RETRIBUTION
CHAPTER ONE
Julia Hoffman stared into the swirling grey shadows of
limbo as the centuries flowed past. With each steady step
on the Stairway Through Time she moved farther away from
the year 1799 and closer to the relative safety of her
own time.
Safety.
The irony of that thought was not lost on her. She
wondered if Collinwood -- past or present -- had ever
offered safety...to her or anyone.
It had certainly never offered any kind of refuge to
the others with her now. She looked down and to her right
and saw the two young women following behind her on the
spiral staircase. Collinwood had brought only tragedy to
them -- a fact that had only been brought home once again
within these last few hours.
At seeing Vicki, Julia's sense of gloom dissipated
somewhat. They had been successful at least in saving
Vicki from her gruesome fate -- killed at the hands of
Jeb Hawkes on Widow's Hill. But that triumph had not been
without a price. Death, ever unsatiable, had reached out
and taken Peter Bradford and Jeb instead.
How many souls had it claimed, how many lives forever
altered by the mysterious forces which seemed built into
the very walls of the house? None who lived within its
sphere appeared untouched by its influence.
Including herself.
She had been fortunate, she told herself. She had
witnessed and partaken in things which she would have
once never believed possible. She need only look about
her if she needed to be reminded of that. If she ever had
the opportunity she could spend the rest of her life
doing research and writing papers on what she had learned
in the past four years.
Yes, she had partaken in things which she would never
have believed possible. And the memories of some of those
things would haunt her forever.
She pushed those thoughts out of her mind and looked
about her once again. She realized that their ascent had
once again turned to a decent and she relaxed slightly.
That meant they were nearing the end of their journey. If
all went well they would be back in 1971 in a few
moments.
It was then that she felt the presence -- just as she
had sensed it before when they had traveled back to the
eighteenth century. A malevolence which seemed to come at
her from all sides, filling her with fear and
apprehension. She jerked her head to the left and saw the
vague form of a man suspended in the void just beyond the
banister. He moved closer, his arm outstretched,
motioning to her... summoning...
"Who...who are you?" Julia cried out, her hand to her
throat. But even as she said the words, she felt the
space around her lighten and grow more distinct. A moment
later she found herself standing in the corridor of the
West Wing.
* * * * * * * * * *
Carolyn watched in wonder as they continued down the
staircase. At least she felt they were going down. She
was experiencing a sense of vertigo which made it
difficult for her to determine exactly which direction
they were going. Her senses seemed dulled and slightly
disoriented, reminding her of the times she and Buzz
Hackett would smoke marijuana on the cliffs overlooking
Findley's Cove. Her thoughts skipping down one path after
another, with seeming renewed vitality and awareness.
She hadn't thought of that in years. She hadn't
particularly liked the experience -- or Buzz -- both had
merely been a means to an end and neither had been
successful.
Why think of that now?
She looked out into the void and wondered if that
horrible summer was just beyond the railing.
So much to try to understand. These past few days had
brought a real awareness to her, as opposed to a drug
induced one. For most of her life she had felt at the
mercy of fate, that she had no real control of what was
happening at Collinwood. But these past few weeks had
changed all of that. She was seeing everything now as if
for the first time. As if an inner sight had been
reawakened.
Reawakened? That thought puzzled her. She had never
had this sort of insight before, so why did it feel so
familiar?
She didn't presume to understand it all...her
home...her family...but somehow it all seemed to be
coming together...like some larger than life mosaic.
Carolyn looked about her into the undulating currents
of grey mists. It did not matter to her that she could
not understand how this staircase worked -- although she
would like to know -- it mattered only that it did exist.
It was just another part of the house where she had grown
up, a piece of her life, another color in the
painting.
She did not have words to express even to herself what
she was feeling. She only knew that she would never look
at the world, or her own life, the same again.
Despite herself, she thought of Jeb. But instead of
seeing the man she loved she saw the servant of the dark
that he truly was. There was no more grief in her. Her
love had made him human once, but it had not been enough
to keep him from reverting to what he was. It was as if
Jeb had been two different people. A constant inner
battle that he had fought and lost. She had loved the
human Jeb, but she felt nothing for the other.
She hoped Professor Stokes could explain some of the
things she was feeling now. There was so much to try to
take in. She would contact him as soon as they
returned.
Carolyn tensed, feeling the very air around her
change, becoming charged with some sort of energy. Had
Julia said something? She looked ahead and saw Julia
standing in the corridor, a look of terror on her
face.
To her left, something caught her eye as walked down
the last few steps. The grey void seemed to suddenly take
shape, coalescing into the shadowed form of a man.
