Warning: This story was written while I was sick. It is, therefore, dripping with sap. I violated all sorts of fanfic rules, and although it was originally intended to be part of my series Voyager Days, it didn't really fit with the rest of the series. So for that reason, and because it would complicate the entire timeline, I'm going to have it stand alone. Maybe that doesn't work, I don't care. I was feeling very sorry for myself because I didn't have anyone to take care of me, and it shows.
Kathryn Janeway shifted her medbag to her left shoulder as she strode along the corridor. All right, so strode probably wasn't the right word. Stumbled like a clumsy fool was definately a little closer to the truth.
She was tired. Very, very tired. Unfortunately, she didn't dare go to sleep. She had promises to keep, as Robert Frost had once said, and miles left to go. Well, miles was an exaggeration, but it certainly felt like it right now. The poem, about a country doctor making housecalls, seemed appropriate right now, though.
Kathryn passed a blonde woman who looked as tired as she felt and managed a half-hearted nod. The other woman smiled back, but her eyes were at half-mast, and her own burden seemed to be keeping her moving at a snail's pace. "Good evening, Captain," she managed.
"Is it evening? I've lost track of time," Kathryn admitted. "How has everyone been doing?"
"Most of them are past the worst of it. Sleeping now."
"Good. Hang in there, Crewman. We're almost through this."
The young woman didn't seem overly convinced, but she nodded bravely before continuing on her way.
Janeway stopped at her destination and activated the door, not even bothering with the chime. "Chakotay?"
The room was dim and it took her eyes several seconds to adapt. There was no answer to her call, but then, she hadn't really expected one. "Computer, raise lights by ten percent."
The lights brightened slightly, enough for her to see that he wasn't here. Frowning, she walked through to the bedroom. His bed was a disaster, with the sheet dragging on the floor and the blanket that she had tucked under his chin less then half an hour ago crumbled at the foot of it.
He wasn't in it.
Worried now, Kathryn covered the rest of his quarters quickly. The bathroom door was open, and the lights were still on. He wasn't there. He was also not on the floor in any of the rooms, and the sonic shower wasn't in use. Just in case, she cautiously pushed the door open slightly, but he was gone.
She tapped her commbadge. "Janeway to the Doctor."
"What can I do for you, Captain?" He still sounded harried.
"It didn't work, Doctor. I just finished the rest of my rounds, and Chakotay is no longer in his room. The sedative must have worn off more quickly then we thought it would," she said, unhappy.
"You'd better find him, then. There's no telling what he might do."
Janeway glanced at his nightstand, not surprised to see his commbadge still lying there. "Do you have any ideas how I might go about doing that, Doctor? His commbadge is still here, the internal sensors aren't going to be able to track him, and I have no idea how long he's been gone."
"I wish I could help you, Captain, but I'm swamped. Where ever he is, try to keep him there until we can try again."
"Understood. Janeway out." Sighing, she cut the communications.
Walking out, she sealed the door, making sure the computer would notify her if the lock was disengaged. Where to now? Where would he go, in his currant state?
She shifted the medbag to her right shoulder and wrinkled her nose at something unidentifiable that clung to her uniform tunic. "Sorry, Chakotay," she muttered to herself. "I'm definately getting a change of uniform before I do anything else."
Her quarters were nearby, so she ducked in, dropping the heavy medical kit with a thud onto the ground. "Computer, raise lights."
The lights came on as she passed into her bedroom, and she stopped dead, looking at the large lump in her bed. Relieved, she crawled up onto the bed and pulled the blanket back. A shock of black hair was visible through the hole she created. She ruffled it gently, and the lump twitched.
"Chakotay?" she said gently. "Can you hear me?"
"Cold," the lump mumbled, flinching away from her.
She picked the medical tricorder off of her hip and ran it over him. "You're running a high fever. We need to get-"
"Cold," it insisted.
To heck with the scientific method. She insinuated one hand into the blankets and felt around for his forehead. His skin was painfully warm to the touch. "No, you're not. You're too warm actually."
Still, he was shaking. She could feel him tremble beneath her fingers. "I'll get you some more blankets."
"Don't leave."
She smiled, glad that he was at least communicating. The last time she had seen him, he had been almost completely non-verbal, and what he did say didn't make a lot of sense. "I won't."
"Did before." This time, the lump sounded suspiciously grouchy. The blankets shifted, and his flushed face appeared. His eyes were bright with fever and his cheekbones were pronounced.
"Ah. My first officer is in there somewhere." She went to her closet and took down the extra blankets she had stored there. Going back to the bed, she smoothed them over his prone body. The shivers subsided somewhat, and she pushed the sweaty hair off of his forehead. "How are you now?"
Those dark, liquid eyes pleaded with her for relief that she couldn't provide. "Hurts."
