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On The
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2020 Edition
Next January:

St. Valentine's
Day Massacre
Not scheduled:
Great Maltese
Trophy Dash
The Old Maltese
St. Valentine's Day Massacre
56 Annual Events (and counting) . . .

coast-to-coast competitions, challenges of logic, alertness, and common sense

quests from the Statue of Liberty to the Golden Gate Bridge in odd-numbered years (then eastbound in even-numbered years)

journeys of thousands of miles without leaving home, because they're all done on maps!

This is how The St. Valentine's Day Massacre works:

As soon as we hear from you we'll send you the giant 11x15 100-page-plus 2019 Rand McNally Road Atlas and the St. Valentine's Day Massacre book of instructions.

You'll start at the Statue of Liberty and travel (vicariously, by map) across the continent to the Golden Gate Bridge.

Entries are accepted continuously until Valentine's Day, February 14.  (The completion deadline for everyone is March 4.)


Note: Entries for the 2019 St. Valentine's Day Massacre closed on Valentine's Day.

Scroll to the bottom regarding receiving advance information next December for the 2020 competition.

Meanwhile, please check out our Almaniac trivia contest, available right now, and our next map rally, the Independence Day Fireworks, coming up in July.


2019 St. Valentine's Day Massacre contestants:
Ernie's Google Street View links are here:

End of Leg 1: Ernie’s Crab House in Alexandria, Virginia

End of Leg 2: Ernie's Restaurant in Hampton, South Carolina

End of Leg 3: Ernie Pyle State Historic Site in Dana, Indiana

During Leg 4: World's Largest Catsup Bottle in Collinsville, Ill.

End of Leg 5: Ernie's Steakhouse in Sugar Creek, Missouri

During Leg 6: Sand Hills Golf Club along Nebraska 97

End of Leg 6: Superior city office in Superior, Colorado

End of Leg 7: Ernie’s Bar and Grill in La Quinta, California

End of Leg 8: Golden Gate I at Golden Gate
            and: Golden Gate II


What has Jeopardy! champion Ken Jennings written about the St. Valentine's Day Massacre? Click:

This is what


By following the Massacre's auto rally kind of instructions, at your kitchen table or wherever you want, an hour or two at a time whenever you want, we travel on a continuous course over mountains and plains, from page to page in the atlas, from the Statue of Liberty to the Golden Gate Bridge.

For 2019 we're saluting Ernies, such as 16-tonner Tennessee Ernie Ford and over-the-top comedian Ernie Kovacs, both of whom were born exactly 100 years ago. We’re going to celebrate by visiting Ernie’s Restaurants in Virginia, South Carolina, Missouri, and California. And Burning Man in Nevada!

This past winter we honored classic American writers, in their namesake places: Hawthorne, California; Thoreau, New Mexico; Whitman, Nebraska; Dickinson, North Dakota; Wilder, Minnesota; Irving, Illinois; Fitzgerald, Georgia; and Wharton, New Jersey.

Along the coast-to-coast course we provided help from a bunch of friendly folk, such as Waldo in California, Louisa May in Arizona, a ragamuffin girl and a tan-faced prairie boy on the plains, Queen Jane in Minnesota, and Frosty the Snowman in West Virginia.

In 2017 we traveled coast-to-coast westbound and commemorated the 500th anniversary of Martin Luther's nailing of 95 Theses to the church door in Wittenberg by crossing Interstate 95 in the east and U.S. 95 in the west, visiting a whole slew of Luthers and Martins in between: in North Carolina, Tennessee, Oklahoma, North Dakota, and Washington, not to mention Martin Luther Coll. in Minnesota.

In 2016 we celebrated the 200th anniversary of the election of James Monroe by going to a whole bunch of Monroes: in Utah, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Kentucky, Michigan, and New Hampshire, not to mention a Monrovia too.

In 2015 we honored the 200th anniversary of the Battle of Waterloo, driving to Waterloo (New York & Iowa), Napoleon (Ohio & North Dakota), and Wellington (Texas, Colorado, & Utah) on the way to San Francisco.

In 2014 we embarked on a Tolstoyan journey, from San Francisco to Warden (Washington), Peace River (Alberta), Warroad (Minnesota), Salem (Nebraska), Guerra (Texas), Pace (Florida), and War (West Virginia) on the way to New York City.

Along the way, we ask questions to see if you are on the correct course. Here's a question from the 2017 event, and the instructions it was between.

14. Go southwest onto New Jersey 50 at unincorporated town.

Question: Do you go through South Egg Harbor?

15. Turn onto 557 toward Dorothy.

[This answer depends on our being at an unincorporated town for Instruction 14. We reach New Jersey 50 at Egg Harbor City, but Egg Harbor City is incorporated, so we continue until we've looped back to New Jersey 50 at Clover Leaf Lakes, which is unincorporated. At this point we're south of South Egg Harbor and don't go through it.]

And here's a question in Nevada on the 2018 event, with the instructions it's between.

16. Go east on U.S. highway.

Question: Do you see Hawthorne?

17. Turn on Nevada 361.

[The answer depends on where we execute Instructions 16 and 17. We were heading northeastward upon an unpaved road from Schurz toward U.S. 50, but we were obliged to stay upon our unpaved road, which changed direction southward toward U.S. 6 for Instruction 16, and we did see Hawthorne, then we turned north on Nevada 361 for Instruction 17. [If we had continued up to U.S. 50 for Instruction 16, we wouldn't have seen Hawthorne, but we would have rejoined the correct course after having turned south on Nevada 361 at its other end.]]


You have until the 4th of March to send in your answers. Then custom-designed trophies go to at least the top 10%: those who've done the best in avoiding the Massacre's bushwhackers and snares.

And local champion certificates go to the best from each state, province, and country.


To receive a St. Valentine's Day Massacre brochure in the mail next December, in advance of the 2020 competition, just send The Old Maltese an email request mentioning the Massacre, with your street mailing address, or mail a note to us at:

St. Valentine's Day Massacre
P.O. Box 53
La Cañada, California 91012