Carolyn opened her mouth as if to say something, but
found herself speechless. Fear shot through her...and a
feeling of familiarity...one she could almost
identify...
And then she stepped off the staircase and into the
hall.
* * * * * * * * *
Victoria Winters-Bradford followed after her friends
as they descended the staircase. No, not just friends.
One at least was family.
Her sister. Carolyn was her sister. The words ran
through her mind but were connected with no emotion. She
supposed she was in shock. So much had happened in such a
short time. Her head throbbed and she moved a hand up to
massage her temple and looked away from the pulsating
abyss beyond the bannister. She felt slightly nauseated
and wished that this experience, extraordinary as it was,
would end.
She had enough extraordinary experiences these past
few weeks. How did things ever get to this point?
Her mind flashed back to meeting Simon. That was the
beginning of it all. And the end. It was she and Peter's
last night together before the darkness descended
again.
It was all so clear. She remembered the dining room at
the hotel, the warmth of the fire behind the grate, even
the taste of the meal. And then Simon had appeared asking
her help, telling her the nightmare that she had
witnessed could be changed. History could be altered. But
he couldn't do it alone. He needed her.
And, of course, she had talked Peter into going back
to Collinsport.
Why hadn't they refused?
No, why hadn't she refused? Peter was against it from
the start. But she had talked him into it, believing in
Simon and his cause wholeheartedly. Even after they had
returned, Peter had tried to convince her of the danger
but she wouldn't listen. She was doing what was `right'
and everything would work out this time, and so she
turned a deaf ear to his warnings...his feelings.
He had known they were going to fail, that their life
was never going to be the same.
But she had done what was expected of her. She had
heedlessly charged into battle with the dark forces and
Peter had died because of it.
And now she was going home.
To her own time. Her own family.
She should feel elation, sadness, grief. So many
different emotions should be running through her. But she
felt nothing, only a cold numbness.
For a moment it appeared that she was alone on the
staircase, but then she saw Julia and Carolyn, outlined
in a doorway, anxiously looking up at her. She could tell
they were calling her name, but she could not hear the
words.
Laughter. Cruel...harsh...evil...
Fear seized her, smashing through the numbness. For an
instant she froze, panic-stricken, overwhelmed by the
sound of his voice.
She looked down at Julia and saw that the other woman
was stepping through the doorway, coming up the stairs
after her.
"Vicki...hurry!" Julia cried.
Julia's voice broke through, freeing her from her
panic. She took the last few steps down the staircase but
not before a hand reached out and touched her shoulder.
She pulled away and stepped through the portal.
* * * * * * * * * *
"Julia, what happened?" Carolyn asked as the three of
them moved away from the doorway.
"I don't know," Julia said nervously as she watched
the door. Several moments passed and the staircase slowly
disappeared leaving in its place the small storage
closet. Julia relaxed slightly and moved toward the now
harmless door.
"I felt someone touch me," Vicki told them. "On my
shoulder."
"Did you see who it was?" Carolyn asked.
"No..." Vicki answered slowly.
"Neither could I," Julia said.
Vicki continued. "I heard someone laughing...an evil
laugh, like nothing I've ever heard before. It terrified
me."
"I felt something happening even before I saw the
form," Carolyn said hurriedly. "Julia, you mentioned
seeing someone on the staircase when we used it the first
time."
"Obviously the same person," Julia acknowledged. She
looked at the open closet door. "Thankfully, the
staircase vanished as soon as Vicki stepped into the
hall."
"Who could it have been?" Carolyn asked anxiously.
"I don't know," Julia repeated slowly.
Vicki glanced over Carolyn's shoulder at the window at
the end of the hall, noticing for the first time the
light streaming in through the dirt-streaked, ivy covered
glass panes.
"It's light outside," Vicki said with surprise as she
walked the few steps to the window. "But it was in the
middle of the night when we left."
"What's a few hours when you travel through the
centuries," Carolyn said drily as she came up behind
Vicki and rested a hand on her arm. "I wonder how long
we've been gone?"
"Hopefully not long after we left," Julia commented.
"Probably a few days." She put her hands on the flowing
fabric of her skirt. "I'll be glad to get out of
these."
"I know what you mean," Carolyn said as she looked
down at her own 18th century dress. Vicki stood quietly
and stared out the window.
Carolyn looked back at Julia and motioned toward the
closet door. "What should we do about...what happened on
the stairway?"
Julia looked thoughtful. "I'll call Elliot Stokes once
we've changed clothes. Maybe he will have some
ideas."
"Ask him if he can come up to the house," Carolyn
instructed. "I've a few things I'd like to discuss with
him as well."
