A YYH X'mas pt. 5
"Confessions"


        Hiei jerked and cried out, the pleasure washing through his body in 
waves.  Mukuro suckled on him for a few minutes longer, swallowing all of 
his seed, and then licking him clean.
        "So do you still hate me?" she whispered, moving to kiss Hiei on 
his lips.  "Or did that feel good?"
        Hiei didn't answer, trying to control his body.  The pleasure 
shuddered through him uncontrollably and left him too weak and drained to 
speak or move.  His breathing was ragged and harsh, and harsh against his 
own ears.  Mukuro's hand moved on him again, caressing, trying to bring him 
to hardness.
        "No..." Hiei mumbled.  "Don't.  It hurts...."
        "I don't care," Mukuro said.  "You're going to find out that a lot 
more can feel good than just pure pleasure, Hiei."
        "Stop it...."
        It was too soon; Hiei had just barely found release before Mukuro 
started again.  It _did_ hurt.  "Open your mouth," she whispered.  Hiei 
mindlessly obeyed, and she slipped a small tablet between his lips.  He 
swallowed reflexively.
        "What was that?"
        Mukuro smiled.  "Don't you feel it yet?"
        Slowly, something started burning through Hiei's body; he could 
feel the change washing over him.  Mukuro's touch suddenly became 
unneccesary to his needs, his pleasure.  "Gods, Mukuro, what have you 
done?" he whispered, feeling a cold knot of fear form in his stomach.
        "Simply given you what you want," Mukuro replied.  "It feels good, 
doesn't it?"
        "Yes... too good."  Hiei shuddered reflexively.  The loss of 
control was too great.  "I don't want this, Mukuro...."  A tear escaped his 
eye.
        "Trust the pleasure.  Trust what you're feeling.  Trust me."
        "Why?" Hiei asked.  He'd never been this scared before.  Not of 
death or pain, but of having no control, losing himself completely into 
Mukuro's advances.
        "Because I never kill anything that's of value to me."

        Kurama sighed in contentment.  This was all he wanted.  Shizuru and 
Hiei both... all his.  It didn't matter so much that they were both trying 
to make love to him now, just that they were both willing to accept this.  
Then Hiei's hand faltered for a second in its touch and stopped moving 
altogether.
        "Hiei?"  Kurama's eyes looked softly, curiously, at him.
        "I'm sorry," Hiei whispered, a phrase Kurama had *never* imagined 
Hiei saying.  "I'm sorry, Kurama."  Tears of misery sparkled in Hiei's eyes.
        "Hiei...."  Kurama forgot about his own pleasure, and reached out 
in worry to his friend, sharing a look with Shizuru.  "What's wrong?"
        "Everything.  I can't.  I'm so sorry, Kurama...."
        "No," Kurama murmured, sitting up and holding Hiei to him.  "You 
have nothing to be sorry for, Hiei.  Nothing at all...."  Kurama broke off 
as he felt a hot tear drop onto his chest, followed by another and 
another.  Instinctively, he held Hiei tighter, looking at Shizuru with 
wide, startled eyes.
        Shizuru silently moved around him, and held Hiei from behind, 
offering comfort from another direction.  Hiei flinched away from her 
touch, further into Kurama's body.  Shizuru and Kurama looked at each other 
briefly, and Shizuru moved forward with Hiei, refusing to let him escape 
from her touch.  "Stop it," Hiei said roughly through his ragged 
breathing.  "Don't touch me."
        Kurama bent his head down and brushed his lips against Hiei's 
hair.  "Tell me what's wrong," he invited softly.
        "No," Hiei said, tears continuing to flow from his eyes as he 
shuddered silently.  "I _can't_....  I can't!"
        "You can tell me anything, remember?" Kurama said softly.  "It 
doesn't have to be now.  I can wait until you're ready, Hiei."

