You hold a pair of Queens
the other cards don't matter much, it seems.
I hold a pair of Kings
and a collection of threes and fives and things.
You throw a card, I do the same
careful to stay well within the bounds of the game.
You do not see the tear in my eye.
I do not hear your subtle, plaintive cry.

We both know how the game is played.
How first one card and then another laid.
Each building our own hopes and dreams
playing according to some twisted scheme.
The choice seems clear,
I take a crack at fate,
and then you deem it wise
to play your crazy eight.

Expecting me to fold,
I take a different tact.
I toss a nine,
you counter with a Jack.
Gazing deeply into your eyes
I sense then that it is me and not the game you despise.
Without disgrace,
I play my ace.
(tac 9/94)

Standing with open heart you watch me
climbing up from yesterday.
Struggling with my sorrows
I look to you, my friend.

Disregard what they say.
Remember in the end
it all comes out the same
as long as you hit the ground running.
Hit the ground running, my friend.

Reaching with open arms you catch me
Falling for today.
Building me a castle
in which I play, my friend.

Disregard what they say.
Remember in the end
it all comes out the same
as long as you hit the ground running.
Hit the ground running, my friend.

Gifting with open dreams you teach me
The rip cord of tomorrow is years away.
Living for the future
I search for you, my friend.

Disregard what they say.
Remember in the end
it all comes out the same
as long as you hit the ground running.
Hit the ground running, my friend.

After the flight
Target in sight
it all comes out the same
as long as you hit the ground running.
Hit the ground running, my friend.
(tac 9/94)

I flew today
out over the pastures
beyond the clouds
abreast of the rainbows
with you at my side.

The colors were vivid
the sun gently caressing us
the mist coating each feather
as we dipped and played
supported by the beckoning winds.

We climbed to such heights
as I'd never seen
you above me calling relentlessly
encouraging me to join you without fear
and I came, timidly.

And then
just when I thought I could go no higher
you slipped past me laughing joyfully
in a downward spiral
the thrill of life sparkling in your eyes.

Caught by your enthusiasm
I let myself fall
wings pinned to my side
your body a fading speck below me
wondering what the end would be.

Closing my eyes
preparing for my fate
I feel you next to me
chuckling softly knowing that I have not noticed
that once again

We are flying.
(tac 5/94)

I come to you not unlike angel's hair
shimmering and glistening in the light
disappearing in the shadows
swathing you in my mysteries.

You reach for me
hoping for a touch, an answer
my closeness is deceptive
for I am not there.

I caress you with my words
vague thoughts
misty memories
marveling at your interest.

Searching for another strand
another twinkle in the cosmos
you greet me as a friend
you greet me as another.

I know you, for you cannot hide
I have many keys
doors will open
many more shall remained sealed against the world.

You do not understand
I say to you
be at peace, my friend
my sharer of the dance.
 
I am here
and I will stay
until your questions are no more
for I come to you not unlike angel's hair.
(c. tac 6/94)

Minuscule heads tucked under warm wings
clenched tightly to downy bodies
hiding tiny eyes from the light of day.

Bright beaks tilted up in song
chests thrust forward in pride
creating nature's melodies.

Tiny feet wrapped around bands of death
precious balance
precarious in the waking.

I will bring to you
 I will sing to you
  I will cling to you
Like a bird on a wire.
(tac 8/94)

They say, she who laughs, lasts, so I say unto you ...
You merely think you have me wrapped around ore fingers
but you need to know
all that glitters can't beg old
for I have not yet begged young to fight

However, Persians and Poodles, Siamese and Shitzus are falling from the sky
so I think that it is time to get your ducks in a rowboat
and fix those shattered windows in your glass house
(remember, panes build character)
because there is a horse standing in front of your car.

I don't need your weed and feed anymore
because the rolling stones don't DO moss, you know
and remember, despite what THEY say
eventhough the gun powder in those .22 shells tastes really nasty
I always will have my cake and 82.
(tac 6/94)

Thousands of miles away
squinted eyes greet the day.
Morning sounds:
 Children grumbling
  Coffee brewing
   Dogs whining to be let outside, grateful to be relieved of a night of watchfulness.