"I suppose we may as well go to our rooms," Julia
said, stealing one last worried look at the spot where
the staircase had disappeared.
"Come on, Vicki," Carolyn said with a small smile as
she slid her arm around her sister's shoulder. "I know
exactly where we stored your clothes."
Vicki nodded in agreement and even managed a weak
smile but said nothing as they slowly walked down the
hall toward the main part of the house.
Vicki looked at herself in the full length mirror, not
altogether happy with the fit of the dress. She had
almost forgotten how short the skirts were.
Carolyn stood behind her and gave an approving nod.
"Much better. And certainly more comfortable."
"I suppose so," Vicki agreed hesitantly. She turned a
bit so she could see the back. "But it seems
almost...unnatural. I'd gotten used to the long dresses.
I hope Maggie doesn't mind my borrowing her clothes."
"I think Maggie will be so happy to see you that she
won't even notice what you're wearing," Carolyn pointed
out. "Besides, what other choice did we have? Your old
clothes we got out of the attic were entirely too dusty
to wear...not to mention out of style. Tomorrow we'll go
into the village and do some shopping at Brewster's. That
will hold you over until next week when we can go to
Ellsworth or Boston for some serious shopping."
Vicki made no answer and merely nodded in agreement, a
forced smile on her face.
Carolyn put a comforting hand on her elbow. "Vicki,
I'm sorry. I'm just rattling away, not even thinking
about how difficult this all must be for you."
Vicki continued to look into the mirror as she
answered. "It just all seems so...overwhelming."
"Of course it does," Carolyn said. "For me too." Her
lip trembled slightly as tried to force down the
emotions. "I've never had a sister before."
Vicki turned to her now, holding her as her own
emotions finally began to slip out. She wasn't sure
whether her tears were borne from grief or joy but only
that they could no longer be denied. The two held tightly
to one another until, finally, the tears began to
subside.
"We'll get through this, Vicki," Carolyn said.
"Somehow, we'll get through this."
"I know," Vicki said as pulled away and wiped at her
tear-stained face. "It's just that I'm feeling so many
things...grief...anger...even happiness. It's all so
conflicting, and then it just all goes away and I don't
feel anything."
"I'm sure that's perfectly normal," Carolyn comforted.
"It's going to take time. Don't expect too much of
yourself right now."
"I don't know what to expect anymore," Vicki said
bitterly. "I want to see everyone...and yet, I don't.
Carolyn, what am I going to say to your mother? To my
mother?"
"I don't have any answers, Vicki," Carolyn answered
shaking her head. "Especially where Mother is concerned.
But we'll find the answers...together. You're not alone
anymore, Vicki. You have a family now."
"A family," Vicki repeated as she turned back to the
mirror. "I've spent all my life wishing for
one...imagining one, and now that I've found them I'm
afraid."
"Not exactly the family you imagined," Carolyn said
with a smile.
Vicki turned to Carolyn. "Not exactly, no, but it's
always seemed so `right' here. As if I belonged in this
house."
"You do belong here, Vicki," Carolyn reassured. "I'm
going to go downstairs and let everyone know that
you've...returned. I'll come back for you in a few
minutes."
Vicki took a breath and nodded. "I'm ready."
"I won't be long," Carolyn said as she walked to the
door and, offering one last reassuring smile, closed the
door behind her.
Vicki listened quietly as Carolyn's footsteps
disappeared into the distance. There was no turning back
now. As if she had somewhere she could turn back to.
She walked to the window and twisted the latch. She
never tired of the fresh sea breeze, and though the air
was not as clean and clear as she had been accustomed to
in the last few years, it was still far superior to the
air in New York.
Her thoughts drifted back to her childhood, the long,
lonely years spent at the Hammond Orphanage. There were
certainly worse conditions in which to live. The staff
had been warm and caring, offering a structured, if
somewhat distant, support group. And New York, with all
its drawbacks, had given her the opportunity to see some
of the finest museums and theaters in the world. An
education of sorts that she could not have received
anywhere else.
But she hadn't had this. She hadn't had a real home. A
real family. An identity.
She smiled to herself, remembering all the fantasies
she had weaved as a child. Her father had been a King of
some small Republic, his life threatened by renegade
forces so he had left her on the doorstep of the
orphanage for her own safety, planning to return for her
when all was safe. In more somber moods, she had imagined
her mother being grievously ill, sacrificing what small
happiness she could have with her child, she had given
her up so that her daughter could live a full and happy
life.
There had been hundreds more, most of which, Vicki
realized, she could still recall with vivid detail. But
there had been no returning King and she had fallen
asleep every night with only her dreams to comfort
her.
Her mother had not been ill. She had been here, living
at Collinwood. The mistress of the Collins estate and
fortune.