Her own eyes filled with tears, but she blinked them back. "I'm sorry. What hurts? Maybe I can make it better."
"Everything," he groaned.
Another tremor shook his form, and she thought about giving him another dose of the sedative, but decided against it. It wouldn't really help him, and might send him back into the delusional state he had been in earlier. He wasn't well now, but he seemed fairly rational. She would take that.
"I think I know something that might help, but I can't do it alone. Will you wait here for a minute?"
"Don't leave."
"I'm just going into the other room." Kathryn could tell that he wasn't comforted by her words, and she tried again. "I won't leave you. I promise."
"Couldn't find you," he mumbled, his eyes sliding shut. "Looked everywhere. Smelled like you here."
Her eyebrows shot up. Well, that was interesting. "I'll take that as a compliment," she said wryly. "Hold tight, Chakotay. I'll be right back. Just keep talking to me."
"Want to sleep, but it hurts too much. Couldn't sleep. So tired. Why can't I sleep?" His voice trailed away, degrading into a rumbling mutter. The words she could hear as she moved into the bathroom were increasingly disjointed and irrational.
Quickly, she filled the bathtub and stopped for a brief order from the replicator. The epsolm salts she remembered from her childhood turned the water a milky white, and she waited until the tub was releasing fragrent clouds of moist steam before she went back for Chakotay.
He was still talking to himself, his voice tormented. She touched him gently on the shoulder and he rolled over, his arm swinging out. Kathryn dodged, and the blow missed her entirely. His eyes opened, and the panic in them made her worry.
"Kathryn!"
"Right here." She took a cautious step forward. "It's okay. Are you with me, Chakotay?"
"Think so." He dragged himself into a sitting position, keeping the blankets wrapped around his shoulders. "Hard to think."
She nodded and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "I need you to walk, okay? Lean on me, but you're too heavy for me to carry, so you're going to have to do a lot of the work."
Slowly, carefully, he stood, his body leaning into her. She braced her legs hard against the deck, but she still nearly collapsed under his weight. After a few moments, she felt steady enough to try stepping forward. He mimicked her movements, his footfalls awkward and halting, as she helped him across the room.
By the time they got to the bathroom, her exhaustion was making it difficult to move. Kathryn just barely made it to the tub before her knees buckled. Chakotay sat down heavily on the edge of the bath, and she leaned against the wall, attempting to catch her breath. "God, Chakotay. I'd hate to think what this would have been like before you lost all that weight," she panted, her hands braced on her knees.
"I've lost weight?"
His voice sounded so confused that Kathryn almost laughed. "The Doctor estimates almost ten pounds in the last two weeks. You haven't been eating well, Chakotay."
"Oh." He looked around. "What am I doing here?"
"You're going to take a bath. But first, we're going to see what you're wearing under that blanket." Taking a deep breath, she helped him pull the blankets from his shoulders. His chest was bare, but he was still wearing the grey Starfleet-issue boxers. She smiled. "Basically the same thing you were wearing when you walked onto the bridge three days ago."
"I was on the bridge?"
"In your boxers and nothing else, yep. Trust me, there are female crewmembers who will be dining out on that experience for weeks, after this is over." She took the blankets away from him and went to put them back by the bed. "You should probably take those boxers off before you-" A splash cut her off. "Or maybe not."
She walked back in. Chakotay was submerged up to his neck in the water. His eyes were closed, and one hand hung limply onto the floor. Kathryn walked quietly across the floor and knelt beside him. "Chakotay? I need you to stay awake."
"Am awake."
"I don't think so." She stroked his hair, only to yank her fingers back. "What is that stuff in your hair?"
"Don' know. Soup maybe."
"I'm not going to ask." She got up and grabbed a comb from the shelf. "Hold still, and I'll try to get the chunks out. Let me guess, this is one of Neelix's concoctions."
"Don't remember." He held still as she combed what looked like crushed vegetables out of his hair. When the worst of it was gone, she put the comb down and grabbed a bottle of shampoo from beside the tub. Pouring some on his head, she massaged it into his hair.
When it was standing directly up in fluffy white peaks, she cupped her hands and carefully poured water onto his hair by the handful. He tilted his head back slightly so the suds wouldn't run into his eyes.
The water seemed to be helping. His breathing was less labored, and the lines of pain that had bracketed his mouth had eased. As she finished rinsing out his hair, the rise and fall of his chest became rhythmic and relaxed.
"Chakotay?"
His only answer was a gentle snore. Kathryn grinned. He needed the sleep. She took the medical tricorder out of its holster and set it to emit a warning if his resperation changed before she put it on the edge of the tub. It wouldn't do to have him slip under the water and drown in her room. It would be very hard to explain.
Cautiously, not wanting to wake him, she crept back into her bedroom. She was in the process of stripping the bed when her commbadge chirped.
"Torres to Janeway."
