NEW YORK - In an emergency appearance today before the United Nations, a team of international scientists reported that the world has ended.  The stunning announcement came during a special session of the UN Security Council, in which scientists from around the globe expressed alarm over the incident, details of which were contained in a classified report issued to the General Assembly.

    According to the report, a copy of which was obtained by The National Peeper, the world ended on Wednesday, April 26 at approximately 3:52 a.m. EST, at which time the Earth was rocked by a cataclysmic explosion that shattered the planet and sent billions of molten fragments flying into space.

    News of the disaster sent shockwaves around the world.  In Washington, President Bush has declared a state of emergency and is reported to be in close contact with those world leaders who weren't incinerated or catapulted into space in the blast.

    Civil defense authorities have been on high alert, but have had difficulty rounding up volunteers.  

   "We can't find anybody," exclaims Lisa Coombs, Director of Emergency Services in Marin County, California.  "The phones are out of order and everybody's gone, along with their houses, and even the ground they once stood on.  There's nothing left, just lots of debris floating in space."

    Cities across the country are reeling from the effects of the catastrophe.  In Ashburg, Vermont, mayor Jim Fineman described the impact on the town's infrastructure: "There's no gravity so we can't even flush the toilets.  And garbage is floating out of people's trash cans and getting all over the place, which is a real problem, because under the terms of the city's contract with the Sanitation Worker's Union, all garbage must be contained in an approved receptacle or they won't pick it up."

    A continent away, Dr. Piers Larsson, Director of the Oslo Geophysical Institute, expressed dismay over the scope of the disaster.  "I've never seen anything like this," he exclaims, surveying the black void of space where his laboratory once stood.

    Scientists are divided over the exact cause of the cataclysm.  Some believe the Earth was struck by a previously undiscovered comet or asteroid.  Others aren't so sure, however they concur on at least one point: an explosion powerful enough to destroy the planet is a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence.

   "This is the most spectacular celestial event since the Shoemaker-Levy comet impacted Jupiter," explains Dr. Naki Fujimori, an astrophysicist from the University of Tokyo.  "Unfortunately we have no way of knowing its exact magnitude because all of our instruments were destroyed."