Put an End to Perverse Produce!
It has recently come to the Church’s attention that a
seemingly innocuous children’s cartoon is in fact shamelessly promoting the
gay agenda. I’m speaking, of course, about
VeggieTales
. The central characters of this series, Larry the Cucumber and Bob
the Tomato, are lifelong bachelors who revel in each others company and
share their most intimate moments together. Larry, clearly, is nothing
more than a humongous green phallus. Bob, meanwhile, is a tomato,
which is in fact not a vegetable at all, but, technically speaking, a fruit!
I guess when they aren't teaching children lessons from the Bible, these
two cartoon characters enjoy engaging in unspeakable acts of sexual congress!
By showcasing the happy relationship between this gay cucumber and
tomato, VeggieTales cartoons attempt to influence their young audience, planting
the seed of homosexuality in the fertile soil of these impressionable pre-school
minds.
Even more subversive than this ambiguously gay duo is the way the other
inhabitants of the VeggieTales universe treat the queer couple. Not
once have Pa Grape, the Asparagus family, or any other cast members attempted
to shame, judge, or condemn the cucumber and his tomato lover. Indeed,
not a single denizen of Dinkletown has even made an effort to convert the
errant Bob and Larry back into the straight lifestyle. Sadly, the produce
on display in VeggieTales seem to have all gone bad – these hedonistic legumes
have embraced Bob and Larry for who they are, instead of chastising and
judging them as the Bible clearly tells us to. Each episode of the
show ends with a heavy-handed message, promoting dangerous liberal ideas
like charity, tolerance, honesty, and forgiveness. The show has completely
abandoned true FAMILY values such as prejudice, blind faith, and conformity!
Because of this homosexual deviance, it is our recommendation that families
who care about their children destroy all VeggieTales merchandise, videos,
and sippie-cups ASAP. Every moment your child spends with Bob and
Larry, they are being pulled towards an empty adult life of show-tunes and
fashion, and steered away from their true destiny of flat-bed trucks and
Budweiser from a can. The recent "outing" of queer icons such as Spongebob
and Tinky Winky was only the tip of the iceberg. From the rampant
polygamy of the Smurfs to the unnatural bestiality of Roger Rabbit, the
more we delve into the personal lives of these cartoons, the more we find
out just how disgusting and depraved they truly are. Please join us
in condemning VeggieTales, and all other cartoons that defile the beauty
of normal, heterosexual cartoon-on-cartoon sex.
Coming Next Week: The Boo-Bahs –
are they soft on abortion?
