Back to
Home Page
Entries Are Open:
Get Started
Right Now --
We'll Send You
As Soon As
We Receive
Your Entry:

St. Valentine's
Day Massacre

Trivia Contest
Fourth of July:

Not scheduled:
Great Maltese
Trophy Dash
The Old Maltese
St. Valentine's Day Massacre
54 Annual Events (and counting) . . .


coast-to-coast competitions, challenges of logic, alertness, and common sense

quests from the Statue of Liberty to the Golden Gate Bridge in odd-numbered years (then eastbound in even-numbered years)

journeys of thousands of miles without leaving home, because they're all done on maps!

This is how The St. Valentine's Day Massacre works:

As soon as we hear from you we'll send you the giant 11x15 100-page-plus Rand McNally Road Atlas and the St. Valentine's Day Massacre book of instructions.

We'll start at the Statue of Liberty and travel (vicariously, by map) across the continent to the Golden Gate Bridge .

Entries are accepted continuously until Valentine's Day, February 14.  (The completion deadline for everyone is March 6.)


What has Jeopardy! champion Ken Jennings written about the St. Valentine's Day Massacre? Click:

This is what


Scroll to the bottom for entry information.


By following the Massacre's auto rally kind of instructions, at your kitchen table or wherever you want, an hour or two at a time whenever you want, we travel on a continuous course over mountains and plains, from page to page in the atlas, from the Statue of Liberty to the Golden Gate Bridge.

The year 2017 marks the 500th anniversary of Martin Luther's nailing of 95 Theses to the church door in Wittenberg.

This winter we commemorate that event by crossing Interstate 95 in the east and U.S. 95 in the west, visiting a whole slew of Luthers and Martins in between: in North Carolina, Tennessee, Oklahoma, North Dakota, and Washington, not to mention Martin Luther Coll. in Minnesota. Along the way you'll get help from a bunch of friendly folk, such as Cecilius Calvert in Maryland, the Olympian Markswoman in Florida, Clementine Hilley in Colorado, and the Granger Range Rider in Wyoming, on your way to San Francisco.

Last winter we celebrated the 200th anniversary of the election of James Monroe by going to a whole bunch of Monroes: in Utah, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Kentucky, Michigan, and New Hampshire, not to mention a Monrovia too.

In 2015 we honored the 200th anniversary of the Battle of Waterloo, driving to Waterloo (New York & Iowa), Napoleon (Ohio & North Dakota), and Wellington (Texas, Colorado, & Utah) on the way to San Francisco.

In 2014 we embarked on a Tolstoyan journey, from San Francisco to Warden (Washington), Peace River (Alberta), Warroad (Minnesota), Salem (Nebraska), Guerra (Texas), Pace (Florida), and War (West Virginia) on the way to New York City.

Along the way, we ask questions to see if you are on the correct course. Here's a question from the 2016 event, and the instructions it was between.

5. Go southeast on Interstate 5.

Question: Do you see Disneyland?

6. Go east onto Ortega Hwy. at interchange 82.

[The answer depends on where we hit Interstate 5, and the answer was no: Going westbound upon California 91, heading for Instruction 5 at Interstate 5, we used the 'straight-as-possible' rule at California 91's interchange 18 to go down California 55 to Instruction 5 near Santa Ana's Zoo, well southeast of Disneyland.]

And here's a question on the 2017 event, with the instructions it's between.

14. Go southwest onto New Jersey 50 at unincorporated town.

Question: Do you go through South Egg Harbor?

15. Turn onto 557 toward Dorothy.


You have until the 6th of March to send in your answers. Then custom-designed trophies go to at least the top 10%: those who've done the best in avoiding the Massacre's bushwhackers and snares.

And local champion certificates go to the best from each state, province, and country.


To sign up for this winter's 2017 St. Valentine's Day Massacre, by Valentine's Day send a check (payable to 'Massacre') for the entry fee to: St. Valentine's Day Massacre, P.O. Box 53, La Cañada, California 91012.

The entry fee is $59. If in Canadian dollars, it's $79. For the U.K.: £47. Other overseas: $69 U.S.

St. Valentine's Day Massacre
P.O. Box 53
La Cañada, California 91012

- - and we'll be glad to enclose a gift announcement for you
in the competition package
if you'd like to give an entry as a gift