Kathryn dropped the clean sheets onto the bed, then tapped her badge. "Janeway here. What's the latest, B'Elanna?"
"I heard from the Doctor that Chakotay was gone. Do you need help finding him?"
She grinned. "Nope. He only wandered as far as next door."
"Your quarters?" B'Elanna seemed to be choking on her own laughter.
"Yep. You wouldn't know, would you, how he managed to get past my door lock?"
"Sorry, can't help you there."
Kathryn finished making the bed. "It's probably best. I'm not sure I want to know, in any case. How's Tom doing?"
"Miserably. He is not a good patient," B'Elanna said, exasperated. "But he's better then he was earlier in the week. There was a day when it just about killed me to leave him. He was so sick, and raving about things I didn't understand. I don't mind admitting that it scared the wits out of me."
"I know the feeling. How's the rest of the crew holding out?"
"Chakotay, Tom and Harry were the worst hit, according to the Doctor. They were probably the carriers, since they were all on the original away mission. I checked up on Harry down in sickbay, but all he seems to do is sleep. We're just lucky this thing only infected the male members of the crew. It spread so fast that it would have completely incapacitated us if it had been compatable with the double X chromosone."
"The Doctor would have been running the ship."
"My engines shudder at the thought. How much longer do you think we should stay hidden in this nebula?"
Still nothing from the bathroom. Grateful for small favors, Kathryn went to her data terminal and called up the ship's schematics. "I'm keeping us here until some of the men get back on their feet. We're still at less then half crew compliment. Even though this area of space seems to be deserted, if we got into any sort of trouble right now, we'd have to draft Naomi to man the Ops station."
"Understood. I'm rather relieved, to be honest. I know it sounds selfish, but I don't want to leave Tom for an entire shift, and if we powered up the engines, I'd have to. I simply don't have the crew compliment to run much more then a skeleton shift right now. Doc's got everyone busy tending to the victims."
Kathryn grinned. She could sympathize. After all, Doc had assigned fifteen crewmen for her to check on until this passed. Tuvok was especially troublesome. Nothing as pitiful as a sick Vulcan. "Who's on bridge duty? I know I should know, but I'm so exhausted, I can barely think."
"Seven. Ensign Wildman is up there with her."
"Great." There was a noise at the door, and she jerked her head up. Chakotay, still soaking wet, stood in the doorway of the bathroom, looking fearful.
"Chakotay! For God's sake, you're dripping all over my carpet!"
There was a burst of muffled laughter from her commbadge, but she was occupied with trying to push him back into the bathroom, where the sonic shower would be able to dry him off.
"You were gone." His tone was definately accusatory.
"It sounds like he's at the last stages of it," B'Elanna said, laughter running through her voice. "Tom went through this stage a day or so ago. They get really clingy. I almost feel bad for the Doctor, with a sickbay full of them."
Chakotay looked around, his expression perplexed. "B'Elanna?"
"Stop talking B'Elanna. You're confusing him," Kathryn said.
"Sorry, Captain."
He finally realized where his friend's voice was coming from. Leaning over so his face was only a few inches from Kathryn's commbadge, he said, "Hi, B'Elanna!"
"Hi, yourself. Get your face away from the Captain's breasts, Chakotay. You're going to make her nervous."
Kathryn's eyebrows went up. "How did you know?"
"His voice was loud enough to wake the dead. And, he's working on a very simplistic thought process right now. I caught Tom attempting to cut his hair off. He said it hurt."
"His hair hurt?"
"Like I said, don't try to make sense of it."
Kathryn managed to steer him back into the bathroom. "I've got to get him dried off and back to bed, B'Elanna. Take care of Tom."
"Thanks, Captain. Just be glad he didn't hear this exchange. There's no telling what he'd do with it. He's actually sleeping, so I'm considering heading to the bridge to releave Seven. B'Elanna out."
Finally getting him into position, Kathryn stepped back. "Computer, activate sonic shower." The purr of the vibrating sound waves clicked on instantly, and Chakotay took the buffering with dazed acceptance. Making sure that he wasn't planning any sudden moves, Kathryn walked over to the replicator. "Computer, one pair of pajamas, in Commander Chakotay's size."
"Please specifiy style, color and fabric."
"I don't know. Give me a pair of whatever he ordered last."
The computer chirped, and a pair of black pajamas appeared, neatly folded. She picked them up and smiled, remembering their appearence in her ready room. Before he could cause any more problems, she backtracked to the bathroom, where he was leaning against the wall, his eyes half-closed.
"Come on, just a little longer." She handed him the pajamas and slung one of his arms around her shoulders. "Back to the bedroom, okay? I'm not even going to worry about getting you back to your own quarters."
He shuffled with her across the floor, and she helped him onto the bed before she went to the replicator. "Computer, hot vegetable boullion, one cup."