        Kurama waited until Hiei had fallen asleep, then softly eased him 
down onto the opened sleeping bag, covering him with Shizuru's similarly 
opened bedroll.  "Want to talk?" Shizuru asked from where she had chosen to 
retreat until Hiei had relaxed enough against Kurama's body to finally fall 
asleep.
        "Yes," Kurama replied softly, standing and walking over to where 
Shizuru sat on Hiei's sleeping bag.
        "I've never seen him like that," Shizuru said, indicating the 
sleeping figure.
        "Neither have I, and I've known him longer," Kurama agreed.  "I 
think I have an idea about what happened to cause that, though."
        "Care to illuminate the rest of us?" Shizuru asked.
        Kurama sighed and rested his head on his hand.  "He didn't want you 
to touch him, and when he first woke up, back at Genkai's temple, he told 
me he'd had enough of women.  I think Mukuro did something to him that he 
really wasn't ready for, and that it was sexual."
        "How old is he?" Shizuru asked.
        "He's fourteen, Shizuru," Kurama replied softly.  "He may not seem 
it, but he is only _fourteen_.  He was _ten_ when he left for the Makai to 
work under Mukuro."
        "Oh Gods...."  Shizuru swallowed.  "You mean she was probably 
screwing him when he was _ten_?  That's sick.  A ten-year-old shouldn't 
even be able to...."
        "Hiei's youkai, not human," Kurama objected.  "I don't know much 
about Forbidden Children, because he's the only one who's known to have 
survived, but I'll place odds he was _physically_ able to deal with sex 
when he was ten."
        "Meaning you don't think he was _mentally_ able."
        "Yes, I think not," Kurama agreed, nodding his head.  "He's 
Koorime, male or not.  He has no concept of love other than what he's 
learned from me.  Sex would be the same.  As soon as we started getting 
intimate, he freaked.  I think...."  Kurama paused, then continued, his 
soft voice hushing even further.  "I think Mukuro probably raped him."
        "Shit..." Shizuru breathed, looking at Hiei.  "Poor kid...."
        "Don't call him a kid," said Kurama.  "Hiei's never gotten to be a 
kid.  He never had time to play, and the desire was stolen from him before 
he was even born.  He's just always been the way he was.  Guarded, ready to 
believe the worst of everyone... unchanging."
        "Were you ever like that?"
        Kurama considered for a second.  "Yes and no.  I had it rough, but 
nowhere near as bad as his life.  I had time to play, even if it was very 
little.  But becoming Minamino Shuuichi, I got a second chance to do the 
things that I missed."
        "Hiei never got a chance to become a gorgeous human redhead," 
Shizuru observed.
        "No, he didn't."

        Hiei woke up slowly, lulled into a sense of peace by the deep 
sleep, the warm bed, and a heartbeat sounding on either side of him, arms 
enlacing and holding him.  As if greeting his waking, a pair of lips 
delicately brushed his, buzzing slightly with the breath that sighed out of 
the heart.
        A soft body, curved in all the feminine places, pressed lightly 
against Hiei's back, and a hand rested lightly on his waist.  Hiei tried to 
move forward, away from Shizuru, but found himself touching Kurama, front 
to front, after a few millimeters.
        Kurama shifted slightly in response to Hiei's movement, and his 
lips brushed softly across Hiei's cheek.  Hiei stopped breathing for a 
second, then relaxed further into Kurama's body, resting his head into the 
niche below Kurama's chin.  His hand hesitantly moved to touch Kurama's 
hip, and slowly ran upwards along the fabric of Kurama's top.
        "You'll never get what you want if you don't learn to ask," 
Shizuru's voice quietly told him.  "Is Kurama still asleep?"
        "I think so," Hiei softly answered.  "Why are you talking to me?"
        "Are you okay?" Shizuru softly asked him.
        "None of your business," retorted Hiei on instinct, though he 
didn't raise his voice.  He didn't want to wake Kurama.
        "He cares a lot about you, you know?" Shizuru said gently, her 
loose hold on Hiei firming slightly.  "Why is it so hard to believe that I 
would, too?  Stop pushing everyone away, and you might find that we're not 
all bad."
        "Kurama is an idiot.  He cares about everyone who crosses his path."
        "But you love him anyway," Shizuru said.  "Don't you?"
        Hiei didn't answer, only held himself closer to Kurama.
        "Mukuro did bad things to you, didn't she?" Kurama asked, his husky 
tenor gently touching Hiei's ears.  "Things you didn't want to do."
        "I don't want to talk about it," Hiei replied, his hands balling 
into fists, clenching Kurama's shirt.
        "She can't hurt you anymore," said Kurama.  "You're away from her 
now, and she can't have you again."  His voice was gentle as he asked, "She 
raped you, didn't she?"
        "No."  Hiei's response was too automatic and painful to be 
believable.  Kurama let out a low sigh and curled his arms around Hiei, 
hugging him closely.
        "She did," he said softly.  "What happened?"
        "Nothing."
        "Hiei...."
        "She made sure it felt good.  It wasn't rape."  Hiei's voice was 
filled with denial.
        "Did you want to?"
        "... No."
        "Not at first?" Shizuru guessed softly.
        Hiei tensed, then relaxed.  "Not at first," he agreed, slowly 
returning Kurama's hold.

*********
Bleah.  I'm sick of writing on X'mas, so I'm going to go do something else 
for a while.  I've gotten comments about Hiei being out of character.  My 
response?  "Deal with it, Sparky!  It's MY story!"
        *sigh* When I get finished with this (or maybe just when I get the 
time,) I'll go back through it and make it all smooth, make it fit.  Don't 
get upset at me, pieces of this are generally written either late at night, 
or after a huge dose of caffiene, and sent out with very little editing on 
my part.  This is a rough sketch story.  I promise I'll go back and make 
Hiei seem more... Hiei-ish.