Lyric: I Heard It Through The Grapevine

(Note: this story is based on something Lai mentioned to me a while back, 
that somewhere in the early volumes of X, in the Chinese translation, one 
of Arashi's lines to Sorata concerning the 13th Head of the Sumeragi Clan 
was given the nuances of "I know him," rather than "I know of him.")


        Sorata walked through the halls of the immense Imonoyama mansion, 
trying to follow his mental map back to his room.  He knew he was on the 
right floor... and hopefully heading in the right direction....
        "What they need around this place," he decided, scratching the back 
of his head as he hit a crossing of halls and looked around, "is one of 
those 'you are here' maps."  He frowned as he contemplated the choice of 
directions and shrugged as he decided to go left.  "My school's smaller 
than this place!"
        After another five minutes of walking, he found himself among 
familiar decor and smiled.  "Home at last!"
        "What are you doing to yourself, Subaru?" he heard Arashi's voice 
ask from behind one of the closed doors as he passed.  Sorata pivoted in an 
automatic motion, frowning as he checked his watch to be sure of the time.
        "What's she doing up at three a.m.?" he wondered to himself.  "*I* 
went to the kitchen to get a sandwich...."  He paused and considered.  "I 
guess she's lecturing Sumeragi."
        "What do you mean, what am I doing, Arashi?" Subaru asked her in 
reply, his voice soft and more distant than Sorata could allow for given 
there was only one wall between them.  But, then, it had seemed like there 
was another wall between Sumeragi and the rest of the world ever since 
Sorata'd met him.

                             *       *       *

        Arashi looked pleadingly at the young man before her.  "Don't do 
this to me, Subaru," she pleaded.  "Don't hurt me like this...."
        The distance in his emerald eyes, the veil between them, was too 
familiar to be comforting.  "I have no intentions to be cruel towards you, 
Arashi," the Head of the Sumeragis told her, "but I can't really see 
anything else I can do.  I am who and what I am... you should have realized 
that long ago."
        "I can't accept that," she said.  "I know what you were once as 
well as I know what you are now, and though you may have lost hope along 
with all the rest of your damned emotions, I haven't.  I knew you before 
Sakurazukamori changed you, remember?  Don't try to pretend to me that 
you've *never* cared for me, because I won't believe that."
        Subaru smiled at her, almost warmly, it seemed, but it didn't reach 
his eyes.  "I won't deny it, Arashi.  But I can't care anymore.  I don't 
have anything to care with left to me.  Forget it and move along.  You'll 
never be happy otherwise."
        "I'll never be happy without you!"

                             *       *       *

        Sorata felt his heart stop and turn to ice, and suddenly remembered 
an obscure proverb he had heard once that said eavesdroppers never heard 
well of themselves.
        He could only whisper her name at Arashi's revelation.

                             *       *       *

        Subaru watched the desperation in Arashi's eyes, the frantic, 
near-obsessive love, the need to possess him, mind, body, heart, and soul.  
"I'm sorry, Arashi," he told her.  "It's over, long over, if indeed it ever 
was."
        "You knew what I was, didn't you?" she whispered.  "You knew we 
were both Seals...."
        He shook his head.  "I knew *I* was.  I did not know you were until 
we first ran into one another again."
        "You bastard," she whispered.
        "You have someone who loves you, Arashi," he pointed out.  
"Arisugawa would die for you... will die for you.  Give up on what can 
never be and make someone with a far nobler soul than mine happy."
        "You're noble," she argued.  "And I don't want him.  I want *you.*"
        "You can't have me; I'm not an object for sale."
        She watched him; he saw tears in her eyes.  "It's over, Arashi," he 
told her.  "It was over the last time we saw one another.  I told you 
that."  He turned to leave, even though it was his room and she had come to 
him.  He paused with his hand on the doorknob and looked back at her.  
"Thank you for keeping your word and giving out the appearance that the two 
of us do not know one another."
        Then he left.
        As the door closed behind him, he could hear Arashi throw herself 
on his bed and start crying, muffling her tears with a pillow.  He sighed 
and looked to his right, seeing, as he had expected, Sorata Arisugawa 
standing there.  "I thought it was you I felt," he said simply.