When she returned with steaming cup of broth, he had managed to get the pants on, but the small buttons of the shirt were proving too much for his clumsy fingers. Kathryn handed him the soup and pushed his hands out of the way. In a minute, she had the buttons all done up to his chin. "There you go," she said, giving his chest one last pat. "Now, drink your broth."
Chakotay did so, wrinkling his nose at the taste. Even so, he drank it without comment. When he was finished, he handed her the cup. "Done."
"Good. You feeling any better?"
"Um." He followed the inarticulate mumble by crawling into bed. Kathryn pulled the blankets over him as soon as he was still.
"Sleep well."
"Kathryn?" His voice stopped her as she was about to leave.
"Yes?"
"Tell me a story?"
Smiling, she walked back to the bed and sat down on the edge. His eyes were sleepy, but clearer now. She touched his forehead, and was relieved to find it cooler under her fingers. "That's your specialty, not mine," she told him, her voice soothing.
He didn't say anything, but his expression was disarmingly childlike. His dark eyes pleaded mutely with her, and she felt a distinct pull at her heart. "Okay, okay. Enough of that. Just close your eyes, and I'll tell you a story."
Smiling, he obediantly did as he was told.
Kathryn leaned in, speaking quietly. "Once upon a time, there was a woman warrior..."
The smile became a grin. "I know this story."
"No, you don't. Hush. As I was saying, there was a woman warrior who led her people in the best way she could. Sometimes, it felt to her as if she was all alone, because it was hard to lead, and very isolating. But she had a code to maintain, and so she walked the length of the universe, doing her best, and trying not to let any of her people see how alone she really was. Then, one day, she was pulled into a conflict with an angry warrior from another tribe."
"More like a grouchy warrior."
"That's not very poetic. And, far from the places they knew, he sacrificed his home to keep hers safe. When he joined his people with hers, and allowed her to lead them both, she was honored. He became her friend, and her greatest supporter. No matter how many times she let him down, or made foolish choices, he stood by her, and added his strength to hers. He protected her and made her laugh. And, little by little, before she realized what was happening, her lonliness disappeared, and she felt whole."
"I like this story."
"Me, too. Be quiet, or I won't tell you the ending. Now, it had been years since she had been alone, and the woman warrior came to depend on him so much that when he became ill one day, she felt lost and scared. For a long time, she sat beside his bed and watched him get sicker, and sicker, and sicker. He would sleep, and in his restless, pain-filled sleep, he would call out her name, as if he were in the grip of something horrible, and she was the only one who could save him. But she, a warrior and scientist, could do nothing to ease his torment. And she felt so helpless in the face of his pain, and helpless to serve her people, as one by one, half of them came down with the same illness. She raged inwardly against whatever fates were trying to take him away from her."
"Not going anywhere."
"Yes, but you're ruining my story. There was a time when the woman warrior couldn't be sure. And she, like the rest of the women of the crew, watched as their men fought an internal struggle to come back to them. After weeks of fever and pain, he opened his eyes and looked at her and smiled. Her joy was so great, that she felt as if she would die of it. But if he was going to live, then so was she."
"Good ending."
"Isn't it? And so she went back to caring for her crew, but each night she returned to him, and sang to him, in her poor voice, the song she remembered her mother singing to her father when she was happy, or lonely, or grateful."
"I don't remember a song..." His voice was sleepy and very soft. It was obvious that he was clinging to conciousness by his fingernails.
"If you'll be quiet, I'll sing it one more time." She waited until he was still before she began.
"Standing cold and scared on top of the hill,
There came a moment when I lost my will.
I prayed for mercy, Please Lord take me away,
And give me sunshine, where I only see rain.
The past had a hold on me, which can't be denied,
And the changes didn't come easily.
I've been lonely, I've been cheated, I've been misunderstood.
I've been washed up, I've been put down, been told I'm no good.
But with you I belong, 'cause you help me be strong.
There's a change in my life, since you came along.
Now I don't mind working so hard everyday,
And I don't pay no mind to what people say,
Cause after all the pain I've been through,
I'd give up everything, just to love only you.
Now, a man gets crazy when his life is all wrong,
And a heart gets weary when it doesn't belong.
When the road gets rocky, Lord, you've got to keep on,
Let the new light come shining on through.
I've been lonely, I've been cheated, I've been misunderstood.
I've been washed up, I've been put down, been told I'm no good.
But with you I belong, 'cause you help me be strong.
There's a change in my life, since you came along."
She finished the words, hearing the roughness of her voice, and not caring in the least. His breathing was slow and steady, his brow smooth.
She leaned over and kissed him gently on the forehead. "Goodnight, love. Sleep well."
Kathryn got up and walked towards the door.
"I'm not going to remember this, am I?"
She looked back and grinned, meeting his eyes. "Not a chance."
"I was afraid of that."
End.