One of their responses is of special interest to me: "Consistently," they said, "a majority of children move through children's Religious Education to youth programming, on to Young Adult involvement, and on to lifelong involvement with UUism."

I reminded the board of these words when I presented my goals for the coming year at our annual retreat at Shalom Hill Farm. I also noted that the current model of religious education in most of our Unitarian Universalist congregations was not designed to develop lifelong Unitarian Universalists. In fact, it's a common belief among us that only 10% of the children who attend our religious education classes ever grow up to be UUs.

If we are going to reach this goal (which I interpret to mean a least 51% of our children move through youth programming and onto young adulthood and eventual lifelong involvement with Unitarian Universalism), I believe we're going to have to start doing things differently. And we're not the only ones in this boat. Other religious groups have similar numbers of their children and youth leaving their faith traditions as well.

Roland Martinson of the Luther Seminary in St. Paul notes that only "10% of baptized children/youth continue in the life of the church and 'grow in grace'/vocation leadership within the faith community and its mission in the world." So we're not alone here. And maybe some of the solutions proposed by other denominations could help us, too.

Here are the key 8 Faith Factors (translated into UU, of course) from a project studying faith in youth and young adults led by Martinson:

Faith integrated into family identity and practice
Three or more adult mentors of vital faith
Three or more months service in the name of justice, equity, and compassion in human relations
Apprenticed early into leadership in their church
Engaging, meaningful church experience in which youth are valued
Excellent senior high/young adult ministry
Encouraged by strong Unitarian Universalist friend(s)
Support within an engaging Unitarian Universalist community during a personal crisis

Notice that while senior high/young adult ministry is important, it comes after some fairly simple things we could all be doing in our congregations--strengthening the UU faith of our families, mentoring our youth, offering opportunities for meaningful service in the community, and getting youth involved in the leadership of the congregation. How well does your congregation do in providing these key faith factors for your youth?

The latest issue of the UUWorld has a terrific article by William J. Doherty called "Let's Take Back Our Time," and I think it gets to the heart of the number one obstacle to family ministry in our congregations: the lack of time in our lives. As Doherty notes, "We work more hours than medieval peasants did." Can you believe it? No wonder it's almost impossible to find time to really connect with those around us--our friends and neighbors--and, most importantly, with our families and ourselves.

But wait! The news gets worse. "We UUs are in the belly of this beast," says Doherty. "We are a largely middle- to upper-middle-class denomination, and our social class group leads the way in the social pathologies of overwork and overscheduling." He continues with a fitting indictment of our complicity in these "pathologies": "We UUs are sitting ducks for the culture of workaholism, competitive parenting, and frantic living. We are its agents, not just its victims." Fortunately, Doherty has some good news as well. "We do not have to live time-starved lives, and neither do our children."

A good place to start, he suggests, is to participate in Take Back Your Time Day on October 24, 2004. I definitely agree. I think it would be fantastic if UU congregations across the district and around the association made supporting this day part of our social justice work. Indeed, the Unitarian Universalist Association's Washington Office for Advocacy has already endorsed it. But of course, this is only the beginning. I believe that real change will happen in our congregations only when we have reclaimed an essential component of our Jewish and Christian heritage--the notion of Sabbath.

Wayne Muller , author of Sabbath: Restoring the Sacred Rhythm of Rest, has said it best:

Let us take a collective breath, rest, pray, meditate, walk, sing, eat and take time to share the unhurried company of those we love. Let us, for just one day, cease our desperate striving for more, and instead taste the blessings we have already been given, and give thanks.

I believe that the kind of Sabbath Muller speaks of must be the centerpiece of any sort of viable family ministry in our communities of faith. What we all need more than anything else in this troubled and troubling world is "time to share the unhurried company of those we love." Our congregations should be places that help, not hinder, us in finding time to "taste the blessings we have already been given."

Another obstacle to implementing family ministry programs in Unitarian Universalist congregations has to do with the very nature of families. As Michael E. Kerr says in One Family's Story: A Primer on Bowen Theory, "It is the nature of a family that its members are intensely connected emotionally." And being "intensely connected emotionally" is not one of Unitarian Universalisms strong suits. Indeed, American Unitarianism (and to a lesser extent Universalism) priveledged intellect over emotion. Henry Wilder Foote notes in "The Unitarian Movement in North America," "Unitarians are popularly supposed to be 'coldly intellectual' and to ignore the emotional and spiritual aspects of religion." Little wonder, then, that in some congregations the word "family" is greeted with the same wariness as the word "God."

Fortunately, things are changing. As John Morgan reports in his essay "Small Group Ministry: Rooted in Early Universalism," James Luther Adams once remarked that the reason people come "to our religious communities at all" is "for ultimacy and intimacy." And as Dr. Dean Ornish has noted (and as many UU ministers have quoted in their sermons in recent years):

Anything that promotes a sense of isolation leads to chronic stress, and often to illness like heart disease. Conversely, anything that leads to real intimacy, and feelings of connection can be healing in the real sense of the word, to bring together to make whole. The ability to be intimate has long been seen as a key to emotional health. I believe it is essential to the health of our hearts as well.

I hope that the growing interest in small group ministry among UUs is preparing the way for a new interest in family ministry. If intimacy is the key to emotional health, then helping families and congregation members find true intimacy (relational closeness with distinct boundaries) will help us all in our journeys to be whole. Of special interest to me is the notion that families can serve as a small group ministry for children. I'll be attending a one-day workshop on this very topic at the Louisville Seminary's Center for Congregations and Family Ministry in October. Here's what they say about the program:

Congregations struggle with how to help families who are seeking to provide spiritual nurture for children in an increasingly busy world. At the same time, churches are discovering new vitality in their ministries through the formation of small groups. The same principles can be tools for our families because the family is the child’s small group.

I'll let you know what I find out!