NEW YORK - Citing a "new openness" in the Catholic Church, Edward Cardinal Egan, of the Archdiocese of New York, today announced the upcoming ordination of an African mountain gorilla into the Catholic preisthood.  In a private ceremony to be held this Friday, Egan will confer holy orders on Konga, a male silverback from the Bronx Zoo.  The occasion will mark the first time holy office has ever been held by an endangered species.

   "If the Church is going to progress," says Egan, "we must recognize the tremendous diversity that's out there.  Vocations are at an all-time low, and with Konga's ordination we hope to show that one doesn't have to be white, Irish, Italian--or in Konga's case, even human--to enter religious life."

    Prior to entering the seminary the gorilla had had no formal religious training, and Egan concedes that the road to ordination was not without obstacles. 

   "There were some concerns about the liturgy, however since most of our parishioners can't understand a word of Latin, his natural animal grunts and hoots shouldn't be an issue.  The only problem we found was that we had to put a bittering agent on the wafers so he wouldn't eat them all before communion."

    Animal rights activists were delighted by the announcement.  "We couldn't be happier," enthuses Sheila Bray, spokesperson for the National Organization for Animal Husbandry (NOAH).  "This will send a clear message that animals are people, too.  Maybe now poachers will stop to think, 'Gee, I could be killing a future priest'."

    When asked whether Konga's ordination might open doors for women or gay men interested in a priestly vocation, Egan was philosophical.  "I don't see that happening.  Frankly, I don't think the church'll ever be that 'progressive'."