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REPLY #4 TO
"LOVE AND RELATIONSHIPS"



Boldfaced statements are parts of the original essay (or a subsequent reply) to which the respondent has directed his comments.

Italicized/emphasized comments
prefaced by (R) are those of the respondent and are presented unedited.

My replies appear under the respondent's comments in blue text and are prefaced by my initials (MB).

(R) your idea that, "marriage should be considered to be a contract under which two people acknowledge and accept responsibility to care for and support each other and any children that they may have", sounds as interesting as getting up and going to work everyday.
(MB) I guess that depends on one's particular attitudes towards the job he would be going to do...*grin*


(R) marriage is formed, for the most part, on a voluntary basis- when two people are in love, atleast thats how ive always imagined it.
(MB) At least, that is our society's idealistic view of marriage. In reality, marriages can be entered into for a variety of reasons -- not all of which may seem "right" to some people.


(R) though im not married, ive been with the same guy for five years now. though weve had ups and downs. i love him and im in love with him. Believe me, when you are in love with somebody, you dont have an overwhelming desire to go outside of your current relationship. you are satisfied with what you have.
(MB) If that's the case in any particular relationship, it's a great thing. I suspect, however, that "ideal" relationships are few and far between. Even those that seem ideal may go sour in the future. I wouldn't wish such a fate on anybody, but it happens.


(R) of course, you will always see people that youd like to get to know better if circumstances were different. but the danger of going outside of an already healthy relationship is risking being fascinated with this new individual because its something new, developping shallow feelings, not knowing them to be shallow at the particular time, ruining your current relationship to pursue the unknown, and then finding out that you made a terrible mistake, that youve lost the one person who loved you and who would have done anything for you. im talking from personal experience.
(MB) This is a matter of understanding what you might be seeking. A simple desire for the thrill of sex with somebody new quickly wears off. One wonders, however, about the person who would have done anything for you who still left you. Was there no forgiveness in that person? Sometimes, such people have stronger feelings of possession than of love. When their possession becomes non-exclusive to them, they consider all else to be lost, as well.


(R) luckily i have now found somebody else who i love just as much as the guy i lost by my own stupidity. i definitely will not make the same mistake twice.
(MB) That is salutary. My best wishes for the continued success of your relationship.


(R) to me, marriage is just a public display of an inward emotion- its much more than a contract of convienance- one person supporting the other. we could all, just as easily, support ourselves. bringing another person into your life and then adding children is definitely more financially draining than living your life single. so, ask yourself again why people choose marriage, perhaps youll draw the right conclusion this time around.
(MB) I suspect that most people choose marriage because their religion and/or their societal morality demands it. Many people still use the archaic phrase "living in sin" to describe two people of the opposite sex who choose to live together without the "benefit" of marriage. If that unmarried couple should happen to have children, the additional silly social stigma of "illegitimacy" rears its ugly head. Also, society's preference for enforcing monogamous sexual activity is supported by marriage. Marriages made primarily to avoid the direct or potential criticisms of society likely constitute a significant percentage of all marriages. Could this be a case of one wrong trying to correct another?



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