modicum home

quote Quotes unquote

You said it!

General | Motion Pictures | Television
Winnie The Pooh
A Clockwork Orange
The Addams Family
Addams Family Values
Adventures of Buckaroo Bonzai...
Apocalypse Now
Blazing Saddles
Die Hard
Excess Baggage
Fight Club
He Said, She Said
James and The Giant Peach
The Life Of Brian
Monty Python and The Holy Grail
Shakes The Clown
Strange Days
The Sure Thing
The Three Amigos
True Lies
Up In Smoke
The Usual Suspects

The Drew Carey Show
Eerie, Indiana
The Family Guy
The Larry Sanders Show
Late Night w/ Conan O'Brien
Little Rascals
Mad T.V.
Married With Children
News Radio
Politically Incorrect
She Spies
The Simpsons
The Jerry Springer Show
Tennessee Tuxedo
That 70s Show
The Tonight Show w/ J. Leno


Nevermore  --The Raven

Most of the shadows of this life are caused by standing in our own sunshine. --Ralph Waldo Emerson

We can't control which way the wind blows but we can control which way we set our sails. --Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

...but King Max was one of those who believed that psychology was at the point in its development that surgery was at when in it was practiced by barbers... -Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker 
(I finally found the name of this author and book when I found a small notebook left over from high school with some friends' addresses in it, which I had also used later in college to write down several quotes from this book, which a co-worker from the Marriott banquet staff had loaned me.  Once I found the correct wording, a quick Google found the following site:
A great big THANK YOU to Jim Parker for putting this quote on his site thereby solving the mystery and clearing one more cobweb out of my brain!)

The ring of truth being the finest sound there is, although there are some noises women make in bed that are definitely in contention.
-Tom Robbins, Still Life With Woodpecker

Life is a zoo in a jungle. --Peter DeVries

Life is a hospital in which every patient is possessed by the desire of changing his bed. One would prefer to suffer near the fire, and another is certain he would get well if he were by the window. --Charles Baudelaire

Life is a communicable, fatal disease. --unknown

It's not always easy being a parent, but then it wasn't always easy being a child either - remember? --Unknown

If I only judge by appearances, that'll just make me look bad. --Tom Minkler

Every time I see a horse I have to go up and say, "Why such a long face?" -Phil Sims on MNF

What doesn't kill us makes us wish we were dead. --Tom Minkler

Winnie The Pooh:

But wherever they go, and whatever happens to them on the way, in that enchanted place on the top of the forest, a little Boy and his Bear will always be playing. --Winnie the Pooh

It is hard to be brave when you are a Very Small Animal. --Piglet

Promise me, Pooh, that you won't forget me ever because if I thought you would, I wouldn't leave. --Christopher Robin

Motion Pictures

Some of the quotes below were found at the awesome and comprehensive Internet Movie Database.

James and the Giant Peach:

Earthworm eating the peach: It's not dirt, but it tastes good.
Spider: Mmmmm. Better than ladybugs.
Ladybug: What?
Spider: Excuse me.

The Grasshopper: He's comitted pesticide!

.The Centipede: Why don't skeletons play music in church? Because they got no organs.

Up in Smoke:

Cop: Do you have any illegal substances in this vehicle?
Pedro: Not anymore, man.

The Three Amigos

Steve Martin: I'll come back one day.
Carmen: Why?

True Lies:

Gib:  Kids - Ten seconds of joy; thirty years of misery.

The Sure Thing:

Spontenaiety has its time and its place.

He Said, She Said:

Father: Shut up, we're trying to decide your future!

Die Hard:

Yippie-kiy-ay, Motherfucker!

The Usual Suspects:

Verbil Kint:  Keaton once said "I don't believe in God, but I'm afraid of him." Well, I believe in God, and the only thing that scares me is Keyser Sose.

Old McManus had a farm, E, I, E, I, O. And on that farm he shot some bad guys. Bada bing, bada bing, bang, boom.

Verbil Kint: The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was conivincing the world that he didn't exist. And like that [POOF] he's gone.

Excess Baggage:

Q: Do you know what's the best way to make a dream come true?
A: Wake up!

The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across the 8th Dimension:

Dr. Emilio Lizardo : Home is where your wear your hat.

Dr. Emilio Lizardo : Laugh while you can, monkey boy!

Buckaroo Banzai : No matter where you go, there you are.

