I wondered how long it would be before you clicked on
First things first --
sex is fun, sex is good, sex can be a wonderful thing. Sex can be anything from
the fulfillment of a basic human need to the ultimate expression of love and
caring for someone. There's nothing inherently "wrong" or "dirty" about sex.
Like most other things, however, it has it "do"s and its "don't"s.
People want sex.
It's a basic instinct. Our bodies are constructed so that sex is a very
pleasurable thing in which to engage. However, it's not (or, at least, it
shouldn't be) a purely physical act. Our impressions of whether or not we are
"satisfied" are mainly psychological. Physically, an orgasm is an orgasm.
Psychologically, however, it can become anything from mind-numbing and
thoroughly fulfilling to something that is, if you'll pardon the pun, something
of an anti-climax. We can repeat the exact same sequence of physical actions
with two different partners and get entirely different psychological results.
It would seem, then, that the mental aspect of sex has become as least as
important as the physical -- if not more so.
This would seem to
apply especially strongly to women. There's little doubt that women can achieve
much higher and more varied states of arousal and pleasure than can men. Yet,
more often than not, it is the woman who will more willingly refuse to have sex
when it is offered. Perhaps this is because she knows that she can "get it"
more easily and whenever she wants it (for the most part). Some of this is
unquestionably instinctive, as well, since the female of most animal species
selects from available mates while the males try to get any and all females that
they can. So, why is it that so many women complain of not being satisfied or
that they aren't "getting enough"?
I think the answer to
a lot of our problems with sex arises in how children are raised. As they grow
up, children get all sorts of negative input about sex. Parents, religious
training, society, and peer pressure all combine to throw in a lot of negatives.
Girls are especially targeted by the onslaught of negatives. They are taught
that "good girls" don't want sex, that men are invariably uncaring sexual
animals, that sex must "wait until marriage" and, finally and most importantly,
that they are certainly not supposed to... *gasp*... "enjoy" sex. It's little
wonder that so many of them grow up to be women with multitudes of hangups. One
of the leading causes of divorce and other marital problems is sexual
incompatibility. One wonders how much this would be alleviated by open,
positive and honest discussion of sex during childhood.
One other thing that
should be taught during childhood is that when a man asks a woman out on a date,
part of his reason for doing so is that he is sexually attracted to her. Now,
this doesn't give a man any sort of license to "put a move" on that woman, but
she should not act surprised or shocked when he does something that would
express his interest in something other than conversation. See my "Love and
Relationships" essay for more on this...
The bottom line here
is that it's not wrong to say "Yes", but it's also not wrong to say "No". The
decision needs to be one of mutual agreement. After all, it's not much fun if
only one of the people involved really wants to be doing it. Nothing kills good
sex like fear, apprehension, doubt, or selfishness. Too many men don't
appreciate that last point. Hey, guys, if you want her to think you're a great
guy, learn to be more interested in her pleasure than in your own. If all you
want to do is get off, buy a girlie magazine or rent a porn video and, shall we
say, take matters into your own hands. And, for the women, make sure you know
how to give pleasure rather than just laying on your back, uncrossing your legs
and "letting him have you". Both sexes are fully capable of telling when their
partner isn't really willing -- and that certainly puts a damper on things.
Remember, sex is
supposed to be FUN! Do your best to make it so and you'll never regret it.
Created with Allaire HomeSite 3.0 .......... Last Update: 03 Jun 98
Earthlink Network Home Page