Civil Air Patrol Humor:

TOP TEN WAYS TO SPOT A REALLY BAD LANDING!

1. Passengers appear shorter than before the takeoff.
2. Big skid marks left on pavement and in pilot's clothing.
3. You're cleared to land three different times without going around.
4. That scraping sound was the trailing edge of the flaps.
5. You're congratulated on a perfect four-point landing when you have only three wheels.
6. Laughter overwhelms the tower frequency for hours.
7. Rescue workers greet you to ask for an injury report.
8. Prop has that zooty new Q-tip look.
9. Enormous amount of power needed to taxi off the runway.
10. The fuel truck operator fuels your Skyhawk without a stepladder.

• The probability of survival is equal to the angle of arrival.
• Speed is life, altitude is life insurance.
• Gravity never loses; the best you can hope for is a draw!
• The only time you have too much fuel is when you're on fire.
• If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. (Unless you keep pulling the stick back - then they get bigger again).
• Good judgment comes from experience and experience comes from bad judgment.
• Aviation is not so much a profession as it is a disease.
• A fool and his money are soon flying more airplane than he can handle.
• Try to keep the number of your landings equal to the number of your takeoffs.
• You know you've landed with the wheels up when it takes full power to taxi.
• No one has ever collided with the sky.
• Its best to keep the pointed end going forward as much as possible.
• The definition of a good landing is one from which you can walk away. But very few know the definition of a great landing - its one after which you can use the airplane another time.
• Always remember you fly an airplane with your head, not your hands. Never let an airplane take you somewhere your brain didn't get to five minutes earlier.
• The propeller is just a big fan in the front of the plane to keep the pilot cool. Want proof? Make it stop; then watch the pilot break out into a sweat.
• Those who hoot with the owls by night should not fly with the eagles by day.
• Learn from the mistakes of others. You wont live long enough to make all of them yourself.
• You cannot propel yourself forward by patting yourself on the back.
• There are old pilots, and there are bold pilots, but there are no old, bold, pilots!

      And for Kris:

• A helicopter is a collection of rotating parts going round and round and reciprocating parts going up and down - all of them trying to become random in motion.
• Helicopters cant really fly - they're just so ugly that the earth immediately repels them.