General Catburd : Mr President. I'm a soldier, and a damn good one. I've got enough decorations to snap a christmas tree. All I'm trying to say is, and I hope I speak for everyone in this room, is that I'm scared. Barely holding my fudge right now.

Apocalypse Now:

Photographer : Did you know that "if" is the middle of the word "life"?

Kurtz : Are you an assassin?
Willard : I'm a soldier.
Kurtz : You're neither. You're an errand boy... sent by grocery clerks... to collect the bill.

Blazing Saddles:

Mongo : Mongo only pawn in game of life.

Lamarr : Be still, Taggart. My mind is aglow with whirling transient nodes of thought careening through a cosmic vapor of invention.
Taggart : Ditto.

Bart : I get no kick from Chapagne...Mere alcohol doesn't thrill me at tell me why should it be true...that I get a kick out of you.

Gabby Johnson : Hol'on. Consarnit, golly-darnit. I'll be a horn-swaggeled bushwackin' side-windin' saddled horn...rivvid, ravvid, ravvid.
Olson Johnson : Now how can we argue with that. I think we are all indebted to Gabby Johnson here for clearly stating what had to be said. And I'm glad the children were here today to hear that speech. Not only was it authentic frontier gibberish...but it expressed a courage that is little seen in this day and age.


Rick Blaine: If you don't get in that plane you'll regret it. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.

Rick Blaine: Here's looking at you, kid.


Thulsa Doom: I wish to speak to you now. Where is the Eye of the Serpent? Rexor said that you gave it to a girl; probably for a mere night's pleasure. Such a loss. People have no grasp of what they do.

Thulsa Doom: Contemplate it - on the tree of woe.

Mongol General: We have won again. That is good! But what is best in life?
Mongol Warrior: The open steppe, fleet horse, falcon on your wrist, wind in your hair!
Mongol General: Wrong! Conan, what is best in life?
Conan: To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women!
Mongol General: That is good.

A Clockwork Orange:

Alex : There was me, that is Alex, and my three droogs, that is Pete, Georgie and Dim, and we sat in the Karonva Milk Bar trying to make up our rossoodocks what to do with the evening. The Karova Milk Bar sold milk-plus, milk plus vellocet or synthemesd or drencrom which is what we where drinking. This would sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultra-violence.

It had been a wonderful evening and what I needed now, to give it the perfect ending, was a little of the Ludwig Von.

Alex : The Durango-95 purred away real horrorshow. A nice warm vibraty feeling all through your guttiworks. Soon it was trees and dark, my brothers, with real country dark.

Alex : We were all feeling a bit shagged and fagged and fashed, it having been an evening of some small energy expenditure O my brothers, so we got rid of the auto and stopped off at the Korova for a nightcap.

Alex : Oh, bliss...bliss and heaven. Oh, it was gorgeousness and gorgeosity made flesh. It was like a bird of rarest spun heaven metal, or like silvery wind flowing in a space-ship, gravity all nonsense now. As I slooshied knew such lovely pictures.


Cher: That's Ren and Stimpy. They're way existential.

Cher: Until mankind is peaceful enough not to have violence on the news, there's no point in taking it out of shows that need it for entertainment value!

Heather: It's just like Hamlet said, "To thine own self be true."
Cher: Hamlet didn't say that.
Heather: I think I remember Hamlet accurately.
Cher: Well, I remember Mel Gibson accurately, and he didn't say that. That Polonius guy did.

Cher: Christian said he'd call tomorrow, but in boy time that meant Thursday.

Cher: Dionne and her boyfriend Murray are in this dramatic relationship. I think they've seen that Ike and Tina Turner movie too many times.

Travis Birkenstock: I would like to say this. Tardiness is not something you can do on your own. Many, many people contributed to my tardiness. I would like to thank my parents for never giving me a ride to school, the LA city bus driver who took a chance on an unknown kid and last but not least, the wonderful crew from McDonalds who spend hours making those egg McMuffins without which I'd never be tardy.

Cher: Would you say I'm selfish?
Dionne: No, not to your face.

Mel: So, what did you do in school today?
Cher: Well, I broke in my purple clogs.

Cher: Are you talking about drugs?
Tai: Yeah.
Cher: Tai, how old are you?
Tai: I'll be 16 in May.
Cher: My birthday is in April and as someone older, can I please give you some advice? It is one thing to spark up a doobie and get laced at parties, but it is quite another to be fried all day.

