Here’s a bit of bio info before I go into the Phoenix stories beyond. You might as well see who I am before I go off on my usual tangents. That’s me in the picture above. I’m a Scorpio with Gemini rising and Moon in Sagittarius. (More astrobabble on request). I live in Seattle WA, USA and sometimes on my land in the mountains outside Tonasket in eastern WA. I’m a radical faerie (queer boy into environment, politics, spirituality, globally indigenous thinking, – and more). I’m a real treefaerie and hold conversation with the plants, and other life forms (incarnate or not). Spirituality is really important to me and I’ve studied many paths – landing somewhere in a shamanic, Taoist, witchy, tribal worldview. I’ve worked to build community in various ways over the years and still do what I can within the confines of some disabilities I have – chronic pain ( fibromyalgia sort of thing), migraines, bipolar illness and various other ailments. I’ve worked for myself as a landscaper a lot, wildcrafting herbs too. Co-ops, collectives, nonprofits - I like being in charge with other people who’re also in charge. I'm generally self-empowered and creative when I’m hyper or close to it, and a boring drone when I’m depressed.

My Way is what I’m gonna be talking about as the Phoenix Path in these pages. I’ve certainly lived it long enough to speak about it – at least the way I’ve lived it anyway. It’s different for everyone who travels it I'd imagine. But it's still challenging for us all. From suffering to ecstasy, over and over and over again. Whew….

OK – enough intro. Now I’m gonna start trying to talk my dance about how I’ve survived and enjoyed this ½ century and more. I hope you find it interesting. If you do please feel free to drop me an e-mail. I like making new friends…

The energy of the Phoenix has come to me strongly recently. It has come to me as both an energy and a Name - one that I have not chosen but one that has chosen me. It speaks well to my present life, (and also exemplifies the changes going on in our world today. If this isn’t crashing and burning and rebuilding from the ashes then what is??) Like the phoenix of mythology I have constantly immolated myself in the raging fires. After the flames I spend a period among the ashes. Learning what the downtime in the ashes has to tell me about my life. But at some point I can no longer bear that dry hot energy, and, if I can,  I must once again allow the pull that throws me from the red hot bed of coals and the ashes surrounding them into the Spirit World. There I am re-created in whatever form is next and it's time to reincarnate. I am often surprised by what changes I find, but I am just as likely to know them. I've been expecting them.

I'm still in the ashes and the fires as I write this and I don't know how long it will last – it’s been awhile - 10 years or more. This part is no fun, except for the few times I’ve managed to jump up a bit and catch the sun’s rays instead of the fires of the pit. In the last several months I have come within an inch of death 3 different times. Seriously. It's been true hell and I feel like I've just had a major operation and  I am in the ICU recovering. Intense… and clearly the crash before the return of my next life. I mean, I do like intensity. But this is too much. It's so ironic to me that the times when I almost die are times when I usually want to stay alive. It's when I want to die that something often kicks in and stops me. Weird. And very frustrating at times. Oh well...

I can tell the fires are molding a new self for me to inhabit. They always do, tho it usually takes some time. I don't know what form it will take. I'll still look and talk the same. You'll still recognize me. But inside I'll be different. Change is coming and I can't deny it, nor would I want to. I like change. I can get so bored. These cleansings are a real gift, despite the trauma I generally endure. But don’t expect me to be happy about them when I’m way depressed. Forget it.

Here’s something I’ve learned - One must first die before one can be reborn. It’s required. And though in many ways I am so tired of this path, still I could not live without my radical involvement with Life and its changes whether I want it or not. My deepest depressions are when I feel cut off from the Spirit of Life. It’s so painful when those voices that Love me go away when normally they are so clear and strong that it all reverberates in my body, mind, soul, all as one. I prefer this spiritual, more awake, less painful end of the spectrum. Hypomania can be fun. Being depressed is so exhausting.

That's why this potential of a rebirth is so cautiously exciting to me. I am in a liminal state. Neither here nor there but in between - in the ashes. But hey -  it's time for a new Self to be born. It's definitely time.