                             *       *       *

        Sorata followed the other Seal back the way he had come, ending up 
in the kitchens in less than half the time it had taken *him* to find 
them.  "Have a seat," Sumaragi told him, then rummaged through the 
cupboards until he found what he was looking for.  He pulled out a bottle 
of wine and two wine glasses.  "It's not sake," he apologized, "but I'd 
probably poison the two of us if I tried to heat sake up."
        "So you're proposing we behave like two men, get drunk, and talk?" 
Sorata asked as Sumeragi sat down across the kitchen table from him.
        "I don't deal well with having people around me fall in love with 
me," Sumeragi replied, starting to pour.

                             *       *       *

        Two and a half bottles later, Sorata was feeling rather cheerful 
about the whole thing.  "So Arasshi dated you for a whole year and never 
*onsh* slept with you?" he inquired.  He shook his head a little and 
blinked at the glass in his hand.  "I think that this'sh shtrong stuff...."
        "It is," Sumeragi confirmed, still appearing completely sober 
despite the fact that he had drunk as much of the wine as Sorata.  "And we 
never slept together."
        "Whyn't?"
        Sumeragi sighed.  "It's not in my nature," he confessed, folding 
his arms on the table and laying his head on them.
        "Nature, shmature.  If I'd been dating her that long, I'd've found 
SOME way...."
        Sumeragi looked at him, appearing a little amused.  "Let me 
rephrase: *women* aren't in my nature."
        Sorata felt some shock even through the wine.  "Holy... nevermind.  
Not supposed to blashpheme or whatever.  You mean you're GAY?"
        "If you wish to phrase it that way, yes."
        "Hmm."  Sorata considered that for a moment.  "Then why were you 
dating her?"
        Sumeragi levered his head up.  "One," he said, counting points off 
on his fingers, "she was throwing herself at me *very* persistantly.  Two, 
my grandmother wanted me to date her.  She is, after all, the Hidden 
Priestess of Ise Shrine, and if such a match worked, think of what it would 
cause in the society in which such as we dwell.  Third...."  He paused and 
seemed to think about it for a while.  "Third, I knew her when she was a 
child, and remembered that I rather cared for her then.  And fourth... just 
because.  Because I wanted to see what normal people did, maybe.  
Because... I don't know why.  Just because."
        "Think she'd like me any better if you hadn't dated her?"
        "We'll never know, will we?"  Sumeragi lowered his arms and head to 
the table again.  "I once would have married her just because *she* felt so 
strongly, no matter what my personal wishes were.  Now, I let her heart 
break because my one wish is so strong.  Which is a worse thing, do you 
think, Arisugawa?  If I wanted to, I could go back there now, give her an 
apology and make her happy, but then you'd be unhappy.  With her being 
unhappy, there's a chance that you can get through to her after all and 
make her love you instead.  Is it wrong to make a person unhappy because 
you don't love them, because you can't love them?  Is it wrong to make them 
suffer in the hopes that they'll be happy later?"  He sighed.
        Sorata eyed the dregs of the wine in his glass.  "I know one 
thing," he decided, feeling almost cheerful despite Sumeragi's 
philosophical talk trying to weigh down on him.  "If you go back there, 
I'll kill you."
        Sumeragi looked at him.
        "Let's go back to our rooms," Sorata said.  "If I drink any more, 
I'll wish I was more dead than I'm going to be, when I wake up.  You can 
share my room for tonight, if you want.  She won't look for you in there."
        "No, but she might look for you," Sumeragi pointed out.
        Sorata snorted.  "Not likely.  Come on, let'sh go.  You're the one 
who'sh got the map in your head."
        As they walked down the hall, Sorata leaning a bit on Sumeragi to 
make sure his feet didn't decide to start walking on the walls of their own 
accord, Sorata remembered to ask one more thing.
        "Hey, Sumeragi."
        "Yes?"
        "Think maybe it's because I'm unattractive that she doeshn't like 
me?"
        A pause.  "No.  I think you're cutish, if that's what you mean."
        "So you mean you might chashe after me?"
        A soft, short laugh.  "Not on your life.  You're not my type, and 
in addition to which, you're drunk.  If you remember this in the morning, 
I'll be amazed."
        "Hey, Sumeragi."
        "What?"
        "Thanksh."