Why? Why had she given her away?
She had many questions. They were enough to disturb
and upset anyone. If only that were all she had to worry
about. Her gaze turned toward the tree line and made out
the slight part in the trees which indicated the path to
the Old House.
That was another issue which could no longer be
denied.
She knew the truth.
When she had returned to the present after the seance,
her memories of what she had experienced were clouded and
obscure. Some things had returned completely -- her love
for Peter, but the majority of events were a jumbled mass
of conflicting incidents. She had remembered certain
people and events but could not put them in order.
But that had changed once she and Peter had returned
to that century to live out their lives. She had
remembered everything that happened to her
originally.
...the trial...Barnabas' death...the attacks on the
women in the village...
Attacks that were identical to the ones in her own
time. Events which had started shortly after the
present-day Barnabas had arrived in town.
Present-day Barnabas. She knew now that there was only
one Barnabas Collins. The original. The one who had died
by Angelique's hand and had returned from the dead,
cursed by her. She had returned too, as Cassandra, intent
on restoring her curse.
How many lives destroyed...ended...because of that
evil?
She thought of Maggie. Maggie, who looked exactly like
Josette, a fact that could not have been lost on the
newly arrived `cousin from England'. She knew that it
must have been Barnabas that had kidnapped Maggie -- not
Willie. Maggie, who had suffered from the same attacks as
so many others. So many things fell into place...the
marks on her throat, the loss of blood...finding her at
Eagle Hill...it all made so much sense in retrospect.
Vicki turned away from the window and paced around the
room. It seemed that Carolyn had been gone for at least a
half-hour -- or more. Growing impatient, she glanced in
the mirror one last time and walked out the door.
The clock in the foyer was striking half past two as
Julia reached the bottom of the steps. A quick shower and
change of clothes had helped to somewhat banish the
fatigue she was feeling -- for a while at least. More
refreshing than the pleasures of running water had been
the two cigarettes she had smoked as soon as she'd
returned to her room.
She wished she could have slept for a few hours, but
there was far too much to be done. Barnabas would be
anxious to hear all about her journey, not to mention the
discussion of another subject which she'd been putting
off for months. And she would have to call Elliot and set
up a time to meet with him. What she had seen on the
Stairway Through Time could not be ignored. And then of
course, there was always the hospital.
In the drawing room she saw Liz at her desk, busily at
work, so engrossed that she had not heard Julia come down
the stairs. But as Julia walked into the room, the sound
of her heels no longer drowned out by the chiming clock,
Liz looked up.
"Julia!" Liz exclaimed, rising from the chair. "You're
back. Where's Carolyn?"
"She's upstairs, Elizabeth," Julia said with a smile,
trying to calm the other woman's fears. "She's perfectly
alright. We're all safe."
"I was so worried," Liz said, relaxing for a moment
before she realized what Julia had said. Then her face
tensed again. "All?"
"Yes, Elizabeth. We were successful in saving Vicki.
She's upstairs with Carolyn."
"Upstairs?" Elizabeth said numbly. She turned away
from Julia and grasped the back of the chair, closing her
eyes in a silent prayer. "Thank God, she's alright."
"She's fine, considering what all she's been through,"
Julia explained.
Liz turned to her again, concern etched deeply into
her face. "What do you mean?"
"Maybe we should sit down and I'll...I'll try to
explain," Julia said as she ushered her to the sofa.
They talked for several minutes, Julia telling Liz
what she could of the events of their journey to the
past. How they had found Vicki soon after their arrival
and that Carolyn's prophetic dreams had lead them to
Widow's Hill, enabling them to save Vicki from being
thrown to her death...at the hands of Jeb Hawkes.
"Jeb!?" Elizabeth said with surprise. "But that isn't
possible!"
"I don't understand what he was doing there in that
time myself," Julia admitted. "But it was Jeb. And if
Carolyn hadn't arrived when she did, he would have killed
Vicki."
"Where is Jeb now?" Liz asked, an old fear rising
within her.
"He and Peter were struggling at the cliff's edge.
When he saw Carolyn he was...distracted. He fell over the
edge."
"Carolyn must be beside herself," Liz said as she rose
from the couch. "I've got to go to her."
"It's alright Elizabeth," Julia reassured, taking her
hand and motioning for her to sit down again.
"She was so distraught before when Jeb died. And now,
to see it all over again."
"I've been keeping a close eye on both of them," Julia
explained. "Carolyn seems to be coping very well this
time. I think...seeing that dark side of Jeb...the
inhuman side...was, in a way, therapeutic for her." She
watched Liz closely, looking for some sign of
understanding.
