NEWS & UPDATES ON BEATLISM
Today marks my triumphant return to this update page after far too long an
absence. I appreciate all the continued support and love this site
gets, and hopefully I'll start doing more to keep things vital and interesting
around here. To get things started, I've added our new political endorsement
on the main page of the site, announcing our support for Senator
in the upcoming presidential primary and election. Also, I put up
a notice about the latest turmoil within the church. There were members
within our organization who held beliefs the church could not endorse. They
proposed an idea known as the "fifth Beatle", and insisted that the Upper
John was not the highest state of embeatlement - ideas that can only be described
as heresy. These individuals have been excommunicated, and are no longer
a part of the Temple of Beatlism. And yet, they have the audacity to
come forward with these ideas on some new
, attempting to draw worshippers away from this church, with seductive lies
about the nature of the Inner Beatles. But we won't give up the faith
without a fight, and here at the Temple of Beatlism, we embrace the existence
of the Upper John. We will never bow down to the whims of these Paul-lovers
who try to tear down the most important member of the Inner Beatles.
February 6, 2004
QUESTION of the day: Who created the Inner Beatles?
Webmaster's Inner Beatle Today: John!!!!!!!!!!!!
August 11, 2000
Well, I haven't been in here for a while, but I haven't been entirely dormant.
I have some big plans for this site, if you'll all just bear with me, there
are some big improvements coming down the pike. I will be doing a major
overhaul of the site design, and just streamlining everything for the Beatlist
faithful, plus tons of new features. Have you signed the
yet? You can also
view the Guestbook
and read thoughts from other like-minded Temple of Beatlism fans.
Just the tip of the iceberg on these big new changes. And, in case
you care, I have a new site up on my homepage that's pretty cool -
Mr. T vs Shaq
. So, keep coming back, as things will be shifting and moving around
here in no time. In the meanwhile, please boycott the new Thomas the
Tank Engine movie, out of solidarity for the true and only Mr. Conducter,
one Mr. Richard Starkey.
QUESTION of the day: If your Inner Rutles were to meet your Inner
Beatles, would they get along?
Webmasters Inner Beatle Today: Ringo.
Ringo Ringo Ringo. R. I. N-G-O. And Ringo was his name-o
February 10, 2000
Its been an exciting week here at the Center for Beatlism and Understanding
(the CBU). You need to check out our new links
page, which is pretty much just a couple things plus stuff we moved from
our front page to keep it from getting cluttered. Anyway, we've been
struggling to find more efficient ways to provide for you, the faithful.
As some of you know, this site was the target of some rather shocking cyber-terrorism
this past Tuesday. I was deluged with panicked emails when the site
was downed by hackers who had clogged the system, downloading gigabyte upon
gigabyte. Meanwhile, the hundreds of Beatlists who wanted nothing more
than to learn a little more about their Inner Beatles were locked out, unable
to get this essential information when they most needed it. To all
of you affected by the one-hour system shutdown, we sincerely apologize.
We at the Temple of Beatlism are doing everything in our power to see that
the parties responsible for interfering with our constitutional right to freedom
of religion will pay dearly for their crimes. Then again, my Inner
John wants to forgive somehow. The FAQ is under construction, and should
be up in a week or so. Keep on truckin' y'all.
QUESTION OF THE DAY: What becomes of your Inner Paul when he joins
WEBMASTER'S INNER BEATLE: George, man.
January 16, 2000
Well, welcome to the new millenium. It has been far too long since
I updated this site, but the responsibilities of representing the Church have
become more and more demanding, and preparations for the end of time (such
as it was) were a serious drain on my personal resources. But, now
that we've left the bunker, its time to spread the word again, and keep alive
the great teachings of Beatlism. All the site changes mentioned in
the update from November are still on the way, and should be more impressive
than ever with the new infusion of money to the Church after donations from
a few celebrity Beatlists (recently converted). A lot has transpired
since the last news update, so I will bring the news piece by piece, over
the next few weeks. First, I want to send my deepest sympathies and
good wishes to George Harrison, who is recovering from an attack by a crazed
Beatles fan who broke into his home, and stabbed him. All of us in
the Church have been sending out positive thoughts and wishes for a speedy
recovery to a man who has given us so much, and inspired us to such enlightenment.
