Just One of the Boys

He advertised on C-Span
that "America is suffering
from an oft-infected urinary tract,"
refusing to elaborate.

His use of grammar often violated
parts of the endangered species act.
He could part the red sea
like an omelet in a diner.

Confused about the nature
of his contract with America,
he swore he'd get an autograph
from David Hasselhoff.

Straightening his tie,
he placed a hand between her thighs.
"Put down the detonator, Mom.
You know I love you."

-Neal Miller, 1995

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