Elizabeth looked at Julia, sensing that there seemed
to be something more to what Julia was saying...something
that she should know...that she almost
comprehended...almost...
"You're sure she's alright?"
"Better than most people would be, I think," Julia
acknowledged.
"And Peter," Liz continued. "What about Peter? I can't
imagine Vicki coming back here alone. Not after giving up
her life here in order to be with him."
Julia took a breath and picked up her story with
Peter's "arrest" by the constable. Elizabeth listened
quietly, closing her eyes when Julia explained the
circumstances surround his death.
"That poor girl," Liz said softly. "She's been through
so much."
"She didn't want to return with us at first," Julia
told her. "I was afraid that she would want to stay...in
that other time."
Elizabeth looked slightly relieved. "You did the right
thing. She needs to be here with...people who care for
her, people who can help her through this difficult
time."
"It is always important to have a strong support group
in a time like this," Julia said slowly, softly. "The
support of her family will be instrumental in her
recovering."
Elizabeth looked sharply at Julia, her face
registering only a momentary flash of panic.
"Vicki...Vicki has always been like a member of this
family. Of course we'll all be...."
"Elizabeth," Julia interrupted, reaching over and
taking the other woman's hand in her own. "Carolyn told
me everything."
"She..." But she could not finish. She rose from the
sofa and walked to the fireplace. "I...I see."
"She was very upset," Julia explained. "She needed
someone to talk to. And, she felt it might have some
bearing on what we were trying to accomplish."
"You must think me -- a very cold woman," Liz said
quietly, not looking at Julia.
"Not at all. I think what you did took a great deal of
courage."
Elizabeth turned fiercely, her voice unable to keep
her self-recriminations hidden. "There was nothing
courageous about what I did."
"I disagree," Julia said firmly. "You made a difficult
decision, one that required a great deal of strength and
resolve."
Elizabeth looked Julia in the eye, still not believing
that she was discussing this. Her guilt swelled within
her, smashing through the emotionless walls she had used
to keep this shame hidden. Her voice faltered, choked
with emotion. "I...I gave her away, Julia."
"Which must have seemed the right thing to do at the
time," Julia said comfortingly.
"I gave away my own daughter," Elizabeth continued,
unable to stop the flood of feelings she was
experiencing. Reassuringly, Julia reached out and grasped
Liz's hands. "I feel so...ashamed, Julia."
"We've all done things we've regretted," Julia said
softly, shifting into her professional tone out of
habit.
"I don't know how I'll ever explain it to her," Liz
said, regaining her composure somewhat. Then the thought
occurred to her. "Does she know the truth?"
"Yes," Julia said. "Carolyn has already told her."
"What she must think," Elizabeth said painfully. "She
must hate me. And she has every right to."
"She's confused, Elizabeth -- and angry," Julia
explained. "But that's to be expected. Whatever she's
feeling I doubt it is hatred. I've never known Vicki to
hate anyone."
"Perhaps she's never had cause to before," Liz said
ruefully.
The sound of footsteps in the foyer stopped Julia from
replying and both women looked up to see Carolyn enter
the room.
"Carolyn!" Elizabeth said with relief as she ran to
her daughter.
Julia noticed that Carolyn, despite being upset with
her mother not only allowed Elizabeth to embrace her but
even returned the affection.
"I was so worried about you," Elizabeth said as she
held Carolyn at arms length, not willing to release her
grip.
"I'm fine, Mother," Carolyn assured. She looked at her
mother and then Julia, sensing that she had interrupted
something. "Has Julia told you...everything?"
"Yes," Liz answered. "She told me everything that
happened, that Vicki has returned with you. But darling,
right now I'm concerned about you. She explained to me
about Jeb."
Carolyn's coolness seemed to crack at seeing her
mother's concern. "I'm...alright, Mother. Really. I think
it was...helpful in a way. We can discuss it more
later."
"Of course," Liz said nervously. She hadn't known what
mood to expect from Carolyn and was pleased at how much
calmer she was. "I'm just so glad you're safe."
"Where is everyone, anyway?" Carolyn asked. "I
couldn't find a soul."
Elizabeth drew a breath and composed her thoughts. Her
head felt light, as if she had stood up too quickly.
"Roger is at the cannery. Maggie is in the village
checking out the cottage. Quentin is about somewhere, I
suppose, and David should be in his room."
"I'll go and tell David about Vicki," Carolyn said
somewhat reservedly. "She's waiting in my room, Mother.
I'll tell her to come down."
Elizabeth took a breath, glanced at Julia and then
told Carolyn, "I think it best if I talk with her
there."