Routine good-byes
kisses upon sleepy eyes.
Leaving sounds:
 Doors slamming
  Cars starting
   Perky disc jockeys telling us to smile and face the morning, and here is some heavy metal to get you going.

Standard greetings
followed by the rush of morning meetings.
Office sounds:
 Computers buzzing
  Phones ringing
   Faxes from far away friends, beginning the day that you are now half way through.

Too far away to be in view
in a dream-filled haze are thoughts of you.
Lonely sounds:
 Whispers
  Smiles
   Wishes given voice, soaring to reach a kindred soul longing for a friend.
(tac 8/94)

For Jason

Little soul
untainted by the evils of the world
I have never held you
but you need to know
those who love those who love you
care about you.

Through the trauma of the years
you will not remember the scare
that prompted late night ramblings
bringing to light
empathy between friends
strong enough to incite a tear.

Little soul, I am glad you are home
safe and happy once again.
May life go on
holding you oblivious to the terror
and surrounding you with love
of those whom you will never know.
(tac 7/94)

Hidden Coves

I looked for you today,
or rather, for that part of you that I feel I know
that part of you that you let me think I know.
I wandered the streets,
looking for your reflection in a forgotten shop window
for the sound or your voice coming from a dark alley.

That is where I expect to find you,
haunting some hidden cove of obscure dreams
a copse not frequented by daylight and clouds.
that place where we go together,
chased by others who do not understand
left in peace by those that do.

The land where colors speak,
where textures have meanings beyond definition
and words fail to express anything relevant.
The shapes around us become events,
falling into sentences into paragraphs
into stories devoid of commonalties.

The darkness emits a tangible light,
shielding us from the evils of the day
offering to us the blessings of the night.
The gifts which we accept without hesitation,
realizing their worth in the world
silently acknowledging their destructiveness.

That misty world of concepts,
urging us anew to examine ideas set forth by the universe
challenging our sense of who we are.
That convoluted dance of delirium,
unifying us with an unknown oneness
bringing together all that we understand.

I often wonder about you as I search,
that path of meanderings
the road to the unknown.
The differences between us only heighten the bond,
that need to discover who we are.
I looked for you today.
(c. tac 6/94)

You are back, my friend,
back from across the sea
back from parts unknown
The fates treated you roughly this time,
but they have blessed me with your safe return.

Having seen your face only briefly,
I worry about you
I wonder about you
You leave, and the silence is deafening,
you return, and my heart is light once again.

My thoughts are with you,
in my own special way
in my soul I carry you gently
Until your path has changed,
and I await your returns no more.
(tac 6/94)

I watched you
eyes playful, yet leery
soft voice whispering platitudes
stretched out full length on the grass
as you tried to make a friend.

I watched you
eyes warm and caring
smile playing on your face
watching in amazement
as she purred herself to sleep in your arms.

I watched you
eyes wide and sparkling
clothes frosty with your first snow
staring in wonder
as the sky fell upon you.

I watched you
eyes loving, yet probing
frustration creeping across your face
wondering how you can teach me
to put my trust in firsts.
(tac 12/94)

Shattered sunlight
glistening on broken souls
exposing dreams to the day
that are still wet from their birthing.

Sharp edges
leaving tattered ridges
a line of redness seeps
showing the world that I am hurting.

Who among you understands
the summer illusions left behind
the chances unattempted
lost to time's passing.

Autumn winds blow cold
I always thought it a cliché
but not any more
as I feel, not see, the snowflakes forming.

My friends around me
we huddle close to curb the chill
enshrouded in silence
as we hear the angels singing.
(tac 6/94)

Muted Rainbows

Think of me not with sadness
for I tell you of my past
so that you,
as I,
may learn from it
may learn of me.

The shadows are fading now
leaving behind broken promises
shattered dreams
unseen scars
portions of me
gone forever.

But that is youth
that is the passing of time.
As you,
I have burned my bridges.
carried my torches
wandered along the path.

I come to you now
to celebrate with you
the joy of who we are,
not to brood over ancient traumas
better left
as muted rainbows.
(tac 6/94).

Mystery without the risk.
Is there such a thing?
Answers to questions so firm
that of no surprises will you learn.
The chain of events so perfected
that even the slightest flaw causes the plan to be rejected.

