NEWS & UPDATES ON BEATLISM

February 6, 2004 

Today marks my triumphant return to this update page after far too long an absence.  I appreciate all the continued support and love this site gets, and hopefully I'll start doing more to keep things vital and interesting around here.  To get things started, I've added our new political endorsement on the main page of the site, announcing our support for Senator John Kerry in the upcoming presidential primary and election.  Also, I put up a notice about the latest turmoil within the church.  There were members within our organization who held beliefs the church could not endorse.  They proposed an idea known as the "fifth Beatle", and insisted that the Upper John was not the highest state of embeatlement - ideas that can only be described as heresy.  These individuals have been excommunicated, and are no longer a part of the Temple of Beatlism.  And yet, they have the audacity to come forward with these ideas on some new web site , attempting to draw worshippers away from this church, with seductive lies about the nature of the Inner Beatles.  But we won't give up the faith without a fight, and here at the Temple of Beatlism, we embrace the existence of the Upper John.  We will never bow down to the whims of these Paul-lovers who try to tear down the most important member of the Inner Beatles.

QUESTION of the day:  Who created the Inner Beatles?

Webmaster's Inner Beatle Today:  John!!!!!!!!!!!!  

August 11, 2000

Well, I haven't been in here for a while, but I haven't been entirely dormant.  I have some big plans for this site, if you'll all just bear with me, there are some big improvements coming down the pike.  I will be doing a major overhaul of the site design, and just streamlining everything for the Beatlist faithful, plus tons of new features.  Have you signed the Guestbook yet?  You can also view the Guestbook and read thoughts from other like-minded Temple of Beatlism fans.  Just the tip of the iceberg on these big new changes.  And, in case you care, I have a new site up on my homepage that's pretty cool - Mr. T vs Shaq .  So, keep coming back, as things will be shifting and moving around here in no time.  In the meanwhile, please boycott the new Thomas the Tank Engine movie, out of solidarity for the true and only Mr. Conducter, one Mr. Richard Starkey.

QUESTION of the day:  If your Inner Rutles were to meet your Inner Beatles, would they get along?

Webmasters Inner Beatle Today:  Ringo.  Ringo Ringo Ringo.  R. I. N-G-O. And Ringo was his name-o .


February 10, 2000

Its been an exciting week here at the Center for Beatlism and Understanding (the CBU).  You need to check out our new links page, which is pretty much just a couple things plus stuff we moved from our front page to keep it from getting cluttered.  Anyway, we've been struggling to find more efficient ways to provide for you, the faithful.  As some of you know, this site was the target of some rather shocking cyber-terrorism this past Tuesday.  I was deluged with panicked emails when the site was downed by hackers who had clogged the system, downloading gigabyte upon gigabyte.  Meanwhile, the hundreds of Beatlists who wanted nothing more than to learn a little more about their Inner Beatles were locked out, unable to get this essential information when they most needed it.  To all of you affected by the one-hour system shutdown, we sincerely apologize.  We at the Temple of Beatlism are doing everything in our power to see that the parties responsible for interfering with our constitutional right to freedom of religion will pay dearly for their crimes.  Then again, my Inner John wants to forgive somehow.  The FAQ is under construction, and should be up in a week or so.  Keep on truckin' y'all.

QUESTION OF THE DAY:  What becomes of your Inner Paul when he joins Wings?

WEBMASTER'S INNER BEATLE:  George, man.  George.

January 16, 2000

Well, welcome to the new millenium.  It has been far too long since I updated this site, but the responsibilities of representing the Church have become more and more demanding, and preparations for the end of time (such as it was) were a serious drain on my personal resources.  But, now that we've left the bunker, its time to spread the word again, and keep alive the great teachings of Beatlism.  All the site changes mentioned in the update from November are still on the way, and should be more impressive than ever with the new infusion of money to the Church after donations from a few celebrity Beatlists (recently converted).  A lot has transpired since the last news update, so I will bring the news piece by piece, over the next few weeks.  First, I want to send my deepest sympathies and good wishes to George Harrison, who is recovering from an attack by a crazed Beatles fan who broke into his home, and stabbed him.  All of us in the Church have been sending out positive thoughts and wishes for a speedy recovery to a man who has given us so much, and inspired us to such enlightenment.  While it should not even need to be said, we want to assure everyone that this fan had no connection to the Beatlist church.  Anyone familiar with the faith knows that the breakup of the Beatles (either the inner or the real ones) is not a cause for sorrow or bitterness, but a part of a cycle that is as inevitable as sunrise and sunset.  We are of course saddened deeply by the trials and tribulations that face the real-life Beatles, whether Ringo John or George Paul.  Speaking of which, the god-awful VH1 movie "Two Of Us", portraying a fictitious meeting between John and Paul in 1976, was a blow to Beatlists and fans world-wide, cheapening the legend with a weak script and poor acting.  Lets hope it is quickly forgotten by all as it should be.  On a personal note, I have just acquired a set of Beatles action figures, sculpted from their Yellow Submarine characters.  Truly a set of holy artifacts worth the 8 bucks apiece!  They come with a Blue Meanie, yellow submarine, etc.  Highly recommended to those interested in setting up shrine at home.  More Kick-ass News soon!  Come back soon..