Carolyn saw the turmoil her mother was going through
and, despite her still smoldering anger, wanted to say
something to reassure her. On impulse, she reached out
and softly kissed her mother on the cheek. "Everything is
going to be alright, Mother."
Elizabeth, stunned by such a display, managed a weak
smile. "Thank you, dear."
Carolyn felt herself near tears and tried to ease the
tension. "I'd better go tell David that now he has two
governesses."
Julia and Elizabeth followed her into the foyer.
Carolyn stopped at the bottom of the stairs and turned
back. "Julia, be sure to tell Professor Stokes that I
need to talk with him."
"I'll call him as soon as I reach Wyndcliffe," she
promised as she picked up her gloves and purse from the
table.
As Carolyn walked across the landing Elizabeth
followed Julia to the door. "Thank you, Julia," Elizabeth
said softly. "For understanding."
"If you need me, I'll be at the hospital," Julia
reassured.
Elizabeth gave a small reassuring nod and shut the
door after Julia and slowly walked back into the foyer,
lost in thought.
The moment of truth. How could she possibly walk up
those stairs and face Vicki? How could she explain the
desperateness she had felt all those years ago? The fear?
Somehow, she would have to make her understand.
Her palms were sweating and for a moment she felt
slightly nauseous. Perhaps she should have a brandy to
steady her nerves. She never drank before sundown, but
this was hardly an ordinary situation. No. That would not
help. Only facing the truth would, and she'd been dodging
that for almost twenty-five years. She took a deep breath
and decisively turned toward the stairs. But before she
even reached the banister, she sensed that she was not
alone. Elizabeth looked up and there on the landing,
silently watching her, was Vicki.
The dappled sunlight flashed through the trees and
across the hood as Julia maneuvered her Buick down the
narrow asphalt road which, among other things, connected
Collinwood to the Old House. She had no sooner driven out
the driveway before she had hastily pushed in the
cigarette lighter. Remembering the lighter she had in her
purse, she reached over on the seat and groped within it
with her right hand. Just where she'd left it. Taking her
eyes from the road for a moment she focused on lighting
the cigarette dangling in her mouth. Once done, she
reached with her left hand and felt for the lever which
lowered the right passenger window. Just a crack, so the
smoke would flow out.
She did not envy Elizabeth and the confrontation that
she faced.
And she was more than a little apprehensive about this
meeting with Barnabas.
But she couldn't put it off any longer. Barnabas had
to be told the truth. She owed him that much.
Or did she?
She knew that once she told him that Roxanne Drew was
alive in Parallel Time that he would make every attempt
to go to her, regardless of the risks.
As if Barnabas' safety was her main concern. She
smiled to herself that she, a doctor of psychiatry, could
lie to herself so well.
No, her reasons were personal. Because if she admitted
that she was jealous of Roxanne she would also have to
explain why she was jealous. And that terrified her.
Almost as much as the thought of Barnabas going to
Roxanne.
The car cigarette lighter popped and Julia started in
her seat. She pulled off the asphalt road and turned down
the long dirt road which would take her to the Old House.
She was more nervous than she realized.
And why shouldn't she be? This was probably going to
be the most important conversation she had ever had with
Barnabas. One of the most important ones of her life. She
had ever reason to be a little tense. Everything was on
the line. He would be furious with her for withholding
this information for so long. She knew that. But she had
to believe that their relationship was strong enough to
weather such a..a betrayal.
And that's what it was. A betrayal.
After she and Barnabas had returned from Parallel
Time, Quentin had told her of seeing a young woman in the
room calling for Barnabas. Julia had managed to not
arouse Quentin's suspicions and, thankfully, he had said
nothing to Barnabas about the incident. She remembered
going their last fall, looking into Angelique's room,
praying that Quentin had been wrong. After all, Timothy
Stokes had set fire to Collinwood in Parallel Time. The
flames had nearly claimed she and Barnabas...and they had
believed the room destroyed in that other time. But
Quentin had not been wrong, for she had seen Roxanne
herself, walking about the charred remains,
forlorn...heartbroken...
And Julia had said nothing.
She had never told Barnabas of what she had seen. At
the time, she justified it to herself as being necessary.
They were trying to save Collinwood from Gerard Stiles.
If Barnabas had known about Roxanne it would only have
divided his attention and complicated matters, risking
everything. There would be time to tell him later.
And when they had returned from 1840 months ago she
had still said nothing.
But that would change. Today. If their relationship --
whatever it was or might someday be -- was to mean
anything, it would have to be based in honesty.
No matter how much it hurt.
And besides, with Vicki's return there was another
`rival'. There was no way to keep that secret, even if
she had wanted to. In fact, this might be the best time
to tell him the truth about Roxanne. Vicki's presence
might keep him from rushing back to Parallel Time without
any regard for his own safety.