Risk without the mystery.
Who could imagine such a thing?
Events purely for the sake of  the endorphin rush
complete circumstances predicted,  every little push.
Every glitch detected
allowing no minutia to interfere with the thrill of the expected.

Mystery for the sake of the risk.
Ah, now here's the thing.
Taking steps so unsettling
as to leave your heart pounding, your blood rushing.
All details so un-predicted,
every turn of a corner another challenge presented.

Risk for the sake of the mystery.
This would be the tricky thing.
Performing flights with aspirations so high
strictly to leave people asking why.
Each act so unrestricted,
leaving the previous act contradicted.

You've tried them all,
For that would be the human thing.
Every movement in its place
flag dropping at the end of each race.
And as would be expected,
it is the risk surrounding the mystery which leaves you unprotected.
(c. tac 9/94) 

You are
the thunder before the hail
the cloud that covers my sun before the approaching storm
the reason that my hand reaches for a candle when the power fails
the one to whom I know not to turn to keep me warm.

I know you shall still be there
I know you shall not let me fall
you know that I do not need you to care
but without you near
I cannot fight at all.

You are
dreams that leave me crying and shaken in the ebony night
vicious rumors that shatter my very faith in humanity
confused moments alone dealing with my fright
monstrous visions leaving me to question my sanity.

I know you shall still be there
I know you shall not let me fall
you know that I do not need you to care
but without you near
I cannot fight at all.

You are
the largest ripple on the surface of the stream
as smooth stone sinks to the depths beyond control
the last snowflake surrendering its crystalline prisms to a dream
to douse the final ember of love burning in my soul.

I know you shall still be there
I know you shall not let me fall
you know that I do not need you to care
but without you near
I cannot fight at all.

I know you shall still be there
for

You are
my darkness.
(tac 8/94)

There was a time when to your side I would have run
dropping things unfinished,  leaving things undone.
In fact, I guess, things really haven’t changed
my reaction to you now is still very much the same.

Rest assured, if I could figure out this part
I certainly would not stand here and let you break my heart.
I never would have let this thing begin
if I had known how you would destroy me again and again.

I looked to you for friendship, I asked you for a smile
but you would not grant me even that, not even for awhile.
“But if you must”,  you said, “feel free”
“What do I care if you keep loving me?”

I hated you at first,  I’m sure you know,
but now it seems I cannot let you go.
So get on with your life and let me be
at least one of us deserves to think he’s free.

I don’t know why I stay
because we both know that it’s true
aside from grief and heartache
I get a whole lot of nothing out of loving you.
(tac 11/94)

I was a single note
quavering and resonating
alone in the darkness
trying to play a symphony
struggling against the beat.

And then I heard the violins
each day another one joining.
each sunrise bringing the triad closer to completeness
then the violas and cellos,
followed by the winds.

Every new experience
adding an instrument
playing in harmony
following some unseen conductor
bringing music back into my life.

Soon I was enmeshed in melodies
tripping across the cosmos
modulating and augmenting
diminishing
resolving.

You made my heart sing again
put me in tune with who I am
reached out and drew me in
movement after movement
you orchestrated my world.
(tac 12/94)

Full moon phrases
Midnight madness
Promises whispered to faceless strangers
Stinging sentiments snaking their way into the soul.

Shared words
Meant to die upon the typing
Heard from an enemy
Turning friend to villain.

Unseen smiles slipping from anonymous faces
Pain gathering like raindrops on the window
Sliding silently to unreachable depths
Flowing into the river of my being.

I am guilty of only one sin
My crime one of faith
I trusted you with my fears
I called you my friend.

You played with me as your paper doll.
(tac 6/94)

The loneliest night of my life
was spent in bed with a friend
although at the time I had no clue
and prayed the night would never end.

The sunset was vivid
the stars shined right through
and honestly at the time
it seemed the right thing to do.
How was I to know
what was going on in your head
that just a few hours later
you would be wishing me dead.

We dined in glittering splendor
we talked of future meetings
If I had looked could I have seen
there would be no more friendly greetings?

In retrospect, I do believe
I should have known to doubt you,
but at the time, I did not feel
that I could live without you.
But something in the air that night
it cleared my head of visions
and suddenly it all appeared
there was no indecision.

