This is how The St. Valentine's Day Massacre works:

We'll send you the giant 11x15 100-page-plus Rand McNally Road Atlas and the St. Valentine's Day Massacre book of instructions.

The competition begins on January 1, with entries accepted until Valentine's Day, February 14.  (The completion deadline is the first Monday in March.)

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Note: Before the 2010 Massacre, please check out our Almaniac trivia contest, running from Halloween to mid-December.

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By following the Massacre's auto rally kind of instructions, at your kitchen table or wherever you want, an hour or two at a time whenever you want, we traveled on a continuous course over mountain and plains, from page to page in the atlas, between the Golden Gate Bridge and the Statue of Liberty.

In 2010 we're going to visit State Fairs, starting in San Francisco and driving to Yakima, Washington, Great Falls, Montana, Pueblo, Colorado, Huron, South Dakota, Sedalia, Missouri, Perry, Georgia, and Harrington, Delaware. Then we'll finish the coast-to-coast journey with a final leg to the Statue of Liberty.

In 2006 we were LOOKING for gold, from San Francisco to Luning, Nevada, to Ouray, Colorado, to Otis, Kansas, to Killdeer, North Dakota, to Inglis, Manitoba, to Nirvana, Michigan, to Gold itself, in Pennsylvania. Then we finished the coast-to-coast journey with a final leg to the Statue of Liberty.

In 2007 it was Hope Springs eternal, from New York to Cool Spring (both Delaware and North Carolina), Spring Creek (both Tennessee and Nevada), Spring Ridge, Louisiana, and Hope (both Kansas and New Mexico). Then we have a final leg to the Golden Gate Bridge.

For 2008, a Presidential Election year, we traveled east through Lincoln, Montana, Pierce, Colorado, Garfield, Texas, Theodore, Alabama, Taft, Florida, and Chester, Virginia, with the final leg to the Statue of Liberty.

For 2009 we celebrated Oscar Movies by traveling west from New York through Paris, Ontario, Arthur, Illinois, Boys Town, Nebraska, and Cimarron, New Mexico, to Hollywood, and then the final leg was up to the Golden Gate Bridge.

Along the way, we ask questions to see if you are on the correct course. Here are two instructions in Washington on the 2010 event, and the question between them.

[Seeing something means that it must be within 1/4 map inch of the course that we're traveling upon. If we see something on the map that has one of those words in its name -- either Trail, Home, or Place -- we answer 'yes'; otherwise, 'no'.]

You have until the first Monday in March to send in your answers. Then custom-designed trophies go to at least the top 10%: those who've done the best in avoiding the Massacre's bushwhackers and snares.

And local champion certificates go to the best from each state, province, and country.

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To sign up now for the 2010 St. Valentine's Day Massacre, which begins on January 1, send a check (payable to 'Massacre') for the entry fee to: Massacre, P.O. Box 53, La Caņada, Calif. 91012.

The entry fee is $49. If in Canadian dollars, please add $10. If to overseas, please add $10 U.S.

Or, if you'd like to receive a brochure first, just send The Old Maltese an e-mail request mentioning the Massacre, with your street mailing address, or mail a note to us at: