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These films contain scenes set in libraries (often private libraries) that feature no definitive Librarian character.

INDEX TO MOVIES WITH LIBRARIES
BUT NO LIBRARIANS

In alphabetical order by title.

Rogers, James B. (Director). American Pie 2. United States: Universal Pictures, 2001.

Starring: Jason Biggs (Jim Levenstein); Seann William Scott (Stifler)

Those high school maniacs from the first American Pie movie are in college now, and at the end of their freshman year they look back fondly over the past months. The rude and crude Stifler remarks, "I got laid 23 times this year and I'm not counting the hummer I got in the library stacks, baby." The library scene cut from this film appears in the DVD's deleted scenes: The boys (sans Stifler) visit their old high school library. (I love the dictionary stand, clearly labeled "dictionary stand.") They feel emotional, and more than a little displaced, but hope to form a lasting bond of friendship. "I want to be able to give you guys shit without exchanging resumes first," one says. They had recorded their high school shenigans in a book ("The story about us, the story about the Pact," Kevin notes) hidden in the bottom of a shelving unit. It is not there, however, but a note in its place promises to return it in the fall. This library scene is slow and touchy-feely, in contrast to the silliness in the rest of the film, which explains its (metaphorical) drop to the editing room floor.

Campion, Jane (Director). An Angel at My Table. Australia: Australian Broadcast Corp., 1990.

Starring: Karen Fergusson (Janet Frame as child)

No librarians feature in this picturesque biography of New Zealand author Janet Frame. As a plain, shy, intelligent child, Janet loves reading and we see her carefully select an armful of books from the library shelves. Later, with her family seated around the dinner table in their very small, humble home, she hands each of her parents and sisters a book. One of them is Grimm's Fairy Tales. In the following scene, Janet and her sisters traipse through the forest all dolled up in fanciful, handmade costumes. In the commentary, the director says this is her favorite scene. It's one of the few bright spots in this somber but critically acclaimed film.

Gondry, Michael (Director). Be Kind Rewind. United States: New Line Cinema, 2008.

Starring: Jack Black (Jerry Gerber); Mike (Mos Def)

The humor in this quirky small-budget, star-stuffed, award-nominated film comes from each viewer's familiarity with the popular movies that a group of urban survivors recreate in order to save their neighborhood video store. Jerry Gerber, almost too convincingly played by Jack Black, accidentally de-magnetizes the videos offered at his friend's workplace, and in a flash of moronic genius they refilm the highlights of the missing movies and rent them out instead. Of course popularity breeds panic as people line up to order the fractured versions of numerous classics. This is only one plot (the silly one that drives the action) in a film with deeper rivers running through it. Suspend your disbelief and rent this one. You'll see lots of Hollywood icons in minor roles. As to the library scene – what reenactment of Ghostbusters would be complete without the library sequence that establishes the film's tone? Gerber and buddy Mike (Mos Def) set up filming in a (real) library, dressed in foil suits hastily adorned with junk and duct tape, and Jack Black wears a flowery dress pulled over his foil suit to play the matronly librarian who gets chased through the stacks in the opening. A book swings from fishing line, and computer cards are flung into the air, and it's obvious these guys have great enthusiasm but Steven Spielberg they ain't. They prowl through the stacks, drawing notice from patrons who openly stare. A woman shelving books shushes them, but as she wears no ID and makes no move to interfere with their antics even when they "attack" her with "ectoplasm" (red and green garlands on twisted wire), I'm assuming she's a volunteer or maybe even a helpful patron. The children's reading room is used to recreate the hotel scene where Mike gets slimed. A fun and touching film.

Neilson, James (Director). Bon Voyage!. United States: Walt Disney Pictures, 1962.

Starring: James Millhollin (Ship's Librarian); Fred MacMurray (Harry Willard); Jane Wyman (Katie Willard)

The Willard family heads to Europe on a cruise ship that features a library smaller than the book collection in your dining room, but it comes with a helpful librarian. Harry Willard (Fred MacMurray) tells him, "I'd like something in the way of a mystery, I guess. I'd like to read about somebody else's troubles for a change." He is offered "stimulating" titles, but chooses to browse the collection. "Good hunting," he's told. Willard's daughter is reading a book on architecture when she gets into conversation with her new boyfriend, with Dad listening while he looks over the books. Later the librarian asks him, "Did you find your mystery, sir?" Willard: "Yes. It's called The Case of the Puzzled Parent Who Can't Understand Why His Children Keep Saying He Doesn't Understand." Librarian: "Hmmm. That's an oddish title." This very dated Disney film features, instead of falling bookcases, domino-ing roulette tables.

Hughes, John (Director). The Breakfast Club. United States: Universal Pictures, 1985.

Starring: Judd Nelson (John Bender); Emilio Estavez (Andy Clark); Molly Ringwald (Claire Standish)

Five students earn Saturday detention, where they are sequestered in the high school library and their principle snarls, "You will not talk. You will not move from these seats." This film, structured like a play, follows eight hours of sharing and revelations, with occasional bursts of frustration, humor, bafflement and anger. When chided for ripping out pages from a book, the bored Bender states in a flat, sarcastic voice, "It's wrong to destroy literature. It's such fun to read. And ... (looking at book) ... Mole-yah really pumps my nads." "Moliere," Claire corrects him. The library is wide open, light and modern, constructed for the film in a former suburban Chicago high school. At one point the kids smoke pot in the library, after which Andy dances around -- not as innocent as The Music Man but just as energetic. Later they all get into it. Internet Movie Database notes that one of the proposed titles was "Library Revolution." Parents of teenagers might benefit from seeing this film, if only to jog memories of those difficult teenage years.

DePalma, Brian (Director). Carrie. United States: United Artists, 1976.

Starring: Sissy Spacek (Carrie White); William Katt (Tommy Ross)

Based on the Novel: King, Stephen. Carrie. Garden City, NY: Doubleday, 1974.

Carrie is a horror classic that launched many careers. Carrie White (Sissy Spacek) is a high school student warped by her mother -- a religious zealot disconnected from reality -- and victimized by the kids at school. The film features three brief school library scenes. In the first we see Carrie looking up "miracle" in the card catalog. Later we find her browsing the shelves and consulting The Secret Science Behind Miracles (a real book) for the definition of "telekinesis," as she's discovered that her intense emotions can affect objects. Later, Tommy (big man on campus played by Greatest American Hero William Katt) finds her in the library and asks her out to the prom, but only because his girlfriend has forced him to, putting into motion a plot of humiliation that goes terribly wrong. Carrie fills her own information gap without librarian help, which fits with what we know of this shy character.

Mann, Michael (Director). Collateral. United States: DreamWorks, 2004.

Starring: Tom Cruise (Vincent); Jamie Foxx (Max); Jada Pinkett-Smith (Annie)

In this predictable urban thriller the luscious Tom Cruise plays a most unlovable hit man who, in one fleeting scene, stalks a prosecuting attorney (Annie) in a corporate law library at night. File this under "violence in a library" as opposed to the less dramatic "library as refuge." It does stand out in that the library is high up in a skyscraper and the view of city lights is breathtaking.

de Oliveira, Manoel (Director). The Convent. France: Gemini Films, 1995.

Starring: Catherine Deneuve (Helene Padovic)

Original title: O Convento

Based on the Novel: As Terras do Risco by Bessa-Luis, Augustina

Know what? I'm not even going to try. Catherine Deneuve is still a beautiful woman. The plot sounds like it should be interesting, where an American professor and his wife go to an ancient Portuguese monastery to discover research to prove his theory that Shakespeare was really a Jewish Spaniard. Okay -- I've said two positive things about this film and couldn't find a third if you set my toes on fire. The description mentions a young librarian, and the woman thus identified is indeed young but she sure isn't a librarian. If there is a "great library" as mentioned, it is never shown. (Interiors for this film appear to be lit with a penlight.) Mostly you have thick woods, crumbling architecture, anguishing dialog, and total confusion as to what on earth is going on. Save your DVD money for a quality film, like something with Adam Sandler.

Haller, Daniel (Director). The Dunwich Horror. United States: American International Pictures, 1970.

Starring: Toby Russ (Librarian??); Sandra Dee (Nancy Wagner); Dean Stockwell (Wilbur Whateley); Ed Begley, Sr. (Dr. Henry Armitage)

Based on the Short Story: Lovecraft, H.P. "The Dunwich Horror." Weird Tales, 1929 http://www.dagonbytes.com/thelibrary/lovecraft/thedunwichhorror.htm

Although actor Toby Russ is credited as playing the librarian at the Widener Library, multiple screenings of this film failed to identify him, and I wonder if he didn't end up on the cutting room floor. In Lovecraft's story, Dr. Armitage is a librarian, although this is not evident in the film (his Necronomicon being on display in the library notwithstanding ... many if not most library exhibits are owned by outsiders). The two young ladies (the Sandra Dee character and her friend Elizabeth, invented for this film) who handle the book and discuss the library's imminent closing may or may not be associated with the library itself. One reviewer refers to Miss Wagner as "the beautiful librarian." Acknowledging Armitage as a librarian, he certainly obstructs the flow of knowledge, but for a good reason, if one believes peace and sanity of the world is a good reason. In any case, two brief library scenes (one features a fight, if you're keeping track of libraries as settings for violence) and no apparent librarian make this film of little interest to the profession, but if you're old enough to remember the 1970s or are a Dean Stockwell fan, it's a hoot to watch. If you're a Lovecraft fan, forget it.

Greenfield, Luke (Director). The Girl Next Door. United States: Fox 2000 Pictures, 2004.

Starring: Emile Hirsch (Matthew Kidman); Elisha Cuthbert (Danielle)

At the end of this spunky loss-of-virginity film, we see a sex video being shot in a high school library. No librarians, simply a library (briefly) as setting. Entertaining but fluffy. You'll love it if you're an adolescent boy.

Campbell, Martin (Director). Goldeneye. United States: Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, 1995.

Starring: Pierce Brosnan (James Bond); Izabella Scorupco (Natalya Fyodorovna Simonova)

More domino-ing shelving units, only this time they are in a Russian archive (few books, lots of boxes), and most of the damage is done by automatic weapons rather than gravity. No workers at all are in evidence (which is just as well or they'd have been perforated, too). The setting is irrelevant and this film doesn't belong on any library films list, but we'll use it as an excuse to watch Pierce Brosnan playing with big-boy toys.

Roberts, Scott (Director). The Hard Word. Australia: Alibi Films, 2002.

Starring: Guy Pearce (Dale Twentyman, prison inmate library worker)

This quirky caper movie about three incarcerated Twentyman brothers who continue their felonious ways to line the pockets of their jailers, attorney, and government officials has only a few prison library scenes and no librarian. Mostly the library serves as setting for deal-making, but we see red shelves and a computer and wonder how the books are organized with no spine labels. In the film's opening sequence, an inmate library worker (Dino) hands a slip of paper to Dale Twentyman (Guy Pearce) ordering a special book for an inmate that is hidden behind a facade of fake books.

Dino: Portnoy's Complaint.
Dale: Who wants that?
Dino: Mildenhall.
Dale: (retrieving book from hidden space) Mildenhall wants Portnoy's Complaint, eh? I'll bet he fucking does.
Dino: What's he complaining about?
Dale: Oh, his mother -- women -- not enough sex. You know, the usual.
Dino: (indicating book) Any good?
Dale: That would depend on whether you've spoofed all over the toothbrushes, with your mother trying to bash down the bathroom door. Wanker's bible, it's pretty funny.
Dino: I'll have a go after Mildenhall.

HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER'S STONE Columbus, Chris (Director). Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. United States: Warner Bros, 2001. Starring: Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter); Rupert Grint (Ron Weasley); Emma Watson (Hermione Granger) Based on the Novel: Rowling, J.K. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. NY: Scholastic, 1998. Featuring: Madam Pince (Librarian) The children need information from Hogwarts' library in the Restricted Section. (Rowling's book has the collection guarded during the day by Madam Pince, the librarian who isn't even mentioned in the film.) At night caretaker Filch and his cat serve as guards. It should be noted that the book Potter pulls from the shelf during his nighttime foray screams at him, effectively denying access.

Sirk, Douglas (Director). Imitation of Life. United States: Universal Pictures, 1959.

Starring: Susan Kohner (Sarah Jane Johnson, "Library worker"); Lana Turner (Lora Meredith); Juanita Moore (Annie Johnson)

Based on the Novel: Hurst, Fannie. Imitation of Life. New York: P.F. Collier & Son, 1933.

This moralistic movie lays out heavy themes of race and social equality, and the struggle of single mothers of any color who do their best to get ahead but are victims of their own choices. When the 18-year-old "passing" daughter of Lora Meredith's (Lana Turner) friend/maid strikes off on her own, she writes to her mother about her job at the Manhattan Public Library (the head librarian is giving her a raise). In reality she's a sexy club singer and showgirl, and of course her mother finds out that she really doesn't have "a respectable job at the library." That's it for library references, but does confirm the extremes of two particular occupations on the respectability axis. Quick, pass me two tassels ...

Bird, Brad (Director). The Incredibles. United States: Walt Disney Pictures/Pixar, 2004.

Starring voice of: Craig T. Nelson (Bob Parr, Mr. Incredible)

Okay, so there's no library and no librarian in this animated film, but I had to list it because of the brief scene after Bob Parr accidently sets off the sprinklers in his house, where we see him with books spread out on the table, drying the pages with a pink hairdryer. Not quite what they're teaching in library disaster recovery courses, but I guess the kiddies would be confused if he scooped them up and raced to the freezer.

Norrington, Stephen (Director). The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. United States: 20th Century Fox, 2003.

Starring: Sean Connery (Allan Quatermain); Tony Curran (Rodney Skinner, The Invisible Man)

Two gorgeous libraries in this film: one in the secret wing of the British Museum where the Gentlemen meet, and the other the private library of Dorian Gray. (There's also a grubby library that catches fire in M's "summer retreat," a snow-covered fortress.) Gray's exquisite collection is pulverized by automatic weapons to the extent that you feel sorry for the union slugges who had to clean up the mess. It is fun watching the Invisible Man ... well, actually, watching where the Invisible Man would be if he were not invisible ... pulverize a bad guy with a large, thick volume. (The book as weapon, see also The Name of the Rose.) A sliding ladder also comes into play (shades of Shanghai Knights). Still trying to figure out how the lady vampire could fix her face using a hand mirror ... Of interest but no import: Seeing Sean Connery with broken spectacles at the end of LXG reminded me of his missing specs in The Name of the Rose.

Bacon, Kevin (Director). Loverboy. United States: Bigel / Mailer Films, 2005.

Starring: Kyra Sedgwick (Emily); Nick Gregory (Library Donor)

Based on the Novel: Redel, Victoria. Loverboy. St. Paul, MN: Graywolf Press, 2001.

Emily wants an exceptional child, and this means collecting the sperm of many exceptional men. Her first stop is the public library. She has dressed in a short black skirt, form-fitting lilac blouse (and no underwear), with her blond hair piled atop her head and dark-framed glasses. She scopes out the men and hones in on one handsome fellow, asking him seductively if he knows where Flaubert is. Quick cut to them hastily rearranging their clothes in the stacks after an obvious romp. He wants to see her again but we know that's not her plan. (He probably went home to write a letter to Penthouse.)

Bird, Antonia (Director). Mad Love. United States: Touchstone Pictures, 1995.

Starring: Drew Barrymore (Casey Roberts); Chris O'Donnell (Matt Leland)

This film should appear on nobody's list, especially one of library-related films. The high school couple have their first brief encounter in a school library. That's it. Whoopee. Although that minute and a half may be the highlight of this awful movie. Notable quote: Matt to Casey: "You like books. Not just reading books, but books themselves." Amen.

Reid, Tim (Director). Once Upon a Time ... When We Were Colored. United States: BET Pictures, 1995.

Starring: Willie Norwood Jr./Damon Hines (Cliff, ages 12 and 16); Polly Bergen (Miss Maybry)

We never see the public library in this Deep South memoir of the mid-1900s, but it plays an important part in the maturing and education of a Mississippi boy, son of cotton fieldhands. The teenaged Cliff is befriended by Miss Maybry, a white lady who is puzzled as to why he doesn't read literature since the library is filled with it -- until he reminds her gently that coloreds aren't allowed in the library. She lends him her own copy of Oliver Twist and thereafter brings him books from the library. Eventually he gives her long lists of titles "which she would fill with her usual haste and enthusiasm." This is a very small part of the film but a critical part of the man's early years. (And, yes, the director is the former Venus Flytrap and Downtown Brown).

Soderbergh, Steven (Director). Out of Sight. United States: Universal Pictures, 1998.

Starring: Chuck Castleberry (Library Guard); George Clooney (Jack Foley); Don Cheadle (Maurice "Snoopy" Miller)

Based on the Novel: Leonard, Elmore. Out of Sight. New York: Delacorte, 1996.

The library scene is in the Lompoc Federal Penitentiary law library, sans librarian (but apparently overseen by an inmate clerk, as he whistles for an officer when trouble starts). Convicts Snoopy and henchman Himey are shaking down Ripley, while fellow inmate Jack Foley (George Clooney) is trying to read at another table. A nearby sign reads QUIET PLEASE. Foley finally interjects, "The sign says shut the fuck up, or can't you fellows read?" After a little foot-to-crotch action (Foley's foot, Himey's crotch), a correctional officer (Castleberry) bursts in. "What's going on here?" Snoopy coolly replies, "Nothing, y'know, just reading is fundamentalist shit, we just got all excited and everything." Later we see a rich man's private library. (That's what my lottery winnings are going to buy!)

Ross, Gary (Director). Pleasantville. United States: New Line Cinema, 1998.

Starring: Tobey Maguire (David Wager/Bud Parker); Reese Witherspoon (Jennifer Wagner/Mary Sue Parker); William H. Macy (George Parker)

The power of change, the danger of inertia. We often tell each other that change is inevitable, but what if we lived in a society where nothing changed -- ever? This marvelous film satisfies on so many levels, being both entertaining and thought-provoking. David (vintage TV geek) and his sister Jennifer (hot and horny) get pulled into the b&w innocence of a classic television show, Pleasantville (think Donna Reed meets Father Knows Best). Their influence sets off an exponential, often painful evolution of an insular town, and the new passions evoked gradually add color and conflict to a world of grays. Literature and art are vectors of change. On their first day of school, Jennifer (now "Mary Sue") accosts her brother (now "Bud") in the hallway. "Do you know the books are blank?" "What?" "Yeah, I was in the library and I looked and they have covers and there's nothing inside of them." "What were you doing in the library?" "I got lost!" High school students are enthralled by Huckeberry Finn, which materializes on the pages as Bud and his sister remember the story. And Mary Sue undergoes her own maturation by discovering D.H. Lawrence (presumably Lady Chatterley's Lover). Old-timers in the barbershop notice increased activity at the Pleasantville Public Library. "I mean, going up to the lake all the time is one thing, but now they're going to a library? What's next?" During the riot scene where armfuls of books are carried out of the library and burned in the street, Mary Sue struggles when her boyfriend tries to wrest away her book. "This is like the only book I've ever read in my whole life and you're not going to put it on that fire!" She kicks him and runs away. I think William Macy as Bud and Mary Sue's father steals the show as a mild-mannered regular guy who just wants dinner on the table when he comes home from work. ("Where's my dinner?" he laments, wandering around the empty house. "Where's my DINNER? ... WHERE'S MY DINNER??!!!") Bud tries to explain: "Nothing went wrong. People changed." "People change?" "Yeah. People change." "Can they change back?" No librarians in this film, but other stereotypes are played with, as when the town fathers won't allow lawyers in the trial because they want the proceedings to be pleasant. Notable quote: "We're safe for now. We're in a bowling alley." Excellent movie. Funny, touching, poignant. Oh, and colorful.

Masunari, Kouji & Amanda Winn Lee (Directors). Read or Die. Japan: Studio DEEN, 2001.

Starring voice of: Kimberly Yates (Yomika Readman, aka The Paper, Substitute Teacher)

This is a great anime for bookaholics. The rare book at the center of an international tussle is Beethoven's die 'unsterbliche' Liebe (The Immortal Beloved) supposedly the great composer's lost Suicide Symphony that makes everyone who hears it off themselves. Yomika -- a child-like, scattered, emotional bookworm -- buys the book in a Tokyo rare book shop, then spends the next 90 minutes demanding, "Give me back my book!" Yomika is a book fanatic -- her little house atop a skyscraper is paved with teetering stacks of books -- and she puts herself into debt buying even more. But wait, she's not an ordinary bibliophile. She is a super-hero with the ability to turn paper into ... anything. She deflects bullets and swords with a simple index card or dollar bill, shoots flypaper to blind her opponents, and constructs functioning machines. And she's eccentric, carrying out elaborate fight scenes in a full-length coat and dragging a suitcase on wheels. She has big glasses and a naive demeanor, but she's a substitute teacher instead of a librarian. Oh, well. In brief, the bad guys are clones of famous people and the setting moves from Tokyo to Washington D.C. to New York City to India (etc.) as the "Rare Book Retrieval Mission" is pursued by Section A of the Special Forces Unit that operates from the British Museum. (Notice that the British Library is identified as the home base in write-ups about this film, but the facade shown is of the Museum, which is appropriate considering its legendary collection of rare books and multiple libraries). If you're new to anime this is a good place to start. The detail is exquisite, and the love of books permeates the storyline. There are lots of library and bookstore scenes. Especially note the orgasmic delight Yomika experiences as she rushes through the collection, touching spines and squealing. Been there, done that. "Security!"

Walton, Fred (Director). The Rosary Murders. United States: Take One Production Co., 1987.

Starring: Sandy Broad (Librarian); Donald Sutherland (Father Robert Koesler)

Based on the Novel: Kienzle, William X. The Rosary Murders. London: Hodder & Stoughton, 1979.

This is another film where the librarian role is so minor that one isn't certain exactly which character it is. A woman in the library points Father Koesler to the school yearbooks, but that hardly deserves a credit. More likely the librarian is the nun interviewed in the following scene at the Catholic school attended by the dead girl. (No library or librarian in the book.) This one's hardly worth the mention, but it appears on other library film lists.

Fincher, David (Director). Se7en. United States: New Line Cinema, 1995.

Starring: Morgan Freeman (Det. Lt. William Somerset); Brad Pitt (Det. David Mills)

This award-winning urban crime film plays on multiple levels and might even hold up with time. Despite the conventional mismatched detectives (one young, white, hotheaded, the other seasoned, black, and thorough), the film's illogical climax, and the concocted storyline (a serial killer slaughtering extreme examples of the seven deadly sins), Se7en offers depth of character and unexpected humor. The setting is meant to be anonymous but there's little doubt that we're seeing the seamy side of New York City. The library, however, is exquisite, a haven where Det. Lt. William Somerset (Freeman) researches literary classics that hold clues to the murderer's motivations. Somerset visits after closing hours, interrupting the guards' boisterous poker game, and their rapport is friendly and good natured. Green bankers lamps perforate the darkness, lending an air of mystery and history. One guard turns on a recording of Bach that follows Somerset through the shadowed stacks as he scans titles and touches books with tender respect. Now contrast this scene where the library warmly enfolds the seeker of knowledge to a later stark and ugly city scene when certain library patron records, flagged by the FBI for check-outs of selected titles such as Mein Kamp, provide the detectives with the name of the killer. He had checked out police procedurals and true crime books, among them Of Human Bondage ("Not what you're thinking," the old detective assures the young one). One of the funniest lines in a film where humor is used to keep the audience from slitting its own wrists has Det. Mills (Brad Pitt) read among the killer's checked-out titles: "The Markee de Shar-day." When, urged by Somerset, the young detective attempts to read Dante's Divine Comedy and one of Chaucer's Canterbury Tales, he erupts with invectives too filthy to repeat here. Fortunately a cop friend saves him with a handful of Cliff's Notes. No librarians appear in this film, but that's just as well considering the carnage. Notable quote: "Just because the fucker has a library card doesn't make him Yoda."

King, Michael Patrick (Director). Sex and the City. United States: Darren Star Productions, 2008.

Starring: Sarah Jessica Parker (Carrie Bradshaw); Chris Noth (Mr. Big)

Based on the Book: Bushnell, Candace. Sex and the City. New York: Warner Books, 1997.

When Carrie Bradshaw (Parker) crawls into bed with a library book (Love Letters of Great Men, Volume One), her fiancé, Mr. Big (Noth), asks, "Are you the last person in New York still taking out library books?" She answers, "I love the smell," and presses her nose to the pages with an appreciative "mmmmmm." He leans over and sniffs. "Ohhh – that's an oldie." When the book is late, she goes to the lovely New York Public Library and is at the desk digging in her purse for money when she's aware that they're preparing for a wedding up the sweeping marble staircase. She walks part way up and admires the gorgeous cathedral ceiling. Her narrative voice announces, "It was perfect! Big and I would be married in the classic New York landmark that housed all the great love stories." … Or maybe not.

Dobkin, David (Director). Shanghai Knights. United States: Touchstone Pictures, 2003.

Starring: Jackie Chan (Chon Wang); Owen Wilson (Roy O'Bannon)

It's 1887 London, and the private library of Lord Nelson Rathbone (bad guy) is extensive and exquisite and filled with gorgeous leatherbound books that end up on the floor when Chon Wang battles for his life, books against swords. Neat maneuvers with the sliding ladder, and of course there's a hidden doorway. This is a film deliberately stuffed with cinematic cliches, but at least we're spared falling bookcases. Enhance your viewing pleasure by playing "Name that Historical Inaccuracy." What fun.

Spiers, Bob (Director). That Darn Cat. United States: Walt Disney Pictures, 1997.

Starring: Christina Ricci (Patti Randall)

Based on the Novel: Gordon, Gordon & Mildred. Undercover Cat. Garden City, NY: Doubleday & Co., 1966.

The library scene comes and goes so quickly it barely deserves mentioning, but we do see 16-year-old Patti Randall (the one with the 'tude) checking a library computer for information about the kidnapped maid she's trying to find. It took you longer to read this than the actual scene ...

Rouse, Russell (Director). The Thief. United States: Fran Productions (United Artists), 1952.

Starring: Ray Milland (Allan Fields)

This old black & white film tells an international spy story with no dialogue but lots of ringing telephones nobody answers. Milland is a nuclear physicist -- obviously, since he wears a white coat and there's a table of chemical beakers in his office -- who sells secrets to [insert favorite enemy here]. Three times he photographs documents and takes the microfilm to the Library of Congress Reading Room for pick-up by the next agent in a chain of drop-off-pick-up maneuvers between Washington, D.C. and [insert favorite enemy country here, somewhere past Cairo]. Lots of interesting library scenes (no librarians but books and patrons and a slinking spy or two). The actual interchanges are laughably clumsy, but this is a film that can be fast-forwarded through the slow parts without missing anything.

Petrie, Donald (Director). Welcome to Mooseport. United States: Intermedia Films, 2004.

Starring: Denis Akiyama (Izuki Nami, Library Architect); Gene Hackman (Monroe Cole); Ray Romano (Handy Harrison)

The library in this film is actually an architect's prospective model of the Monroe "Eagle" Cole Presidential Library. It is massive and modern, 40,000 square feet, shaped like a croissant as painted by Picasso. Nami describes it as "European rationalism interwoven with American modernism, a metaphor of organic growth, a man-made mountain over which soars the eagle." (Cole's aide calls it "the big enchilada," not to be confused with the Big Red Enchilada in San Antonio.) The problem is, former President Cole is diverting funds to his mayoral campaign against Mooseport plumber Handy Harrison. Periodically throughout the film we see the magnificent model ... growing smaller and smaller ... as modules are removed, until it's little more than an ordinary rectangular office building. Architect Nami, so proud when presenting his creation in the beginning, is a sobbing wreck by the end. Libraries ... insufficient funding ... been there ... done that ...

Ward, Vincent (Director). What Dreams May Come. United States: Interscope Communications, 1998.

Starring: Robin Williams (Chris Nielsen); Cuba Gooding Jr. (Albert Lewis); Max von Sydow (The Tracker)

Based on the Novel: Matheson, Richard. What Dreams May Come. NY: G.P. Putnam's Sons, 1978.

This colorful, magical story of eternal love features no librarians but has one short scene that falls under "fantasy libraries" however you define them. Chris Nielsen (Robin Williams) is dead, looking for his dead wife so they can spend eternity together. Albert Lewis (Cuba Gooding Jr.) serves as Nielsen's guide and mentor, as he had in real life. Nielsen sacrifices an eternity in Heaven to find his wife in Hell, and along the way their gondola-like boat (boasting a red sail) glides through a narrow, book-lined tunnel that opens into a large, cavernous space with an arched window on the far side to let in sunlight. Shelving looms on either side, several stories high and connected by ornate, zigzagged stairways. Scholars (men and women, wearing long, black robes and some holding torches) levitate along the shelves, or float below in small rafts loaded with books. The architecture and books reflect in the mirrored surface of the water, adding dimension to the scene and letting us see what is out of sight overhead (a wider arch and skylight). The books themselves are tall and uniformly bound with banded wood spines and parchment pages, and as nothing is labeled and of course there are no signs, one wonders how anyone finds anything. (Yes, I'm trying to impose logic on a fantasy scene where the characters are figments of their own imaginations!). This library is where Albert introduces Nielsen to The Tracker (Max von Sydow) who will guide the voyage across a wild, demon-infested ocean on the way to Hell. NOTE: There is one fleeting peek behind a wall of shelving, and there we see piles of books (including traditional leatherbound volumes), with others lined on shelves -- apparently a haphazard work area. Even this lovely fantasy library has a practical underbelly, so one accepts the implication that there must be workers and librarians keeping the place functional.

Keshishian, Alek (Director). With Honors. United States: Spring Creek Productions, 1994.

Starring: Brendan Fraser (Montgomery Kessler); Joe Pesci (Simon Wilder)

No librarians in this film, but the Widener Library on the Harvard campus sets an emotional stage for this heart-tugging drama. The reported ghost in the stacks who looks like Walt Whitman ("America's greatest poet haunting the library eh?") turns out to be a homeless man living in the boiler room. He remarks, "This library is like a church, isn't it?" Indeed, it is treated as such right to the final goodbye. Get a box of Kleenex for this one.

Bowman, Rob (Director). The X-Files: Fight the Future. United States: 20th Century Fox, 1998.

Starring: David Duchovny (Fox Mulder); Gillian Anderson (Dana Scully)

Before you send corrective emails, I'll agree right up front this film doesn't belong on a library movie list. I couldn't resist including an example of library abuse. The library is in a private men's club in London where (gasp!) men smoke cigars and the smoke is so thick you can't even tell if there are books on the shelves. Assuming there are (why else call it a library?), rest assured that no amount of kitty litter will get the smell out of them, ever.

Boorman, John (Director). Zardoz. United Kingdom: 20th Century Fox, 1974.

Starring: Sean Connery (Zed); Niall Bugg (Arthur Frayn/Zardoz)

Novelization: Boorman, John. Zardoz. New York: Signet, 1974.

This thoroughly weird period piece shows information access in the 23rd century as people talking into crystal rings. Feedback is aural, through holograms and projected text, and eventually Zed is pulled inside. The few library scenes are brief -- old books as ancient artifacts, eventually thrown to the floor by an angry and frustrated Zed. He is an "exterminator" of subhuman "brutals" (eventually he's hunted as the subhuman) who had never seen books before, but he quickly learns to read and eventually learns too much. One touchy-feely scene has Zed imbued with knowledge by osmosis -- "touch learning" (not for the ticklish). We get to see a museum trashed and then restored. Notable quote: "Knowledge is not enough." A novelization of the film was later produced, and the library scene (only a couple pages long) is about the only good thing in it. (The literary style we reveled in during the 1970s seems embarrassing now!)