She pulled the car up the gravel driveway and put it
in park. As she closed the door she saw the curtain in
the window move back into place. Barnabas was standing in
the open doorway by the time she reached the bottom
step.
"Julia," he said as she entered the foyer. "I can't
tell you how surprised I was to see your car coming up
the drive. Is Vicki alright? Were you successful?"
"Yes," she told him with a smile, seeing the tension
leave his face with her answer.
"Thank God," he said with relief. He looked at her and
smiled. "You seem none the worse for the experience. How
is Carolyn?"
"Trying not to act overwhelmed with everything that
has happened to her," Julia said as she settled into the
winged back chair by the fireplace. Barnabas took his
customary chair opposite her, anxious for her to
elaborate.
"Don't keep me in suspense, Julia," Barnabas said,
managing to keep most of the irritation out of his voice.
"What happened?"
And so she told him. He managed to keep his questions
to a minimum, content to let her tell him the story at
her own pace. Jeb's presence in that time obviously
puzzled and disturbed him. She noticed that,
surprisingly, most of his questions concerned Ben,
Millicent and his father. She was about to tell him of
her parting conversation with Joshua when he
interrupted.
"But if Bradford was killed, where did Vicki go? Did
she stay on with my father?"
"No, Barnabas," Julia said. "Vicki is at Collinwood,
here...now. She returned with us."
"Vicki is here!" he exclaimed, rising from his chair.
"Why didn't you tell me this in the beginning?"
"Because if I had, I knew you would be out the door
and I wouldn't have been able to tell you anything else
and there are some things we must discuss."
"Well, you were right in predicting my reaction," he
said hurriedly as he headed for the foyer. "We can talk
more later, Julia. I must go see Vicki immediately."
By the time she had reached the foyer he had already
taken his caped coat and cane from the coat rack and was
out the door. He did not even look back to see if she was
following. She had not told him of Vicki's parentage --
leaving that to either Vicki or Elizabeth to reveal -- or
the strange figure on the staircase, or the message sent
by his father.
Or of Roxanne.
Feeling both aggravation and relief, she closed the
door of the Old House and walked down the steps toward
her car.
Barnabas had already disappeared into the woods.
Never taking her eyes off Elizabeth, Vicki slowly
walked across the landing and down the stairs. So many
emotions whirling through her that she could barely
stand. Elizabeth never moved, afraid that by doing so she
would break the spell and the young girl coming towards
her would disappear like a vision from a dream. They
stood within arms reach, as they had so many times in the
past -- one knowing the truth; the other not.
Now they both knew.
They stared at each other, not knowing what to do or
say, lips quivering...vision blurring with tears...
Elizabeth reached out trembling arms...afraid of being
rejected...afraid of holding her...
Vicki took the final step and closed the gap between
them, knowing for the first time her Mother's
embrace.
It was several minutes before they wiped their tears
and walked into the Drawing Room to sit on the sofa.
Vicki kept looking about the room and then back at her
mother.
"It's hard for me to believe that I'm really
here."
"I find it difficult to believe myself," Elizabeth
said. "But you are here, and you must have a great many
questions."
For the first time, Vicki's face clouded. "Yes, I
do...but so much has happened so quickly. I don't know
where to begin."
"Julia told me about Peter," Liz said as Vicki's head
bowed slightly. "I'm so sorry. It doesn't seem fair. The
two of you had such a short amount of time together."
"No, no it isn't fair," Vicki agreed, a hint of anger
edging out the pain in her voice. "None of it has been
fair."
"You mean me," Elizabeth said quietly.
"Yes," Vicki said firmly. "I suppose I do."
"You have every right to feel angry and hurt by what
I've done," Elizabeth confessed.
"Mrs. Stoddard, I don't know what I feel!" Vicki gave
a short sarcastic laugh. "Mrs. Stoddard? That sounds so
formal now. I don't even know what to call you."
"I would hope, that someday, you'll call me Mother,"
Liz said emotionally.
"I've wanted to call someone that all my life," Vicki
cried. "But I was never given the opportunity."
"I know. I robbed you of that, like so many other
things," Elizabeth confessed painfully. "I know what it
is like to grow up without a mother's love. I can't make
that up to you, Vicki. I can't change what I've done. But
I am here for you now."
Vicki stood up and walked to the fireplace, collecting
her thoughts. Brokenly she began. "When I was in the
orphanage...when I was old enough to know what an
orphanage was...I kept asking myself `why did my parents
give me away?' What was it about me that was
so...terrible that they had to give me away?" She turned
fiercely, accusingly, years of pain and tears coming out.
