THE FLOPCON RATING SYSTEM
The FlopContm rating system is the standard unit of measure for determining
"thudworthiness" among members of the ODB. To know "FlopCon" is to know the ODB. So, get ready to learn more than
you ever wanted to know regarding this often ill-understood development in the evolution of the gush...
~~~A BRIEF HISTORY OF FLOPCON TERMINOLOGY~~~
The system has its origins in the first ODB "sleepovah" when ODB member Karin (Lindsaygirl) described fellow
member Stacy's (usHHfan/uHf) reaction to the movie Happy Now -- or more specifically, uHf's reaction to the sight
of Ioan Gruffudd in the movie Happy Now. The following is excerpted from Lindsaygirl's "WAKE UP ODB"
post dated 8/11/02:
There she
was, our sweet and ladylike uHf, rolling about on that beautiful, soft, and silky blanket that Linda brought and spread on
the floor, twitching and wiggling like a fish, a beautiful fish, her face all flushed, giggling uncontrollably, her drool
bucket overflowing nonstop. Gee Linda, I do hope that blanket's not ruined!
Her family would have hung their heads in shame if they had seen her, but it was such a lovely
sight! One I will never forget!
To which uHf responded on 8/12/02:
Now, it just remains to be
seen if I can translate my "flopping fish" gushing technique into writing...could be difficult considering I can barely type
just thinking about the Welshcake...
...and the term "fish flop" (as it concerns the ODB, that is!) was born!
Credit for the actual development of the FlopCon rating system belongs to another ODB member, Cathy (Spidur).
In sharing screen caps and miscellaneous photos of "our boys", we discovered that--as a result of our differing tastes--what
was gush fodder to one member did not necessarily translate to gush fodder for another. In her concern to bridge the
infamous "gush gap", Spidur ingeniously created a "common language" that all ODB members would understand...the language of
the flop!
~~~A SIMPLE EXPLANATION OF THE FLOPCONtm SYSTEM~~~
Simply put, the FlopCon system is entirely subjective. One simply attempts to rate, on a scale of 1
to 5, how said picture/video/interaction might have been reacted to by uHf were the subject of the media in question one Ioan
Gruffudd. (Obviously, the scale shows a tremendous bias in favor of our favorite Welshcake, but life's not fair, so
get over it.)
FlopCon 1 - Media inspires a large grin and perhaps a manic giggle
or two.
FlopCon 2 - Media inspires a large grin, a manic giggle, and perhaps
an "Oh My GAWD!".
FlopCon 3 - Media inspires a large grin, a manic giggle, an "OMG!",
a compulsive desire to view said object repeatedly in a very short time frame and some form of non-verbal expression of elation
(clapping of hands, squirming in chair, fanning of self, etc.).
FlopCon 4 - Media inspires a large grin, a manic giggle, an "OMG!",
a compulsive desire to view said object repeatedly in a very short time frame, some form of non-verbal expression of elation
and an increasing inability to remain still, breathe normally and/or control the flow of saliva in a dignified fashion.
FlopCon 5 - Media inspires all of the above including, but not limited
to, symptoms which resemble those of a grand mal seizure (or, at the very least, someone who has absolutely no pride).
Should someone you know have a FlopCon 5 level experience, break out the oxygen and defibrillators, making sure to keep the
"victim" clear of any hard surfaces or sharp objects. It may take several minutes--perhaps hours--for the effects of
FlopCon 5 induced reactions to wear off. Recurring symptoms in the FlopCon 5 exposed gusher when reminded of the
object in question are not uncommon. For safety reasons, we recommend that a gusher not be subjected to more than one
FlopCon 5 level article within an hour after the effects of the previous exposure have worn off.