Tai: Cher, I don't want to do this anymore. And my buns feel nothin' like steel.

Cher: I want to do something for humanity.
Josh: How about sterilization?

Murray: My street slang is an increasingly valid form of expression. Most of the feminine pronouns do have mocking, but not necessarily in misogynistic undertones.

Mel: What the hell is that?
Cher: A dress.
Mel: Says who?
Cher: Calvin Klein.

Dionne: Cher, did you write that?
Cher: Duh! It's like a totally famous quote!
Dionne: From where?
Cher: Cliff's Notes.

Cher: So like, right now for example. The Haitians need to come to America. But some people are all, "What about the strain on our resources?" Well it's like when I had this garden party for my father's birthday. I put R.S.V.P. cause it was a sitdown dinner. But some people came that like did not R.S.V.P. I was totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the kitchen, redistribute the food, and squish in extra place settings. But by the end of the day it was, like, the more the merrier. And so if the government could just get to the kitchen and rearrange some things we could certainly party with the Haitians. And in conclusion may I please remind you it does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty! Thank you very much.

Cher: Do you prefer "fashion victim" or "ensembly challenged"?

Cher: Dionne and I were both named after famous singers of the past, who now do infomercials.

Cher: Searching for a boy in high school is like searching for meaning in a Pauly Shore movie.

Josh: You want to practice parking?
Cher: What's the point? Everywhere you go has valet.

Cher: Daddy's a litigator. That's the scariest type of lawyer. Even Lucy our maid is terrified of him. And daddy's so good he gets $500 to argue with people. But he argues with me for free because I'm his daughter.

Tai: Cher, you're a virgin?
Cher: You say that like it's a bad thing.
Dion: Besides, the PC term is 'Hymenally Challenged'.

Mel: You mean to tell me that you argued your way from a C+ to an A-?
Cher: Totally based on my powers of persuasion. You proud?
Mel: Honey, I couldn't be happier than if they were based on real grades.

Dionne: Hello? There was a stop sign back there.
Cher: I totally paused.

Cher: Thank you Josh, I so need lessons from you on how to be cool. Tell me that part about Kenny G again.

Cher: [About keeping her virginity.] You see how picky I am about my shoes and they only go on my feet.

Josh: You know, if I ever saw you do something that wasn't ninety percent selfish, I'd die of shock.
Cher: Oh, that'd be reason enough for me.

Cher: It's like that book I read in the 9th grade that said "'tis a far far better thing doing stuff for other people."

Monty Python and the Holy Grail:

Knight 1: We are now no longer the Knights who say Ni.
Knight 2: NI!
Other Knights: Shh...
Knight 1: We are now the Knights who say... "Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG! Zoom-Boing! Z'nourrwringmm!"

Tim: Follow. But! Follow only if ye be men of valour, for the entrance to this cave is guarded by a creature so foul, so cruel that no man yet has fought with it and lived! Bones of full fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or your strength, come no further, for death awaits you all with nasty, big, pointy teeth.
Arthur: What an eccentric performance.

Brother Maynard: Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, "Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the people did rejoice and did feast upon the lambs and toads and tree-sloths and fruit-bats and orangutans and breakfast cereals ... Now did the Lord say, "First thou pullest the Holy Pin. Then thou must count to three. Three shall be the number of the counting and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither shalt thou count two, excepting that thou then proceedeth to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the number of the counting, be reached, then lobbest thou the Holy Hand Grenade in the direction of thine foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it."

The Life of Brian:

Jailer: Crucifiction?
Prisoner: Yes.
Jailer: First on the left, one cross each. [Prisoner exits.]
Prisoner 2: No, I'm to be released!
Jailer: Oh. Well, off you go then!
Prisoner 2: No, I was just kidding. I'm up for crucifiction actually.
Jailer: OK, first on the left, one cross each.

Brian's Mother: He's not the Messiah. He's a very naughty boy!

Brian: I'm not the Messiah. Now fuck off!
Disciple: How shall we fuck off, oh Lord?

Brian: There's no pleasing some people.
Beggar: That's what Jesus said.

Brian: You are all individuals!
The Crowd: We are all individuals!
Brian: You have to be different!
The Crowd: Yes, we are all different!
Small lonely voice: I'm not different!