"Why? Why did you do it?! Why did you give me away?"
Elizabeth went to her and tried to place a comforting
arm around her shoulders, but Vicki would have none of it
and pulled away. For a moment she was back at the
orphanage, reliving all the feelings of abandonment that
she had thought were resolved long ago.
Liz paced for a moment in front of the fireplace and
then motioned for Vicki to sit down again. "Try to
understand that things...attitudes...were very different
then from what they are now. Women who were pregnant
without the benefit of marriage were outcasts, pariahs.
The options were very limited, either give the baby up
for adoption or...abort. I could never do that."
"What about my father?" Vicki asked. "Did he have any
say in the decision?"
"Your father...is another story," Liz said cautiously.
"He never even knew you had been conceived." She paused
for a moment and then continued. "Had the decision been
up to me, I would have tried to raise you myself. But as
I said, those were different times. My father was a very
gentle, loving man...but very stern. He would not hear of
the family being `disgraced' and so I went to New York
and gave birth to you there. It was he who made all the
arrangements through our lawyers with the Hammond
Foundling Home."
Elizabeth clasped her hands together in front of her
as her eyes focused on some object far away. "I'll never
forget the day I left you on the doorstep. Father had
wanted to take you himself, but I wouldn't allow it. It
was so cold that day. Winter had come early and hard that
year. So very hard..." Her voice faltered for a moment
before she continued. "I watched from across the street,
hidden in an alley. I had to be certain they found you. I
watched...as they picked up your basket, read the
note...saw them take you inside, bent over, looking at
you. And then they closed the door. And I stood
there...alone, trying to convince myself that I'd done
the right thing."
"We returned to Collinwood with no one suspecting the
truth. My father died shortly after we returned and I
suddenly found myself in charge of the family business.
The money was sent monthly for your care and education --
anonymously of course, and I engrossed myself in Collins
Enterprises hoping that I could block out what had
happened."
"And you were successful," Vicki said sardonically
from the sofa.
"Not entirely. I couldn't forget you. I didn't want to
forget. And with Father gone I realized that I might dare
to venture to see you occasionally. Christening...school
plays... graduation." Elizabeth paused, her face clouded
with regret. "And then I met Paul Stoddard."
"I always wondered," Vicki interrupted, "when I was
walking down a street, or in a crowded store, whether
somehow, without my knowing it, my parents might be close
by."
"I kept track of your progress," Elizabeth continued.
"As best I could from here."
"So when I began looking for a career..." Vicki
started.
"I sent for you to come here as David's governess,"
Elizabeth admitted. "It all seemed so perfect...as if it
were meant to be."
"But why didn't you tell me the truth once I came?"
Vicki demanded. "I asked on more than one occasion."
"I was afraid, Vicki," Liz confessed. "My years of
self-imposed exile had changed me, made me colder, almost
bitter. No one knew the truth, and I had the Collins
family reputation to think of." She smiled ruefully. "I
know, the same argument that my father used to pressure
me into giving you up. We truly are the products of our
parents."
Vicki sat quietly a moment, taking it all in. "You
still haven't told me about my father," she said
resolutely.
Elizabeth was about to comment when they both heard
the sound of running footsteps on the stairs in the
foyer. Carolyn's voice called out angrily. "David!" But
there was no stopping the boy as he raced down the last
few stairs and ran across the foyer to the closed drawing
room doors. A moment later he burst into the room.
"Vicki!" he cried as he threw his arms around her.
"David!" she exclaimed, returning his embrace. She
pushed him back and looked at him -- almost eye to eye.
"Look at how tall you are!"
He gave an awkward grin. "Yeah, I've grown a bit since
you've been gone.
Carolyn stood in the doorway, her anger melting at
seeing their reunion but feeling that David still
deserved a rebuke. "David, I told you to wait
upstairs."
"Why should I wait upstairs when Vicki is down here?"
he asked.
"It's alright Carolyn," Elizabeth said with a smile,
relieved for the interruption. "We...needed a break."
"Gee, Vicki, are you back to stay?" David asked
eagerly. "I'm too old for a governess -- I'm going to be
going away to school next semester anyway -- but I bet
Aunt Elizabeth could find a job for you like she did for
Maggie."
"Vicki doesn't need a job to stay here, David,"
Elizabeth told him. "Hopefully she'll be with us for a
long time to come."
David noticed a strange undercurrent between the
adults and was about to ask why they seemed to be acting
so strangely when the sound of someone coming in the
front door distracted him.
Elizabeth, who had a hand on Vicki's arm, couldn't
help but notice her tense when she saw Barnabas standing
in the foyer.