Batman & Robin (97)

6/27/97

This one was not good. It's hard to list all the different things that were wrong here. I think it's mostly the pacing. Some informed source once said that the pacing was the second most important part of a film after the screenplay. The film opens and Batman and Robin are on the way to fight Mr. Freeze, played by Schwarzenegger, who apparently delivers his lines in an unnamed Scandinavian language with his mouth full of saltines. We have no time to catch our breath. We rush to a museum where the bad guys are on skates with sharp hockey sticks. Robin makes stupid cracks every couple of minutes, Freeze tell jokes about the cold. Clooney does the 'Dr. Ross' head bob whenever he's looking at someone. Alicia Silverstone shows up in a mask and becomes Batgirl. Alfred's dying of something but why should be care? There is a collection of goddesses in this film that is second to none. We've got Alicia Silverstone, Vivica Fox, Vendela, Elle MacPherson. But by far the hottest woman, and the sole reason for sitting through this terrible movie is Ms. Uma Thurman. She plays Poison Ivy, whose charms are so strong, mortal men as well as superheroes, fight over her. She is having so much fun with her role and she looks so good in her costume and her voice is so over-the-top. Whenever she was on the screen, I just had to stare at her. I've seen almost all of her other films, but when you're surrounded by so much crap, I guess you look even better. If you are brain-damaged, and for some reason you don't think Uma is charismatic, then stay the hell away from BATMAN & ROBIN.
Arnold Schwarzenegger [The Terminator, Commando, The Running Man, Predator, Twins, Total Recall, Kindergarten Cop, Terminator 2: Judgement Day, Dave, True Lies, Junior, Eraser] George Clooney [E.R.] Chris O'Donnell [Men Don't Leave, Fried Green Tomatoes, School Ties, Scent Of A Woman, Blue Sky, Mad Love, Circle Of Friends, Batman Forever] Uma Thurman [goddess, Dangerous Liaisons, Where The Heart Is, Henry & June, Robin Hood (TV), Jennifer Eight, Final Analysis, Mad Dog and Glory, Pulp Fiction, The Truth About Cats and Dogs, Beautiful Girls] Alicia Silverstone [shwing, The Crush, Clueless] Vendela Kirsebom [Sports Illustrated Model] John Glover [Annie Hall, Melvin And Howard, Brubaker, White Nights, Masquerade, The Chocolate War, Robocop 2] Elle MacPherson [goddess, Sirens, If Lucy Fell] Michael Gough [The Legend Of Hell House, Top Secret!, The Serpent and the Rainbow, Batman, Let Him Have It, Batman Returns, The Age Of Innocence, Batman Forever] Vivica Fox [goddess, Born On The Fourth Of July, The Tuskegee Airmen (HBO), Independence Day] Coolio [Gangster's Paradise] Cinematography by Stephen Goldblatt [Letal Weapon, Lethal Weapon 2, Mr. & Mrs. Bridge, Joe Versus The Volcano, The Prince Of Tides, For The Boys, Consenting Adults, The Pelican Brief, Batman Forever, Striptease] Written by Akiva Goldsman [The Client, Batman Forever, A Time To Kill] Directed by Joel Schumacher [Sleeper, Car Wash, The Wiz, St. Elmo's Fire, The Lost Boys, Cousins, Flatliners, Falling Down, The Client, Batman Forever, A Time To Kill]
40 critics 5.7
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