The Addams Family:

Pugsly: Is she dead yet?
Wednesday: Does it matter?

Woman:[On Hallowe'en] And who are you supposed to be, dear?
Wednesday: I'm a homicidal maniac. They look like everyone else.

Morticia Addams: Don't torture yourself, Gomez. That's my job.

Girl Scout: [Approaching lemonade stand; it goes something like this] Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies?
Wednesday: Would you like to buy some lemonade?
Girl Scout: Are they made with real lemons?
Wednesday: Are those made with real girl scouts?

Wednesday: Pass the salt.
Morticia: And what do we say?
Wednesday: NOW.

Morticia: Wednesday, play with your food!

Addams Family Values:

Debbie: What a lady killer!
Gomez: Aquitted.

Amanda:[They're going swimming.] I'll be the victim.
Wednesday: All your life.

Wednesday: I'm not perky.
Amanda: Well, that's for damn sure.

Debbie: These Addams men, where do you find them?
Morticia: It has to be damp.

Pugsley: We don't hug.
Gary: Oh, you're just shy.
Wednesday: We're not shy, we're contagious.

Amanda Buckman: Why are you dressed like somebody died?
Wednesday: ...Wait.

Gomez: He has my father's eyes.
Morticia: Gomez, take those out of his mouth.

Gomez: Children, why do you hate the baby?
Pugsley: We don't hate him. We just wanna play with him.
Wednesday: Especially his head.

Gomez to Fester: You'll meet someone. Someone very special. Someone who won't press charges.

Shakes the Clown (1991):

1st Party Dad: Are you the clown?
Shakes the Clown: No, I'm Mary fuckin' Poppins.

Shakes: Hey, hey, kid, what are you doing?
Kid: I had to go to the bathroom.
Shakes: On my head?
Kid: Hey this is my bathroom not your bedroom you big drunken mess.

Dink: I asked her what time it was, she told me it was 7:30.
Stenchy: Oh, that's the cornerstone of a lasting relationship, what time it is?
Dink: Yes, yes. Because, first I asked her what time it is, right? Tomorrow I get to ask her the date, the day after that she's all over me. That's how it works, you play it slow.

Strange Days:

Max: The issue is not whether you are paranoid.  Look around you, Lenny, the issue is whether you are paranoid enough.

Jackie Brown

Ordell: You know if you smoke enough of that shit it'll rob you of your ambition.
Melanie: Not if your ambition is to get high and watch TV.


(Inside the video game)
Pikel: I don't like it here. I don't know what's going on; we're both stumbling around together in this unformed world whose rules and objectives are largely unknown, seemingly indecipherable, or possibly non-existent, always on the verge of being killed by forces we don't understand.
Allegra: That sounds like my game, alright.
Pikel: It sounds like a game that's not going to be easy to market. 
Allegra: But it's a game everybody's already playing.


Most people when they see something like this, their immediate reaction is to ask, "How could somebody do this? And why?" You know when we catch the killer, they wanna know the how and why. In movies or television the killer always explains the how or why. He always has some reason, however crazy, and a mad gleam in his eye. But I've interrogated murderers like this before; and let me tell you, they are well beyond the need to justify what they do. They just do it. Explanations are just a fiction -- to make us feel safe. Because if it can't be explained, life's just meaningless chaos; it could touch any one of us at any moment. Which is exactly what it is.

Have you ever spent any time with the Zine family?  Thorazine, Stellazine, Compazine. They will make you sing hymns while you watch a baby fall under a train.

Have you ever been killed before?

Fight Club

Narrator: This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.

Tyler Durden: How much can you know about yourself if you've never been in a fight?

Tyler Durden: Our generation has had no Great Depression, no Great War. Our war is a spiritual war. Our depression is our lives.

Tyler Durden: We are a generation of men raised by women. I'm beginning to wonder if another woman is what we really need.

Narrator: Marla was like that cut on the roof of your mouth that would go away if you'd stop tonguing it, but you can't.

Tyler Durden: You are not your job. You are not the money in your bank account. You are not the car you drive. You are not how much money is in your wallet. You are not your fucking khakis. You are the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world.

Narrator: With insomnia, you're never really asleep; you're never really awake.

Tyler Durden: We were raised on television to believe that we'd all be millionares, movie gods, rock stars, but we won't. And we're starting to figure that out.

