natsukoarts

Lino: So here we are at work now about 26+ hours past the deadline and making up excuses for wanting to go home, get some gin in me, smoke a fag and kvetch over the fact that I still have not completed hte manuscript. A frigin' shame. The words are still there blocking me. Sure I was able to function and do some work and be productive but not what i had to do. I figured out a way to BS my way past some management and get some extra time but now we are pushing it and I'll either have to come to work really early in the morning and finish the text because there is no way that I am going to be able to pull the data from dial-up line at my flat. This is frigin' ridiculous, I have no idea why I get myself into these things.

Enny: the words, you freak

Lino: I need a bloody drink!

Enny: Why don't you just fight through it and write the damn words down on the page for once and shup up, your such a wanker

Lino: Because I can't. The words are not there. Not until I get these out of my head. I can't get past the words. It's no good...

Enny: Your hopeless

Lino: I know. Shut up

I think I have figured out why most sriters drink, smoke and die at a young age. It is because they are trying to keep the words at bay, as if they are possessed the words do not remove themselves, htey sit there like poison and continue on unmoving, thrusting forward unable to leave you alone like a zit or a boil, something like an obsesion.

They come faster every noqw and then spurring on your blood pressure just trying to remove themselves from your brain and come out onto the paper and they push and push so that your fingers can mnot type any more and when they come faster there is no way to stop the endless time you must get them out or you can not move on you can not surpass they torment, they are like demons callimg to you.

like the artist who paints the colours exist in your mind before they do on the canvas and like a demon you must remove them from yourself or they will possess you and you will see them in your sleep. When you are a writer and trying ot keep the words at bay they can not be pushed aside like sheep they come and they call on you and they wiggle inside your mind and in your fingers and all you can do is try to hold them off for a moment...

And not many people understand

by Ameliano

I missed my deadline by 11 hours 36 minutes without even a sense of guilt or

remorse. I sat at laptop and wrote prose, not what was due, rather what was in my head, what needed to get out, that which could no longer rest within my soul and sit helpless behind the minutia that is my life. Tried as I might to drink, keep it at bay, to sleep, to write other than my fancy, I could not pull myself away. Kept coming back. I forgot to eat, to drink, to piss, to breathe, to move -all I could do was write. The words filtered through my fingers unable to stop, they moved with their own power and their own passion, relentless, like maggots, never ceasing, their helpless yet directed undulation.

Still I sit here now 5:51AM still writing, unable to pull myself away. Unable to stop the words from flowing. They continue ot come out. Less rapturous as before, winding down but still unfinished. I must finish them or they will not let me move forward, they will not let me extract myself from their influence and they will hold sway over me like a rabid dog or a childhood disease, relentless. I can not resist it, the words -- they are my once vice and my only sickness.

Enny Writes: So Ameliano wanted me to write this crap about cross-play since he has this strange cosplay thing going on right now. You can see his pics in the photo section. Actually I think he is just vain and likes to dress up in androgyne nancy-boy frocks. Now there is nothing wrong with nancy-boy frock-ing, I mean he was a model in New York for a while. He still has his contract somewhere.

I think it is the fashion designer in him that has to be creative in one form or another, especially if he is in "writers block" mode. He'd done some ceramics and ornaments for some other costumes and I think he just continued on, got that obsessed artist thing and couldn't stop himself.

Lino Writes: Its not all that. I think its empowering like fashion. You design an outfit from paper to colour to then application and fabric selection. It comes to life in front of you, like your child almost. There have been items that I have sewn by hand (poorly on occasion) just to understand the feeling of the fabric and the length of time needed to construct.

Dressing as "Sanzo" was empowering. Staying in character was easy, since people tell me I act like Sanzo, yell like Sanzo and if I had a banishing gun I might use it on stupid people at any given moment, which is pretty much 20 hours out of a 24 hour day.

Cross-playing as Lady Arashia from X (no pix unfortunately) on the other hand was a little more interesting. I think as Sanzo there were times when I was mistaken as a girl playing a boy, they get confused for a moment - think about it, and then hesitantly figure out I am a boy playing a boy. Whatever, stupid monkey! As Arashi, it was obvious I was a boy playing a girl, no confusion there. So in a sense my cross-play worked, in some form of backwards compatible insecurity on my part.

I did get called a fag at least 3x at San Diego, once to my face which was quite annoying - but I could care less, nancy-boy that I am. It's a right compliment!

Lot of pictures and some hugs on the first day at the con. The sutra was annoying at first, to locate accurate text, and then opted for pen on canvas with weighted backing so that the sutra would hang straight and not fly-away.

As I am the same height and weight as Sanzo in the manga it was relatively easy to play the character. I am skinny as well and not very social on occasion, or in general, so it was very easy to stay in character, watch from afar with a certain disdain and haughtyness.

People left me alone while smoking, but took a lot of pictures the first day in character, walking around. Lot of girls sent attention my way. There was also some wierd contingent that wanted me to whack people with my harisen, paper fan, at every opportunity I got - girls mostly but still strange.

So, no big deal on cross-play, my costumes were rather androg anyway so no issue there. I wish Enny would come out and cosplay, but I think she is trying to be more "sensible" than I, as she is the more organized and level-headed. non-insane one.

Then again, she wrote "Schitzophrenic DemiUrge" in the ramblings section. Guess who that's about -- I think someone has some issues.

Enny: ...stupid monk!

Lino: Give me a fag!

Enny: No you quit smoking.

Lino: Then, Give me a drink

Enny: Demanding little nancy aren't we...

Lino: Urasai!