What
is Saferoom?
Saferoom
is a club located in yahoo. Saferoom was started in Sept. of 1998 and has
grown to over 400 members. Saferoom does not offer therapy instead we offer
friendship, compassion and a place to be understood & heard without
being judged. We have a chat room, e-mail list and message post board.
How
can I join?
You
can join saferoom by clicking on the link below that says join saferoom.
You will need to fill out a form that the founders will receive . Please
make sure that you have already registered a name with yahoo and you have
joined saferoom. The form will require the following information
E-mail
address, First Name, Gender, Saferoom Name
Join
Saferoom
A
brief introduction would be great but not mandatory. The above information
will not be necessary to become a saferoom member but will be necessary
for you to stay in the club. We have decided to give all new members about
2 weeks to fill out the application form with the required information
before being deleted from the club. No names nor e-mail addresses will
be used for anything other then in an emergency and for saferoom matters
only. We will not share these names with anyone. Saferoom now has an unlisted
club as part of its club affiliates. In order to join this club you will
need to supply the founders with a "real" e-mail address. What we mean
by real is not a web based one like yahoo, hotmail,mail ect.....In order
to be a member of SafeRoom Project Club you must first belong to the Saferoom
and you would have to submit the info to the founders as described above.
To
apply for the unlisted room click here----->>>>
Who
are the Founders?
Saferoom
has four founders at this point. Mrs88888, Jus_Gari, Copper_Beach and Kel1969
What
do I do in chat?
When
are the chats?
The
chat room is open 24/7 and all you need to do is click on the link and
go inside. If the chartroom is empty and you want to chat go inside and
just wait usually within minutes someone will join you. Once inside if
there are other chatters is it customary to say hi. It does take a while
to get used to chatting so please be patient. We do have scheduled chats
set up and those times can be found under the calendar section on the main
page. Please understand that conversations are on going with people coming
and going. U must get yourself into the conversation and not feel like
people do not like you simply because everyone did not stop talking. If
you are in crisis or need someone to talk to please make it known, since
there are just regular people in the chat room not mind readers.
What
is the post board?
The
post board is a place that we leave posts about what we are feeling. We
try and make sure that if were writing something that may be triggering
we give notice by saying ***********TRIGGER**********
or
something to that effect. Since no one can know what triggers someone else
we try to use "common sense" to decide what's triggering. Better to air
on the side of caution and place a ****TRIGGER ******** warning if talking
about sensitive issues. Sometimes people get upset by the fact that they
post a message and don't get any responses. I can assure u it has nothing
to do liking or not like the person. There are a group of people who post
but there are between 40-70 people on any given day checking the posts.
So more people are reading the posts then we responding to them. There
are several reasons for people not answering posts. Well I think that a
lot of time the issues being brought up are hitting a nerve to some and
triggering to others. A lot of time people do not know how to respond to
something. I think that if you post and want a response ask for it. Otherwise
if it gets responded to great if not its not because people don't like
u. Sometimes I am so tired, or so drained I just have energy to go and
read posts. Other times I have lots of time so I read them and have time
to respond to them. When I just read them it does not mean I did like the
poem someone wrote, or that i did not identify what someone said. It's
just maybe I am having a bad day or something like that. So please post
what you can and if you can respond to some posts that would be great.
Therapy
vs Support
Saferoom
is here to provide support, not therapy. where is that line?
There
are words to answer that concretely, but every person
in
the room intuitively feels when that line is being crossed. They may not
honor it, but they feel it. The final
word
on that has to come from each individual. If someone is asking you to give
them MORE than they are willing to provide themselves, they are seeking
therapy, not just support.
Do
I have to Share Personal Details?
Everyone
is presumed anonymous until it is established that
it
is ok to disclose any personal information about someone
in
a post or chat. Regardless of what their profile says, it's no one's place
to bring that info up in chat. As far
as
directly asking for personal info from someone in chat, let others bring
up what they want to about themselves. This is a sensitive forum. If someone
wants to talk about
personal
details let them do so in their own time. don't walk on eggshells around
each other, but treat this forum
like
you would any public place. You don't approach someone in line at the grocery
store and inquire about their deep dark secrets, you should not do it here
either. That's a good way to
scare
someone to death and keep them from getting the support that they need
and yes, it has happened in SR. founders will not let that go without
saying something to all involved, NOT in a reproachful way. It's
got nothing to do with blame; rather, respect. We all have the right to
be perfectly anonymous here. We do not have to disclose even our hair color
if we don't want to. Protect your anonymity, then do whatever you must
to do so. It's not an issue with the room--it never has been. Be safe.