Tyler Durden: You are not special. You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else.

Narrator: With a gun barrel between your teeth, you speak only in vowels.

Narrator: On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero.

Tyler Durden: First rule of Fight Club, you do not talk about Fight Club. Second rule of Fight Club, you DO NOT talk about Fight Club. Third rule of Fight Club, when someone says "stop" or goes limp, the fight is over. Fourth rule of Fight Club, only two guys to a fight. Fifth rule of Fight Club, one fight at a time. Sixth rule of Fight Club, no shirt, no shoes. Seventh rule of Fight Club, fights go on as long as they have to. Eighth and final rule of Fight Club, if this is your first night at Fight Club, you have to fight.

Narrator: When people think you're dying, they listen--
Marla Singer: --instead of waiting for their turn to speak.

Tyler Durden: It's only after you've lost everything that you're free to do anything.

Tyler Durden: The things you own end up owning you.

Narrator: A new car built by my company leaves somewhere traveling at 60 mph. The rear differential locks up. The car crashes and burns with everyone trapped inside. Now: should we initiate a recall? Take the number of vehicles in the field, A, multiply by the probable rate of failure, B, multiply by the average out-of-court settlement, C. A times B times C equals X. If X is less than the cost of a recall, we don't do one.
Business woman on plane: Are there a lot of these kinds of accidents?
Narrator: You wouldn't believe.
Business woman on plane: Which car company do you work for?
Narrator: A major one.

Tyler Durden: How's that working out for you?
Narrator: What?
Tyler Durden: Being clever.
Narrator: Great.
Tyler Durden: Keep it up, then.

Tyler Durden: Our fathers were our models for God. If they bailed, what does that tell you about God? You have to be prepared for the possibility that God does not like you.

Tyler Durden: Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.

[Holding up a wad of cash]
Marla Singer: You're not getting this back. I consider it asshole tax.

Tyler Durden: We're designed to be hunters and we're in a society of shopping. There's nothing to kill anymore, there's nothing to fight, nothing to overcome, nothing to explore. In that social emasculation this everyman is created.

[meeting aboard an airliner]
Narrator: What do you do for a living?
Tyler Durden: Why? So you can pretend like you're interested?

Tyler Durden: Did you know that by mixing equal parts of gasoline and frozen orange juice concentrate you can make napalm?
Narrator: Really?
Tyler Durden: One could make all sorts of explosives using common household items...
Narrator: Uh-huh...
Tyler Durden: ...if one were so inclined.

Narrator: After fighting, everything else in your life has got the volume turned down.

Tyler Durden: Without pain, without sacrifice, we would have nothing.

Tyler Durden: Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate, so we can buy shit we don't need.

Narrator: Losing all hope is freedom.

Tyler Durden: You just had a near-life experience.

Marla Singer: You know, I bought this dress at a thrift shop for a dollar.
Narrator: Worth every penny.



Are your parents terrorists?  Because baby, you're the bomb.


Kelly: You never understand anything I say!
Coach: What the hell do you mean by that?

Coach: Why do acting students always have to be so dramatic?

The Drew Carey Show

She dumped ya, didn't she?
Drew: It was mutual. We both hated me; she was the only one with enough guts to leave.

Eerie, Indiana:

The answers to your questions are simpler than you think and stranger than you ever imagined.

The Family Guy

Did you get a new buttocks?
Family Guy: Yeah, my old one had a crack in it.

The Larry Sanders Show

There should be a law against network executives using the word "creative" in their job titles. They see the word...and they start believing it.
(-Rip Torn)

Late Night with Conan OBrien

In The Year 2000: A sex-starved Monica Lewinsky is seen licking rocks at the base of Mt. Rushmore.

In the Year 2000: The world is stunned as former wrestler and now Governor of Minnesota Jesse "The Body" Ventura makes a shocking announcement: America is Fake.

"Bill Clinton": If they're gonna impeach me, they might as well impeach love.

"Anna Kournikova": I have to make use of what I have while it lasts. I'm Eastern European; I only have short window of sexiness before the babushka bomb goes off.

"John Rocker": Everybody keeps bitching about my lack of tolerance, but I don't see anyone tolerating my racism.

Steven Wright: I'm in a weird mood. Things haven't been the same since my birth.

Steven Wright: The New Testament is actually pretty old. I think they should call them the Old Testament and the Most-Recent Testament.