While it should not even need to be said, we want to assure everyone that
this fan had no connection to the Beatlist church. Anyone familiar
with the faith knows that the breakup of the Beatles (either the inner or
the real ones) is not a cause for sorrow or bitterness, but a part of a cycle
that is as inevitable as sunrise and sunset. We are of course saddened
deeply by the trials and tribulations that face the real-life Beatles, whether
Ringo John or George Paul. Speaking of which, the god-awful VH1 movie
"Two Of Us", portraying a fictitious meeting between John and Paul in 1976,
was a blow to Beatlists and fans world-wide, cheapening the legend with a
weak script and poor acting. Lets hope it is quickly forgotten by all
as it should be. On a personal note, I have just acquired a set of
Beatles action figures, sculpted from their Yellow Submarine characters.
Truly a set of holy artifacts worth the 8 bucks apiece! They come with
a Blue Meanie, yellow submarine, etc. Highly recommended to those interested
in setting up shrine at home. More Kick-ass News soon! Come back
QUESTION OF THE MILLENIUM: Is your Inner John in touch with his Inner Paul?
WEBMASTER'S INNER BEATLE: Ringo Ringo Ringo
The Beatlist faith has been growing in leaps and bounds
over the past month since I updated the page. The crazy schedule of
public appearances and court dates has kept me from my true love, this site.
However, the church today is stronger than ever, as hundreds of visitors
every day make the trek to visit our holy land of Portland OR. Many
new features are in the works to spice up and vitalize the Temple of Beatlism
in the days to come, so stay alert. There are plans for an interactive, Q
& A style discussion board on all things Bealtist, a database of Beatlist
teachings and facts, an FAQ page, and an Anthology-style compilation of the
Inner Beatles' never-before heard material. Keep tuned to this site,
and keep the faith, ya'll.
QUESTION OF THE WEEK: If your Inner Beatles break
up, do you no longer exist? Do you sink into insanity? Unconsciousness?
Death? Furthermore, what becomes of them after the body ceases to support
them? Do they have solo careers? Re-enter another soul?
Cast off into space?
WEBMASTER'S INNER BEATLE: Today is George.
His Inner Rutle is Dirk.
BREAKING NEWS - A group of religious radicals have splintered from the church
this past weekend, claiming that their ideology is incompatible with the
mainstream views of traditional (orthodox) Beatlism. They have formed
a new sect, known as The New Church of Fundamental Beatlism. At issue
was their strong belief that the Inner Yoko
(a fundamental element of orthodox Beatlism), is non-essential to enlightenment.
The radical fundamentalists claim that the Inner Yoko is a purely destructive
force, and that the true Beatlist must embrace the Inner John while rejecting
all manifestations of Yoko. Elders in the orthodox church were quick
to condemn these new theories, declaring that the radicals were "under the
sway of Paul" and calling them "puppets of George Martin's facist state".
The full text of the fundamentalist manifesto will be made available soon
on this site. The news of their break from the church has sent a shockwave
of rumor and doubt through the ranks of the faithful. Pope George Ringo,
in an attempt to calm the congregation, issued this statement: "The
Beatlist faith has a proud and hallowed tradition. We stand by our
principles, and our beliefs. The Truth is within us all, and without
us, in the Inner Beatles themselves. Do not be fooled by charlatans
and liars who make false promises of easy redemption or shortcuts to Beatletude.
These so-called holy men prey on the weak and timid, and undermine the credibility
of us all. We, the faithful flock must gather close, and rather than
feeling anger, we must pity those who have been so blinded by ambition that
they no longer know the Beatles within themselves." More news as this
QUESTION OF THE WEEK - Do George Harrision, Ringo Starr, and Paul McCartney
have "Inner Beatles"? In other words, does George have an Inner Ringo?
Paul an Inner John? Ponder this awhile.
WEBMASTER'S INNER BEATLE - Today is Ringo
(unabashedly!). His Inner Rutle is Barry Wom.
-NEW UPDATE - I have added a new page that contains some general
on the religion we know as Beatlism. I have also added a
of how Beatlism was invented, including some of the mistakes made along
the path to discovering the philosophy. Also, there is a page on
The Inner Rutles
, a phenomenon that plagues many of our attempts to discover the true path.
Finally, there is a new essay on the Apocrypha
, that part of our holy text that just doesn't seem to fit in with the rest.
An FAQ page will be forthcoming, so continue to bombard my
with queries and they will all be answered eventually.
-THE YELLOW SUBMARINE - One of the greatest and most authentic representations
of Beatlism was found in this cartoon version of the Beatles. Here we
see Paul, Ringo, John and George in their most rudimentary forms, reduced
to their essential caricatures, expressing nonsensical wisdom and absurdities.
The movie has been rereleased and revamped, and is highly recommended by the
church as a method of increasing Beatletude. Theologians, however, continue
to debate the significance of the Blue Meanies.
-WEB MASTER'S INNER BEATLE - Today is George
. His Inner Rutle is Dirk.
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