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Meta Model Patterns and Responses

It's very common in today's communications for people to speak with clear intentions in mind, although we use words that delete, distort or generalize meanings. We have a very clear idea in mind, or have a real sense of what we want to say, and we use words that are accurate representations or labels to ourselves of those ideas and thoughts. Unfortunately, many of those same words may have meaning or representations to the people we communicate with, that are just different enough to create problems understanding each other.

Have you ever tried to find something in someone's files, and had a difficult time understanding their labeling or filing system. It's is perfectly clear to them, yet mysterious to us. What we want to accomplish through learning how to identify the ambiguous Meta Model patterns, is to have responses to those patterns that allow us, and sometimes the person using the pattern, to come closer to a real understanding of what we really mean we communicate.

Now, not every pattern needs to be clarified. In fact, when we first learn about these patterns, many people (myself included) tend to feel that every pattern must be recognized and a direct response immediately blurted out. Well, over use of the Meta Model can be one of the quickest ways to lose rapport, and to annoy your friends. So use these responses judiciously.

Patterns

Unspecified Nouns

Nominalizations

Unspecified Verbs

Lost Performatives

Modal Operators

Mind Reading

Universal Quanitifiers

Cause Effect

Comparatives

Complex Equivalence



Unspecified Nouns

Pattern

Things are getting me down.

Response
Which things, specifically?

Pattern

She's angry.

Response
About what?
At whom?

Pattern

Successful people are worth copying.

Response
Which successful people?

Back to Patterns list

Unspecified Verbs

Pattern

The noise annoyed me.

Response
How specifically did it annoy you?

Pattern

He generated a lot of enthusiasm in the group

Response
How specifically did he generate the enthusiasm?

Pattern

She made me angry.

Response
How specifically did she do that?
What did she do that made you angry?

Back to Patterns list

Modal Operators - necessity

Pattern

I have to go there.

Response
What would happen if you didn't go there?

Pattern

I really should do that.

Response
According to whom?
What would happen if you didn't do that?

Modal Operators - impossibility

Pattern

That's not possible!

Response
According to whom is that not possible?

Pattern

He can't do that.

Response
According to whom?
What would happen if he did do that?

Back to Patterns list

Universal Quantifiers

Pattern

All men are jerks.

Response
All men?
Did you ever know one man who wasn't a complete and total jerk?

Pattern

He always does that.

Response
Always?
Can you remember one time when he didn't do that?

Pattern

You never listen to me.

Response
Never?
Was there ever one time when I did listen to you?

Pattern

Every time I see her, it's the same thing.

Response
Every time?
Can you think of one time you saw her when it wasn't the same thing?

Comparatives

Pattern

You can do better than that.

Response
Compared to what, specifically?

Pattern

We need more!

Response
More than what?

Back to Patterns list

Nominalizations

Pattern

Anger terrifies me.

Response
How does getting angry terrify you?
What is it about feeling angry that terrifies you?

Pattern

I'm sick of procrastination.

Response
What kinds of things do you keep putting off?

Lost Performative

Pattern

It's good to know about these patterns.

Response
According to whom is it good?

Pattern

It's important to be aware.

Response
What would happen if you weren't aware?

Pattern

It's bad to eat fats.

Response
According to whom?

Back to Patterns list

Mind Reading

Pattern

She doesn't like me.

Response
How do you know that?

Pattern

He understands this.

Response
What have you seen him do or heard him say that makes you think he understands this?


Cause -Effect

Pattern

He makes me angry.

Response
How does he do that?
What does he do that makes you angry?

Pattern

My job makes me unhappy.

Response
How does your job make you unhappy?

Complex Equivalence

Pattern

That look means you're angry.

Response
How do you know that?
Back to The Meta Model . Back to Patterns list

Click here for study group exercises detecting and clarifying Meta Model Patterns.
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Copyright ©1992, 1993, 1998, 2000, 2003, 2004 Eileen Bertie
Changes last made on January 3, 2004