QUESTION OF THE MILLENIUM: Is your Inner John in touch with his Inner Paul?

WEBMASTER'S INNER BEATLE: Ringo Ringo Ringo !!!!

11/15/99

The Beatlist faith has been growing in leaps and bounds over the past month since I updated the page.  The crazy schedule of public appearances and court dates has kept me from my true love, this site.  However, the church today is stronger than ever, as hundreds of visitors every day make the trek to visit our holy land of Portland OR.  Many new features are in the works to spice up and vitalize the Temple of Beatlism in the days to come, so stay alert. There are plans for an interactive, Q & A style discussion board on all things Bealtist, a database of Beatlist teachings and facts, an FAQ page, and an Anthology-style compilation of the Inner Beatles' never-before heard material.  Keep tuned to this site, and keep the faith, ya'll.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK: If your Inner Beatles break up, do you no longer exist?  Do you sink into insanity?  Unconsciousness?  Death?  Furthermore, what becomes of them after the body ceases to support them?  Do they have solo careers?  Re-enter another soul?  Cast off into space?

WEBMASTER'S INNER BEATLE: Today is George.  His Inner Rutle is Dirk.

10/4/99

BREAKING NEWS - A group of religious radicals have splintered from the church this past weekend, claiming that their ideology is incompatible with the mainstream views of traditional (orthodox) Beatlism.  They have formed a new sect, known as The New Church of Fundamental Beatlism.  At issue was their strong belief that the Inner Yoko (a fundamental element of orthodox Beatlism), is non-essential to enlightenment.  The radical fundamentalists claim that the Inner Yoko is a purely destructive force, and that the true Beatlist must embrace the Inner John while rejecting all manifestations of Yoko.  Elders in the orthodox church were quick to condemn these new theories, declaring that the radicals were "under the sway of Paul" and calling them "puppets of George Martin's facist state".  The full text of the fundamentalist manifesto will be made available soon on this site.  The news of their break from the church has sent a shockwave of rumor and doubt through the ranks of the faithful.  Pope George Ringo, in an attempt to calm the congregation, issued this statement:  "The Beatlist faith has a proud and hallowed tradition.  We stand by our principles, and our beliefs.  The Truth is within us all, and without us, in the Inner Beatles themselves.  Do not be fooled by charlatans and liars who make false promises of easy redemption or shortcuts to Beatletude.  These so-called holy men prey on the weak and timid, and undermine the credibility of us all.  We, the faithful flock must gather close, and rather than feeling anger, we must pity those who have been so blinded by ambition that they no longer know the Beatles within themselves."  More news as this story develops.

QUESTION OF THE WEEK - Do George Harrision, Ringo Starr, and Paul McCartney have "Inner Beatles"?  In other words, does George have an Inner Ringo?  Paul an Inner John?  Ponder this awhile.

WEBMASTER'S INNER BEATLE - Today is Ringo (unabashedly!).  His Inner Rutle is Barry Wom.

9/13/99

-NEW UPDATE - I have added a new page that contains some general theoretical writings on the religion we know as Beatlism.  I have also added a description of how Beatlism was invented, including some of the mistakes made along the path to discovering the philosophy. Also, there is a page on The Inner Rutles , a phenomenon that plagues many of our attempts to discover the true path. Finally, there is a new essay on the Apocrypha , that part of our holy text that just doesn't seem to fit in with the rest.  An FAQ page will be forthcoming, so continue to bombard my email with queries and they will all be answered eventually.

-THE YELLOW SUBMARINE - One of the greatest and most authentic representations of Beatlism was found in this cartoon version of the Beatles.  Here we see Paul, Ringo, John and George in their most rudimentary forms, reduced to their essential caricatures, expressing nonsensical wisdom and absurdities.  The movie has been rereleased and revamped, and is highly recommended by the church as a method of increasing Beatletude.  Theologians, however, continue to debate the significance of the Blue Meanies.

-WEB MASTER'S INNER BEATLE - Today is George .  His Inner Rutle is Dirk.


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