Joel the Announcer: The news is my hooker and the truth is her pimp.

Evidently George W. Bush has a different idea; he offered to meet Gore in hell.

Little Rascals

Spanky: But what about your promise to the He-man Woman-haters Club?
Alfalfa: I'm sorry, Spanky; I have to live my own life.

Mad T.V.

Life is just a gift we're given every day; that's why it's called the "present."

Resentment is the darkroom where we develop our negatives.

Anxiety is just interest paid on trouble before it's due.

God put a patch of crazy where your goo-goo would be.

Married With Children

Jefferson: They're not crow's feet; they're laugh lines.
Marcy: Honey, nothing's THAT funny.

Stewardess: I'm looking for a serious commitment - someone who'll stay the night.

News Radio

Johnny: If the fires of hell burn as fiercely as your lips, let the flames consume me.


People buy things to make themselves feel more valuable.

Politically Incorrect

Ron Silver: Because I'm somewhat hypocritical......I'm able to hold two contradictory thoughts in my head at the same time. I have some issues I haven't resolved yet.  I don't like it, it makes me mad; but I can't help it; it's who I am.

She Spies

DD:  The United States government does not negotiate with goobers.

DD:  That house has "secret hideout" written all over it.


Serenity now, sanity later


( I may make a separate "Homerisms" page later)

You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.

Marge, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals! Except the weasel.

I want to share something with you - the three sentences that will get you through life.
Number one, 'cover for me.'
Number two, 'oh, good idea, boss.'
Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.'

If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without adding, 'you're making a scene.'

I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed around a city, keeping its speed over 50, and if its speed changed, it would explode! think it was called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'

Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned anything from that guy who gives those sermons at church? Captain whats-his-name?

Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty.'Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you.'

We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I took you to all those Police Academy movies? For fun? Well I didn't hear anybody laughin', did you?

Marge, it takes two to lie.  One to lie and one to listen. 

If we had $10,000 we'd be millionaires. We could buy all kinds of neat stuff, like love.

Its a crock, no matter how good you are there is someone better."
Bart: Can't win, don't try 

If something's hard to do then it's not worth doing.

If stuff starts flying, just turn your head! 

Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably.  The lesson is: never try. 

I used to believe in things too when I was a kid. 

Stupid risks are what make life worth living. 

Two wrongs make a right, Lisa. 

Homer:Hello, I'd like to speak with a Mr. Snotball, first name Eura 
Moe: Eura Snotball? 
Homer: What? How dare you! If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran! 

Now, what is a wedding? Well, Webster's Dictionary describes a wedding as the process of removing weeds from one's garden. 

If you don't like your job, you don't strike. You just go in everyday and do it really half-assed. That's the American Way.

Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for Daddys, and kids with fake IDs.

To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of life's problems!

Rock stars: is there anything they don't know?


The war between heaven and hell depends on the choices we make, and those choices require sacrifice. That's the test. Put her in the past.  It's the only way you can be free.

The Jerry Springer Show

A guy who sees a woman only for her breasts is really the biggest boob of all.

Tennessee Tuxedo

Chumley: Duuh, golly gee, Tennessee.
Tennessee: Don't worry, Chumley; Tennessee Tuxedo will not fail!

That 70s Show

Hey man, where Zen ends, ass-kicking begins. And that's your final lesson, grasshopper.
Jackie: Hey let's do that thing where we sit around in a circle.

Hey, guess what part of my body I nicknamed "Pink Floyd"?


Hell, I didn't need A.A. Falling into a bonfire is a one-step program. But that's not what got me to quit drinking; it was my friends trying to stomp me out.

The Tonight Show with Jay Leno

Jay: What country did the Pilgrims come from?
Jaywalker: Turkey?

After a racial incident in which some white cops shot an unarmed black man, the New York City Police Department is trying to hire more minorities, but I'm not sure their new slogan is going to help. Thier new slogan is "If we can't beat you, join us."

What's your favorite quote?  Speak to me.

Home | Writing | Politix | Books n' Movies | Mobile | Crime | Quotables | Health | Thoughts | Compooters | Disclaimer
The Muse | The Force | Addicted | Sex and Dating | Good Sport | Abortion? | Mirthy | Linguini | T-Shirts | All About Me | Resume

©MM Tom Minkler
Last updated 11/23/00
Or use the e-mail form.