How
do I subscribe to the SR mailing list?
Security
is in part why the SR email list was created for more privacy and deeper
discussion.
Safe
Room E-Mail list http://www.onelist.com/subscribe/Saferoom
Is
there an age limit on SR members?
NO,
there is no age limit on membership to this club. While
some
find the subject matter of this room not necessarily table talk, it's not
supposed to be. There is no age limit
in
SR, because it is here for anyone who needs to talk about abusive experiences.
If older members find that too nebulous, then perhaps that reflects some
personal issues,
and
has nothing really to do with the younger members of SR.
As
far as the younger members go, the older members have some vital things
to share..... listen.... we could all
stand
to be more receptive....
How
do you balance chat so that everyone gets to talk?
Some
of us have been in the room longer than others. New members come in waves,
it seems. we have all been new at some point. Then we all become
"not new". at that point, a split
arises
between the two groups. This is *not* a new thing--it seems to be a trend.
Oddly the transition from
being
new to being a vet is not an easy thing, cos we all still need to talk,
but sometimes chat gets crowded, and we don't all get to talk. be respectful,
no matter how long you have been here. THE MEMBERS are what make this club
work as well as it does. We all have something to say.
What
about people who come to chat threatening to hurt themselves?
This
does happen form time to time. We are all compassionate people. We ALL
want
to help, but MOST
of
us know that help has to come from the self. Someone who is in a phase
of self-hurt can't save another who is
self
hurting. You can't describe a goal to someone that you have never felt
or seen for yourself. The greater truth of
that
is, even those of us who are not self hurting can't *help* another person.
We can listen, support, advise...
but
when it comes down to it, YOU
have
to be YOUR own first line of support. You will not make it until
you can be your own support. self hurt is the learned behavior of a victim,
and those of us who have been healing for a while recognize that fact.
Healing has
no
room for self hurt. the two CAN NOT mutually exist, and you can not change
people. you can not SAVE anyone but
yourself.
Healing is WORK. It is not magic. Most of us have been threats to ourselves
at some point--we understand it, and we understand that the tendency in
itself can be survived. We also know the helplessness of someone
threatening suicide a million miles away on the other end of a modem. It's
not any fun for anybody, and none of us are ever going to be used
to dealing with that. There are forums that are better suited to dealing
with specific issues, like self mutilation, eating disorders, specific
kinds of abuse... links to those sorts of place are completely welcome
in posts or in our LINKS section. ANYONE who has an
abuse issue is welcome in SR, but we all have to recognize again,
that we are not here to be therapists to each other, and it is unfair to
expect members to do so. The legal aspects of this are such that -- if
you are a threat to yourself, you need to seek **Professional**
**Help**.
So
how do I handle a suicidal member of the room?
Well,
not by avoiding them, which tends to happen. Avoidance will only make the
situation worse, and serve to
divide
the room. Come to the room. listen. Give what you have to offer on the
subject. Observe the reception of it. If the conversation overwhelms you,
leave,
but tell them WHY you are leaving. YOU CAN'T MAKE THEM LISTEN--learn this
now. If someone harasses you, or PMs you with suicidal threats, address
the situation as follows:
**Try to point the person in the direction of some good resources regarding
suicide (See our Links section).
**Take care to impart whatever advice you can
If the person persists with suicidal threats, tell him/her that you cannot
help until s/he helps himself/herself.
*If necessary, state CLEARLY that you will no longer be part of this conversation,
that you will talk about other things, but not self hurt.
*If necessary, leave the chat.
ALWAYS,
always, put yourself and your boundaries first--make sure your boundaries
are clear, and that you
stick
to them.
What
if something goes wrong in chat?
SR
is not going to be censored in any way. The only interference that is ever
run in this club is with people
who
join to be disruptive, with people who intentionally create controversy
in the room by spamming members,
harassing
them, or being deceptive in any way with a club
founder.
Become
a member of