When I told you it could never work
that I would soon be leaving
you pelted me with bitter words
and then began your grieving.
(tac 12/1/94)

Summer's children
growing wild
growing free
colors seen near each other
create colors not meant to be.

Laughter in bunches
scents become memories
smiles in array
friends made yesterday
finding companionship in today.

A universal symbol
given to you
given to me
blossoms bound together
begging to be free.
(tac 6/94)

I cannot stay forever
it is not my way, my style.
I shall aid you through this river
I'll be here for just awhile.

I am here to help you cross
take my hand, for I will need you.
I am here to help you cross
do not fear, for I  will lead you.

I wish that I could stay right here,
but that will never happen.
I will, however, hover near,
to guide the path you step in.

I am here to help you cross
but tomorrow you may not need me.
I am here to help you cross
until you see fit to leave me.

I will be your solid ground
the bridge by which you pass.
I will leave without a sound
when you've taken flight at last.

I am here to help you cross
I will guide you, I will teach you.
I am here to help you cross
When there is no-one else to reach you.
(tac 12/1/94)

Define love, he said
 I can't.
Why not?
 We've been through this before
 Leave me alone.
Do you love me?
 Of course I do
 you know that.

Do you love chocolate ice cream?
 No.
Okay, okay, vanilla then, you know what I meant.
 Still no
 I like vanilla ice cream.
You are being intentionally difficult.
 Yes, I am
 now leave me alone.

Do you love your music?
 Definitely.
Above all else?
 Yes
 I must.
More than you love me?
 It's entirely different
 go away.

What is the difference?
 I don't know.
Then how can you give it ranking?
 Different emotions
 you each take a different part of me.
You are getting angry now, why?
 Yes
 because you are being stupid.

I care for  you, I care for her, does that upset you?
 No.
Why not?
 Bach does not get angry
 when I play Beethoven.
But you said it was different.
 It is
 I was just using it as an example.

So, you can define love.
 Yes.
Are you ready for this question?
 You try my patience
 what is it?
Why have you never asked if I love you?
 All things considered
 I don't think I want to know.
(tac 7/94)

Sparse words
strung together by a glimmering fragile thread
like drops of early morning dew
clinging tenuously to the web of a spider
glistening in the first light of day
showing colors soon forgotten
whisked away by the slightest breeze
dropped into oblivion by the most careless of movements.

Only one concerned
scurrying around to repair the damage
caused by mistaken meanderings
and thoughtless absences
the warmth generated by the passage of time
slowly dries the words into nothingness
leaving behind only crystallized memories
and the perfection of the web.
(tac 8/94)

"What now?", you ask.
I hush you with silent kisses,
burying your concern in a flurry of affection.
"What more can I give you?"

Again you try,
your eyes heavy with concern.
"Where do we go from here?"
Smiling, I pull you closer to me.

Holding me at arm's length,
my shoulders firm in your caring grasp,
"What about tomorrow?"
is the question you ask.

Looking into your soul I reply:

"What is tomorrow, but another day?
One more chance to face defeat?
A piece of thistle down lost to the wind?
Another memory to fade away?"

What need have I for tomorrow,
the broken promises, the shattered dreams,
for you have given me today,
and none can steal from me yesterday.

So, my dear,
be at peace
for when tomorrow and tomorrow have become yesterdays
I will always have today.
(tac 9/94)

Would that I could...

I wish that I could describe to you
the magenta sun rising behind the majestic mountain,
the radiant stars sparkling in the obsidian darkness,
the effervescent crystal of the first frost on the fiery leaves of fall.
How do I make you see it through my eyes?

 I wish that I could say things to you that I used to
 without fear of echoes
 without shadings of doubt
 without tuggings of uncertainty.
 Why has all of that changed now?
 
  I wish that I could make you see
  how happy you made me
  how like a princess you made me feel
  how near to perfection we were that night.
  What is it that worked so well?

 I wish that I could hold you close
 to shut out the darkness
 to turn off my brain for awhile
 to remember you as my companion.
 When will the fates allow this to be?

I wish that I could fly you away to Paris
away from the petty bickering
away from the bullshit
away from the place where friends can't be friends
and feed you cake with frosting of gold.

Would that I could
(tac 10/94)